Has this happened to any of you ??

[TIGRONETTE]

My bf of 5 years left me for someone else

(well dumped me so he could sleep with her)

 

and turns out now that he's getting married to someone he's 'officially' been going out with for 5 months

 

i've backtracked and there's no way he could have known her for more than 8 months

 

i spoke to a friend who works as a psychologist and she said this 'rebound wedding' phenomenon more common than you'd think

 

Is it ??

[annie24]

I definitely know of people who have done that. They tell their gf they can't handle a committment, they break up, and 3 months later, he is married to the type of girl he swore he'd never date.

 

Yes, it seems to me it's pretty common. Don't worry too much about it. I hate to sound really mean or anything, but the chances aren't really great of "rebound weddings" working out. You just focus on you

[Hope75]

Unfortunately it's more common than we'd like to think. My ex and I broke up (my choice, he had lied to me about some pretty major stuff) and within a year he was married to someone else. It hurt alot, he was someone I saw myself marrying.

 

Know what though? Things do happen for a reason. I have now met the man I will marry, and we've been together for 3 years now. This man isn't worth your tears. He's just getting out of the way so the real love of your life can come in when the time is right.

 

Hang in there. You will be OK.

[Zerohero]

I heard of this, all though I never heard of it lasting very long. Common 4 months?

[hellogoodbye]

If the guy dumped you how is that a rebound marriage? would it only be a rebound if the dumpee were to get married? Not trying to be rude just want to understand.

[michelemybell]

The definition of rebound is "to recover from setback or frustration" so his relationship may be classified as a rebound.

I think he's in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, and is up for a rude awakening. He doesn't really know this woman. Life is going to suck for him really soon.

I'm sorry you are going through this Tigronette. I agree with the other posters--This is a blessing in disguise for you, even though it doesn't feel too good right now. All I can say is that you're better off without him--Any guy who does this doesn't sound like a winner to me.

[hellogoodbye]

I dont think thats a rebound relationship. He doesnt exactly sound like a winner but his relationship may work who knows? If he were the poster and not her I doubt everyone would be so quick to say that it wont. Just have faith that your true love is out there, worry less about his realtionship and more about creating new ones.

[RayKay]

"Rebound" relationships are not exclusive to dumpees in my experience. Technically a rebound is when you have not dealt with the issues from the last relationship, healed, moved on, and are not in a state to see the other person for whom they are - you fall for the fantasy/idea of them. Dumpers also have a lot to deal with, even if they broke it off. Sometimes they have more then the dumpee in fact.

 

I have seen both dumpees and dumpers "rebound" into relationships, and yes some of these were into marriage.

 

If it were the poster bounding into a marriage so soon, I would be just as likely to tell her she needed to be cautious, and take her time to get to know the new person and the relationship itself.

 

Anyway, yes, they do happen. I have seen them happen. Some of them worked out(one of them being my ex whom got married within a year after the breakup) , some of them (more of them) did not work out as the issues from the past relationship carreid through, the person fell for the "lust" feelings and once the honeymoon stage was over (and they were already married) realities set in. I have also seen them last, but both people were miserable as they felt they had to honour the commitment, yet they really did not like each other after all...so is that "successful?". Odds are against them...not impossible, but not exactly glowing.

 

Well, any guy that dumps you to sleep with someone else is not worth your time anyway. You can do much better, and you will in time. And you will meet someone whom treats you 100% as you deserve and need, and you will do same in return, and you will both just know it's right, and be committed to one another.

[michelemybell]

Hellogoodbye, If he were the poster, I'd say this: Take the time to get to know someone. You dont get married after knowing someone for four months. And please, please wait before having children! Because a guy who cheats on someone he was with for 5 years and wants to marry the chick he cheated on with (she sounds like a winner too) really cant be trusted and is not a good catch in my book.

[bleeder]

Hi Tigronette,

 

RayKay has provided a good explanation on the meaning of a real rebound.

 

Yes, rebound marriages are very common these days, and that goes for rebound relationships as well. In reality, no one can tell whether someone is experiencing a rebound but that person him/herself. We all have different healing capabilities. Some can take weeks, some would take months and some even take years.

 

You should move on and forget about him totally. As much as you have been with him for 5 years, his actions have proven to you that it is not worth the effort to even think about him. Keep your sights on the horizon.

 

As a sidenote, your avatar rocks Annie!

[newts]

Hi Tigronette,

 

I am sorry you are going through this, I know how you feel as the same thing happened to me.

 

I kicked my ex out of the house as I felt he was being dis-respectful and childish about grown up issues. He moved all of this things out within 2 weeks, all that time he kept telling me he couldn't be without me etc... We ending up getting back together and we were really working things out. We decided that we would wait 6 months before we moved back in together - just to make sure we were doing the right thing.

 

Well, 3 months after he moved and things seemed to be going well we had a huge fight over yet again - his drinking! I refused to speak to him and after a week he finally called me, again I ignored him, he came over and told me that I'm not the one for him because I judge him too much... and he had started seeing somebody else who was a mutual friend of a friend.

 

I was really hurt, however, I knew it was for the best. I chased him for 2 weeks trying everything I could to win him back, then I realised I was not being true to myself and I can't make somebody change their mind, so I backed off. Within days he was calling me and coming over un-announced... I would ask him if he was still with this girl and he would say yes, we are just really good friends, I don't love her though and would keep asking me to sleep with him as he really missed me. I made the mistake once and then he backed off, I felt so used and sent him a really nasty letter asking him to leave me alone. He did for a few days and then kept calling again..It was taring me apart - I made the decision I had to just back off as I was not moving on. I ignored all of his calls and he would call at least 15 times a week and leave messages. He got so frustrated he turned up at my work. We had a talk for 1 hour and he was crying telling me how confused he was with his life. I asked him if the relationship he was in was serious he said I think so... I said do you love her - I think so... I said this conversation is over. He chased me and said I just miss you so much, you are my best friend, If I can't talk to you about this who can I talk to? I said, your girlfriend? and left.

 

The next day I ran into his best friend in the city and he told me he had been engaged for 2 weeks. So after 7 weeks with this girl and constantly trying to contact me he was ENGAGED.. so yes this stuff does happen.

 

I have moved on now, thank goodness, I am still not seeing anybody, however, I threatened him if he ever contacted me again I would get the police invovled. Guess what? He still does contact me and he is miserable - i know this may make me sound a little shallow, however, it made me so happy when he told me he was still in love with me and he was just sooooo miserable. He stays as he feels he needs to honour his commitment..haha, what commitment?

 

I feel so great that even though I still love him and want him, I believe I would be letting myself down if I ever accepted him back.

(the other day she found out that he has been contacting me and she left him...obviously they are back together cause I haven't heard anything from him since he called me to tell me the sad story).

 

Chin up, life is great without having bad, dis-respectful people in your life.

 

Good luck.

[nataliejulie]

I'm really embarrassed to say... and I never ever ever talk about it..

 

I was in a relationship for 3 years. I was totally in love with this guy, first love, lived with him.. then we split. Two months later, I started dating this guy who was the total opposite of my ex.

 

I don't know what in God's name I was thinking, but he proposed to me a month after we started dating and I said yes.

Two months after that, I literally had a panic attack infront of his family. They were all discussing a house, a family, a future... I freaked out, couldn't breathe... and we broke up a month after that. I freaked out because this wasn't the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, this wasn't the way I wanted to get married.. to be honest, around the end of this fling, I couldn't STAND HIM.

 

What was I thinking? I don't know, I will never know. A part of me thinks that the heart break of my relationship prior to that made me hate the dating game and thought it would be better to just give in the towel and settle down. Of course, I have not spoken to him since. heh