dmntired Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Man, I don't know where to begin. My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 10 years. He is remarried; and to the girl he was cheating on me with. Just recently, he was very unhappy with his current marriage. Turns out the grass wasn't greener and she was not the person he thought she was. We were seeking reconciliation for several months but it ended with the phrase "WRITE THIS DOWN SO THAT YOU DON'T FORGET!", the rest is irrelevant because those words were painful enough. Life goes on and so did I. That was seven weeks ago. 5 since we had last spoken. The problem is he's back again. Trying to win my heart so he says. He used my b-day as an excuse to come and see me, bringing beautiful flowers and a lovely card. A day that I could care less about. Our problem was that we married young, respect, and him not coming home at night. Since then we both have changed a lot, mostly for the better. The problem for me is that this is not just about good sex. We love spending time with each other and each others kids. We want the same thing for our lives and our children. When we see each other again it's like we've never parted. But we did. In short, I don't know how to be just his friend without missing, wanting, needing my husband. All of him. I go on with my life; he shows up. Why does this man keep coming back? Why does he feel the need to be my friend? Why can't we get closure? If he is so unhappy why doesn't he just leave the situation he's in. Im tired of feeling like this. Loving him, not having him. This not a place I want to be in. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I'm not sure I understand...he says he just wants to be friends or does he want more? Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 The problem is he's back again. Trying to win my heart so he says. He used my b-day as an excuse to come and see me, bringing beautiful flowers and a lovely card. A day that I could care less about. This sounds flirtatious but then in the rest of your post, it sounds like he wants to be just friends. Link to comment
dmntired Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 I don't know what he wants or why he came back. Link to comment
PartlySunny Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 What's the timeline involved.. you said you've been divorced from him for 10 years, how long were you married? How old were both of you when you got married to each other? When did he start up with this other woman? And how long has he been married to her? When did he start having problems with her? And have you been friendly with him or in contact with him for the whole 10 years since the divorce? Link to comment
dmntired Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 I was 18 he was 24. Not sure when it started. We were married about 5 years. Estranged. They've been married a few years. Problems started about a year later. We've been some sort of friends most of our divorce but there has been plenty of time with no contact. I've been with others and so has he. Link to comment
dmntired Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 I know i'm new here. but some help please. Link to comment
melrich Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Well I am not too sure what it is you are asking here but if you are asking should you get involved with him again I'd say only if he has sorted out what he is doing in his current marriage. That means to be with you he has left the current marriage . Otherwise I would stay well clear of the shrapnel. Link to comment
DN Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Many people do return to first loves or first marriages - that connection seems to be stronger sometimes. But he should be absolutely free of any other relationship before you embark on anything with him. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I don't know what he wants or why he came back. Ask him. I think it's odd that a married man would send a woman other than his wife flowers if he is not interested in her or playing games with her to get a reaction. What do you want (if anything) from him? As much as its important to find out what he wants,I think you need to first and foremost ask yourself what you really want out of this situation. Link to comment
wynterose Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Why does this man keep coming back? Why does he feel the need to be my friend? Why can't we get closure? If he is so unhappy why doesn't he just leave the situation he's in. Im tired of feeling like this. Loving him, not having him. This not a place I want to be in. sounds to me like you just answered your own question. This is NOT a place you want to be in... then don't. Link to comment
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