update--she called...it wasnt good

[Nathalie1970]

Put everything that she has given you in a box and put it out of sight. Looking at all that stuff is just going to make you sad. Just know that there is someone else out there worthy of your trust and love. If someone loves you they wouldn't want to make you sad, upset or cry.

 

You will get that feeling back when you are ready.

[HurtDude]

Yes, i miss her, and I probably still love her. But I would never take her back.

 

She and the new guy are officially dating. They are boyfriend and girlfriend and there is a picture of the two in which they are kissing and she calls him "my sweetheart". So, I think whatever it is she has with him is pretty serious and not merely an attempt to make me jealous.

 

 

There are only two possible explantions for whats going on.

 

She realized something about me and decided not to bother with being with me or salvaging a friendship and shes moved on and its done. This would explain why she hasn't called me in a month (except once to tell me about her new guy).

 

The other possibility is that I'm just on hold, she knows I'm a good guy and she knows what I have to offer and shes waiting until later to revist her situation with me.

 

I cant bring myself to accept the first possibility, which admittedly is the most probable one.

 

I just want to yell out: HELP.

[Nathalie1970]

I don't think it's the first possibility. The most probable reason is that she is keeping you on the sidelines hoping in case the other relationship doesn't work out. You'll be her fall back guy.

 

Yell out "HELP" all you want, we are here to listen to you and hopefully keep you strong.

[Benny1077]

Yea, I definitely think you are being looked at by her as a fallback guy. It's good that you say you wouldn't take her back, at least you realize how she hurt you. And do yourself a favor and stop looking at her profile....it just makes it worse.

[HurtDude]

Thank you. you guys don't know how much better I feel when I read your responses.

[HurtDude]

I feel like I am not doing a good job of moving on, because too much of me is holding on to hope. Holding on to the hope that one day she is going to wake up next to the new guy and realize she was only after his looks (hes very good looking according to my girlfriends but he and I are a close match they say so I'm not too worried). Maybe she'll wake up and realize that she misses me and call me. Maybe she'll just get a rush of "i miss him" and do something impulsive and text me....does stuff like that happen???

 

Maybe shes too distracted with the new guy to realize that im not there....

[merickso]

yes, stuff like that does happen, but it is rare. For my exex girlfriend, it took her 3 months of her with a new guy, having me on the sidelines (she told me she wasnt dating him), and me FINALLY not calling her every other day and answering her msns and calls....

 

When it did happen I honestly felt a lot better, but I didnt take her back... I wanted to SO bad but there was just a part of me that couldnt be with someone that did that to me. I cant even explain the feeling of wanting to be with someone so bad, and having the choice, but its like my heart was saying "she hurt you once, you wont trust her, it will never be how it was".

 

Then I met someone else who, although we just broke up and its so painful and I miss her like crazy, I could always trust and would never lie to me.

 

So yes, it does happen, but from my experiences and the experiences of most of the people I know, it very rarely works out and then you are back to square one with less time left in your life.

 

I here you HurtDude, I wake up everyone morning, sit at my desk at work, drive home, hang out with friends, go to sleep and the whole time I feel part of me waiting hoping for her to call.

[Nathalie1970]

I also hear you Hurtdude, I feel the same way. I am finally taking steps to move on with my life and I still hurt. I don't know what I am looking for, a distraction so I don't think about him. I finally emailed him and said "I have moved on, so please leave me alone". He sent an email back saying he was sorry and for what it's worth he didn't mean to hurt me or my kids.

 

Deep down I hope that he calls or emails me but I am not holding my breath. I'd like to think I wouldn't take him back because I do not trust him not to hurt me or lie to me again. My only saving grace is that I haven't heard if he is dating anyone else yet(I'm sure he is). Maybe if I knew I could definitely move on without remorse.

[okane24]

Your ex and mine MUST be twins. I recently heard my ex say the EXACT same thing. It sucks hardcore. We just broke up yesterday. Its the craps for me right now, but I'm gonna do the NC, day 2 today. I wish you luck, just move on bro. If my ex put it in my face any new guy she was dating, damn, I would lose ALL respect for her. I don't have much for her now, but any remaining would be gone... I have suspicions she may be seeing another dude anyway. Good luck man. Keep hope alive.