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Guy I've met now on tinder, should I swipe rught


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Hey everyone, nice to meet you all!

I'm a gay gay, mid 20s. I do parkruns most weekends, just outside London. There's a guy who does them who I always fancied lol. I never spoke to him at the runs. I did see him on a night out once recently, and summoned up the courage to go and say hi to him. I said I recognised him from the runs. He was really friendly and we spoke for a bit. We then spoke a bit more at the next run, just small talk about running. I thought he might be gay but not 100%sure. Now he's appeared on tinder, had never seen him on it before. Its probably wishful thinking, but wondering if he made account to see if I was there, or maybe just coincidence.  Should I swipe right and see if we could match and chat, or should I try and ask him out 'naturally'. I'd prefer natural but I may have to get in quick lol, obviously he'll have to feel same way. It's just been wrecking my head. Thanks for your help

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If you prefer natural, then natural is what you should do. I'd always go with the option you feel more comfortable (or at least less anxious) doing. More relaxed and confident you feel, better things are likely to go. So stay calm and see what happens.

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I've not used Tinder, so I don't know the intricacies of how it works, but a few months back a guy on another site sent me a 'like' and I recognised him as being the mechanic from the garage I'd been to a couple of times.  When I'd gone there, he and I had chatted loads and I thought there had been mutual attraction.  I sent him a 'like' back, followed by a brief message about the chats we'd previously had.  I got zero reply.  This told me that he wasn't actually interested that way after all.  If you send this guy an indication that you like him on Tinder, then whether or not he replies will be your answer.  It may be less embarrassing than asking him in person and getting rejected.

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Tinder when you filter so just gay guys come out or Tinder in general? Dont gay guys use Grindr or something like that?

I dunno how you connected somebody would make an account to see if you were there. Nore if he is even attracted to men in general if again your Tinder isnt filtered that way. Its very flimsy assumption.

Also if you already talked its way better to ask him for coffee when you see him again.

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I'd muster up the courage to ask him out in person since you got the confirmation that he is gay. And who knows, maybe after one sitting you'll like him more, or you'll like him less.

If he declines your invitation, just don't take it personally and you'll still have him as your running neighbour.

Let us know how it goes!

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The reason I would swipe him on Tinder is because he's set up there specifically for that reason. This allows him to consider what he might like to say, as opposed to catching him while he's focused on other things or on his run.

If he responds on Tinder, he's interested. If not, then he's not. This is far clearer than trying to chat him up during a time that may not work in your favor.

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13 hours ago, catfeeder said:

The reason I would swipe him on Tinder is because he's set up there specifically for that reason. This allows him to consider what he might like to say, as opposed to catching him while he's focused on other things or on his run.

If he responds on Tinder, he's interested. If not, then he's not. This is far clearer than trying to chat him up during a time that may not work in your favor.

That's a good point too.

Guess there is no right or wrong way to do it.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Hey guys, here's an update. Saw him again at the parkrun but didn't really come face to face or get a chance to speak. I didn't want to go right up to him in case it appeared too keen or creepy but also just got cold feet. Now I'm thinking should I have just gone for it. I have been obsessing a lot over him which isn't healthy lol. I want to bump into him normally but then also thinking to get a chance to speak I'll have to 'engineer ' my moves haha, which is also affecting my enjoyment of the runs. What should I do? Thanks

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18 hours ago, Mikea36 said:

Hey guys, here's an update. Saw him again at the parkrun but didn't really come face to face or get a chance to speak. I didn't want to go right up to him in case it appeared too keen or creepy but also just got cold feet. Now I'm thinking should I have just gone for it. I have been obsessing a lot over him which isn't healthy lol. I want to bump into him normally but then also thinking to get a chance to speak I'll have to 'engineer ' my moves haha, which is also affecting my enjoyment of the runs. What should I do? Thanks

Smile & say hi.  You can be a little obvious.  At this point you two have seen each other a bunch so you are not totally random.  

Do say "hi!" a couple of times & wave in acknowledgement for a bit.  After you have a few of those encounters,  then you can try for actual conversation. 

One of my favorite break the ice techniques used to be commenting on something they were wearing but not in a vulgar way:  

In college I saw a cute guy wearing a Mets t-shirt (that is one of 2 baseball teams in NYC).   I opened with a disparaging remark about the Mets & in praise of the NY Yankees (the cross town rival).  Back then I was a relatively cute girl so of course the guy talked to me about sports.  We ended up dating for a couple of months.  

Good luck. 

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I know it's the obvious answer but the only way this is going to move forward is if you build some type of friendship or relationship which allows you two to communicate via some channel besides seeing each other at a parkrun.

Tinder looks like it may be the way to go but one way or the other you're going to have to actually talk to him rather than see him run by once a week. Drink break, ice bath, person standing outside performing random heroin deal, something.

Or, keep playing the waiting game, keep obsessing, keep trying to engineer run ins, keep not talking to him, keep interrogating your feelings, and eventually convince yourself that something amazing is about to happen. Who knows, maybe it'll work itself out.

The reality though is that he may indeed be thinking the exact same things as you, or not give a rodent's ass. And not that many guys are real keen on pursing guys in some kind of vacuum where the other guy just runs by and says essentially nothing.

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On 6/26/2024 at 3:22 PM, Mikea36 said:

I didn't want to go right up to him in case it appeared too keen or creepy but also just got cold feet. Now I'm thinking should I have just gone for it.

Take it from the guy who (almost) always gets cold feet... don't be like that! If you always worry about how you are going to look, then they only thing you will be looking at is a sad face in the mirror at having lost potential chances. At some point you have to take a chance, be willing to risk it all. You can't have a relationship, friendship, or anything at all if you never speak and get to know each other. 

I once got fed up with not saying anything to someone I liked. I promised myself next time I felt that why I would say something. I did and it actually worked out. So make that same promise to yourself. Next time you see him, say something. Talk to him. Build something more then random encounters while running. If I could do it, anyone can.

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