Stop Looking for it and it will come. But there's a catch.

[Imperceptible]

i thought i loved someone but then someone else came along who i became good friends with. All along i was saying to myself no they're just a friend but the more i got to know them and found that we shared similar interest the more i grew to like them as more than a friend. My point is i wasn't really looking for someone else and one day after about a year he just started talking to me. i'm not in love though,i don't think. what is love anyway?

 

I wish I knew more about love. I think I fell in love and didn't know it until we broke up and my world crumbled. Maybe it has more to do with loss than love but I've never felt this bad when I broke up with anyone before now. I guess love is when you feel like you can't live without the other person. I don't know.

[unluckyguy]

I've been looking for love for quite a while, but i've been looking so hard that I failed to spot that it was very close to me. It's taken me four years to notice this particular person, but when I stopped and opened my eyes I just thought wow! I'm not going to force anything to happen, I believe in fate so if it's going to happen it will.

[Kevin T]

I think this precept is true for women.

 

Men who sit around and do nothing do NOT get women (or if they do, they're usually overly aggressive, etc.)

[Batya33]

I find all those cliches silly. For some that works, for others not. My sister was married for 20 years and met her husband through a print personal ad, married him 7 months later - she was totally on a search for a partner. Many of my friends met their husbands through on line dating sites, through set-ups, at singles events where they were definitely looking. Others met their husbands unexpectedly - it just depends on luck, timing - no magic formula or "love will find you." I do think there is something to not being too desperate or needy and to figuring out what you like to do with your free time and doing it (and meeting people that way, maybe).

[Kevin T]

Of course, being needy is bad. But being idle and holding on to paltry expressions like these will do none in the way of helping anyone find a mate.

[alacker]

My friends and I were all raised to the idea that you have to look for love to find it.

Twenty years ago I tried the Personnal Ads. I met a lot of women, but never Miss Right.

From 2004 through 2007, I tried various Online Dating websites. I met a number of women, but never Miss Right. After looking Online for about 18 months, I got sick and tired of it.

I asked my friends if they ever tried Online Dating. They said they did, but it never worked for them either. One of my friends told me that after he gave up looking, he met someone and got married.

I think that one should try looking for a while, give it a year. Try various websites. Who knows, maybe they will work for you. Try it, satisfy your curosity. I think that when you go looking, you plant a seed. Then when you get fed up with looking and stop, love can come along.

Right now I am taking a vacation from looking. I have no idea when I will ever go out looking again. By going online and looking, I got it out of my system.

One thing I found from experience on how to appeal to women. Women seem to really like me when I joke with them, have fun with them without trying to hit on them for a date, or sex or a relationship.

[Batya33]

That hasn't been true for many of my friends, who met their husbands, wives, fiancees through on line dating. Focusing on the passive "love will come when you least expect it" to me is a big mistake and an excuse to stay.... passive. Of course it can happen that way and of course we're more likely to hear the romantic story of "I wasn't looking and then there he was" rather than "I went on 20 blind dates and 20 first meets through dating sites and man number 42 was "the one""

[Lowconfidence]

That hasn't been true for many of my friends, who met their husbands, wives, fiancees through on line dating. Focusing on the passive "love will come when you least expect it" to me is a big mistake and an excuse to stay.... passive. Of course it can happen that way and of course we're more likely to hear the romantic story of "I wasn't looking and then there he was" rather than "I went on 20 blind dates and 20 first meets through dating sites and man number 42 was "the one""

 

I agree with Batya33. A person had better odds if she/he actively seeks a mate or goes out there more often than just sitting at home waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along.

 

Stop looking for it is one of the worst pieces of advice I ever heard and wish it would go away.

[MD Geist]

Iam 22 and have had bad experiences with the oppsite sex throughout my life and I recently called it quits in looking for a woman and so far life is greater than it has been in years when your not looking.

 

I tired putting myself out there and doing various things and working on myself and all I got was the same exact reaction. iv'e come this far without a partner I think I can go the rest of the journey without one. I know for someone who wants a relationship this isn't the best way for it but it is for me.

[MattW]

Hah, back when I was a kid, I was in love with this one girl I went to school with for, like, seven years. I often flip-flop on calling what I felt for her "love", or just not putting any label on it, because I don't know what it was. I know it was a good feeling, and I know that's the only time in my life I've ever felt that feeling, but with "love" being so hard to specifically define, I can't tell if that's what that was, or not. Anyway, I was too shy to ever really talk to her about it; she kinda sorta had an idea I had a little crush on her towards the end, but she had to transfer schools, and I let her slip away.

 

Interestingly enough, I managed to get back in contact with this girl a few months ago, and ever since, I've found my old feelings for her resurfacing. Problem is, she's got a boyfriend, and seems very happy with him, and I don't know what's going to happen with them; for all I know, they'll be together for the rest of their lives. It makes me really unhappy to know that I can't be with her, and may very well never get to have a chance with her. I wish I hadn't have even found her online in the first place... Hell, sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier now if I'd never met her, period.

 

Anyway, I've never had a girlfriend, or dated, had sex, even got any kind of attention (other than platonic friendship) from girls. I've always had a very shy nature, and I hate that about myself, but I just can't seem to break out of that shell (and stay out of it). But the thing is, I've always WANTED to date, and have a girlfriend, very badly. I've always been very lonely, especially because, during high school, I fell in with a bad crowd that just made me miserable for nearly three years. It really would've been nice to have a girlfriend at that time, just to have something good going in my life, some one to take comfort in, ya know?

 

Been a year since I graduated high school, but I haven't really met anyone new... I finally broke away from that terrible group of people I was associated with in high school, but now I have no "friends". I recently found out that there was this one girl I went to high school with that had a crush on me, but she was shy (kinda like me, heh...), so she never let on. I kinda wish she would've, though, because she was nice, and I definitely would've dated her. I tried looking her up, recently, and there's a chance I may be able to get in contact with her, but I don't know if it'd really be worth it or not.

 

Lately I've been playing around with some online dating sites. I mainly focus on OKCupid, now. I've had a couple of girls on there tell me that I sound like a pretty cool guy after reading my profile, and earlier today I got a message from a girl who mentioned that she thinks I'm "really hot", so I've been in pretty good spirits today, because I've NEVER EVER had a girl compliment me like that before. ^_^ So, that made me kinda happy.

 

I plan on starting college in the fall, and I'm hoping I'll meet lots of new people, and be able to finally find some one to date. But, I suppose that depends on how well I can "fix" myself. I HAVE to figure out how to stop being so shy, and so nervous around new people, those two things are really killing me. I don't know, but I just wish I could find some one... I fear that I'm getting so desperate, that soon, I'll literally settle for anything; then, I'd end up with a girl who'll cheat on me, and mentally/ emotionally abuse me, all while I look the other way.

[EQD]

I tend to believe: Everything happens for a reason.

There are less holes in it than the: 'when you arent looking' theory

[KAT MOMMY]

The catch is that you are not supposed to be physically or actively "looking"for love. It means stop thinking that everyone you met you will fall in love with-stop putting conditions on the meetings. You just go on and deal with them all the same way and if it is meant to be then it will-that is the catch--to stop trying so hard and let it happen all on it's own

[LightbulbSun]

I can sympathize with this. At my last job, a coworker of mine obviously had a huge crush on me. I was coping with a whole bunch of stressful things in my life though, and had given up on having a girlfriend, and I ended up pushing her away. Now I look back and wonder what could have happened (especially since I also found her highly attractive.)

 

**sigh** Oh well, plenty of fish in the sea...

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

How can you not look for love when you want it? Isn't that like not looking for food when you're hungry?

[twentiesgirl86]

You know, I actually believe this. Normally I don't believe this kind of advice about love. I know I seem young, being twenty-one and all but I've been so sure that I am going to end up single forever. I am not pretty and a lot of my friends have ditched me over the years so there was no one to hang out with and help me find someone. My sister didn't want to help. I don't have a license though I am trying to find someone to teach me to drive. You'd think it wouldn't be hard but it is. At the moment I live in a small town with my parents saving money to move to the city so I can get around if I can't get my license. I never get invited to parties. There are no bars in my little town. So basically until August I am stuck in this small town excpet when I can visit my friend and she has to get me. So I decided just to give up and stop thinking about it and focus on my career goals and saving money. I went out camping with my friend and her boyfriend last weekend. We went to her boyfriends best friends trailer. He is single as well. He is also very good-looking so when I saw him I thought, "Might as well not even worry about it with him, guys like him don't go for girls like me." Instead I worried about having fun and it turned out he seemed to like me. I was just being myself. I wasn't trying to impress anyone like I usually am. He tried all weekend to get my attention and I did the same. And our friends kept trying to push us together. We have made plans and I do hope things go further from there.

From now on though, I am not going to worry about it and just be myself. I am not even pretty but he liked me.

[Gratsy]

Its not true. It comes when it comes.

[ghost69]

you just don't go looking but you keep your eyes open and don't let opportunity pass.

[mca1975]

To knigt007,

 

you have a negative outlook. Now I dont know what you look like, but I know plenty of guys out there that are no oil painting and some who are almost bordering on ugly, but their personality and positivity and charm attracts the most beautiful women!!! believe that because its true! what does that tell you??????