I don't know what to do...

[heartbroken84]

Boyfriend of 2 years broke things off for good on July 10 2005...have been grieving for 2 months. His reasons were for space etc...we had been living together and were pretty fed up with eachother. Slowly feeling a bit better and having the attitude that he is missing out on a good thing (me!).

 

Now, I have had a lot of time to truly reflect on the situation. I have realized what I have done wrong and could have done better. And honestly I feel confident in myself, have lost a lot of weight ( which was the core of my insecurities, and I have seeked counseling for an abortion that he an I went through 2 years ago), new living environment....so I am happier. I would like to give our relationship a new fresh start and build a balanced trusting relationship. I still love him and am willing to forgive and forget.

 

The trouble is how do I communicate this to him? without sounding so desperate and needy? I do not want to push him farther.. He has not tried contacting me whatsoever. He is turning 21 this in 2 weeks, so I know he probably will not want to think about a relationship....any suggestions?

[juls28]

guys mature so much slower than girls. he sounds like he's at about 21 right now.

you sound like you are taking some steps to make your life better and you've started to feel the initial benefits of this, now you want to show him how far you've come. I wouldn't contact him. it's still early for you. focus on yourself. take your time. do new things.

you'r too yougn to be wasteing time on this many relationship problems.

[nataliejulie]

Simple: treat him like a friend.

[JuStAgIrL31806]

Yeah, i believe you should treat him like a friend also. Dont push anything...dont let him know you want him back. Maybe one night you could call him, and just start a friendly conversation. Tell him how well you are doing and ask him how he is doing. Maybe that will make him realize what he is missing.

[heartbroken84]

The hard part is that we were in an intense relationship...so I feel like he can't imagine having a balanced relationship with me. I am impatient, I just don't know when to or how to.....cause I'm still interested in more.

 

Well, I don't even know if I have a shot at being a friend because perhaps he thinks I still want to get back with him...which I do..

[here2understand2]

well maybe you love him or maybe these are feelings which were kindled due to the separation, if you want to feel better take my cue and leave him and his life alone, live yours as happily as you can, sooner or later he'll come knocking on your doors to find out how u;ve been doing..you need to put up an impression that yhou've moved on and that you dont need him...so go out and date people, make friends and dont worry about him, you write in your post that both of you were fed up with each other, and so maybe whatever happened happened for the best, maybe both of you would realize the importance of what you had, in the future and work things out,..but till then hold on to those tears and those calls, you dont've to let him know anything, just let it go for now. hope this helps, be strong!

[acuraman]

Do not contact him because he hasn't made any effort in contacting you. Stick to NC regardless of his birthday or not. You will sound needy and clingy if you call him.

 

You said that you were happier and found confidence in yourself when the two of you broke things off. You should continue to reflect on yourself and your goals and forget about this person.

[DamagedGoods]

HeartBroken84,

 

UHG! I can TOTALLY feel your pain. You're almost exactly where I am. I can see the mistakes that I made and feel like I'm in a much better place because of it. I also feel like if I don't give my ex another chance now that I know so much more about myself, I'll always wonder whether or not it would have worked out with the New & Improved me.

 

I think the friend-thing is the way to go, but I also see juls28, here2understand2 and acuaraman's points of view. You can't make someone want to come back to you no matter how hard you try. Just because you can see changes you've made doesn't mean he'll be able to take a fresh look or even want to. The ideal situation would be for him to contact you but that's hard to wait for and may not even happen.

 

If you really can go into it thinking being friends would work as a first step that would be my recommendation but then again...

 

WHY CAN'T SOMEONE JUST TELL US WHAT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO?!??!

 

Good Luck Heartbroken94. Keep us posted, because I'm dying to know how it will all turn out.

 

DamagedGoods

[heartbroken84]

Well, we have been back at university for a week now. I am tempted to call and be like "hey want to go for a walk around campus?". I wish and hope it would be like before where he would say yes. However, I'm scared of the rejection--well maybe not...whats the worst he could say? no?

 

I just don't know. I know I can't change how he feels...I know that, and I would only want him to work things out if he wanted to. Cause I want him to be happy. It would be a perk if we could have feelings for each other, but not the end of world if we don't. It just baffles me how a person can just drop a person cold turkey and not want to have anything to do with em. But thats just my perspective.

 

But....yes so trying to think of ways to initiate some kind of contact in the form of a friendship...and also when to contact...now or later?