If I continue N/C will she forget about me !!!!!!!!!!

[scorchio]

I feel so week today

 

apart from a few hiccups,

and I do miss my ex and her daughter so so much,

 

The N/C has been for about 3 1/2months, it is helping me heal, I am slowly moving on,

 

but YES OF COURSE I still want them back.

 

I feel so weak today, I want to text her anything, picture message , no writing.

 

I feel if i dont get in contact, she will forget about me,

 

worried that, she will forget me and if she changes her mind in the future I would have become a distant memory because of no contact and she wouldnt come back ......................................

 

Am I being silly ! if there is N/C does that mean they will forget or think its not an avenue to get back if they change there mind.

 

 

HELP!!!!!!

[Satin]

Hi Scorchio. I hate to say it but you sound ANYTHING but healed from this. In fact if you contact her and she DOESN'T answer, it might set you back 3 1/2 months. All of your post (that I have read) have implied how weak you are and how bad you feel and how much you miss them. After 3 1/2 months, you should be at least halfway through these emotions. Something tells me...and I could be wrong...that you are simply waiting for the right time to "strike" and stir something inside her, when you should not be thinking that at all. Your thoughts should be on yourself . Not her.

I hope your day gets better.

[misery12]

Exactly, each minute you waste fussing over her, the less time you have with the woman that is actually right for you.

She has moved on, think of it as your benefit, if she was going to come back, don't you think she would have at least sent you an email by now?

 

I think the only sign you're going to get.. is no sign at all, and let that be enough, and be your motivation to move on, chin up.. and find the woman that is right for you, and will be with you forever.

[shes2smart]

Much as I'd like to with some of them, I haven't been able to "forget" any exes....makes no difference if I was the dumper or dumpee, they're still in my memory. So, I doubt you will be forgotten.

 

Human nature being what it is, if she wants you back nothing would stop her from finding you. If she doesn't want you back, nothing would make her come looking for you.

 

I'm with the other 2 replies on this. Let it go. Move on.

[chai714]

If I continue N/C will she forget about me !!!!!!!!!!

 

 

The short answer is no. Unless she gets in a car accident, hit with a baseball bat in the head, or falls off of a cliff chances are she won't forget about you.

 

The more time that elapses without contact, the more likely it is that she thinks about you less frequently. If you're not emotional about her and can handle contact, go for it. Otherwise, wait until you can be in control again before making contact.

[alphonsefa]

No, don't, cotact her, it will set you back, as someone has previously posted. You are likely to not get the response you envision from her and it's going to make you more depressed. Take my case, it's been every bit of a soap opera! After the last breakup with her, I sent my usual email and then made 1 call and she greeted me coldly! I was hurt, and still am. But I went total N/C for 3 months, and the strange part is that I was feeling great and the thoughts of her and I together started to grow more distant. I thought, "she let 3 months pass and didn't contact me at all. Well I guess I know where I stand as far as importance in her life". Surely if she cared for me she wouln't have let 3 months pass! Well one night the phone rings and it's her. She said she just wanted to see how I was doing. So I kept the conversation to out careers, no personal stuff at all was discussed. We say goodbye and I hear nothing more from her. Three weeks pass and I stop at the mall store where she works, just to say hello and see how she was doing. We talk for about 10 minutes, again mostly about superficial issues. We say goodbye and then two more weeks pass. During our conversations, she told she was up fo a Manager's job. So I let the two weeks pass and I called, said hello, asked how she was doing, asked how her daughter has been, and asked if she had gotten the job she interviewed for. I was met with one word answers! I never did anything to this girl, in fact, I treated better than anyone ever has (her words, not mine). Feeling like an idiot on the other end of the phone (ever try to have a conversation with someone who is giving you one word answers?), I say, "well I just called to see how you were doing, take care", and then I hung up. Her calling me actually set me back. The strange part is that life in general has never been better, I've formed a partnership with 2 friends (all of us Recording Engineers), one of whom has 2 Grammy's and 19 Gold and Platinum albums, and I have 2 gold albums. Yet, with all of this to be happy about, I still feel empty inside. The sad part is that I would've traded it all for her, would've given her all that I could; yet she couldn't conduct a casual two minute conversation with me. Honestly, I don't think you ever really heal from relationship that you invested so much of your emotion into. You simply go on living life and deal with things the way they are. It's been a month since my "one word answer" conversation with her. It will be the last call I ever made to her. For in my eyes, here is a girl I did absolutely nothing to. She sabatoged the relationship (her words also) and then I let her be. She's the one that called me after the 3 months, yet when I did the same in return; I felt treated with disdain and coldness. As much as it hurts not having what we had, it would hurt even more to be with someone, who truly didn't want to be with me. I hope she doesn't call again.

[lovemycoffee41]

She won't forget you. It's been 3 months for you and obviously you haven't forgotten her. Like chai said, unless she has amnesia which you have to admit is highly unlikely, she hasn't forgotten but has chosen to not contact you. As hard as that is to hear, and I completely understand as I'm going through my own breakup, don't set yourself back by trying to contact her. Just don't. Don't you want to meet the person who can't wait to be with you all the time? As long as we are stuck on past relationships, we're holding ourselves back from the future, and what lies ahead. And granted some of those past relationships may be in the future too, but they simply aren't for the present. So continue NC, keep coming to this site for support, and keep your head up.

[scorchio]

Thanks all of you for your lovely advice, some hard to hear some good,

 

im still finding things very difficult, suppose its the not knowing what she is thinking and what is going on in her mind.

 

still ! I am trying, it might not appear as such, but I am trying to be strong and move on,

 

I will always have in the back of my mind that I would love more than anything for her to come back to me, but I wont let it stop me.

 

im trying to tell myself she doesent deserve my love

but hey its difficult

[regret1]

Hey Scorchio,

 

I made it...one full month of NC. Reading your story gives me inspiration.

[scorchio]

regret, well done proud of you

 

 

my story gives you inspiration, im glad of that

 

surprised tho

 

I feel so so weak and miss her like crazy

 

still im trying to be strong

[scorchio]

muneca, thankyou,

 

 

did he get in contact out of the blue !!!

 

 

by the way, a lovely story, I envy you.

 

and good luck with it

[Mun]

Out of the complete blue sky...He no longer had my number but knew were to look for me. I thought he'd married by now or something you know...

 

We have both done alot of growing up in this time. Those 3 years were a necessary evil for me.

[scorchio]

muneca, i wish you luck

 

i wont take from it false hope i promise,

 

it certainly is nice to think about

 

 

you never know ...............................................

[Mun]

Well I just want to tell you that I did NOTHING to bring him back. Sometimes there is nothing you can do anyway....sometimes nothing is the best thing you can do.

 

Let time pass and let people heal. I wish you lots of luck too.

[regret1]

Scorchio,

 

You are not going to wait around for her, are you? C'mon my friend...mueneca, was the very few in this world (lucky indeed). Remember, this happen when she has finally moved on. There are no thought left. I am on the same boat as you are...missing him still this day. However, I am so determined to move on. He called again 3 days ago...of course, I ignored him. Remember, if they want you back...they will do every thing in this world to have you. thereforeeee, you cannot do anything right now. Let it pass, heal, and look for someone that will interest you. Best of luck...don't think I don't know how you feel...I am going through the same pain as you are.

[scorchio]

regret I totally take on board what you have said, I thank you for that.

 

but as you said, you are going through the same pain as I am ........

 

but at least you are being contacted in some shape or form by ex.

 

I really do appreciate what you are saying,

 

I am trying to move on, I am keeping myself busy, it doesent stop me feeling that maybe, just maybe one day she may change her mind......

 

I know, im not silly, that I cant hold on to that, but I can have it in the back of my mind to deal with if it happens.

 

I hope I didnt cause offence at my message, because you are wise and I appreciate your comments thankyou

[regret1]

Scorchio,

 

I think you are a great guy...a guy can love someone elses daughter as their is a person I truly admire. I just hope which ever way you can find peace for yourself...I am happy for you. All I wanted to do is not to sugar coat everything so you will hold on to false hope. I am extemely blunt and realistic on all my advices and supports. I was holding to my ex for so long because I was holding on to false hope. But I have learned that NC is such a powerful tool to heal yourself, not getting my ex back (even though I do have a glimpse of hope). I hope you do feel better.

 

If you need motivation, support, or anything, come post, and we'll suppport ya'll.

[Royltnxile]

You can get through this Scorchio....here's my latest report on my situation which is alot like yours. I too have mulled over the question of "do the forget" because of "NC"

 

My obsession has largely faded away and I have NOT contacted by card or call. The question of "is she worth it?" has been eclipsing my desire to contact her I had a few weeks ago. She's told a couple of friends of mine who have seen her in passing that I "probably hate her", and I "probably dont' want to talk to her anyway"...even told one of them that she had "tried to call me, but I havent called her back"....funny how she left out the part about not leaving messages huh? I must admit that I kind of like the idea of her wondering HOW I feel about her.

 

Additionally, I have begun seeing, albeit casually, a very wonderful, fun, and attractive older woman (she's 47, I'm 38) who enjoys the same kinds of activities I do, namely boating. We have been having lots of fun times together, including sex. Only fly in the ointment is that she is going through a divorce and I'm wary because I know that people sometimes can go very nuts in the aftermath of divorce. So I'm keeping a guarded heart and keeping it light.

 

Anyway, things will get better. They seem to be for me.

[scorchio]

Hi thanks Royl,

 

what sort of time period had you done the N/C for before you heard she was asking questions etc,

 

 

3 1/2 months N/C is driving me nuts,

 

I am getting stronger, making time for myself

 

but still miss her and want her to miss me too (deep down, she probably is) who knows, wonder if she is strong enough to get in contact in the near future. Hope so!!

 

 

biigest question im sure for this site is WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE DUMPERS MIND !!! dumpees suffer,

 

when we recover,

 

does the dumper's sufferring start then !

[Royltnxile]

Scorch,

 

My NC started back in March. Last phone conversation was March 10th.

She called both my phones twice in late march didnt leave messages...

I sent her a heartfelt deep letter in early April....

Sent her a card for a holiday in early May

She called both my phone over memorial day weekend and left no messages...

 

We haven't even seen each other in person since the day before Valentines Day...break up was over the phone. She got scared, panicked, and pushed me away.

 

So i'ts been 5 + months since last phone. I'm not sure she has the courage to call me again and she thinks I hate her..etc..etc..because I didnt call her back after the no message calls. I didnt really see a couple of no message calls as "reaching out" to me, so I blew them off.

 

I"m still in love with her, sure, but I'm not going to "touch the stovetop" unless she strongly indicates to me she is interested, at least in opening communication. She dumped me, so she can be the one to come to me.

[Royltnxile]

Scorchio,

 

Here's an update to my situation posted on it's own post.

 

I sent that card a week and a half ago. The one with the original napkin in it that she had written her # down on the night we first met. It a thinking of you type of card, and I had written on the napkin "someone told me the girl of my dreams might possibly walk through the door of the bar some night....I told them I thought she already had"...this napkin would have fallen out of the card when she opened it.

 

Then I wrote:

 

"You're in my thoughts often. Your smile, and the closeness we have shared are missed, and lately I have been craving a batch of Scotheroos" (cookies she used to make for me) I wrote on the back of the card "saw you rang my phone back around Memorial Day, for lack of a message, I was hesitant to call you back, even though I wanted to"

 

Saturday morning at 10am I get a voice mail, (I was on the internet on my phone so it went straight to vm.) "hey, it's Sharon, you can give me a call back if you want to...(she leaves her number)...thanks, bye".

 

So what do I make of it? She sounded short, business like, nervous (she was talking fast). I thought it curious she left her phone number (as if I didnt have it, or had forgotten it or something). At least it was something she thought about doing...not a drunk dial.

 

I blank texted her Sunday night around 9pm. She texted me back with "um?"...within like 4 minutes of getting it! I texted her back saying "sorry about the blank text, hit send as I was getting ready to enter text"...."glad to get your message yesterday"...then I texted her back telling her I was hanging out on my boat and asked if she felt like chatting, I even said stop by the marina....but she was home, already in bed. on a holiday night too....she texted back "I'm sleeping, and I don't text well"...I just said back to her "It's okay...sleep well =)"...and left it at that.

 

So now I don't know how to play it. I think it is good that she called me and left a message. I know she got the card or that call wouldnt have come. I'm apprehensive about calling her, but at least she has given me the green light to call her, and by me texting her, she knows I have text capability and that I reached back to her. I'm still going to wait a few days to call her.

 

I could use suggestions on what to say to her. I want her to get interested in me without having to chase her or refer to the past. Keep it light and casual? Maybe put out a feeler to get together for lunch or a drink sometime? Should I refer to the letter I sent her in April....or the card even? I don't think I should. My goal is to reopen communication lines, and that's all at this point. I know not to bring up the relationship...etc..etc....but how do I play this?

[rascal]

"touch the stovetop"

 

funny.

 

as far as what you do now, that is indeed a tough one. whatever you do, take it slow. keep the lines open, but don't hurry. let things progress the right way. the way you should've let them in the beginning.