My girlfriend suddenly changed her sex life towards me

[philip]

We used to have sex atleast twice or three times a week and she used to love me going down on her before infact it was one of her best sex experience with me but for the past 3months she doesn't want me to go down on her and when i ask her she says it's nothing .... what is she hiding from me

[TeeDee]

How would we know?  She is the only one who knows.  If she won't talk to you, that is an unsurmountable problem.  

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, philip said:

 for the past 3months she doesn't want me to go down on her and when i ask her she says it's nothing .... what is she hiding from me

How long have you been dating? How is your relationship otherwise?  What makes you think she's "hiding" something"? Have both of you been tested for STDs? Perhaps she has irritation or discomfort because of that or other problems. Have you even asked her? 

[smackie9]

You just simply don't accept her answer and tell her that. If it comes down to it, give her an ultimatum. 

[catfeeder]

What change happened 3 months ago that may have added stress to her life? Or possibly made her hurt or angry with you?

[poorlittlefish]

15 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You just simply don't accept her answer and tell her that. If it comes down to it, give her an ultimatum. 

Surely you don't mean forcing her to accept a sex act? Giving an ultimatum seems rather harsh and unlikely to achieve a positive response/outcome. 

[boltnrun]

6 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

Surely you don't mean forcing her to accept a sex act? Giving an ultimatum seems rather harsh and unlikely to achieve a positive response/outcome. 

I agree, ultimatums not only seldom work but they disregard the other person's feelings and rights. You can't say "have sex with me or else!" Or, you could but don't expect it to be well received. 

[smackie9]

8 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

Surely you don't mean forcing her to accept a sex act? Giving an ultimatum seems rather harsh and unlikely to achieve a positive response/outcome. 

No, she just needs to be truthful to him. If she can't be open and honest then why be in a relationship. Ultimatum meaning that they may need time apart for her to rethink things about what's happening. He can ask reasonably...don't need to blow this out of proportion. 

[ShySoul]

Why the assumption she is keeping anything from you at all? Just because a person has a lowered sex drive or doesn't want to do a specific act, doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship. 

Has anything changed in her life recently? Has she experienced some kind of drama or been stressed? Is she going through any physical issues? Any of these things may be making her less interested in sex. Sex is just as emotional and mental as it is physical. If she is distracted by something in her life, it can make it diffficult to get in the mood and enjoy the things you used to. 

Best thing to do is provide a loving, supportive environment for her. When she's ready to talk, she will. And it may even help put her at ease so that she can start feeling more interested in that again.

On 4/19/2024 at 7:21 AM, smackie9 said:

No, she just needs to be truthful to him. If she can't be open and honest then why be in a relationship. Ultimatum meaning that they may need time apart for her to rethink things about what's happening. He can ask reasonably...don't need to blow this out of proportion. 

We have no idea what, if anything, is going on with her. For all we know it could be something embarrassing that she is simply self conscious about and afraid to say out loud. Or it could be something painful that is difficult to speak about. An ultimatum of "talk about it or we have to take time apart" wouldn't be helpful and could even push her away. 

[smackie9]

11 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Why the assumption she is keeping anything from you at all? Just because a person has a lowered sex drive or doesn't want to do a specific act, doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship. 

Has anything changed in her life recently? Has she experienced some kind of drama or been stressed? Is she going through any physical issues? Any of these things may be making her less interested in sex. Sex is just as emotional and mental as it is physical. If she is distracted by something in her life, it can make it diffficult to get in the mood and enjoy the things you used to. 

Best thing to do is provide a loving, supportive environment for her. When she's ready to talk, she will. And it may even help put her at ease so that she can start feeling more interested in that again.

We have no idea what, if anything, is going on with her. For all we know it could be something embarrassing that she is simply self conscious about and afraid to say out loud. Or it could be something painful that is difficult to speak about. An ultimatum of "talk about it or we have to take time apart" wouldn't be helpful and could even push her away. 

Then she can just it's embarrassing or it's too personal to talk about instead of just saying "it's nothing" And we don't know what results will be if he suggests time apart or whatever he chooses. He can just let this sit like this forever...if she can't have an honest conversation with her BF then what is the point of this relationship. It's not fair to him either as it is not fair to her.

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Then she can just it's embarrassing or it's too personal to talk about instead of just saying "it's nothing" And we don't know what results will be if he suggests time apart or whatever he chooses. He can just let this sit like this forever...if she can't have an honest conversation with her BF then what is the point of this relationship. It's not fair to him either as it is not fair to her.

Really it all depends on the kind of person she is, which is why none of us can give any kind of definitive answer. I know when I want to avoid a topic it's easy to just give a quick dismissal with "it's nothing." Even admitting to it being personal is opening myself up to questions. I might start to wonder if the other person is thinking anything about me. I know I'm not the only way that feels that way, so maybe she does. Which is why I think the best thing anyone can do for a person is to make sure they know you are there and will be supportive. Put the person at ease so they are ready to talk.

Or really, maybe she is being honest and it is nothing, at least to her. Maybe it's a simple matter of being tired or stressed and not having the energy or interest at this time. A person could easily just see that as the normal flow of life, not a sign of a major relationship problem. He might disagree, which would mean a difference of opinion but not any kind of dishonesty on either part.

Phillip, you know her best. So look at who she is, how your relationship is, and what has been going on in both of your lives. See if you can find a reasonable explanation, or if you really think something deeper is going on. If you do, then have an honest, heartfelt, and non-judgemental conversation. Don't approach it as an ultimatum, with a clear choice of one way or the other. Work together and be flexible, as couples should, to find what works for both of you.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

.Phillip, you know her best. So look at who she is, how your relationship is, and what has been going on in both of your lives. 

This poster has a one and done post and hasn't been back.