here2understand2

Hey, So I dated this girl a long time ago..more on the story at Today, I was sitting outside my lab, grabbing a coffee and a smoke and she passed me by..looked at me & smiled, I didnt and just looked away..she walked another 50-60 ft, got talking to a guy and then when she finished talking to him..turned back and walked up to me to say "hi". We talked for 15-20 mins and it looked like she was reminiscing/maybe missing the old days. We talked mostly about what we wanted to do with life and life after graduation and a little about the past..she ended up saying "So I just wanted to say "hi" and I know I've been a real b***h to you and you are one person who doesnt deserve that". She told me she had a bf (and I kinda knew she had one) and that he'd asked her to marry him but she didnt wanna get married, honestly I got the feeling that she doesnt want to settle down with him. She asked me what my plans were about marriage and I said that I dont plan to have one for a long time. She sounded confused with what she wanted to do after graduation, said she wanted to be a dance teacher instead of being a chemical engineer. I have 6 months to go before I graduate and I'll be out of this place and maybe never get to see her again, anyone in this situation? This girl brings out emotions in me like anything..about the only girl i've truly selflessly loved and its been a hard track to try and get over her and thought I'd finally done it before she walked up to me and now I am a little bit of a mess. Thanks for reading, send in any comments about this post.

happened to me quite a bit dude, dont worry.. keep trying, take it in your stride and move on!

Get rid of her, I absolutely hate it in women, I've dated 2 women who just wouldnt shut up no matter what telling me things that I didnt need to know like who said what about whom...I dont think my life/time is worth getting into all of that, they both lasted less than a month..so if I were dating your gf, there's no way I'd have gone 3 years..kudos to you..sorry for being so harsh..but hey if you cant take it now can you take it for the rest of your life if you two do end up getting together? I think you should have a serious conversation and give her a chance (personally I dont think thats gonna change situations) but I think after being with her for 3 years..she deserves one..and then go about it!..just my view on things that I am putting out..good luck!

welcome to the world of guys and get used to the feeling..but instead of feeling down, work on it and never ever give up..who knows maybe she was just having a bad day when you went up and talked to her or whatever..something which you dont've any control over..so then why worry about it..instead do what you feel is right, become interesting, develop an awesome personality, communication skills and always always believe in yourself...as a guy initiating conversations with women, you're already in a very small percentage..so feel proud to be a guy with guts! and the rest will follow!..good luck! For the record, you're doin much better than I was at 16..not to say that I've been very successful but I've been much better at the dating game than when I was 16!

I think you guys have shared quite a bit over the years and in different forms of relationship..there exists a bond to which both of you relate to..I think he's scared that he might end up falling in love with you if you two were to have your little summer romance and might hurt him too much after you move away...thats why the guilty look in his eyes and him being afraid to see you much..I'd say you guys need to have a talk..and I think a small talk would do the trick..because you suggested the little summer romance thing which led to things going sour, I think you should be the one initiating this talk I see you guys as the best of friends and the only thing apart from that you guys can have now is a long term thing..you;ve just become too close for even a short term or FWB kinda relationship....with you two moving to different states and different lives..the long term seems a difficult option..but then why ruin a perfectly fine emotionally satisfying friendship for dating? So I'd say go ahead and let him know what you think and arrange a small friendly chat..hope this helps! good luck! Also, try and look at the situation as if you're whole life has past you by and you're looking back at things you did and didnt do in your lifetime..maybe that'll change your perspective..you know what I mean?

LOL! thanks DiggityDog, I think I knew what was happening even before I wrote my OP..I guess I just didnt realize it all that well..sometimes when a couple of people out there analyze the situation and tell you..it does come accross much better..nyways..thanks for the advice, I know I'd have to deal with some facts and deal I will..This way I know I wont've too many regrets when I am done with life! everybody for the inputs!

I think I made a mistake in my original post there it wasnt supposed to be "4-5 days ago", it was 4-5 days after I originally asked for her number..I think that prompted you response thinking that I took a good 3-4 months before I called her when infact I called her only 4 days after I took her number..my bad!

jee, thanks for all the responses, I totally agree with "chai" and all members who share that viewpoint..from my past experience and all your opinions, I think I've wasted far too much time on this girl, I did almost everything "copyb ook" (i.e. if there's any such thing), called her when I took her number and then when I ran into her and she suggested hanging out..I guess this one beats the dust and am gonna let it go. Amazing, how women cant even realize(let alone appreciate) how difficult it is to be a guy and work up all the courage to do stuff to make her feel special (especially if you live in a city like I do where the number of men outnumber women by a distance and the probability of every women you approach being taken is pretty high) and how women can just stubb all that out...nyways, shes a gonner and yeah Chai..i did delete her number from my cellphone yesterday..she's history, sad that we'd never know what could've been but hey i think its more of her loss..later! and thanks a bunch for reading!

hey, thanks for reading, this is about a girl I've known for almost 7-8 months now..we always have amazing conversations and i think its something that we both will agree on..Once in Feb I asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime and she said yes and gave me her phone number..i called her up 4-5 days ago on a wednesday evening to see what she'd planned for the weekend but she never returned my call. I called her once more a week or so later but same result..no call back. This is something i really hate because it just seems so disrespectful. I know that girls have a way of letting men know that maybe they dont want to hang out but it can be done in a much more subtle way(by sayin that you're busy or something a couple of times) but I hate it much when they dont even bother to call you back. So I ran into this girl a couple of days ago while playing softball and we talked for a while and then at a friends babrbecue the very next day. We'd a good time talking(as usual..) and I talked about hanging out sometime and again she was pretty positive about it...before I could seal the deal(by asking her specifically for something) she'd to leave. Anyways, I called her a day later to see (i.e. Saturday) and left her a voice message askin if she wanted to play golf sometime..but again..no call back and its Monday today. I've seen this happen before but usually if she's not interested she doesnt usually talk about hanging out sometime and then never call back..any perspectives on whats happening here girls and guys? I am pretty pissed off at this girl for being rude and dicey, maybe am better off without her indecision making but at the same time she's an amazingly intellectual women. Its not like I've been calling her to set up a date..I just want to hang out since we usually have an awesome time talking. Its not that I havent thought of dating her..I have but hangin out is what I want it to be for now...so any thoughts on this girl..people? and thanks again for reading..later!

true very true, when 'she' fell for me some of her friends didnt exactly like me, but she didnt care all that much, yes their opinions might've counted in our breakup..but I still maintain that what people think has nothing to do with what two individuals feel about each other. 007, they might be happy right now, maybe the novelty of the whole situation hasnt worn off..so hang in there and see how things are 2-3 months down the line..as for me, I dont think the day is far when I'll be paying her a visit, it'll be difficult for me to control my emotions tho and I know It'll be damn difficult for her too..so I guess I'll really have to keep my cool.

my friend I think you need to leave him alone to let him sort out his issues, sometimes for the good of a person you care about you've to be stern and harsh but its for their own good..I think he needs to get stronger, if he's the same age as yours he hasnt seen too many heartbreaks, so he clings to you..but believe me if you two try to be friends and not lovers right now..it'll make things messy and much more difficult to handle..tell him that we shouldnt talk and you cant be friends with him atleast for now..thats my take on all of this!good luck!

007, hang in there, i know it hurts but if she's happy with someone let her be, afterall if you were to get her back and she doenst end up being happy neither are you..so if she's to come back it has to be her will there's nothing that you can do to force yours on the whole situation. As far as my girl is concerned I love her alright, but I dont know if she's the one I'd like to spend my life with, but I'd like to find out because she came pretty darn close and I feel there's something unfinished between us..something that ended abruptly for no good reason due to two silly people fighting over mundane things, from being the best of friends who shared everything to a couple in love to a hatefest..all in the matter of 5 months or so. I think what you need to do is to stop relating to anything and everything that is related to her, so you dont need to meet people who she knows, go to places she goes to or things like that..remember that your reaction to your friends information would've reached her and she'd come to know that you havent moved on..somthing that wouldnt attract her in the very first place. On the other hand if she comes to know that you're seeing someone or going places she might think more about you and the one that got away and got over her so easily..so you'll have to make some more efforts my friends, I am not asking you to use someone..just go out and meet people and try to be fair to them adn yourself. If it gets to the point that she's getting married to him or planning to in the next 6 months or so then I think you should just walk up to her and tell her how you feel..whatever the outcome atleast you'll not regret the whole thing.

Thanks for all the replies, bobo85..yes its true that I am scared of getting hurt and especially by her because when we broke up I was pretty dysfunctional for a good 4-5 months..could hardly get to work. I cant afford to go through that at this point in my career. Knowing myself, I think shortly I'll be taking a risk to go talk to her..my philosophy is to regret as few a things when I am done with life..and I know I'll regret this one if I dont talk to her. SusserTod : am glad that she's outta your system but do you regret not making a move coz you were too scared and then losing her? I am not scared of losing her, I am scared of not making a move and regretting it for the next 20 years, of not knowing what could've been if we two were sane in our relationships. 007, I know how it feels so you'd have to hang in there..maybe you do truly love her but that shouldnt mean that you cant date..so go out make some more friends and date people, pick up a hobby..improve yourself..challenge yourself to know more about yourself and dont worry about who she;s dating. If you feel the same about her when you've tried desperately to forget about her then you've reached the situation I am in right now...cant guide you from there..still finding out on my own. Nubianlove: I think I saw this one coming from someone and I know this is a risk that I'lll have to take..I usually dont wear my heart on my sleeve..with her I did. I am scared like hell, I've a deadline this saturday that I am running late to beat and thats been kinda my excuse for not doing it but come next week there're no more excuses. Situations like these, I dont know how people wear a smile..I guess I'll have to play it by ear and just take a shot FCtex: thanks a bunch, I like your approach, I've had that kinda approach in the past and so I can relate to it..lately its been difficult to apply that approach so freely but I see what you're saying and I guess you know what I am gonna do! just thinking about it..I mean why does all of this have to be so darn difficult..afterall I asked her out (which took quite a few guts..coz I liked her the very first time I saw her) and then did all sortsa crazy things for her which I dont think I'd ever do in my sanest mind and afterall she's a human being too who (I know for sure) has got a soft corner for a thing in the past..so why does it seem all difficult!

Hey, Its been a long time since I wrote anything on here and've been focussing more on my career than anything else, there's a girl I dated for 5 months about 2.5 years ago and since then I've dated 3 awesome wonderful girls and have cared for them but not loved them. The girl in question (the one I dated 2.5 years ago) is definitely the one I love and maybe thats the reason I've never been able to give myself fully to these 3 other girls. I never wanted anything physical with this girl, I was pretty happy just caring about her and making her happy. Its been 2.5 years and truthfully not a day has gone by when I havent thought about her, sometimes I've found myself thinking about her when I am in bed with someone. Our breakup was pretty bitter and I think it was more because of me being a bit immature and not giving her enough space. She did try to get in touch with me about a year after we broke up coz she wanted to be friends but I did not respond because I wanted to get over her. 6 months later I sent her a couple of emails(which she never responded to), the emails were basically a 'hey, how u doin" kinds with the latter one trying to make peace and forgetting everything/anything bitter happening between us. I havent had any contact with her for over a year now. She knows I care about her and respect her and I know she feels the same about me. We hardly see each other, dont even talk even if we see each other..2 weeks ago it was her birthday and I was standing outside a building..leaning against the wall and smoking..she walked from one building to another and she saw me, turned her head to confirm it was me..looked down, kinda reminiscing and then turned her head again to see if I was seeing her way. I was wearing sunglasses so she couldnt see if I was noticing her but I think she knew I could've been. She knows that I care about her too much and would never interfere with her life now that I am not a part of it and I know she cares about me too. The thing that's driving me crazy is that all my attempts to get over her have been almost futile, a part of me keeps pushing me to try and keep getting over her(which I think is gonna take a lifetime) and another part questions me about why I cant walk up to her, talk to her and maybe see if she feels anything for me. I guess its gonna take a hell lotta courage to walk upto her and be like old times..but a part of me just doesnt want to wait and then regret all of this. I dont think I am gonna ever truly get over her coz I've loved her too much and still do...any suggestions on what you would do if you were in a situation like this? I am sorry if I've made this post too long and thanks very much for reading.

phew!..It sure did not look like that she wasnt interested in hanging out again, I mean there was absolutely nothing wrong with the first time, I've been in situations like this before and you get a vibe that a 2nd date isnt going to materialize and I've been right i'd say most of the time!..There's no way for me to find out if she is getting the messages that I left on her cellphone voicemail..I probably am gonna give her one last call/email tomorrow and then call it quits..it'd be strange if a 2nd time doesnt materialize coz I sure didnt see this coming..if she's playing hard to get then she sure's doing a good job but lets see what materializes tomorrow