Depression observations

[Dako]

I've been reading these threads for a couple of months, and can't help but think this should be the Depression forum. Very few of the posts are about suicides, but reveal serious despair.

 

It's no surprise that many sad people are young. Being between 15 and 25 is probably the most difficult time of life. School, an uncertain future, a lack of money or experience for coping make it a painful time. Living under the whims of teachers, parents, bosses or the police, well...it sucks!

 

I struggled through those years with a sense of fatalism, and made some bad choices, hung out with felons, stayed high on risky chemicals and risked my life for simple exhilaration. Now I regret that a period of possibilities was wasted moping, sulking crying and resenting the outside world. Worst of all was my rude treatment of others that can't be undone.

 

For anyone who has the courage, please seek professional help and keep trying. Some of you may have tried some antidepressant without much result. There are other methods you can try but you have to ask about them. In time, you may adopt methods to chase the black dog from your life when it gets in your way.

 

I'm in the midst of some pretty serious ---- in my life, but somehow I'm able to handle it despite the spells of despair. I take 10mg of Prozac, a bare minimum to be of help at all, and try to keep busy. After coping with depression for about 35 years, I've developed my own tools that work for me. These are just intended as examples since everyone is different.

 

1. Be decent to others. They may have worse demons to deal with.

 

2. Don't be a martyr. The world isn't your tormentor, depression is.

 

3. If you need control, find some. This may be withdrawing into yourself but not to lie in bed watching the wall or TV. Go walk to the next town, study guitar, help someone with their problems, anything that keeps you active.At the end of the day you'll have something to look back on other than clever suicide methods to get even with the cruel world. I know how hard it is to do this if you want ponder death from a fetal position, but if you start doing something, new stimuli can enter your thoughts. Staring at a white wall and fantasizing a heroic demise gets boring after a few years.

Perhaps hanging out here isn't healthy for you... sometimes these posts are pretty depressing. Why wallow in it if it becomes a burden?

 

4. Go outside a lot. Most of the stifling and arbitrary BS we humans wallow in is indoors. Look at the sky, breathe deeply, sit under a tree. TV is not reality, no matter what TV tells you. Pet dogs and cats whenever possible since they are so amazingly well-adjusted, unlike we humans.

 

5. Meditation. During a recent bout of depression, I was locked up in a psych ward for three days. The doc was required by law to keep me for observation. During this time I was confined with about 20 people who had severe problems, and the screaming and monotony really pushed me into a funk. At times like this transcendental meditation gives me a way to escape for a while to my own comfort level. It's not a religion or other voodoo, but a technique of discarding the outside world and being at peace. It's much like sleep except you are alert to the experience.

Maybe not for everyone, but it works for me.

 

6. Dark Humor. I often have to stifle myself from posting grim jokes here.

I once started laughing heartily as I dialed a suicide hotline, expecting to be put on hold or find it disconnected. When I was confined in the psych ward, a staffer warned me not to joke in front of the doctors, since inappropriate cheerfulness is a bad sign. When a doc told me I wouldn't be released for three days because "divorced white men over 50 are 7 times more likely to kill themelves" I threatened in jest to file a complaint for racial and age discrimination. He just stared at me.

 

7. Seek help if it gets severly debilitating. We all need help at times and there are many sources.

 

Thanks for reading this. I'm truly sorry if it offends anyone at all. I really care about you people and often my tone is a bit eccentric. As I write this, I'm bummed about spending the holidays alone and feeling pretty low.

Taking my own advice, I'll spend the Thanksgiving holiday hiking solo in the desert.

 

Best wishes

[RooferGirl23]

This is a great post! as a sufferer of depression myself, I have found that I can help myself, even just a little, with my own techniques as well. One thing i have found is surround yourself with happy people (like children) and me having my own children now gives me something to focus on. I tell myself over and over, "i cant show my depression to my kids, it will affect them in one way or another in the long run, and they dont deserve that" its helped tremendously.

Thanks for all your great advice!!!

[Dako]

Thanks

 

My ex once worked as a quality assurance director of a mental health HMO. One tip that was unofficially given to psychotic patients (not being treated for depression) was to hide your condition from most people. It was found that contrary to popular belief, keeping your symptoms to yourself has some benefits. By not openly discussing your problems with everyone within earshot, it does keep others from reinforcing your fixation on your problem. I have a relative who has gotten two college degrees (She's an RN and a C++ geek) and works as a Silicon Valley programmer, all while hearing disturbing voices. She just tries to appear in control and usually succeeds. She confides in close friends and medical doctors, but otherwise keeps a low profile. She's pretty amazing.

 

Of course I'm not recommending avoiding treatment, just suggesting that putting up a good front is useful at times as a way to cope.

[shes2smart]

Dako,

 

Your guidelines are right on the money. I have also been "blessed" with chronic, endogenous depression that I've had to learn to manage since my teen years. It's gotten easier as time goes on.

 

I particularly liked what you said about getting outside. I find that is so true for me as well. There is something about being in nature, especially if you're around something massive like the mountains or the ocean, that is very restorative to the soul.

[WildChild]

What a wonderful post! I hope that anyone who is depressed to the point of suicide will read this and think differently.

 

I hate to see anyone alone on the holidays and many times have invited someone I know will be alone into my home. And as an alternative of being alone I have volunteered my time on the holidays at local churches. Rather than being alone, is there a local organization you could go to and volunteer? Everyone is different, but I know I found when I did I didn't feel so alone and actually felt better knowing that maybe I helped put a smile on someone else's face who was alone as well.

[Shinobie]

I suffer from depression myself and i am bi-polar.None of my friends or anyone really knows how i feel.I react to things in quite a bad manner since i have highs and lows taking things rather to seriously or personally.Ya since ive lost my job ive left the house maybe 3 times in like 2 months.Nice post and thnx but i personally dont know how to cope with anything i suffer from really.

[tommyJ]

Dako said:

 

"One tip that was unofficially given to psychotic patients (not being treated for depression) was to hide your condition from most people. It was found that contrary to popular belief, keeping your symptoms to yourself has some benefits. By not openly discussing your problems with everyone within earshot, it does keep others from reinforcing your fixation on your problem. I have a relative who has gotten two college degrees (She's an RN and a C++ geek) and works as a Silicon Valley programmer, all while hearing disturbing voices. She just tries to appear in control and usually succeeds. She confides in close friends and medical doctors, but otherwise keeps a low profile. She's pretty amazing."

 

Being a lifelong sufferer of depression, I made it a bad habit to talk about it to anyone who would listen. I drove alot of people away from doing this and it really got me nowhere. Now being a bit older, I have withdrawn into myself and spend alot of time alone, which doesn't bother me. I like to have the time to think.

 

Your post sheds a very realistic light on depression and you've given some very helpful tips.

 

Thank you.

TommyJ

[Dako]

Shinobie,

I grew up with an bipolar older brother. Life was, as you know, quite interesting with wild mood swings and unpredictable behavior. Mental health care back then was nowhere near as advanced as today and even seeking help was a shameful idea for a man.

He was diagnosed at about 45 and is doing well on meds. He's married, owns a nice home and has seven grandchildren.

 

Coping skills, meds and friends seem to help. I've met others who have a good handle on their moods.

I wish you luck

[Bethany]

I agree, there should be a depression forum. I have been concerned about people who may be considering suicide only to find out they are depressed and just need someone to talk to and not suicidal at all.

[life_s_strange]

Dako

you seem like a very caring person. And I think your post will help a lot of people. Thank you for being so kind to people you don't know. You don't find that much these days. People are always in a hurry, and extremly rude/selfish. It really bothers me sometimes to see how rude the world is, no wonder so many people are depressed.

I hope you find someone as caring as you to spend the next holidays with.

You'll be in my prayers(hope that doesn't offend you)

[newbie30]

I realize this is a very old post, but I wanted to push it back to the top. Dako's words indirectly helped me through a rough time a few months ago, and I thought it might help a few more people to read this.

[Baby Carrot]

It's no surprise that many sad people are young. Being between 15 and 25 is probably the most difficult time of life. School, an uncertain future, a lack of money or experience for coping make it a painful time. Living under the whims of teachers, parents, bosses or the police, well...it sucks!

 

This certainly touched me.

 

I thought all this time I was just whining too much about everything.

 

It does help that someone that has passed thru that, recognize youth is not all nice and dandy (like it is supposed to be).

 

 

P.S.

Youth is a disease!!!!

[langford]

 

4. Go outside a lot. Most of the stifling and arbitrary BS we humans wallow in is indoors. Look at the sky, breathe deeply, sit under a tree. TV is not reality, no matter what TV tells you. Pet dogs and cats whenever possible since they are so amazingly well-adjusted, unlike we humans.

 

 

 

I second that it makes a tremendous difference,its a cliche thing to say but the sight of the sun and the birds and animals at peace with their lot make it hard to pity oneself.

[Juliana]

Jung believed something like all mental illness is a product of our disconnect from nature.

 

And Dako has written a great post here. So often, people don't realize that depression is something affecting them, it's not who they are, and they can choose to fight back.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Dark Humour Of My Day:

 

My shrink's English is fluent, but its his second language. He has a strong Indian accent.

 

Portion of Appointment Transcript Today:

 

ME tried many things, still hanging on, and rejecting meds, I think my only option is to cure myself".

SHRINK: (leaning forward, solemnly) : "How often do you want to kill yourself?"

 

On a more serious note, it wasnt overly helpful. I briefly saw a glimpse of a humorous and healthy outlook in those 10 seconds, I suppose.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'm still baffled why I dream of a nice death most days despite achieving what others perceive as high standards in terms of family relations, education, personal adversity overcoming, etc, etc.

 

I genuinely don't get why nothing does it for me. Neither does the shrink. Chuh.

[Juliana]

Oh, oh, I know! I know! (Frantically waving hand in the air).

 

Suicidal ideation is seen as a way of retaining options for someone who feels they've lost alot of self-determination and freedom in their lives. You have alot of pluses in your life, but you also have alot of things that are quite daunting, and would be for anyone. I personally think you are going to be fine; I think you can actually do what you want with your life, but I don't underestimate the challenge. Maybe the potential for escape is a valuable card to have in your back pocket when it seems things could become unbearable. Me & my Swiss Army knife agree with you there.

[Dilly]

Excellent suggestions Dako (first post in thread), haven't finished this thread.

[Dilly]

God, after reading through them all, I really love this thread!

 

The following are quotes by Thomas Szasz, author of the Myth of Mental Illness and the Manufacture of Madness (link removed. I always like to remember that mental health care providers have made a living off of convincing or corroborating others' beliefs that they are "sick". I think this, in itself, is sick! Anyway, here are some quotes:

 

In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.

 

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

 

The proverb warns; "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself.

 

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

[Orlander]

Great thread, Dako and greart contributions from everyone.

 

I'm one of those people who believes I can change my emotions at will. I'm still working on it but have managed to turn very ugly emotional moments into strength. The Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins tapes help a lot too.

 

 

Orlander

[Dilly]

Wayne Dyer is wonderful! I saw a book tonight on a shelf and did not open it, but the title was something like "climbing on the bumps". The theme being to use your challeges as your starting blocks!!! What you say reminds me of the book's message.

[Lifesvictim01]

Nice possitive post, Thanks

[_Jaffa_]

I don't know why but reading this post struck a cord and I actually felt something....even got a few tears....maybe a combination of being drunk and feeling like crap...but I felt it. Which is weird cus lately I don't feel anything...I've just been drifting through life in a trance....get punched in the face and it doesn't even hurt, get smacked with a cricket bat and it doesn't hurt, get whatever done and you just lie there and let them do whatever they want because you're brain is like mush. And it's not even what you say.... "School, an uncertain future, a lack of money or experience for coping make it a painful time. Living under the whims of teachers, parents, bosses or the police" ..I mean maybe a little bit but theres more you know? Lots more. And if a normnal person can't cope with what you say then what hope have I got? I used to have it.....I used to be opitimistic and hope but after a while,when you try your hardest to change, and it doesnt happen it fades away and you're left like some empty shell with nothing. And you try to feel and think and eberything suddenly jumps out at you...like what you've done and what you've let happen and you don't know what to do so you cut and you drink and get high to block it out and this trance ure in gets deeper and then it gets like you dont even know youre name anymore and you wonder you are and it all builds in your head and things keep happening and that grows in your head and you can't say anything because people already think you're nuts and you dont want to look like a freak or an attention seeker or get the piss taken out of you so you keep quiet and you try and fade away but you feel like you're marked and that everyon eis looking at you so you just wanna fade away so you take pills so you dont notice people looking you and then you take too many but it feel sgood because youre out of it and dont know what the is going on so you think well maybe I can keep doing that or get that permanantly so you think about killing yourself and then it gets like an obsession and that sall you think about....the perfect plan...and i'm rambling now like some weirdo and i'm gonna get banned cus i swore but whatever.....sorry.

[apparentlynotalone]

Hello, this thread is somewhat comforting in an unusual way. I'm 19, turning 20 and I don't know WHY I am suddenly feeling this way; suddenly incredibly sad and alone..it's probably what Dako said in his first post, about being young with no direction, things are changing, lack of money and so on. School is perhaps the worst for me. I can't stand being under someone else's imposing time and strict university rules. I thought this was supposed to be a learning process but they herd us into one huge room and tell us we either get it, or don't. And I love learning too. Just on my own. "I was born intelligent but education ruined me" haha. Anyway, I am now dealing with an obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety problems. My doctor handed me a prescription for Zolof and if she thinks I'm going on that crap after a 5 minute consultation with her then she's on drugs herself.

 

I'm trying to get help but I don't have any money for therapy and it's kinda costly, and right now I'm looking for free councelling with no luck. Plus my living situation sucks. That's enough for now.