weird cell phone behavior..is he cheating?

[dustinthewind]

Hi everyone,

 

I was wondering if anyone could help me figure this out. Lately my boyfriend has been acting super weird about his cell phone. He has been doing things such as , if I ask to use it to call home (since I dont have a cell myself) he will dial my number for me and hand me the phone, he always asks who I am going to call, wont let me use his phone out of his sight..like stands there waiting, or if I walk out of the room he tends to follow, I have never ever been alloowed to "play with his phone" or like..i dont know...even really touch it unless for the brief time that I need it for. (this is just so different from my last relationship in which we were so open with each other, I knew everyone in his address book etc.) And then yesterday we were on our way out of his room and i said that I forgot something so I went back to get it, and I saw his cell phone on the bed. I didnt touch it though, I just grabbed my forgotten item and then, all of a sudeen he runs in the room, and like slides onto the bed and grabs the phone in a way that made it appear like he didn;t want me to see what he was doing. like he didnt want me to see that he was getting his phone. i dont know

 

Writing this down makes it seem so silly, but I can;t shake the feeling that something is up. I just think that if there is nothing to hide then why would he go through all of this trouble to keep his cell away from me. I honestly sound paraniod. I have been cheated on in the past, and this guy has gave me some concerns about him and other girls in the past as well......but I have never outright caught him with another girl. But I just am trying hard to trust him, but lately, this whole cell phone werirdness has caught my attention.

 

Am I just looking too deep into this? Am I just an overparaniod girlfriend? Is there something wrong???

 

any advice is greatly appreciated thanks

[EndThisMusic]

That behavior does seem pretty weird, have you asked him why he is so paranoid about you touching his phone? If so, did he overreact when you did?

[musicguy]

that does kinda sound weird on his part. If he keeps on doing what he's doing, ask him what his deal is and go from there.

[yeawutever]

Yea, very bizarre, if he had nothing to hide, then why is he like freaking out every time u ask him? But, u should prollie go with ur instant, they are right. In case u find out he does indeed cheat, I'm sure u would dump him right away won't you?

[dustinthewind]

hey guys,

 

thanks for your insight,

 

I should probably add a few things...

 

He does not like to talk about our pasts....or more specifically, our past relationships. And is kind of secretive about anything that has to do with it. I dont mind telling him anyhthing, because what is in the past, is history to me. But he isn;t as open as me, and I am learning to accept this, but in my past relationships, if I picked up my bf's cell phone (like a past bf) and started goofing around with it because I was bored (like not searching for something or being suspicious...but being totally harmles) they wouldn;t even blink an eye. With him, I feel like that would never ever happen.

 

How the heck should I bring up this weird behaviour without sounding paraniod. He constantly acccuses me of being jealous and insecure and I dont want to just feul these thinkings.....butlike....even the way he positions himself when he is texting someone is out of my sight.

 

I have had reason in the past to not trust him, as he was being innaporpriate online with other girls...but i dont want to think that this is happeneding again.

 

HOW SHOULD I TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS>>>WITHOUT SOUNDING PARANIOD OR ACCUSING??

[yeawutever]

Well instead of the past online behavior he would do mention him on the present weird sell phone behavior, tell him wut is happening as of now.

[bleeder]

Hi Dusinthewind,

 

I have to agree with you. You're definitely not paranoid in this situation for his behavior seems very odd indeed.

 

I feel that the best way to nip this is to speak to him. Try not to use an accusary tone or sarcastic choice of words, but ask him nicely as to why he is so "protective" over his cell? See what he has to say for himself. I am sure that your built in 'woman's radar' is sharp enough to detect if he is lying through his teeth. If his answer isn't good enough, then perhaps drastic measures need to be taken.

 

I am not advocating that you breach his privacy, but checking up on his call logs as well as text messages might give you a better picture. In my opinion, there is something stirring and it is time that you found out about it.

 

Keep us posted.

[Meow18]

"I have had reason in the past to not trust him, as he was being innaporpriate online with other girls...but i dont want to think that this is happeneding again."

 

This guy is not good news. I wouldn't doubt that he's cheating. You are right, he shouldn't be trying to hide something if there's nothing to hide. And the fact that he's done something innappropiate with girls before (online or not, it's still not faithful to you) just adds to the reasons as to why you should be suspicious.

 

You don't want to think that it's happening again. I don't blame you. But you still need to keep your eyes open. You have reason to believe that something isn't right. You need to ask him about it. Or at least try to get ahold of his cell phone. Don't try to ignore it just because you don't want to believe that it's happening. That's just being blind to the problem.

 

You deserve to know what's up. You deserve to have a boyfriend who you completely trust and who is completely faithful to you. You need to believe that that's what you deserve too.

[charliek]

Ok b/c I have been where you are I am going to tell you, trust your gut! It doesnt lie to you, people do! My ex did similar things and come to find out he was calling and txt his ex. ..he did exactly what your bf is doing to you. . telling you that you are parinoid!! I got this lecture all the time. . .I also got the lecture about why don't you trust me, if you don't trust me then we will never work out etc. . .and come to find out what I was told I was accusing him of, that my gut told me he was doing, I was right. . .You and only you know your bf and you want to tell that annoying pit in your stomach to go away. . .but you can't b/c you know that something is not right w/ this situation. In my case I was too afraid to bring it up b/c I didn't want to upset him. . .but I got to the point that I knew it wasnt' right. . .and realized I needed to stand up for myself. . .if he has nothng to hide, he will not be upset w/ you. . .but if he's lying, the only thing he can do is turn it back around on you and make you question yourself. . .trust me I know I have been there. W/ my ex, I was bringing his phone to him at 6 am and this other girl txt him and I had had enough of the lies. . .I knew he was lying to me. Trying to tell me that he didnt know why she was txting him. . .so I called her. . .and you know what the lesson out of this story is??? TRUST YOUR GUT IT TELLS YOU THESE THINGS TO PROTECT YOU. . .You can't shake those feelings of knowing he's lying and you know and said yourself he is not the most trusting guy in the world. . . I think you need to get yourself respect back and realize that if he has already protrayed himself as a guy who has such a lack of respect for you that he's already been inappropriate w/ girls via the internet. . WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP W/ THIS. . .there is no reason for it. . .why would you want to live the rest of your life questioning him, not trusting him, etc. If you are too afraid to confront him, or in question of how to bring it up, is that what you want out of a partner? To not be able to come to them w/ your fears and questions? Trust me I know its a game you play w/ yourself b/c he has in away trained you to not confront his behavior of lack of respect to you. He'll make you feel like you are in the wrong for even brining it up. . . . but stand up for yourself, he's already broken your trust once why wouldn't he do it again? I don't mean to sound harsh, but i want you to understand that you have so much more pride, dignity and self respect to put up w/ games like this. There are so many other guys that you yourself have been w/ to know this isn't right. . .take a step back and realize you give him a yard he'll run w/ a mile. . .and he's already doing it. . .You are stronger then this. . .no man is worth the turmoil and the questioning sick feelings you have in your stomach. . . But only you can control that and put a stop to it. . .Hang in there and be tough. Realize that you are worth so much more then this!! I know you strong woman self is in there somewhere. . .

[PocoDiablo]

He's cheating.

 

Plain and simple, and we all know it. Come on folks, this is obvious.

 

Here is how you could handle it: "Honey? You love me and trust me, right?" (Yes, of course.) "And you'd do anything for me, right?" (Sure!) "Great, you've been acting very suspicious about your cell phone. So to put my mind at ease I would like to see what you have been hiding. Please hand over your cell phone."

 

Then go through it right in front of him. Check his call logs and SENT and RECEIVED text messages. I am sure you won't like what you find. Don't discuss it with him, just walk out.

 

If you find nothing, then you're going to tell him that you're thankful that he was open and honest with you because this is important to you, but you are still going to be able to play with his phone any time you like. Just in case his girlfriend calls...

 

If he says no, then you say "Okay, that's what I figured, we're done - I am dumping you."

 

Are you prepared to dump him?

[RayKay]

The best gauge of someone's future behaviour, is their past. This is not always the case as people DO change, but the fact he has done inappopriate things before online (which in my books is emotional cheating) indicates that his behaviour now is very suspicious. I would also say there are very big reasons he is secretive of his past - because he has things to hide.

 

You are getting BIG red flags waved in front of you, your gut is doing flip flops trying to tell you something is right...and you are still wondering if it's in your head? No. It's not. This is not normal behaviour, and he IS hiding something. No one is THAT possessive and crazy about monitoring their phone unless they ARE hiding something. In his case, I would guess it's texts or something that are not "above board" or something similar.

 

I think you are going to have just calmly ask him why he is so paranoid over his phone. Just do it in a level tone of voice and ask. Realize that no matter what tone you use, he may find it "accusatory" and get defensive, because this is what people do when they know they are busted. Also very possible he may try and "turn it around" on you to blame you for being so "untrusting" and so forth, but in my experiences, those whom deny and become the most accusatory and defensive, are often those with the most to hide.

 

Listen and watch his reactions. I don't know if you will be able to get "definitive" proof if he is that protective of his phone, but how he handles it should give you enough to know. And then make some decisions. Be ready to walk.

 

Listen to that feeling that cannot be shaken, it's often very very right on. Don't ignore it, just because you are afraid of being single, or think you are overreacting. You aren't. You deserve someone whom is faithful and trustworthy, on and off line, in person and on the phone. People whom love and respect someone don't undermine their relationship by carrying on inappropriate "relationships" with others, in the flesh or not.

[annieo]

I have to agree with the others who said trust your instincts. A person who has nothing to hide doesn't hide anything! Good luck.

[yeawutever]

Yea, he's more than liking cheating or else why would he be so protected over his cell phone. But, however, if u go through it and found absolutely nothing, then he's a mental case that u need to get away from. But I go for the first option, he's doing deeds behind ur back, just ask him but don't yell and try to calm down when speaking. Let us know wut happened, did he acted so defensive and nervous?

[miracle29]

Well I want to say exactly what Poco Dia said but I just have to try to be a little fair to both sides. Though my gut says he has something to hide, i don't know how much he has to hide. I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that this guy is up to something, what he's up to is the question. It could be an affair thats blooming and hasnt gone as far as sex or it could be sex and he's lieng to two women. If she knew about you'd he'd act differently, but looks like he may be singing the "i'm single tune" to another. Grab his phone, lock yourself in the bathroom and see how he reacts. Check and see if he's erasing calls or if he goes crazy. If he goes crazy, then sadly you have the answer. No man should be that psyco over a cell phone ..unless he's got women calling him that you don't need to know about. (you do need to know about them, he just doesnt want you too) but in this case i would NOT give him the benifit of the doubt. I'd wait until he went to sleep (take no doze if you have too) and I'd go through that phone. I have a feeling you will see something you don't want to see. Either way..he's up to something.

[starfish]

I had a similar experience with my ex. Only he was emailing this woman at work (we used to work together). I happened to know because she was in the cube next to mine, and when she wasn't working (which was never) or emailing she was over at his cube. And if I went over to his cube, he would quickly close his email browser. When I asked him about it he accused me of being jealous and paranoid and all those other things. Ultimately he did say that she was interested in him, and he just basically enjoyed the flirting.

I am not saying that your bf is cheating on you, but you shouldn't let him get away with accusing you like that.

[skerr]

My husband's weird cell phone behavior is what made me suspicious originally and I hate to say it but I was right to be suspicious. My rule of thumb is....go with your gut. If you are suspicious about anything there is probably a reason for it. Also, most cell phone companies have on-line statements from months passed that you can look at. When I went back to check on my husband's phone calls I was floored to find the same number over and over and over again. Do some digging.....

[wendyrenae]

Always trust your gut. If he's guilty, chances are he's not going to come clean. My last boyfriend did the same thing until he changed his password so I could not even turn his phone on. He use to tell me he was going to bed and he would turn his cell off so I would not call. We lived about an hour from each other so I could not check up all the time. Finally, I drove over one night and found another female sitting on the couch. He acted as if he had done nothing wrong. BASIC RULE OF LIFE....TRUST YOUR GUT...OR SEEING IS BELIEVING.

[dustinthewind]

Hello everyone,

 

Thanks so much for your replies. i have been thinking a lot about what you all have wrote. It breaks my heart and scares me to death that he may be hiding something. But I honestly believe that something is wrong. I have usually been pretty good with having my instincts beign right.

 

Lately, he just doesn;t seem to be that into me either. I dont know whats wrong. We got back from a Mexico vacation together 2 weeks ago which was wonderful, but since then, all we have done is argue. It seems like he has to pick at me about everything, I can never do anything right, and we have not spent a WHOLE NIGHT together alone since we got back. Its either us with his friends or family. If we are seeing each other, and someone calls, he makes plans for us to hang out with them without consulting me at all. I told him this bothered me last night and he got mad and said that he doesn;t want to have to consult me everytime he makes plans. But I just think that if me and him are doing soemthing, that I should be inovlved or at least asked if thats what i want to do.

 

It just makes me sad. he has been acting so ...almost disinterested. And I have been doing little things to try to almost "win him back" giving him back rubs, and surprising him with tiny things. But I dont think its helping. I know I should find out what he is up to. But now its New Years...and argh. I just dont know. I dont want to get into a huge fight, because I know that it will break us up. But maybe,....I guess now I am realizing, that lately he hasn;t been treating me all that great, and breaking up, or at least going on a break might be whats best.

[newby]

This is weird behaviour. He is hiding something form you and you should prepare yourself for the future and what may be revealed. I don't think you should trust this man. Get out while the going is good as they say. Trust your instincts and get away from this man. I know this seems harsh but you already had doubts about him - act upon them and save further heartache.

Good Luck

[FemmeEnigmatic]

I can relate to the whole sneaky cell BS. I hate that crap. You know what they think a really good trick is? To put the girl's number under a name of their friend, so when you see it in the call log, you don't think it's weird!!! But I am smarter than that. I always write down weird numbers, and when they called, or when he called them....Oddly enough, the times are always when i'm not around him.........Hmmmm....

[Rabican]

Ive already went through this exact thing. Trust me that uneasy gut feeling you have is telling you something... dont ignore it.

 

Heres what you do:

 

Walk up to your man and say: Look babe, Im really trying to make this work, and I want to trust you... However when you go diving accross the bedroom to grab your phone... that just looks odd. Not to mention turning your back to me so I cant see who you are texting, keeping your phone from me, not letting me dial my own numbers. Im not trying to be paranoid, but if you have nothing to hide then please dont act like you are working with the CIA with all this secrecy with your phone. So either a. let me see your damned phone, so that I can just get over it if there is really nothing fishy going on. or b. stop acting like you are hiding who knows what on that phone.

[Onedayatatime]

Well, it is certainly very strange behavior ... I don't want you to panic and worry, but that is how I caught my ex-husband's cheating behavior. When he was sleeping, like at 3:30 a.m., I looked in the recent calls and calls dialed area of the cell phone and wrote down the numbers that appeared most frequently. Then I checked out who they were listed to. One night my ex was supposedly at a meeting ... it was about 10:30 p.m., I drove by the house of the girl who most frequently came up on his cell phone and BINGO. Marriage over. He was at his secretary's house. A very sad night for me indeed. But had I not checked, I would still be married to the idiot and still having him call me crazy for not trusting him. I had a weird feeling too. I am sorry you are going through this, however, it is better to find out now instead of later.

[Vanilla]

thats just weird. i wouldnt put up with that- he sounds like he's up to no good.

 

if my boyfriend didnt let me see his cellphone and acted like such a * * * * * about it Im sure something would be up. I mean seriously guys, what other reason could there be? If its not bad he wouldnt be hiding it!!

 

Confront him, and if he has nothing to hide then he should get over this silly issue...if he gets defensive and aggressive and tries to turn it on you like you're insecure or being snoopy then he's definitely hiding something...something UGLY!!! run...

[dustinthewind]

Hey guys.

 

SO I comfronted him with this whole weird cell phone behavior and his suspicious behavior in other regards (see my other post in this section, and one in jealousy if interested) Because we got together last night to TALK about things, and i realized that it was getting late and needed to call someone to confirm my plans for tomorrowo. We were in his basement where there is no phone so I asked if he had his cell phone. He blatently lied and said no. I knew it was in his pocket, so I just reached in and grabbed it. and he like got all upset and said "just go get the phone from upstairs" I flipped and asked him why he gets so upset if I use his cell. He immediately backtracked and siad he doesn;t and let me make the call. When I was off, I sat down again and brought up his weird cell phone behavior. He said that he doesn;t want me to use his phone because he is "worried that some girl from his past will call and I will freak out." I asked him if in the 16 months we have been together if this has ever happened. He said "no" then I asked "how many random girls from your past do you keep in touch with . He said "I dunno. Not many, and they dont call often. But what if they do. I dont want you to get upset"

 

COMPLETE BULL**** Thats what I was thinking in my head. LIKE HONESTLY> for the fraction of a minute which I am on the phone, what are the chances someone else will call, who just happens to be some random girl from his past. I got upset, but there was no way to fight what he was saying. He said "WELL if you dotn like this, then just dont use my phone anymore. I dont care"

 

I dont know what to think. I asked him if he was telling me the truth, and he said YES....but. god. that seems like such a stupid reason. I just cant seem to get my head around it. What do you all think???? I mean, I would get upset if another girl called who I didn;t know. but I'd like to think that we could me mature about it and talk.

[RayKay]

Um....he is BS'ing you...you know it in your heart, and yet you are STILL falling for his lines even while protesting them! Or else you would not even be questioning if he was being truthful or not! You in one paragraph call him on his BS, then you say you are trying to wrap your head around it...WHY!?!?!

 

This was my favourite part:

 

He said "WELL if you dotn like this, then just dont use my phone anymore. I dont care"

 

Huh, so basically his "solution" to the issue was for you to not do the thing you wanted to do, and for him to have his way. That's not a solution, that's a rephrasing of the original problem in the first place! Nothing changes! Wow, what a great compromise...

 

Seriously, WHOM honestly is concerned that someone they have not talked to in 16 months will suddenly call....while you are using their phone.

 

Sorry honey, but you are only fooling yourself now, the phone behaviours, the emails from other women, the blatant lies...if you stay believing in all this you are ONLY hurting yourself.