Well I have an update.....

[OCD]

Hi all,

I just had the most unusuall phone call I've had in a while. My ex called me at about 11:30pm...I just had fallen asleep reading a magazine. I was half asleep and answered. As we went through the whole Hi how are you's....it became very apprent that there was more to this phone call. She actually seemed very interested in me. We talked about her upcoming surgery and how she's a little anxious about it, etc. I was very supportive the whole time....asked if she was alright. It's not a life threatening surgery, but I could tell she's a little nervous. So I was friendly and said that she'd be ok and everything will be fine. So we talked and caught up on stuff. It was going very well, like old times. So she asked how my Thanksgiving was and said that she called me....also why didn't I call her back? I just said I was pretty busy that weekend, etc. She said that she just went to a friends house because her son was with his Dad. So then we started talking about Christmas and what's going on. She then asked if I'm still seeing 'that girl'? I said what girl, you mean my friend from work? She says yeh....I said that's not my girlfriend and it's not like that, we just went to get a sandwhich together...she says it's not a consperacy theory is it? I said no why do you have a boy friend.....she says no...I then ask about her Xmas party and what's going on with that...She said that they just had it today, it was during the day and it was staff only this year. So I thought cool no date for her!! She says what about you? I say that I'm going to a party this weekend with a friend....Right then she goes, who! I said just a friend that I've been talking to...I said boy you sure are curious, or is it you think I'm full of it....she says you know me it's a little jealousy, curiosity, and bs. So throughout the whole phone call she wanted to know who this person was, etc...it was pretty funny. I just told her that I've been trying to heal and get over stuff. She says yeh I know...I'm probably where you were at in the beggining. I thought wow, what?! She says yeh, I've been thinking.......I said are you thinking about what I said about me having a hard time talking to you and that I can't really be friends because I want to heal and I still have feelings. She says yes I understand, that's where I'm at now. So I start smiling from ear to ear. She goes into that there's no one in her life and that she's been thinking about me....Never said she wanted to work it out though....but basically I could tell she misses me big time and wants to at least start talking again.

 

So we talk for about 2 hours....I tried to cut the call off several times, but she wanted to keep talking. She went into how she missed talking to me and that there isn't anyone in her life. I said I know we could always talk, I miss them too. So inbetween she'd ask what's that girl's name you're going with, what does she do, where did you meet her, blah blah... I could tell she was a little jealous. I said it someone that I've been talking to. She says did you sleep with her, she says I know you. I say what? No I'm not sleeping with her, I'm really just trying to get over stuff and heal. I still have some feelings there, she says yeh?

So she said that her son has been asking about me...thanks Lonelyfish for that one and Sib you were right I said that's great I think about him all the time, how's he doing......we chatted for a little while about him. Then.......we start getting into the good stuff! I said I've had flash backs about us latley....she says yeh? Me too! I said I know I had this craving for your enchiladas the other day and it was driving me nuts!! She goes that's funny I just made those yesterday and I had tons of left overs.....I said next time bring them over or drop them off at the door...we joked about that for a while. She then says yeh I drove by the place where we had our first lunch date...and I almost threw up because I had a flash back and it took me by surprise...I said I know those memories are burned into my mind forever...she says I know I have those thoughts ever once in a while too. I said yeh I miss your cookies you'd make and send to your Dad....so at this pointe we go over all kinds of good times we had together. She brought up some good ones....

 

So then I finally figured I'd better end this call, it's going way too good. She says I miss talking and it's been nice to hear you. I said well is it ok if I call you? Do you want to start talking again? She says sure just call my cell, I don't want my son to start asking questions...I said cool I understand. Then she said we'll go from there....I said I don't know how to end this call; she goes well me either, I'm thinking...she says I'd like to talk more but we both have to work tomorrow...I said I know we should go...good night it's been nice to hear from you. She says you too, take care, bye.

 

So what is my next move? I think the NC over the Thanksgiving weekend really got her thinking and she's by herself for the holiday like me and it's driving her nuts, I think. I said that I'd call her or that she could call me. So do I wait to hear from her? Or do I call, I know I know, just play it cool OCD. I don't want to rush into nothing, but there was some light at the end of this dark tunnel....Any thoughts or advice?? Thanks guys.

 

Thanks SuperDave71 for the positive vibe!

 

OCD

[Lil Punkin]

OCD...This is awesome news!!! I am SO happy for you!!!

 

I would play it cool for now...let her initiate most of the calls still....but

maybe you can call her once a week....or until things are more "firm". You must remember...after this NC, you guys are practically starting over again, so you need to treat this as a NEW relationship. You can't go back from where you left off.

 

I think you handled things perfectly....

I hope things work out for you this time!!!

[lonelyfish]

My advice - see if she calls you in the next few days. If she hasn't by Sunday night I would give her a call then and act like you had a very busy weekend. By the way when is her surgery?

[OCD]

I think her surgery is on the 16th. Then she's off the rest of the month. I think it is a good move to wait until she calls me again...Thanks for the advice. I will wait until Sunday, I have a feeling that she'll call me before then. She was really concerned about this Christmas Party I was going to on Friday and seemed really jealous of who I was going with. She kept asking about the girl I'm going with. At least she's showing some concern about it, right? If she didn't care it wouldn't bother her who I'm going with. At least I know she's thinking about me at this pointe, but I'm trying to stay grounded and I'm not going to stop talking to the other girls I've met. Keep your fingers crossed for me...I love this person with all of my heart and I hope this time apart was good for both of us. Thanks.

 

OCD

[redandblack]

I would be careful.

 

It can be really easy for this to blow up on you. I wouldn't call her. If she wants to talk, she can call you. Calling her can easily become a habbit and in a worst case scenario you could end up being the one chasing her. Remember, she only said she misses you. She didn't say she wanted you back. However, she is showing concern and jealousy about you going to a christmas party with someone else.

 

Don't let this set you back because it can be very easy for you to get sucked back into feeling terrible.

 

Goodluck!

[sibling295]

ocd - well how's it goin ????

[OCD]

sibling295ocd - well how's it goin ????

Well it's going so far so good I guess. She didn't call last night and I didn't call her. Even though I wanted to soooo bad. All of the advice accross the board was let her call you. I figured that I'd wait until Sunday if I don't hear from her before then. Tonight is the big Christmas party so I'm wondering if she's thinking about that since I'm going with this girl I've been chatting with? I told her that I'd call her or she could call me, but no call last night. Wishful thinking I suppose. If this is going to happen she needs to know that I'm not coming back that easily. She needs to build her trust with me again.

I do keep thinking about some of the things she said. Like being single now, and never getting to go out, and there isnt' anyone in her life, and that she's at the stage I was at when we first broke up. I did say a couple times if she wanted to work it out then we can talk about it and she didn't disagree and said yeh.... So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get a phone call today from her...I'll keep you posted. Thank you.

 

OCD

[Orlander]

OCD, don't call her until right before her surgery. No need to jump right in again head first.

 

Some of the things she said:

"Like being single now, and never getting to go out"

- be careful here, sounds like she is lonely

"and there isnt' anyone in her life"

-again, lonely

"and that she's at the stage I was at when we first broke up"

- could be a good sign, but if she is where YOU were after the two of you first broke up then that means she is probably pretty unstable and needs time

"I did say a couple times if she wanted to work it out then we can talk about it and she didn't disagree and said yeh"

- she didnt say "yes" or "let's talk about that"

 

You have leverage now. Use it to your advantage.

 

 

Orlander

[OCD]

Thanks for the reply O....

I don't want to go in head first and I do think she's lonely, but I do think she's been thinking about me and this time appart has been good for her to realize what's she's missing...just by her saying that's she's had flash backs of us and how her son has been asking about me, etc...those were pretty good signs. You really think I have leverage huh? Cool...I'm still just stunned by that call I got the other night...She told me to call her cell and not her house...that's why I'm wondering if she's waiting for me to call??? But everyone says wait a little while for her to call...Do you really think it would be a mistake to call her tonight or this weekend?? I am going to that party with this girl I've been talking to, but it's not serious. We both said the other night that we couldn't talk to anyone like we can talk, we agreed that we have a connection and said we're a good team. So I'm just playing it cool for now....oh by the way I think her surgery is next Friday....do I wait that long before I call her.....Thanks for the advice!

 

OCD

[sibling295]

ocd- first of all - i think if you keep thinking positive what ever the outcome - you will be just fine. Keep thinking about how what a great guy you are. How any women would be lucky to have you in their life . Please keep this as a mantra. Please. Soon you will just think it automatically , i swear to you.

Next , now i have been thinking. So she told you to call her cell so her child wont get confused. First of all i think that is awesome. I mean what a great mom. She is obviously thinking not only of herself but of her child's well being. That is very cool. She deserve's props for that. I mean some women out there just act irrational in front of their children and she is not.

So - my point- Maybe she is not calling you because like by the time she gets home - she is always with the kid. Or when the kid falls asleep and that is her time to call , she either falls asleep or her mind has changed to call you. Now this is not a bad thing , necissarily(spelling?) . I mean we are all insecure , she is too , trust me. Maybe she feels like she made the first attempt now she feels like you need to.

I dont know

I just think that this statement about being mindfull of her child has something to do with not calling you.

Perhaps you could call her cell ..... think about it.

just my 2 cents...

Not every ex has bad intentions... i mean we are all human.

Whatever you do - please stay positive , you are a great guy.

with her or with out her....

 

your friend,Sib

[OCD]

So - my point- Maybe she is not calling you because like by the time she gets home - she is always with the kid. Or when the kid falls asleep and that is her time to call , she either falls asleep or her mind has changed to call you. Now this is not a bad thing , necissarily(spelling?) . I mean we are all insecure , she is too , trust me. Maybe she feels like she made the first attempt now she feels like you need to.

 

Thanks Sib, I have totally been thinking about this and it sounds very possible knowing her. Her son does keep her up pretty late most of the time and even when we were going out she'd fall asleep, but I would always call and wake her up around 10:15....that was our time to talk and she used to tell me to call at that time no matter what...so it's possible that yesterday she was just tired and fell asleep or didn't feel like calling, etc. I do feel like calling her and I was thinking about calling her this weekend since I haven't heard from her yet...It has been a thought of mine...I just don't want to come off as needy or something...so I think I'm overanalyzing it and should just do what feels normal...thanks for the encouragement, I do feel like I am a great guy with plenty to offer. I've never doubted that, I just need my ex to realize it Thanks.

 

OCD

[coooolsome]

No, dont call her. Wait for her to call you.

[keefy1972]

OCD, Stop rightnow. Stop acting as if you are trying to "figure out why she didn't call". She didn't call for whatever reason. You are too busy to be worrying about that anyway. Just give it time.

[OCD]

Gotcha, no problem....no more thinking I'm just going to enjoy myself tonight, have a drink or five, and not worry about it....I just don't want come off as needy or that I don't care...I think she knows I do care and I know that she cares after talking to her, we'll see where it goes...thanks!

 

OCD

[Orlander]

You are a great guy OCD. Definetly don't go about wondering why she didnt call. Just be patient and wait a bit to call her. In addition to not potentially seeming needy, waiting a few more days will also give you more to talk about in between the time you call and the last conversation you had.

 

Orlander

[sibling295]

ocd-

my sister has a child. A boy. She was married for 5 years - divorced , single , dated for almost 2 years when she met a great guy. They were awesome - he was awesome with my nephew too. Then she broke up with him because she got scared, felt like didnt want to go thru hurt feelings again.

Anyway - he was really upset. He tried and tried. she got kind of mean also. Things are said in the heat of the moment .

Well time went on for like 6 months. My nephew was devistated also. Poor little guy

After 6 months she was called me and confissed that she was heartbroken and made a terrible mistake. I was like " serves you right , he was awesome" But truth is she was just scared (kind of like my b/f)

I ran into him at a club here in LA about 2 weeks after that. He was dating this horrible model friend of mine. anyway he told me she was just a rebound. He missed my sister Lara. So she called him one night , and they talked for like 3 hours. She waited and waited and waited for him to call - but he never did . She left him a few messages ,he never returned her call.

I saw him recently on set - he said he was waiting for her to call him.That she had to really prove herself. ( mind you I said the same thing about my boyfriend, too) The thing is its hard for my sister - she is basically all alone w/ a child. Its a different life. He comes first , and thank god, but its not like your average single life. I think you understand what i mean here. There are sacrifices she has to make- and she doesnt enter relationships lightly. Yet she is still human and has faults.

They havent connected yet to date. He wont call. He is acting foolishly. I know he loves her. I am working with him on a tv show now , and i see it in him. BTW - he has moved on to another pyscho model chick.

I think its a shame because they were sooo great - the THREE of them , and because of ego's - games-pride they arent together today.

 

The same could of happened with my b/f and me. He showed up one night - made his plea and I called him the next morning. I CALLED HIM.

Now everyone is different yes - no two relationships are the same, yes

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION -YES

But sometimes i really think we ALL act foolish - MYSELF INCLUDED

Life is too short to be miserable

Why not call her - why not it be a total natural act.You call your friends , right?

I know , I know , it doesnt help in your healing process.

I say just dont wait to long...

I know no one else will agree with me, but i have gotten back the love of my life - and Lara and Jackson( my nephew) have a huge hole missing now.

It just tears me up inside.

Whatever you do , I wish you luck , OCD

I will check in and read your posts when i come home in about a week.

Take care and happy holidays to everyone!

Sib

[OCD]

Thanks Sib for the insight...I agree with a lot of what you said. I know it's a different situation with a single parent. I was in that relationship for almost 2 years. So I understand the commitment. I'm not trying to let pride get in the way here, but I don't want to get hurt again either. It's a very fine line I'm walking...so I'm trying not to worry about it. I won't wait too long if I don't hear from her. I just need to show that I'm not just jumping back in, that would be the wrong message especially since she didn't flat out say "let's give this another chance" or something like that. She just sounded like taking small steps like I suggested to her. So we'll see how this weekend goes...you're taking off somewhere? Have a fun safe trip. Thanks for everything Sib...

 

OCD

[Orlander]

While Sibling295 has some good points, you have to keep in mind OCD, that when you are heart broken you have to rely on your head and not your heart.

 

 

Orlander

[OCD]

Good morning all,

That was one fun night last night...Music, dancing, a few drinks, good fun, had a blast! I got in around 3:00am, I really didn't think about my ex too much all night, but I did think about her. I must be honest...I almost sent her a text message on my way home. I figured that would be a bad idea since I was pretty tipsy Then when I got home I almost called her....I just kept thinking about eveyone said not to call her first, so I held strong. It was very hard though because I wanted to talk to her last night really bad before I went to sleep...So she didnt' call me either so I'm hanging in there, perhaps I'll hear from her today...How long should I wait until I give her a ring? It's been a couple days since we spoke and I know she was thinking about that party I went to last night. She couldn't stop asking about it the other day and wanted to know all of the details...it was funny. I think she was pretty jealous that I was going with someone. I don't know, but I just woke up and wanted to vent some of these thoughts out here...thanks for being here guys, I need to take a few aspirins Any advice is always appreciated...

 

OCD

[ratherbesailing]

Wait till tomorrow.

[nataliejulie]

You left the ball in her court -- leave it. But if you start pinning them into corner, they will come out fighting or attempt the disappearing trick.

 

There is no other way to peak her interest besides keeping silent.

[redandblack]

Just let her call you this time. If she doesn't call you, she wasn't that interested. I think that you calling her after she said she would call you would put you back on the offensive. Not a good thing.

 

Good job for not calling her with those drinks in you! That easily could have been a disaster.

 

Stay strong and collected! Take care.

[OCD]

Hi RedandBlack,

She didn't say that she'd call me....I asked her if she wanted to start talking again to perhaps work things out. She said yeh, and then I asked if it was alright if I could call her. She said yes, just call her cell phone because of her son. I also said that she could call me too...that's how it ended.

This is why I'm so confused on when to call her. I'm glad I didn't call her last night, I would have probably gone into the whole I love you thing...not good. But I do want to talk to her. I just wish she call me today so i can get it out of the way Thanks.

 

OCD

[redandblack]

Hey,

 

Sorry, I misread. I would still wait for her to call. If she is serious about getting back together, she knows she can call you.

 

I say give it a few days and she still hasn't called then you might want to think about wether or not it's even worth your time. I suppose a quick and light phone call wouldn't hurt though. If you do end up calling her, definitely do not bring up relationship issues. Let her do that.

 

Remember, stay in control!

 

Goodluck!

[Regretfulman]

Let her call, all the way, trust me, you dont want to sound too anxious. let her make the moves, the ball is in her court, and it should be. if she wants you back, you will know, she will make you know. Relax and keep your mind off of it, you have come a long way with this girl, don't mess it up now, goodluck