Could cheating be good? (PLEEEEASE BE OPEN-MINDED!)

[g44]

situation where someone has cheated and it had not ended something special....

 

there is no excuse that justifies cheating..cheating doesn't just happen, u allow it to happen, your clothes just don't fall off and some mysterious hand guides u into a bedroom and blinds you from what u are doing. u are perfect aware of your actions. you make that decision. and there is no way to use the excuse of 'getting it out of your system'. that is nonsense. who ever said we are 'programmed' to have mulitple partners for meanings sex. maybe way back when are brains could only digest an action the ability to procricate, hunt and gather and have shelter - but, that's crazy logic. using that is not only a last attempt excuse but so invalid. besides, there is no excuse. if u did cheat, that's what u did. accept and take responsibility. and if that is part of who u are - deal with it.

 

 

 

Here's the thing about some cheaters....some of us don't plan for it to happen. It may sound like a cliche, but it is very true. Life comes to different people in different ways...I'm a true believer that things happen for a reason in life

[candy604]

Jonah5678 sorry to hear bout your parents divorce, it's hard. But you can always change yourself to be a good person. If you know cheating is wrong, don't do it and i'm glad you understand from the advice we told you.

 

Alot of children hate what their father or mother does or is, but eventually follow the same pattern. I don't know why. but keep good reasoning with you and be strong!

[asha84]

I am your girfriend in this scene...

 

My guy of 6 years, is doing the same thing, he came up front and told me the same exact things that you've posted here...

 

whatever you're gonna do to her i know how it feels.

 

he left me to have fun, after all these years... he knows i love him ...and no one can be there for him like me .. in ALL aspects... ive kept him happy in everyway ..

 

but now, im on my own and not worried about anything.. than i used to be..

 

so tell her.. it will be hard... but it will save her from further mor turmoil...

 

so you have your fun and space... while she gets to live her life without you ...

[langford]

I don't think cheating is bad or good it's just a reality of life,humans are attracted to one another,the whole viligence to not feel anything for others beside for this one person is lost on me.

 

I suspect you may feel as if you "missed out" on something later on in life,there is nothing evil or terrible about a desire for variation and wanting a diversity of life experiences.

 

However you would be risking an enormous amount simply to fufil a temporary curiosity.It hardly seems worth the exchange when you love your gf so much,it's a matter of what's more worthwhile and the gf is more worthwhile.

 

We live in a society where the idea that you can love someone and still be attracted to others and act on it is just not acceptable.Personally I've never understood the whole possessing another human being thing but if you've made a commitment to your gf you'd be wise to stick to it.

 

Marriage is such a huge investment,the vows frighten me to death one person to have/hold until you're dead [!!] I admire anyone who can offer someone that level of certainity and faithfulness when life and nature is opposed to both.

 

If you are going to undertake it you should be 100% sure and it sounds mostly as if you are.I would'nt let some mild sexual curiosity destroy all that,live vicarously through your friends if necessary.

 

 

-------------------------------

If you want a guarantee buy a toaster

[basic999]

Well, i talked to my girlfriend, over the exact same thing, told her i wanted to experience other girls because i never had, well i did and she told me it was ok, well it gave her an excuse to * * * * a coworker of mine. and use the excuse that i broke her heart blah blah, well she gave me permission. her bad for not standing up to me, now im dealing with all that, trust me women, its harder for a man to get over bein cheated on than it is for a woman.

[arwen]

Well, I don't think you can say that that is harder for a man. I think it's hard either way. I don't know how it is for a man to be cheated on, but I do know how it is for a woman. A lot depends on the relationship, suppose both are in fact not feeling the spark and do not communicate that, maybe in that case cheating can maybe affect the ego more than the heart (assuming that the heart was no longer in the relationship anyway). If one of the partners is however still very much in love, it is both the ego AND the heart that breaks.

 

Basic, I don't understand. You asked for 'permission' to sleep with other women, but you blame her if she sleeps with another man? That's a double standard in my eyes. I think if you can't bear the thought of her sleeping with someone else you should also be faithful yourself. I understand that her using that as an excuse is very painful, OF COURSE it is. Obviously, the relationship is not the way you thought it was. I think maybe it's time to move on for both of you.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Spugly Fuglet]

On a poorly animal level humans are programed to cheat, when the need arises, low male to female levels, low polulation and the need for divesifying the gene pool,"love of Strangers" it was a comen practice for huntergavers bands to have a meeing place so they could have a wider pool of sexula parners agian wider gene pool.

 

So yes 4,000 years ago cheating nwas a good thing in fact needed how many one eyed kids do you wont in the family.

 

But today gene dyversity are not a problem not when you can fly any where in the world, Hy my wife from china so our kids will be from 2 worlds.

 

Today it is wrong to cheat, why well

Hep-C, HIV need I say more and also with out that its a matter of respect.

to cheat is to disrespect you partnere and any viows you made to each other.

 

thats my point of view

[birdgirl]

Jonah,

 

I'm a female and I can relate to your feelings of needing to get this out of your system. It took me years of dating before I finally felt ready to commit to one person. I thought I'd never be able to be monogamous. And I don't know why, other than that I was curious and wanted to experience more. I always was monogamous, but my relationships have been short-lived and I've often gotten bored and wanted to move on.

 

I finally -- finally -- don't feel like this anyore, but it took almost ten years for me to finally have the desire for one person. I don't want to date around or sleep around, I just want to love someone forever.

 

I understand that these feelings can be all-consuming. I wonder if your sex life with your girlfriend is satisfying enough for you. Could you two try roleplaying? Sometimes if your partner is acting out-of-character, it can feel like a new person altogether. Watch a porn together? Do something to spice it up?

 

I've been cheated on before and it has completely messed me up. I have such a hard time trusting. Don't ruin this girl, she doesn't deserve it. Even if she never finds out, YOU will have to live with what you have done. You will probably have trouble trusting her, as well. After all, if you can cheat, so can she. It will destroy you and her. I think you're better off and have a lot less of a chance for heartache if you ask her to have a threesome or something, than you do if going behind her back. You will hurt her a lot less by asking for more freedom to experiment then you will if she finds out you have cheated.

 

If you feel you can't talk to her about this because she'll be hurt, just imagine how hurt she'd be if she found out you cheated. Especially if she found out because you brought home an STD. And, there are many STDs out there besides herpes and public lice that can be transmitted whether you're wearing a condom or not -- little rashes and things that are primarily picked up by small children, and sexually, that can last for months or years. They're not dangerous -- they're nuisances, really, they're far more common than you think, and much of the time, they're tell-tale signs that a partner is cheating.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

avoid the theoretical for a minute and move to the practical... how would you feel if you found out she was cheating on you because she needed to 'experience' other men? i doubt that feels comfortable to you, and if it does, then maybe you should talk to her about a 'time out' to grow up a little and experience other people... (but with safe sex of course, as always).

 

if you can't stomach the idea of her being with anyone else, also consider the fact that a 'fling' might cost you your relationship with her, and if she finds out, she could dump you and never look back... lots of women will NOT tolerate cheating for an instant, and if she is as wonderful as you say she is, you'd better stop and think what it would mean to live life without her. if that thought doesn't bother you, then you definitely need to give both yourself and her honesty and freedom and tell her you are not ready to be in a committed relationship.

[shadow34]

ahhhh....my ex boyfriend kept giving me this spill over and over...If i could just get it out of my system etc.....

 

Before u decide to take something away from someone you love, try and work out what is behind this, get some counselling.....

[ILovePasta]

I apologize if this has been said, but it was a little difficult to read through all the replies.

 

BOTTOM LINE: We ALL, men and women alike, have needs and desires; some more so than others. Humans as a whole are sexual creatures; some more than others. Why is it wrong to want to experience things?

 

FACTS:

He has a great girlfriend of 6 years

He is a horn ball

 

ADVICE:

You won't stop thinking about it. Trust me, I know. It will weigh on your mind day and night until you finally reach a breaking point. For her sake and yours, breakup with her and do what you need to do. Chances are though, you're going to realize it wasn't what you thought, you'll miss your girl and it'll be too late for you to do anything about it. But at least you got to get 'it' out of your system. I'm being serious by the way. You will have learned something new and will have gained a new life experience... which will hopefully make you a more complete person. Life is all about experiencese and learning.

[Northalius]

And please, do not bunch all guys into this typical "We want sex all the time, even if it's cheating on our girlfriends / wives!" Because it's not true with all men; only the emotionally immature men.

 

This is a maturity issue, not a "natural, biological, all men are built this way" issue. Please, enough of that.

 

You're letting your hormones get the best of you; key word: letting

 

This shows there's something missing in your relationship you want to make up for. You're probably lacking communication in you relationship with your girlfriend.

 

You say you love your girlfriend, yet want to have sex with other women? Sorry, that just hits me as quite odd...

 

I bet you love your parents, but do you feel you're missing out on different experiences with other parents, and thus wanted to move elsewhere when you were a kid?

 

Wanting to do it with another girl is obviously a slippery slope to disaster; trust me.

 

If you love your girlfriend, you'll be open and honest about how you feel, and seek ways to make up for what you feel is missing in the relationship.

 

When you say do not use the cliche and "moral talk", you're just simply looking for backup on how you feel, even though you know its technically and morally wrong. Sorry sir, that's not happening here, at least not in my post.

[CallingAllAngels]

If you really feel the need to be with other women that strongly (even "just kissing"), then do your girlfriend a favor and be HONEST and tell her. Break up. Then try to "get this out of your system." I was cheated on and lied to...I don't know which was worse...the cheating, or the 6 years he lied about it. (AFTER it ended.)

 

Sorry....can't have your cake and eat it to...cheat on her...lie to her...someday, she'll find out. Believe me...she will. And you will have broken her heart...trust me on that one.

 

It takes years to build trust and only a second to destroy it.

[cantexplain]

You will have learned something new and will have gained a new life experience... which will hopefully make you a more complete person. Life is all about experiencese and learning.

 

And what will his girlfriend learn for her next relationship, ya' think?

[cantexplain]

And please, do not bunch all guys into this typical "We want sex all the time, even if it's cheating on our girlfriends / wives!" Because it's not true with all men; only the emotionally immature men.

 

This is a maturity issue, not a "natural, biological, all men are built this way" issue. Please, enough of that.

 

 

Thank you. I am beginning to think that this idea of men being the more promiscuous and deceitful side of the human equation might just be one of the biggest lies ever told!

 

In our culture men are conditioned to speak of and identify with sexual conquest. Women are conditioned to speak more of love. I believe we all want pretty much the same thing: sex and love.

 

For reasons I do not want to go into here, women do not share their sexual experiences as readily as men do. Some men even, are prone to exaggerate their numbers so as to keep up with the other guys - also exaggerating, I'd guess.

 

In a recent social-psych study described in a 2004 book The Post-Truth Era, when corrected for dishonesty and in the age group of 18 to 24 year olds - women, on average, had significantly more sexual partners than men on average. When not corrected for dishonesty, women had considerably less.

 

Evidentally, for this to oocur, some relatively small number of men must be accounting for the additional numbers of sexual experiences the women are having.

 

My thinking is that women sleep with these alpha promiscuous men because they are not aware of their propensity to promiscuity, or they know that they are the ones to make their move and move on - they won't stick around. I wonder if these same type of men are even capable of feeling real love.

 

So I, too, am very tired of being lumped into this group of guys by the other, fairer half of our population ... well not all of the women out there participate in this - but according to the study cited above - it would have to be larger number of women in this process than the number of men.

 

Monogamy in my opinion is a social choice. It is learned behavior, just like honesty is.

[Rabican]

And what will his girlfriend learn for her next relationship, ya' think?

 

Not to date guys who havent 'gotten it out of their system'

 

 

[radioheader]

this may have been brought up in the earlier pages...just too many to read at the moment....but what if she said fine....if you want to explore other women, then i'm gonna explore other men...how would you feel about that?

[cantexplain]

but what if she said fine....if you want to explore other women, then i'm gonna explore other men...how would you feel about that?

 

I'd feel just fine with that and I wouldn't explore her any further.

 

Let me tell you about two dear friends of mine, formerly married. This story is not really about cheating like the thread, but it does reflect your question there.

 

The husband read a book entitled The Celestine Prophecy. I've never read it. But from his reading he concluded that it was a good thing to explore other women outside his marriage and he told his wife that this is what he wanted the both of them to do. She wasn't too keen on the idea but felt if that was his thinking then she couldn't stop him.

 

He's this muscle bound skater kind of guy. She's a smashingly beautiful boheme. They are both very nice people and have remained good friends to me for practically my whole adult life.

 

Anyway, now that you have some context, she walked down to the corner pub one Sunday afternoon - picked out who she thought was the nicest guy in there - took him home and slept with him. She told me he was nice, it was fine, but it wasn't her husband. It didn't seem like a big deal to her, either way.

 

She did not share this experience with her husband, at first - I think because she didn't want to go into any of the emotional or physical details.

 

In time he scored with his first woman. For him it was affirmed that he did not want to sleep with anyone but his wife. The feelings weren't there and it made sense to him that he was previously wrong. So he told her what happened and how it made him feel. She then told him what happened and how it made her feel. He was so crushed the relationship went haywire and ended in divorce, with children involved.

 

I think that there two kinds of people in this world - or more accurately, most of us are one kind who at some point may become the other. One kind of person is always wondering what it might be like to be with others. Another wants to be with only one.

 

I am beginning to believe that monogamy is a social choice that we make in life. Its like honesty, too. I think that by nature we are all polygamous and dishonest. We learn otherwise along the way.

 

The ringer is that the older we get and the more "baggage" we accumulate, the more we lose our appetite or capability for real intimacy. So these people just stay that one way all their lives. And these people belong together, like the other kind belong together.

 

Best of luck in your travels!

[Karibo]

Jonah-

 

There is an exact same story somewhere here on enotalone (I wish I could find it--you maybe able to after some searching) where another guy felt like you do now---he was also with his girlfriend for a long time 7+ years. He told his girlfriend and he went out and 'tried' different girls.

 

He was miserable and he wanted his original girlfriend back---she did not take him back and she's dating someone else now. He is miserable without her....

 

So it's up to you. But if you are going to do this, tell her. This way you can give her a chance to find someone who really loves her...

 

good luck,

hosswhispra

 

 

"He told his girlfriend and he went out and 'tried' different girls.

 

He was miserable and he wanted his original girlfriend back---she did not take him back and she's dating someone else now. He is miserable without her...."

 

This is what happened with my ex many years ago. He wanted to "experience more" so we split up and ironically he was too unconfident to try anything with other and I was the one who went out and had a whale of a time! I also realised I could do so much better than him and it took him another four years for him to get over that I wasn't coming back!

 

In fact he text me tonight, six years later!

[Enigmatika]

Believe me, it's hard to describe, but I don't think I actually & consciously want to be with other girls... it's simply nature calling out.

Choke the chicken.

Burp the worm...

Meet Marry and Ellen the palm sisters...

 

 

BUT...if YOU cheat...you will never be able to look at her the same way...and vice versa.

 

Is it worth it to slap skin together?

[novaseeker]

Choke the chicken.

Burp the worm...

Meet Marry and Ellen the palm sisters...

 

 

BUT...if YOU cheat...you will never be able to look at her the same way...and vice versa.

 

Is it worth it to slap skin together?

 

Hehe so true lol.

[chrissykissy83]

I was my ex's first, i met him when he had just turned 17 and i was 19 (i know i was a cradle snatcher) we spent 5years together, he broke my heart to pieces by cheating on me, though I always worried he hadnt experienced enough, and wondered if i was to expect this, as maybe he needed to sow his wild oats or something.

Anyway I wish he would have done this at the start of the relationship, because now here i am breaking my heart everyday. and if he was to come back begging i wouldnt know what to do....

[Salty]

The problem is (and don't flame me females) men never really get it out of their system - it's always lurking around - it's in our nature. I see your point totally though but I doubt she would however. They think differently from us. Tough call - one that every guy has to make.

 

Little do you know girls have those exact same feelings. Sometimes when my boyfriend and I go to the psychobilly shows and there are all those extremely hot and i mean HOT guys in their combat boots or creepers with their slicked back hair or in foot long quiffs I feel like im going to have a heart attack! Not to mention being in the mosh pit and you fall into them when they are all shirtless and sweaty and strong then they help you up when you fall...anyways my point is I control those feelings! Don't be a dog... we all have those feelings.It's controling those feelings that separates us from common animals!

[Mindy1607307824]

I actually see where you're coming from.

 

But cheating is never good.

 

Sorry =(

[Binoo]

I suggest you let her know. It'll hurt her but she deserves honesty and also the chance to - for lack of a better word - "escape".

 

Men can blame it on nature all they want. My ex claimed it was "in his nature and his roll to "hunt and gather"", this meaning, it was his DUTY to sleep with as many women as possible.

Note that it is also a man's duty to be a "provider". You think he ever helped with the bills? NO!

 

Bottom line, if you really think you'll be unhappy if you don't screw other women, then I say go for it. But tell her first! So she has a chance to be with a man who will be happy soley with her.

I'm not saying you're a bad boyfriend or an uncaring one...but I really think you're making a mistake. When your hormones stop running your mind, you'll regret this.

And by the time you're married, hopefully, you'll be old enough to have started thinking with your brain instead of your * * * * and by then you won't care to sleep with other people.