Feeling exhausted

[Magic99q]

I don’t know how to put this really so I’ll start from the beginning. 

I(m22) was involved in a recent accident where I was hit by a car, I am lucky to still be alive honestly besides being in hospital for a month and having to learn how to be myself again I still have my life. Ever since I have just not been the same. I am struggling mentally with the realisation that I will never be back to my old self in terms of being able to compete in sports anymore. I mean I can barely swing a golf club, let alone walk for an extended period of time without my leg swelling from having broken my femur. I recently moved to a different province and have no friends or family besides my parents. My girlfriend moved to the same province as me but our relationship has been turbulent. I feel extremely alone with no one to talk to or express my feelings to about everything that has happened in my life post accident. I try expressing my emotions to my girlfriend but that’s not a safe space as I feel that everything I say is used against me and that I get called less masculine for having these feelings. I get condemned for not being able to solve problems like a man should and if I cannot solve my problems how am I supposed to solve hers. 
I am extremely exhausted and feel truly alone. Having to deal with the trauma of almost dying and having these expectations placed on you to grow up faster and become the man that my girlfriend wants be to be, is really taking a toll on my mental health. Plus dealing with the constant physio sessions to get at least a tenth of my mobility back is tiring. 
I am working so hard at trying to heal my body as well as working hard to become this person my partner wants me to be. 
 

I sometimes think that everything would have been simpler if I didn’t wake up in the hospital. It is a terrible thought but I just don’t know anymore. 
 

I don’t know where else to turn any advice ?

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Magic99q said:

 working hard to become this person my partner wants me to be. 

Sorry this happened. Hopefully you'll stay motivated to keep up the good work with physical therapy and getting back to normal. What does your partner want you to be? Is this the same woman?:

 

[Magic99q]

Yes it is the same woman, we managed to make things work and she was by my side during my time in hospital. We worked things out in terms of family life.

she wants me to be a provider and problem solver. My mindset scares her. I live a privileged life and I have always had my dad to turn to when I needed something. Her dad was not there for her. She fears I will be like her father because I have a habit of asking for my dad for help or advice instead of just doing it myself. She says I am still a boy and not a man yet and that I will never be like my father with my current mindset. 

[TeeDee]

She doesn't sound very supportive.  You are only 22, not 32.  You are allowed to ask for help from parents. 

Talk to your doctors about getting you into an accident survivors support group so you can talk to people who have been through what you have.  

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry to hear about your accident.  Your girlfriend sounds incredibly self-absorbed and not supportive.

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, TeeDee said:

Talk to your doctors about getting you into an accident survivors support group so you can talk to people who have been through what you have.  

^ I agree with the above.  You sound depressed and it would be a good idea to get a referral for counseling/therapy to help you address these issues and get back on track.

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

^ I agree with the above.  You sound depressed and it would be a good idea to get a referral for counseling/therapy to help you address these issues and get back on track.

^ Me too, I agree. Wouldn't it be a comfort to have a counselor, social worker or therapist listen to the pressures you feel and give you some feedback and tools to help you cope? Professionals are trained to do this, and they understand your grieving process in addition to the difficulties involved in long range healing.

My heart goes out to you.

[ShySoul]

10 hours ago, Magic99q said:

she wants me to be a provider and problem solver. My mindset scares her. I live a privileged life and I have always had my dad to turn to when I needed something. Her dad was not there for her. She fears I will be like her father because I have a habit of asking for my dad for help or advice instead of just doing it myself. She says I am still a boy and not a man yet and that I will never be like my father with my current mindset. 

Part of being a man is being able to embrace your feelings and your emotional side. If you've just had a near death experience and a dramatic change in your living conditions/style, that comes with a lot of emotional trauma. No man, no person, should be expected to shrug it off. It takes time to work through everything, to sort out your feelings and process them. Admitting that you have issues and aren't sure about things is being a man. A boy would try to act tough and hide his fears.

A man also knows that he doesn't know everthing. He is willing to ask for help when he needs it. Sometimes the best way to be a problem solver, is to turn to a person that can help solve the problem. Yes, you don't want to be the one who relies on their parents to entirely support them. But some support isn't a bad thing. Getting some fatherly advice is a sign of a healthy relationship between men, not a case of being a boy running off to daddy.

Relationships are partnerships. You are there for each other. No one person can be strong all the time. Everyone will falter and have moments when they aren't strong. That is when our partner is there for us, to love and support us, to help lift us up. That is what she should be doing for you right now, not lecturing you on what she wants you to be or letting her own insecurties about her father get in the way.

Focus on healing yourself, not her. Do the work you need to in order to recover both physcially and mentally. Can your doctors recommend a support group for people who have been involved in accidents like this? Talking to someone who has experienced all these same feelings of helplessness might help you feel less alone and help you with ways to get through it all.

Take it day by day. Hope things get better.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Magic99q said:

Yes it is the same woman, we  worked things out in terms of family life.

she wants me to be a provider and problem solve. She says I am still a boy and not a man yet and that I will never be like my father with my current mindset. 

Please trust your instincts and listen to your friends and family. There's a good reason they don't like her. She's making selfish demands while you're fighting to recover.