Friends....possibly more?

[dave_1966]

This is really bugging me. I'm mid 30's, and have known my friend Ellen for 10 years. She's about 3 years younger than me, we met at a firm I was contracting at. We struck up a great friendship, and have always been very supportive of each other through the trials of the last decade. We've helped each other through our respective relationship break-ups, and because she has a medical condition which sometimes has landed her in hospital it's always been me that's had the phone call in the early hours to go and take her home and make sure she's alright. So, basically, we've done the friendship bit to the max. 10 years ago Ellen was a hyper girl out for a laugh, and I never really considered her in relationship terms, too much of a handfull. My last girlfriend was really pissed off that we were so close, and practically stopped me spending too much time with her. After my ex ditched me, I had a call from Ellen to catch up on things. We met up and I really enjoyed her company again. She was in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years, and basically we put the world to rights. Her 'ex' is working abroad, and it appears to be truly over. She says as much, and she's not even bothered about it as it happened over a period of a year or so.

 

Over the last 6 months we've been seeing a lot of each other, going out places together etc. All this has reminded me just how much I like her, she's clever, witty, and very attractive....but I've only ever considered her a friend really. She, on the other hand, tells me that if I'm not in a stable relationship with someone by 40 that she'll marry me....and I don't think she's joking. Flattering in a funny way, I guess.

 

A few weeks ago she started getting tactile when we were out, arms forever around me. I grabbed her hand to cross the street in Central London, and when we got to the other side she didn't let go until I waved her off at the subway. I've often stayed at her place, in the spare room. Over the last few weeks she's invited me in to her bed and I've accepted, and I wake up in the morning with her draped around me. We've never even kissed, and it's making me really think of where this is going. I think I'm beginning to develop feelings for her that weren't there before, and I don't know how much to read in to all this. Do women sometimes like company in bed from friends? Do I start to enjoy her a bit too much, and then watch some guy enter her life? I met a woman before this started to happen a little while ago and Ellen found every reason for me not to see her, and that ended. There's a bit of 'When Harry met Sally' going on here and it's making me think the following, do I;

 

A. Keep it as friends.

 

B. Run with it.

 

So, what does everyone think? I don't want to get to a stage where I make a fool of myself....but I think she's probably thinking the same. I would hate to mess up a really good friendship. If she wasn't so cute it would be so much easier. Any ideas?

[DN]

Go for B. - but talk to her about it first. You should both be old enough to have that sort of discussion without fear or embarrassment

[Nap-Man]

My only advice is to go for it. I met a woman my first year in college and we became very close friends. Seven years or so after we met we started dating, it began almost exactly as you describe. Unfortunately it did not work out and we broke up. Even after all of that I would not take back the time we spend together as a couple and I have no regrets for giving it a shot. I believe the risk is worth it for the love that two friends can share!

[dave_1966]

Thanks guys, I guess it's all down to fate like everything else. I think it may be wise to have a chat with her about things. The funny thing is that you've both expressed a male view on it, I discussed it with a female friend and she said to be very careful and that Ellen is sounding 'needy' after breaking up with her ex. But unless people meet/get-together at a perfect point after breaking up with someone, how do you ever start dating? It really messes around with my mind, I'd love a female view on it....

[darkblue]

It all depends on what you are willing to lose.

 

If you tell her how you feel, you run the risk of losing a friendship.

 

She might feel the same way and you can take it from there.

 

The choice is yours; But I'd say:

 

"The friendship that can cease; was never real"

 

If she is a true friend and even if she doesn't feel the same way, yous can talk it through and move past it.

 

Good luck 'n keep us posted

[smallworld]

Run with it. Life doesn't always give second chances and this one sounds worth pursuing. If you take this slowly and it doesn't work out, you can always remain friends. Most women wouldn't invite a platonic male friend to sleep in their beds because to do so is to send a mixed signal of the highest degree. Her frequent touching, her jealousy of previous gfs, her co-sleeping with you, and her pledge to marry you if you're single by 40, all say to me that she really wants you. Go for it! 8)

[btbt]

She might be needy, but hey, what she's needing might be you! No right or wrong decision. Go into it with eyes wide open and talk everything through. And protect the friendship, whatever you choose to do.