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Satin

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  1. Satin
    Hi SuperDave. Great subject. Sundays are really hard for me...for whatever reason. Unless I am working of course....then they aren't so hard. Today is a rough day for me. Just thinking about him a lot. I am trying to do NC, as you said....but it isn't always easy. I just keep thinking that it will not be to my benefit if I do....that keeps me from doing it. I don't think he is with someone else...yet, and honestly I don't want to think about that. I think that would be the dagger in my heart...because at least right NOW I feel like if I can manage to give him space and time..that I at LEAST still have a chance. When you add another person in the equasion, there are just SO many more variables...and it gets messy. I just hope that he doesn't meet someone ELSE in the meantime, during this NC stage. Yeah ..by then I will be stronger, but I know it will STILL hurt! Any tips on how to sustain NC without going nuts?lol
  2. Satin
    Hi ..... I read a post where someone used an analogy about contacting an ex..as you would if you were an alcoholic. The first drink always leads to the second...and so forth. The best way to avoid the pain...or a hangover..is abstinence. You know what the potential outcome is if you contact an ex...much as an alcoholic knows that although he may feel good..or "high" initially...that he will no doubt regret it the next day...due to his actions during his "drunk". The same with an ex....what good can come from it? Pain, regret..acting in ways you would not if you were in a "sober" state of mind. Simply put....it's best to avoid the bar...club...or anywhere an ex/alcohol might be because it's best for YOUR well being. Whoever used that analogy..it truly is right on the money with regard to NC.
  3. Satin
    Ron....I wish I could give you the answer you're seeking...as to why she won;t give you a clean break up. I am dealing with this from someone as well. I blatantly asked him to tell me to go away...or leave him alone...or just basically that it is over for good. He just says it's "bad timing". So really all you can do is accept things for what they are. She is making it clear that she has no intentions of moving forward with you right now...so maybe by not contacting her....it would be best. For now. She can't have it both ways. You on a string...AND having her single party life. I have started slowly fading from his life....even though it's hard for me. I send him an email about once a week....as a reminder that I am still around...but also not so much that he gets sick of me. Maybe that's the best approach. I agree doing NC IF you are hurting...but if you can still live your life fully and completely while maintaining some contact with her ..then by all means do it. Don't sit around pining or waiting for her. Also....one other thing I have been doing .....that works for ME, and keeps me sane is that when I DO contact him, usually by email...I never expect a reply or response. I just say hello...or send him something that make him laugh. This is so he does not feel pressured to give back right now..but at the same time, he still feels my presense. I DO think this is a strong tactic, in the long run..because when you DO go full NC..then they will miss your presense even more. Just MY opinion.
  4. Satin
    I think you are misunderstanding me.... The "facility" in which I am talking about WOULD be a "treatment" type of facility in which one would voluntarily check into...for however long they felt they needed it. I am not in a violent situation I awas merely using that as an example ...to explain. I also understand that you dont get the concept about someone needing to be in an isolated environment in order to gain control of themselves...but if you read these forums, you WILL in fact see proof of many many people who have HARD time with staying away from, going back to, chasing, harassing, and basically ruining their lives because they are in turmoil over a relationship. Bad relationships CAN and DO in fact make you physically ill. They cause ulcers, imsomnia, stress, and the list goes on.That does not even include the OTHER costs...including money, and possessions. Many people do NOT know how to break the cycle of these types of relationships. Educating themselves, and bettering themselves makes them more aware of what they need and want...BUT they cannot SEE that if they are ALWAYS in the WRONG relationship.
  5. Satin
    Well I posed this question because think about it.....how many poeple REALLY know what it takes to make a relationship WORK? Just look at the divorce rate! I know there is marriage counseling, and other types of counseling...but I am talking about a place for say...people who have such a hard time staying away, or getting over someone they have a restraining order put on them? Yes, jail will keep them away..but it will NOT teach them about what they are doing wrong and helping them work on THEMSELVES. NO...usually it ends up in violence and even death. Domestic violence is a serious serious issue...but it a whole other issue in itself. A place like the one I mentioned, in my mind would BE like a hospital of sorts....but a warmer, friendlier one. There would be a wing for men, and a wing for women....and counselors , psychologists, on staff for whatever the need was. There would also be educators and mandatory classes, that all would need to attend in order to be "released". I know what I am describing sounds very anal..and mean, but when you think of the destruction people do to themselves in an effort to salvage their sanity....the endless phone calls, the craziness. What's better or worse? Having someone tell you...."Get over it" Or, you can do SO much better than him, or her." Blah blah blah...let's face it...THAT is NOT helpful for someone who feels like they just had their guts ripped out. Some peole don't eat for days...some poeple don;t get out of bed..and some people kill themselves...when in fact IF they had a place to go in these crisis...many people could be helped and healed in amuch more meaningful way. Not only that...but it is a way many people can SURVIVE. [
  6. Satin
    I was thinking today about how "addicts"..of say drugs or alcohol can go into these treatment facilities for however long it takes to get these substances out of their body, or at least get them well enough to be released with new hope of recovery. I was wondering why there isn't something similar to people with love "addictions". We suffer....we go through withdrawals that truthfully hurt so bad I WISH I were on drugs. Alcoholics go to AA....they follow the 12 steps, that HOPEFULLY lead them to recovery. One thing that alcoholics do is a 90 in 90. That means they attend 90 meetings in 90 days...faithfully. That is to insure that they will, most likely continue making recovery their #1 priority. Most peope know if you can stick to ANYTHING for 90 days, that you are doing pretty damn good. I am convinced that a "retreat" of some sort like this WOULD in fact be helpful to some people...especially people with VERY low self esteem..or will power. A place that would give educational courses on relationships, counseling....and of course..have NO access to phones or computers during this time. In short ...almost like a relationship "rehab" of sorts. I KNOW if this sort of place existed, it would most likely do well....and I would probably go myself!!!. Thoughts?
  7. Satin
    First Angelus..I LOVE that song Second.....we need more info on the breakup.....what happened?
  8. Satin
    Byates.... Hi, I think you made the first right step coming to this forum. My advice would be basically the same as the last poster....write her a sincere letter...stating what you want. It does NOT have to be sappy...but it DOES need to be sincere. Mail it...THEN do strict NC. If yu wish to reply if she contacts you, that is something you will need to decide. I would say that you may have scared her off with your emotional displays before....considering your past. She may think you're not even sincere, after all the times you broke it off with her, etc..and may think you only wanted your way because you couldn;t have her anymore. Remember...YOU dumped her many times....that tends to numb peoples emotions and feelings. Go back to being who you were when she fell in love with you. Were you a weepy crying mess??? Of course not! She loved you because you were strong ...and maybe even a little indifferent. Doing No Contact will help bring you back to your center...which is what you need in order to gain your confidence back. Keep us posted!
  9. Satin
    God..I know how it feels...the email thing..wishing he'd mail me...but on the OTHER hand, I know he expects something from ME..and the fact I am not giving in IS a small victory for me. Every day that goes by I know....even if it's not now, he WILL wonder about me..even if he doesn't contact me, I know he will think of me. I mean, how could he NOT?? I AM a pretty incredible person and hard to forget!! Hang in there...PM me if you need to ..I would love to help.
  10. Satin
    Thank you Breeze...I appreciate the thoughts. I feel better this morning. I got a good nights sleep....and doing much better. As I said, some days are harder than others. The workweek is easy for me, as I have SO many things going on...it's the "in between" stage for me. I do think of him a LOT ..but at least I am not acting on it...which I have in the past. I am not sure if this NC will bring him closer...or make him forget me...but either way, I am not making a fool out of myself, or compromising my integrity anymore. I am sure he notices he has not heard from me....and in fact I am sure he expects to...but believe me , he won't...and especially if this site exists. It has been VERY VERY helpful. I am not expecting him to come back..in fact I am not expecting anything at all. I am just biding my time....and in the process I am moving forward. I am freeing myself emotionally from the "WHAT IF'S". Those are only going to hold me back, and keep me stuck. The best advice I can to ANYONE going through this right now..is to live in the moment...NOT in the past.. (what has already happened)...and NOT in the future ..What may or may NOT happen. Live for now...it is cliche', but so true. Make today count, because you will never get it back. Be happy NOW.
  11. Satin
    I wanted to post even though I'm not a guy...because these are good questions. I am curious to see their replies . Thanks Toonsy
  12. Satin
    Hi FC.... I can relate to your pain. I am too having a rough time with NC. When I see "him" online , I either sign off....or walk out of the room as a way to NOT tempt myself.It is SOOOOOOO hard to not give in, but I know it is SO important. Don;t think you are alone...you aren't. Many of us are dealing with the SAME temptations, and feelings . Just think of tomorrow...and how good you will feel , knowing you didn;t give in. Best of luck
  13. Satin
    Hi all. Been trying to maintain NC, and have done good for week and a half..but Sundays are the worst for me. I don;t know why. I seem to feel the my lonliest, the the strongest urges for contact on Sundays and at night. During the day, I keep myself SUPER busy, trying to stay out of the house and working..but then it hits me. I keep wanting to call or email him, but I KNOW I shouldn't. I am just so upset because all I want is for him to reach out and say he misses me..or ANYTHING. That's all I want. I hate feeling like this but I need to vent. Any support or advice is welcome right now. Thanks.
  14. Satin
    Hi Danimal... I will give you a female perspective on this. Women like a guy who can make them laugh, make them feel beautiful, desirable..etc etc etc. BUT we want that from a guy who we don't think is out giving those compliments freely to OTHER women too. We like a guy who we feel safe with...who we know would protect us and who has our best interest at heart...but who is not doing all this with some sort of expectations or who will not blow up if they don't get what they "expected". To me it sounds like when you do a certain thing and she does not react accordingly, you throw a tantrum...or blow a gasket...sort of like a child does when he doesn;t get his way. THIS is not attractive, and it is very very manipulative. I am sure she senses this in you which is WHY she is backing off. Confidence does not mean you have to strut around , or constantly DO things to prove your worth. In fact a little humility can go a long way. Women like men who are stronger than they are...but who is confident enough in her to allow her the room to do her own thing, and admire her for it. Not tear her down. You mentioned she didn;t want to kiss you. Do you know how intimate kissing really is?? I did not kiss one guy for the first month we went out because kissing to ME is an extremely intimate thing that I reserve for those I allow to get close enough to me. You should respect her wishes in that....because when she IS ready....you will then have earned some trust in her.
  15. Satin
    Hi Scorchio. I hate to say it but you sound ANYTHING but healed from this. In fact if you contact her and she DOESN'T answer, it might set you back 3 1/2 months. All of your post (that I have read) have implied how weak you are and how bad you feel and how much you miss them. After 3 1/2 months, you should be at least halfway through these emotions. Something tells me...and I could be wrong...that you are simply waiting for the right time to "strike" and stir something inside her, when you should not be thinking that at all. Your thoughts should be on yourself . Not her. I hope your day gets better.
  16. Satin
    Hi Toonsy, It sounds like you are handling things with class and dignity. I would just let him come back , when he's ready. He already stated he had intentions to do so. I think for him to say he and the other girl don't argue "as much" was a little insensitive. It was as if he is comparing you to her..and that's unfair, especially if he HAS only been dating her a few weeks. I am sure you and he didn't argue the first few weeks either!! Keep plans with other guys, even if they are just casual. Get yourself "out there" and have some fun. While I know it hurts..you only dated this guy about six months, right? Six months is right about the time that "lust" faze wears off. As for being "friends"...this is tricky with someone you were so emotional about. It could work..but you have to REALLY be his FRIEND...and sometimes it's hard to go from so much passion to just friendship. Can you REALLY do that and be ok? I truly hope things work out for you...
  17. Satin
    Thanks Beec. I am trying to "heal" and move on from someone I love very much. It's very hard. It's like every minute I have to distract myself from NOT thinking about him and it is draining. The hardest part is KNOWING he is not nearly as affected about this as I am....at least not outwardly. I would rather move on ...than be with someone that feels that indifferently towards me. It's too hurtful. I
  18. Satin
    I am still getting familiar with the "do's and dont's" of NC. When you do NC, is it wise to TELL the other person you are doing it, and why? Or is it more effective to just do it? What have been the best strategies that have worked for you who have done it and stuck to it? Thanks.
  19. Satin
    Hi Confused. You and I are in the same predicament..only I probably ruined any chance of getting him back. At least now. I have to heal first, and give him lots of time. I pushed way to hard and didn't give him space. Now I am dealing with the consequences. Don't be like I was. You are doing the right thing right now by NOT contacting him. In fact, the less the better. Get very very busy. Do things you like to do...go out with friends. Let him come to you. You need to let him see how much he misses you, or he won;t feel that need to seek you out. If and when he DOES contact you, be happy and upbeat. Keep it fun. Hope it works out for you
  20. Satin
    Hi Forum. I am curious to know what are some strange "tactics" you have done to get back with an ex? I am asking because I know someone who resorted to having a "spell" cast on her ex lol. Some people believe in "signs". Like they notice all these things happening that somehow tie in with the ex. Some people use Astrology, or psychics. Has anyone felt so desperate they resorted to this type of behavior? What was the outcome? I thought this would be a fun subject, rather than so serious. To be fair...For me, I have done some pretty dumb things more than anything. I have resorted to "stalking"..calling, hanging up. Driving by...I always thought if I improved my appearance somehow they would fall all over me lol. Nope ..didn;t happen. Then I found this forum...t seems like the most sane thing I've tried so far. LOL
  21. Satin
    Thanks to those who have replied. I posted earlier this afternoon...and I am still feeling that "anger"...so I am looking for other ways to "let go". I am discarding things that remind me of him. I blocked his name online...deleted his number. I just wish I could delete HIM from my memory!! Why oh WHY isn;t there a feature like that for us in this god forsaken world of technology?? I know this will pass and I will feel better....I hate feeling angry. It ruins my WHOLE day, and I am not good company for anyone who deserves to see the good side of me. It's wrong that I am sitting here hurting and thinking of him...while he is probably out , having a good old time not giving me a second thought. I should be out there too... I am not going to lie. Right now I feel utterly pathetic. I wish i could go to sleep and wake up in six months, and never think of him again. I wish he would meet someone who treats him like dirt..or someone who leaves him hanging in the wind when he has emotionally invested himself in someone. Yeah ..right now I am bitter, and angry. I feel like a fool..that's what it boils down to. I am sure if the situation were reversed he would feel the same way..but right now he's too selfish to see that. I am sorry for the angry post...but I am thankful there is a place like this where I can get it out..and get support and not judged or berated for it. I feel much better... Thanks!
  22. Satin
    Good for you on the one month NC Regret. The odd thing about your situation is that you SAY you ignored him when he DID try contacting you for two weeks, and NOW that he has stopped you miss him. Which is it that you want? I am confused about this. I also wonder if my ex feels the same way at times? Meaning...does he secretly WISH I would contact him, and actually WANT to hear from me?..or would he be annoyed? I don;t know because he is not talking to me currently. I think he thinks I am weak (which I am right now and have been)...but I am HOPING I can gain some strength and maintain NC like you have. I will keep posting so hopefully tha will help...and keep reading posts like yours.
  23. Satin
    I would say stop getting info from OTHER people and get it directly from the source. Talk to her. Getting second hand info is SO unreliable..REGARDLESS of who it is..be it a sister, friend, etc. The only person who knows is THAT person. Things can be exxagerated as well. Not to mention that it's a juvenile and immature way of handling things. One question though?? HOW do you know if someone checks your away message?? How does that work?
  24. Satin
    Thanks Confused I think I feel resentful because HE acts innocent in all this. As if his actions had NO bearing on the way things turned out. No apologies, not even an acknowledgement that HE was in any way wrong. His dismissal of me was rather cold and and abrupt. I guess the lack of real closure is what's HURT me the most....his cold and indifferent attitude is what makes me ANGRY. I AM trying to vent my anger positively...and without beating myself up. I did that far too long. Anyway thanks for the post...your advice is appreciated. I wish you well in your recovery as well We will get through this!
  25. Satin
    Hi everyone. I am in an angry mood today and I am not sure why exactly. I started doing NC on my "ex" on Friday, but all these feelings keep coming up, that I keep trying to 'stuff" or make excuses for. I don't like feeling angry, but I can't help it. I feel like lashing out at him, because HE is part of the reason I am feeling this way. I just feel like I jumped through so many hoops for him...just to make HIM happy, and right now I am feeling pretty resentful. I have pined, begged, pleaded..and yes accused, all to no avail. Mostly I have taken the blame for everything that went wrong, but I think that only makes me MORE angry, because I am not a martyr. I didn't do anything he didn't allow me to do...and he led me on for quite a while. I admit I didn;t give him space when I should have....and that was probably my biggest fault. I have since lashed out at him ..not outright lashing...but subtley accusing him of being at fault as well. I need to get this out of my system before I go nuts. I am working out too...and it helps somewhat, but I am still angry. Is this a normal stage or feeling?? Is anyone else feeling like this?? The way he remembered me was as this whiney weak, begging woman..and that's NOT who I am. I was hurt, and feeling pretty pathetic. NOW I am plain angry. I hope this is normal and that I will soon get past this. This site is helpful too...venting helps a LOT. Is anyone else in this stage right now as well? What do you do to get through it? Thanks.
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