Mixed Signals: Seeking Advice on Relationship Expectations

[ajackx]

I (29M) have known this person (25F) for about 5 years. We initially met for work and had a couple of brunches discussing work- related matters. Over the years, we've stayed connected online, occasionally chatting here and there. A few months ago, I replied to one of her stories, and she asked if I was single. I said yes, so she suggested we meet up. At the time, I was a bit busy, but we stayed in touch, and a couple of months later, we decided to go on a date. The date went really well; we were affectionate, kissed, and she immediately asked about a second date when I was dropping her off.

However, she's mentioned that she's not good at texting, and while we initially had frequent back-and-forth communication in the beginning stages, it has reduced a bit since our first date. We still call each other every 2-3 days, but I feel like the communication has decreased. Recently, she called me asking for help setting something up, and during that call, she asked what I was doing that night. We ended up spending time together, and she was very affectionate, saying she really liked me. But in a previous conversation, she mentioned not wanting a relationship this year as she wants to focus on her business, as she works for herself and deals with many clients.

I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her, but I'm not sure how to handle these mixed signals. She's taking photos of us holding hands, spending a lot of time with me, and expressing affection, but then also mentioning being FWB. We have another date planned in a couple of days, but I haven't heard from her since our last meeting which was 2 days ago. I'm planning to call her today to see what she's up to, but I'm unsure if she prefers less frequent communication or if there's something else going on. How should I navigate these mixed signals and clarify our relationship expectations on our upcoming date?

Our last date where she called me over; we got food and went to the waterfront and cuddled. She was all over me and just kept hugging me and holding hands and says she loves being around me. We have been kissing a lot but then she says things like fwb :( She only said it once over a call but it kinda stood out. Then she goes and says she loves that im an emotional guy and how much she feels safe around me. like what does she want lmao

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, ajackx said:

. She's taking photos of us holding hands, spending a lot of time with me, and expressing affection, but then also mentioning being FWB. We have another date planned in a couple of days, but I haven't heard from her since our last meeting which was 2 days ago. Our last date where she called me over; we got food and went to the waterfront and cuddled. She was all over me and just kept hugging me and holding hands and says she loves being around me. We have been kissing a lot but then she says things like fwb :

She seems to be into you but chooses this FWB label for whatever reason. All you can do is enjoy the relationship and see how it goes. 

[TeeDee]

If you are open to interacting with her on her terms -- no commitment -- keep doing what you are doing.  

If you want a relationship & daily texting she is not your girl.  

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, ajackx said:

I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her, but I'm not sure how to handle these mixed signals. 

^^Whenever I receive a mixed signal/message, I find it best to place more value on the least favorable message.  Not always easy to do but I try to. 

Here, the least favorable message was:

1 hour ago, ajackx said:

she mentioned not wanting a relationship this year as she wants to focus on her business, as she works for herself and deals with many clients.

Best to focus on that message imo as it's most likely the correct one.  Everything else, try to take with a grain of salt.  

If you're unable to relax and enjoy what you have, fwb or cuddle buddies or whatever, then wish her well and walk. 

Otherwise, enjoy for what it IS not what you're hoping it will be.  Lower expectations and don't push it.

IF she changes her mind, it's up to her to let you know.

[Kwothe28]

Yeah, just run from that bro. 

I would maybe have different opinion if you just wanted casual relationship aka sex once in a while. But its obvious that you like her very much and want a relationship. And that would maybe never happen since she is not willing to be in a relationship. Meanwhile she has you and maybe few others who also come to cuddle with her and have sex(you didnt state if you do but FWB implies that). Which is again fine if you are up for something like that. But again, you want more. So, just run away from that. You will get nothing you want there.

[smackie9]

There are no mixed signals. She sound like she's a busy lady and doesn't have time for calling/texting...but she can work her schedule to see you. You need to ask her out on dates, and base your assessment during the dates. So far so good, so just keep asking her out. 

[DarkCh0c0]

2 hours ago, ajackx said:

I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her, but I'm not sure how to handle these mixed signals. She's taking photos of us holding hands, spending a lot of time with me, and expressing affection, but then also mentioning being FWB.

She doesn't want what you want. 

She wants to have fun without any strings attached. YOU want a relationship. It's a mismatch.

Follow what's in line with what you want. Your relationships goals. And be careful about time wasters like her.

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, ajackx said:

We ended up spending time together, and she was very affectionate, saying she really liked me. But in a previous conversation, she mentioned not wanting a relationship this year as she wants to focus on her business, as she works for herself and deals with many clients.

We have been kissing a lot but then she says things like fwb 😞 She only said it once over a call but it kinda stood out. Then she goes and says she loves that im an emotional guy and how much she feels safe around me. like what does she want lmao

Most of the time you don't need to read into signals. People are actually amazingly transparent and usually tell you everything you need to know.

She does like you. She feels safe with you. She feels close to you not just physcially (kissing, cuddling, etc.) but also emotionally. However, at this time she doesn't want something formal as she wants to focus on other things. 

The question isn't what does she want, it's what do you want? Are you okay with this current arrangement? Or do you need something more official? That's something you have to decide for yourself. You need to do what is right for your heart and your well being. Once you decide that, then talk to her about it. Clarify both of your feelings and what is and is not acceptable actions for whatever kind of relationship the two of you decide on. 

[yogacat]

There's no mixed signals.  

She's been pretty upfront that she wants a FWB situation and not a relationship. It doesn't matter if she says she loves being around someone or feels safe around them, if she doesn't want to commit, then she doesn't want to commit. 

[MissCanuck]

You're the place-holder until she meets the guy she wants to actually date. 

 

[ajackx]

Do you guys think I should clarify the situation with her or just cut her off? We have a date tomorrow, but since Tuesday when we hung out in the evening, I haven't heard back from her. Today is Friday afternoon. I was going to call today to confirm, but I'm having second thoughts. I'm not into playing games.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, ajackx said:

 We have a date tomorrow, but since Tuesday when we hung out in the evening, I haven't heard back from her. Today is Friday afternoon. I was going to call today to confirm, 

It depends on if you are into her and ok with the FWB label.  She seems to need her space but is available for intimacy and dates 

[rainbowsandroses]

7 minutes ago, ajackx said:

but since Tuesday when we hung out in the evening, I haven't heard back from her. Today is Friday afternoon. 

Has SHE heard from you since Tuesday evening? 

[ajackx]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Has SHE heard from you since Tuesday evening? 

I mean, she told me to text her when I got home, which I did. Then she sent me a photo of us holding hands, and I replied with 'saving this to my camera roll.' After that, I said, 'Get some rest, good night.' I didn't want to double text the next day, so I was kind of waiting for a response, which I never got.

[TeeDee]

1 hour ago, ajackx said:

Today is Friday afternoon. I was going to call today to confirm, but I'm having second thoughts. I'm not into playing games.

She's not playing games.  She bluntly told you she wants CASUAL.  

Yes, you should call to confirm.  

It sounds like you don't want casual so on this "date" tomorrow, tell her you would prefer something less casual but don't press her for a label.  The word probably scares her more than the behavior right now.  Ease into that part but don't settle for less than what you want.