Now what...ex questions?

[OCD]

No, it's VERY clear what she is doing and why she is doing it. She wants to do what she wants while you pine for her and wallow in self-pity. It's an ego thing and it's power. That feeling of your ex still being there will fade once you stop all contact with her and it stays that way. Of course she is still there, she is still calling you. You're right, you have done everything for her to no avail, all the more proof she was not the one for you.

 

Thanks for this quote Kellbell...I keep going back to it. I've been pretty strong since I got those 2 calls from my ex that I didn't answer a couple of days ago. She didn't leave a message, but this morning I woke up and had this sinking feeling in my stomach...like I should have answered, but I know it's best that I didn't. I don't want to second guess myself, but as you said above, I've done all that I could and it's time to put my foot down. I mentioned to her that I don't want to get hurt again, I'm not interested in a friendship at this pointe, and if she would like to work it out then we can talk about it, oh and also the two coffee invites. So after mentioning all of that to her, why did she call these last two times without leaving a message?? To see if I'm serious?? She's not making sense...and hasn't called since yesterday morning. I have a feeling she'll call again soon and I hope I can be strong enough to not pick up. Thanks for being here...

OCD

 

OCD

[kellbell]

Hey there OCD!

 

You are doing great, some days are going to be harder than others. If it was important, she would have left you a message, just remember that.

[OCD]

Thanks Kell....I appreciate it. I'm hanging in there and starting to talk to different girls/people...it's very weird, but meeting new people also helps take my mind off of my ex. After all of this you would think I wouldn't still have feelings for her, but I do. I must be nuts!! lol. thanks!

 

OCD

[sibling295]

ocd - You sound just fine to me. Again , my opinion , is DO NOT CALL HER> AND DONT ANSWER HER CALLS> You've got to stay strong and get this girl out of your mind.

She has a child, right? You know this child is asking about you. BUt she needs to make the switch in her mind that she has made a mistake. You cannot control this. For your own sanity please stop thinking about her. You sound like you are doing great, I bet if you keep ignoring her - it'll make her break down. But you cant care about this. just keep going forward , you owe her nothing. No responses from you. She knows you were hurt and from what i have heard from my boyfriend when he broke up with me he was really hurt too. So they do hurt too. Stay strong- i come back here every other few days just to check up on you and make sure you are remaining confident and positive.

Happy Thanksgivivng man!

[OCD]

Wow Sib, thank you so much. I really appreciate that vote of confidence and I actually needed to hear that; sort of felt a little weak in the morning after those two calls that I didn't answer a couple of days ago, but I'm getting stonger talking to different girls/people and like you said moving forward. I actually might have another date Friday night, so I'm trying I hope you have a wonderful holiday too! Thanks for checking up on me once in while, that's really cool. Take care.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Good mornin' all,

Well, I actualy made it through Thanksgiving with NC what so ever...I felt pretty good the first part of the day hanging with family, checked out a movie, turkey the whole bit. Good time, then night came...those thoughts of my ex and who she was with started eating at me, but I tried to ignore them. She didn't call, but I'm thinking since I didn't answer her 2 calls a couple days ago she may have thought that I wouldn't answer if she did call. That's what I was thinking any way. I did hear from some girls that I've been speaking two the last few weeks so that made me feel a little better, but I still wanted to talk to my ex. Crazy huh?! Well I'm pretty prowd of myself for not picking up the phone last night to call her, I must admit it was pretty hard not to think about her especially right before I went to sleep. I went onto this site for support and read how NC works for the dumpee during the holidays and how it should send a strong message to the dumper...that really hit home for me and do hope that she was thinking about me too. Thanks for all of the advice...Now I just have to make it through the rest of this weekend....keep your fingers crossed

 

OCD

[nataliejulie]

Congrats, OCD! I'm so proud of you and your development through this

 

Same thing with me... NC, calls from interested people. Though, I don't think my ex see's this as a big Holiday so I'm not so sure about the strong message part

 

Keep going!

[OCD]

Thanks NatalieJulie, I'm trying to get through/over this. I do still have hope that down the road she'll want to come back, but I'm really not focusing on that like I used to. I suppose time does heal. I've gone back to NC, nothing, nada, ziltch! That is the only way to get a message accross to her I think. It was either NC or next time she calls lay it all out on the line to her how I don't want to speak to her, etc. That might ruin a second chance down the road so I figured NC is the way to go for me, just play it cool and ignore her. I just hope she gets it why I don't want to talk to her...do you think she'll realize that I was hurt and I don't agree with the way she's been handling things latley? Thanks.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

I went out on my date tonight and it went well. Had good food, drinks, and good conversation. Nothing serious...during the date guess who calls. Yes, my ex. I had my phone on vibrate and felt it go off. I didn't look to see who it was because I was with someone. About 10 minutes later it goes off again...This time I looked to see who it was because I thought they were really trying to get a hold of me. I saw it was my ex; all I did was smile and continued my conversation and ordered another drink. Had a great time...an hour later the phone rings again! It's my ex...this time I see that a message was left. This is the first message she has left me since our breakup (a little over 3 months). I didn't check it until the date was over. But I was really amazed that she called 3 times and that she actually left a message....all it said was "Hey 'ocd' it's T----, what's up? Give me a call, bye". That was it. It was said with a very soft voice, but yet with a curious tone to it. So I haven't called her back...I told myself that I need to stick to NC because of the games she's been playing and the effort I've been putting forth without anything in return. I'm going crazy over here wondering what it was she wanted to talk about...a few good folks here have said that I need to stick to NC which I totally agree with because she's been calling on and off just checking in to make sure I'm around. So perhaps if I don't pick up and really show her what life without me is like would change her mind. This has been 5 calls in one week that I didn't answer and she finally left a message. So I'm sure she's starting to wondering why I'm not answering and what's going on. I'm just looking for advice or someone to tell me not to call her back and be patient. I love her, but she needs to realize what a mistake she made and be willing to really talk about it and work it out, which is a door that I've left totally open. Thanks guys, help I'm going nuts and I know I shouldn't call her...thanks again.

 

OCD

[nataliejulie]

YAY! That is so awesome, I had a big joker grin from ear to ear!

 

STAY NC.... At least for a few more days. You know, curiosity killed the cat! Maybe not kill her per-say... more like, keep the kitty on her toe nails!

[Bigbilly]

I know you want her back, but I think your mindset to approaching all of this is wrong. You need to aceept the fact that your relationship with her is well and truly over and you need to envision another girl in your future, instead of her. You need to be prepared to be happy and live well without her.

Then, and only then, are you really going to be ready to discuss some sort of reconsilitation down the road. Think about it ...if you break NC, all you're doing is reassuring her that you're still waiting around for her, no matter what she does, and so once she's checked to see that you're where she left you, she's going to continue with the mixed signals and the BS. With you ignoring her, she is going to realize that you are out of her life for good, and that the messed up big. She'll do a lot of thinking; maybe she will decide it's time to seriously discuss your past relationship, or maybe it's time for her to move on as well. You need to prepare yourself for her to do the latter.

 

By the way, nice job on your date, keeping your phone turned off and not checking it. I hate it when I go on a date with a girl and she won't shut her f---ing phone off and give me her attention. Knocks a girl down several pegs right there.

[OCD]

Mornin',

Thanks BigB and NJ, I needed to hear that for sure. I was tossing and turning last night just thinking about it. You are right that I need to prepare for her to be out of my life for good, which is a very hard thing to do. I have sort of prepared myself for that. That's why I started going out with girls/people and doing things for myself and set new goals, etc. I just find it strange that I've basically told this person that I don't want to be "good friends" and that these calls I've been taking from her for the last month or so was only hurting me and that I needed to move on. But she still keeps calling???!! I think I communicated to her that the only way I want to talk to her is if she wanted to give our almost 2 yr. relationship another try and that I just couldn't open up to her since she decided to move on without me. But yet my phone keeps ringing. I don't know, maybe she's really confused and didn't understand what I ment be that and that 'she' hasn't fully prepared herself for 'me' being out of her life for good either....I'll try to stick to NC and see where it goes from there, but I'm not holding my breath like i used to Thanks again!

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hey there OCD!

 

You are doing great, some days are going to be harder than others. If it was important, she would have left you a message, just remember that.

Hi Kellbell, I was just going over the advice you have given me and remembered this one. My ex did leave me a message after calling 3 times last night. Look at the thread above for what she said.... I held NC and felt pretty good that I was able to do it. Of course I keep thinking about what she wanted to talk about??? I haven't gotten any calls today, but I hope this will at least get her thinking. So at this pointe I stay with NC and I'm not even sure what I'd say to her if I did answer. I think I've made it clear what I would like and what I wouldn't. But she still keeps calling, is she still sending mixed signals or perhaps she's starting to think? I don't know and I really shouldn't be thinking about it, but I can't help it. Thanks for any advice.

 

OCD

[kellbell]

Hi OCD!

 

Ok, you brought up a good point but she left you a message after calling and unsuccessfully getting a hold of you after 3 times in one evening. It would have been one thing if she called once and left you a message but after awhile this became a vendetta to her. Plus her message was pretty mudane, nothing very important or to call home about. The thought of you out with this new girl probably crossed her mind, I know if it were me, it would have.

Unless, she said something like, "hey OCD, I know things have been crazy the last few months and such, I just wanna wish you a Happy Thanksgiving," then it's just BS. She made the message about her and not for you.

I think you are really reading into this things a little too much. Go back and re-read your earlier posts about what she has done to you and made you feel and how much you have progressed since then. She has made this whole experience about her and doesn't even remotely consider how her actions will affect you. In saying that, do you really want her in your life as a partner, let alone as a friend?

Perhaps you can consider blocking her number from your cell phone or even changing it. This girl doesn't seem to get it. Or even really go out on a limb and tell her, you have moved on but this is still hard for you and you'd appretiate that she doesn't call you anymore.

 

You have come sooooo far, like I mentioned before, take some time and re-read some of your older posts if you haven't already and see for yourself. Try to stay strong and really try to get in thar frame of mind that you two are finito. The sooner you try, the better off you will be. I know it isn't easy but it is necesaary. I wish nothing but the best for you and try to hang in there. Take care.

[Regretfulman]

OCD, i'm in a similar situation with my ex right now and it is really hard dealing with the mixed messages. We have been broken up for 7 weeks, and she is almost always the one to call or send e-mails to me. Everytime we talk it starts out great, and then I ask her to hang out or I ask about "us" and soon the chat turns bad. She sounds so sweet when she calls, it's very misleading, very mixed signals, and it's not fun. She called me one day, and i didn't pick up. She called right back again, i didn't pick up. The next day she called me again right after she left work, and left me a one minute voice message. I let a few female friends of mine listen to her message, and they told me she wants me back, based on the tone of her voice. I can't go on that though, because i know this girl is confusing, and plays games. When i finally did talk to her, i got a totally different vibe from her, and i felt deceived, we got into a fight and that was it. I have since decided to never call again, and to not respond to her if she contacts me, it is the only way right now. The same holds true for you, stay strong and ignore her for once, it will work wonders, trust me

[kellbell]

Hi Regretful!

 

So sorry to hear about your break-up. I am going to have to disagree with your female friends. I will tell you why. Your ex is just being nice, and being nice doesn't mean she wants you back. I don't think it's mixed signals at all. It seems like mixed signals because you guys are at different points of the situation, you want different things, she wants to play nicey-nice because she broke up with you and feels bad and guilty and you are not over her and you want her back, so you are going to read the situation differently. Plus with the holidays coming up, all the more reason for letting bi-gones be bi-gones.

She keeps calling for the same reasons I explained to OCD. Silence speaks volumes and she wants to be in control of this situation at all times and when the control is taken away from her a little (i.e. you not picking up the phone when she calls), she panicks. She wants to keep you at arms length so she knows what you are up to while she moves on with her life. Men AND women do it but from my observations, women tend to do this more often.

Unless she calls you (without leaving meesages) and talks to you or tells you to your face that she wants you back, wants to work on things and such, everything else is nonsense. As you may have realized, don't talk the relationship talk, in fact I would not be talking to her at all. But it's your choice. Just take the situation for what it is and don't analyize or read too much into it, it hinders your healing time and your chances to move on. That's why I am a HUGE advocate of NC. I hope things work out for you real soon and wishing you all the best.

[OCD]

Thanks Kellbell, I think you're spot on. Actually after checking the voicemail that message was left after the first call, then she called 10 min. later and then an hour later; just to specify I am trying not to read too much into this...I'm sticking to NC and hoping that gives me time to heal. And perhaps wakes her up...I don't know what she's thinking. I thought I've been pretty clear about the phone calls and how I don't want to get hurt any more, blah blah. But yet that phone keeps ringing...I suppose that's why I got my hopes up lately because I think she's calling after thinking about what I told her. Any ways, I'm trying to move forward and the holidays are very hard, especially Thanksgiving. We had the best one ever last year, and I know she had to have been thinking about it like I was. That's why she must have called 3 times Sat. night. I don't know...Christmas was a different story last year....she gave my gift back to me and hurt me pretty bad, but we kissed and made up. Well I'm feeling a little better as I'm moving forward, but there is still that bit of feelings still there. I just wish she'd come around, but like you said unless she totally comes forward that she wants to work it out, it's just talk and her selfish ways. Thanks for the advice and I appreciate your views. Wish me luck about sticking to NC and I hope it all works out in the end. Thanks.

OCD

[OCD]

The thought of you out with this new girl probably crossed her mind, I know if it were me, it would have.

Also Kellbell, I told her that I've been out on a few dates, but nothing serious and that I'm not seeing anyone right now. She had no idea I was out on a date Sat. night...but since I didn't answer maybe she thought I was out?? What ever right, I so over putting all this energy and thought into this girl. Some days I'm great other days I'm so confused. It's weird. Yesterday I was thinking of her and this morning I wasn't really thinking at all. But it comes and goes. I just miss all of those great times we had. Moving forward now, thanks.

 

OCD

[kellbell]

Being a girl, I am pretty positive this crossed her mind, it always does. It's okay to miss all the good times you've had with her, memories a great but don't let it cloud your judgement. Don't forget about the bad times and this woman does not care how her actions affect you and you have told her repeatedly to stop and she hasn't. Really sums up her character. I am afraid there is nothing else you can do except ignore her calls.

[OCD]

Thanks Kell, I have not forgotten all of those lonely nights and heartache she put me through. I can't believe that she doesn't understand that she put me through all of that...well I've played it pretty cool this whole time and never really begged and pleaded. But I did tell her I was getting hurt, yeh you're right I've done all I could with her, I just have to ignore her calls, which I've done for a week now. If she really loves me she'll find her way back to me and make a bigger effort. Unless that happens I'm really moving forward and trying not to look back. Thanks again.

 

OCD

[Hawk]

OCD - if I could put all the bad feelings I have had over the last two months onto a giant replay tape and run that every time I miss what I had then I think it would help me - and I would love to have found this forum before I did the whole pleading and begging thing.

 

As corny as it sounds you are right - if she discovers that she really does miss you and love you she will try to come back - just don't put yourself on hold for this.

[OCD]

Thanks Hawk, that's pretty much all I can do now is move forward and hope that she'll miss me and make a larger attempt at coming back. Originally I gave her plenty of space, no call, texts, emails, nothing for almost 2 months then the calls started coming in. I waited until call #8 or 9 until I picked up. Just casual talk nothing serious and then that's it. After having a dialogue for a few more calls I decided to make my first call. That's when she opened up about how sorry she was for walking away without a reason, blah blah, and also she said that she wouldn't rule anything out for the future. So we chatted a few more times after that, only she was calling. One morning she called me and I asked her to coffee, she said yes but that she'd have to call me back with a time...she never did. I asked her again later on and then she asked for a 'rain check'. That's when I finally got upset. Everytime she called she wanted to know about everything I was doing, where, when, why, how, with who. I finally realized that she was playing games and wasn't thinking about how she was treating me at all or how I was feeling about what she had to say. I finally hit the wall. One of the calls I mentioned that these calls were hurting me, and I wasn't interested in being a friend and accepting calls as a friend. I just couldn't do it. But she continues to call even up until over the weekend when I got 3 calls and message in the same night?! I'll be honest I still think about her and especially over the holiday we just had here in the states. It was very hard and I'm positive she was thinking about me. She is human I think Well I'll try not to dwell on her tonight and I'll try to get her out of my mind so I can sleep soundly. I came to this forum to find out what I should do to have another chance with her, and I've done everything I could to a 'T'. Played it cool, gave her space, never pleaded or begged, called her only twice in a little over 3 months, I also sent 2 funny emails within that time, but that was it. And it did sort of work as far as her contacting me...she still does! I've mentioned to her that I only want to talk if we could give our r'ship a second chance...is that the reason she was calling over the weekend? I'm not sure, but she didn't really specify very well if she was serious about it. So I continue with NC now, even during the hardest time of the year...She has a surgery coming up in a couple of weeks and her birthday too. I have no idea what to do about that? I suppose nothing because I'm giving her exactly what she wants....life without me Thanks.

 

OCD

[Trax]

She has a surgery coming up in a couple of weeks and her birthday too. I have no idea what to do about that? I suppose nothing because I'm giving her exactly what she wants....life without me Thanks.

 

OCD

 

 

Thats exactly what you should do....nothing. You owe her nothing. She ended it with you, thereforeeee severing all ties that come along with you. You're doing really well. I kind of wish I was in your position, but you've made it clear to her that you only want to talk if she's interested in getting back together. I say leave it at that and continue NC.

[OCD]

Thats exactly what you should do....nothing. You owe her nothing. She ended it with you, thereforeeee severing all ties that come along with you. You're doing really well. I kind of wish I was in your position, but you've made it clear to her that you only want to talk if she's interested in getting back together. I say leave it at that and continue NC.

 

Thanks Trax for the vote of confidence. I know that's what I need to do, NC, be strong, etc. But it is very difficult during this time of year. I made it through the Thanksgiving week some how without answering or calling her back, I keep wondering what she's thinking on why I never picked up. Why is it that I feel so strong when I got those 2 calls then 3 calls, then a couple of days later I feel like junk? I had some crazy dreams about her last night that kept me up....nothing sexual, but just her in different settings etc. I need to block her out of my mind...I'm having a "weak moment" kind of day...thanks for the support...

 

OCD

[Dogg]

hey ocd,

at least you know that in one way or another she IS thinking about you, and apparently she IS thinking about you quite often. Man, I would give anything for that, a simple phone call, text or something that I COULD ignore. I got a message from her on thankisgiving, didn't respond, then like a complete LOSER broke down two days later or so and more or less poured my heart out to her in 2 or 3 gay text messages like a tool.

 

Just be careful man, I know there are times when ignoring her attempts to contact you feels good, but just liek you said above about having a "weak" moment kind of day, you find yourself doign what I did and making yourself look vulnerable and again, liek a complete tool box. DON"T BE LIKE ME!!!!!!!