Pain and Hope: For all who hurt

[ShySoul]

Sheyda - Don't worry, I will never give up being nice. I'll never stop reaching out to others and being there for people. If anything, I redouble my efforts and strive to do more. Way I see it, if the universe wants to throw a ton of stuff on me, then I'll deal with it and say "is that all you got?" I stick to who I am no matter what. I don't back down. And when there is a wrong, I make it right. Nothing is going to keep me down.

 

lol... I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to write in response to your post, and my mind is going blank. You said everything I needed to hear. You were nice, supportive, and gave support. You didn't try to push me to something, you related to how I felt. You even said that I might not be ready to recover and need more time. Thank you. I can't say how much your words mean to me.

 

I sincerely hope that you remain as nice and true as you are now. Never change, you are a special person.

[PassionatePices]

Hi Shy

 

I'm so sorry for all you've been through I wish i had the words to ease all that you're going through!

 

ShySoul i keep you in my daily prayers.I value and cherish this cyber relationship and blessed to call you my friend!

 

You given me fantastic advice ,hope and your words are helping me pull myself out of this emotional quicksand!

 

Shy if we ever met i would HUG the hell at ya! lol

 

Your words give me that extra bit of strenght I need at times!

 

Be safe Shy and God Bless You!

 

Love

PassionatePices

[ShySoul]

Pices - Thank you. Since we can't meet in person for that hug, I'm hugging the monitor and sending you a hug electronically. Hope it comes out on the other side.

 

I value our cyber friendship as well. I hope you are alright. I'll be ok as well, just need a simple thank you every now and then, you know? To actually feel like I'm making a difference and that people would be there for me as well.

[Mun]

ohhh I see EXACTLY what it is you are after here. Sorry, my bad, I thought you wanted suggestions and help with your problem. What you are after is praise, admiration and thanks.

 

Why didn't you say so in the first place silly ?? I had to read your responses to others to figure it out. I must be slow :splat:

[Slain67]

If I had not said this before, Shyguy, I am so sorry. THANK YOU! You are truly a "God among men." Seriously, you are very selfless and deserve to be recognized for your countless attempts at helping everyone. Thank you for being with us here on enotalone.com and I appreciate all your hardwork. You were truly there for me when I needed you. Thanks again!

 

If you ever need anything, just let me know. I'm here for you, too.

[ShySoul]

What I hope is that people read the struggle I've been through, and see that no matter how hard it is or how down you feel, you can fight it, you can overcome it.

 

So stay strong. Realize you are all great people. You are not alone in your struggles. We are all united together, united as people. And one day, things will turn around for us. You just have to believe.

 

Mun, read my original post. I wanted no credit or praise. I even felt bad about making a post about me in the first place. What I wanted was to make a post to show that through all the struggles and pain we feel, that there is hope and that we can get through. It's why I titled the thread "pain and hope: for all who are suffering." To help those suffering to see that there are others who feel the same way. I wanted them to know that there is hope. I wanted them to see that as much as things can get you down, as much as you feel like giving up or feel you are beating your head against a wall, not to give up. Keep pressing forward and being who you are. Because in the end, that is what matters. And in the end, you will get what you rightfully deserve - nothing big or special, just the same love and respect we are all entitled to as human beings.

 

I never sought praise. If anything, whenever I have received some kind of compliment, I've tried to return that favor and spend more time complimenting the other person and offering my assistance if they ever need anything. I even feel bad accepting any kind of credit, always try to brush it off and give credit to others. Yes, it is nice to be complimented. Everyone wants to know that people appreciate them. And from the experiences I shared, there has been a lack of that in my life. So when people say something nice to me, it touches me. It makes me feel better. That is often what people need, a simple gesture of support. To know that people care about them. If you were going through a rough situation, which would you prefer to hear, I'm here for you or I told you so?

 

Mun, I never meant to come off as arrogant or anything. Ask the people who know me best and they will say I'm a very modest guy, hate the spotlight on me and always seek to give others recognition whenever possible. I especially didn't mean to make you feel bad or seem like I was discrediting what you had to say. I was just saying that I have considered all these things before and have tried everything I can think of. Yet, something always goes wrong. I volunteer, yet there is still something missing inside. I try to talk it over with people, they brush me off and don't even acknowledge how I feel. They go as far as to tell me I don't feel the way I do. I talked it over with a therpist, as I mentioned previously. He said nothing of substance or help. I try talking it over with other people, and get open hostility directed towards me. It's like I'm surrounded by mimes who have me stuck in there box, and no matter what I do, something happens, I'm ignored, my words and intent get misinterpreted, etc.

 

But in the end, good things come to those who wait. Good things happen to good people. And no matter the hell we all have to walk through, if we stick to who we are and keep trying to do the right thing, it will all work out. So to anyone else who suffers, anyone who has felt alone and miserable for all there life.... don't lose hope. Stick to your guns. You are loved, even if it doesn't seem that way. And you are making a difference to others, affecting their life iin ways you may not even be aware.

[ShySoul]

Slain - Thank you. Haven't talked to you in awhile. How are you doing? Hope everything is well.

 

I'm not a god among men. I'm no different then anyone else. We are all strong and good people at heart. There are plenty of people who deserve recognition other then me. Everyone who has posted on this thread deserves to be recognized for being there for me. And everyone on this site, from the most recognized names to the ones who just make one post, deserve to be recognized for their contributions and dedication to helping others and making this world a little better place.

 

Though I appreciate the sentiment. It means a lot to me.

[Slain67]

There are plenty of people who deserve recognition other then me. Everyone who has posted on this thread deserves to be recognized for being there for me. And everyone on this site, from the most recognized names to the ones who just make one post, deserve to be recognized for their contributions and dedication to helping others and making this world a little better place.

 

You're right; this forum is full of great, generous people. Thank you to everyone who reads this and has helped someone change their life for the better.

[Mun]

You should have gone to another therapist. There are some good ones and some that should have done something else with their lives.

 

I read back through your responses and nope, I still see the same thing, but hey you don't have to explain yourself to me.

 

You know what it is you need, some good people provided that support to you. Hope you feel alot better now. Isn't this place great

[mgirl]

I gave up the friends I had because they were bad for my health....and have been doing alot better since.

That is what i have been doing and mann, do i feel better. Not as much company, but somehow... my energy is freed.

[ShySoul]

What if you have no friends to give up? And what if the people who you would be giving up is family? Family sticks together. To give up on them dissociate myself would just be repeating the patern they have made, the same made which has lead to our predicament, splintered us apart, and left us all feeling alone with a thousand unresolved issues that block us from ever completely being happy.

 

In the end, a therpist can only say things to you. You are the one that makes the choices, you are the one who overcomes obstacles. It is your will power and strength that enables things to happen. All a doc can do is support you and suggest things. Why go see one, when a true friend can have you the same thing? And the personal connection means more and is taken to heart more then a stranger you are paying.

 

What people desire and crave is to know that they are not alone in the world. The want to be accepted and loved for who they are. If a person feels neglected in this way, the way to help them is to show them love. Love and compassion is what makes things better and the world the place it should be.

 

So to those in pain: To give up is to admit defeat. It is to surrender to the darkness. No surrender, No retreat. Keep shining a light into the darkness. What matters is that you try. Because, as I said before, if nothing that we do matters, then all that matters is what we do. It's the effort. Its saying that no matter how bad things can get, you won't sit back and accept it. Heroes don't accept the way the world is, the fight it. They strive to better it.

[Miss M]

What if you have no friends to give up? And what if the people who you would be giving up is family? Family sticks together. To give up on them dissociate myself would just be repeating the patern they have made, the same made which has lead to our predicament, splintered us apart, and left us all feeling alone with a thousand unresolved issues that block us from ever completely being happy.

Hey ShySoul, I'm not saying my solution should necessarily be your solution. And maybe I'm writing this to whoever else might also benefit... but I've learned that sometimes even family has to be given up. It took me a lifetime to accept that, and I just wish I had figured it out earlier because it feels like I wasted a lot of time giving people love and affection when they couldn't possily ever benefit from it, and nor could they ever love me back. Sometimes trying to hang onto family connections is just another form of insanity, and a way to harm oneself in a bad way. And for some of us, the most healing and courageous and sane thing to do is to let go of a toxic family.

 

In the end, a therpist can only say things to you. You are the one that makes the choices, you are the one who overcomes obstacles. It is your will power and strength that enables things to happen. All a doc can do is support you and suggest things. Why go see one, when a true friend can have you the same thing? And the personal connection means more and is taken to heart more then a stranger you are paying.

And since I'm in therapy with a very competent and wonderful therapist, I'd like to offer another perspective. You're obviously very smart and insightful. And yes, you're many times smarter than many therapists I've encountered over the last 20 years. So I do understand why you would want to disregard them and cast them aside, because I've often had those same feelings. And I would expect that you would have a difficult time finding a therapist who could address problems at your level of understanding and sophistication. But my current therapist is one of the brightest ones out there. I couldn't get through this journey without her, especially since my family is completely useless. And she is not just an impersonal stranger earning a paycheck. When therapy is done right, and at its best, it's a close and warm relationship, where hearts connect, even a friendship. My therapist is very committed to helping me and what we have is more like a partnership with mutual respect and appreciation... and it's not at all anything incompetent, cold and distant like you describe. From what I read on these boards there are many posters here who are in pain and definitely need a therapist who can help them reframe their perspective. It's very difficult for most people to do that alone. And it's especially very difficult to do that alone when a toxic environment keeps undoing the progress you're trying to make. A lot of people here value your opinion, and I wouldn't want them to dismiss therapy just because it's not something that seems viable for you.

 

So to those in pain: To give up is to admit defeat. It is to surrender to the darkness. No surrender, No retreat.

I understand your point, ShySoul, and I've also had/have that "don't give up" attitude. But it's also very important to recognize when you've done as much as you can do. What may look like someone giving up may actually be someone who is being very smart and realistic about her limitations. It takes a great deal of courage, strength, and insight to admit to one's limitations, to reach out to professionals when that is the best option.

 

Just some thoughts.

[ShySoul]

Your thoughts are always appreciated Miss M. And you've said your case in a logical and reasonable manner, with an underlying compassion that makes me stop and think about what you have said. And I'll keep everything you said in mind. I'm not saying that a therapist isn't of help for some people, and that its something to avoid at all costs. Just personal experience with others going through things like that has made me cautious and not to optimistic. Don't think its right for me. Think I have my own form of therapy that works most of the time, just hitting a really rough patch lately. Everyone has down spots. But whenever you are at your lowest, there's no where to go but hope, right? Always darkest before the dawn.

 

So, I've been curious what the M stands for in your name. I'm thinking Miss Marvelous.....

[Miss M]

I'm not saying that a therapist isn't of help for some people, and that its something to avoid at all costs. Just personal experience with others going through things like that has made me cautious and not to optimistic. Don't think its right for me.

Very understandable... and also sounds very familiar. I've encountered enough mediocre therapists to have firsthand experience of what you've also seen. Therapists are not automatically helpful just because they've gotten their degree. And for most of the time, I was way ahead of all of them. But now that I've found someone who can keep up with me, I've found that she is actually able to help me in many ways that I wouldn't have imagined. And she says I've also taught her a lot too.

 

So, I've been curious what the M stands for in your name. I'm thinking Miss Marvelous.....

Ahhh ShySoul, you are such a charmer... gosh... and you've got me giggling again... geez. LOL

 

And you're right, good friendships are also good therapy. I sure hope your rough patch is soon over. You give so much and you deserve to get some of it back once in a while. All the best, sweetheart.

[yeawutever]

Wow, was that Tex Mexican singer Selena. She could have been more richer by now, how unfortunate, she prollie trusted that woman and didn't see the evil in her.