Breakup after 2,5 years.

[majko]

Hi guys, I posted here 2,5 years ago about my situation:

It seemed hopeless then, but it worked, until now. We had a great relationship for 2 years, we travelled a lot, spent a lot of time together, she was very happy with me, she told me that finally she found true love and was in a healthy relationship. But in the last months, our differences started to show up more and more. She wanted to travel even more, go on hikes a lot, do sports etc., I just wanted to work more so I can make my company work better and support our future family. Also I started to communicate less, visit her less, and we didnt have too much to talk about as in the beginning. Many times I refused to go with her where she wanted because I didnt want to waste money on frequent travelling or I had to finish work, or I just wasnt interested in hiking as much as her, she really loves hiking. She just had much more energy and wanted to live life to the fullest.

Then in december, she went to Austria for 3 months to work in a ski bar, and after 2 days she told me that she wants to break up that I dont give her attention and I dont care about her, she mentioned all the things about hiking and travelling. And it was true, it really hit me, I got emotional and I wanted to change it becasue I knew I really need her and want a future with her. I apologized and visited her for a few days on a new year and everything seemed okay.

Then I visited her in the beginning of february and everything was great too. We planned our next trip to Azores and we bought some hiking equipment.

I also have to mention that I found out she started to communicate with some guy who does all the sports she likes and has a travel company. They started to talk even before she left to Austria. I bet she wanted to leave me for him, he even sent her a letter abou how much he wants her, but after I visited and everything was fine, she told him she is not interested, but they remained communicatig.

Now the time of her return has almost come, maybe one more week was left, but in the last few days she stopped responding to me, just short neutral responses, didnt want to call etc. And then one evening she told me she is sorry for everything, that she wants to break up because she gave me a chance and it was not working anyway, that I stopped giving her enough attention again, and she feels alone in the realtionship and I dont give her enough love. 

This devastated me because I was really excited to start a new life together after 3 month separation, we were about to live together when she comes back and everything could be fine. She told me it is her decision and she is very sure of it. I told her, if it has to happen, I just want to break up in person and I came to visit her, we talked about it, at first she seemed to be okay and had no hard emotions, but later in the night we cried together.

She said she wants to know what happens to me and that she still loves me but the realtionship, and my approach, was hurting her. I said it would change once we live together, and that Im not good at long distance communication. And it is true, these things never happened when we were together, everything was fine then.

So this is the situation, the break up happened 2 days ago and since then we only texted few words about if I made it home safely. I said I dont want to stay in contact because it will hurt. But to see that I suddenly dont have her is hurting me even more. I dont know how to fix this, and if it is even possible, but I really believe she is the best girl I could ever have, we wanted to have family together and just stay together and work through everything, but she changed her mind. 

I know I probably should just forget it, but I need to know your opinions on what would you do to get her back. Should i wait until she comes home and then meet her and suggest to go hiking and talk? We need to meet to give each other some things anyway.

Thank you so much.

(before we started the relationship, we had a little "break up" becasue she decided she wants to stay with her boyfriend, but then changed her mind after a few days and chose me)

 

 

[Batya33]

I would do nothing - and let her move on - because you always knew she justified cheating and she still does -I mean even if she hasn't actually been sexual with this other man she conveniently realized how unhappy she is once she met him - she's acting inconsistent with being in a committed relationship. I think sharing living space will make it worse not better -it will take care of the long distance but the distance between what you want and what she wants is the issue and to me is a dealbreaker.

I'm sorry you're disappointed and I know you know you took the initial risk of getting involved with someone who lacked certain - morals -about how to treat people.

[catfeeder]

This is common in teens and early twenties, because there are lots of shifts into different stages of life. You’re invested in a business, which is rightly where your focus should be in order for it to thrive. But you’ll need to make the kind of sacrifices that one who’s working for an established company without ownership doesn’t have to make. Meanwhile, she’s all about play time. That’s not your fault, but it won’t serve you to neglect your business and have it go under because you’re too enamored with catering to her.

You can’t rush her maturity into responsibility, and she can’t curb yours without destructive consequences. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you will delay instant gratification in order to enjoy long range success.

[MissCanuck]

I think this relationship has finally run its course. 

 

[ShySoul]

On 3/16/2024 at 3:57 AM, majko said:

, but I need to know your opinions on what would you do to get her back.

If you have to get a person back, it raises the question if they were ever really yours in the first place. Relationships are not won in a grand or last minute gesture. They are the accumulation of each moment, each act while together. There will be good moments, there will be bad moments. At the end of the day, the hope is that the good outweights the bad. But sometimes, no matter what you do, it's not enough. Both sides need to be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Once one side is out, take them at their word and believe it. 

The question you should be asking is what will best help you heal? Do you still want her in your life, even if it's not in the romantic way you hope? If you do, then you have to try to simply be a friend. Go for a hike with her not as a way of winning her back or with some kind of motive, but simply to take an interest in something she enjoys. 

On 3/16/2024 at 3:57 AM, majko said:

I just wanted to work more so I can make my company work better and support our future family. Also I started to communicate less, visit her less, and we didnt have too much to talk about as in the beginning. Many times I refused to go with her where she wanted because I didnt want to waste money on frequent travelling or I had to finish work

Good lesson for the future. While it's great to want to work to support a family, it's important to not lose sight of the moments. Life is a balance of work and play. You can't focus so much on the fun that you struggle to put food on the table. But if you focus entirely on the work, you aren't there for the person you are doing it all for and risk losing them. Relationships need compromise, time for work and play. But in the end, I've never regretted spending a little more if it put a smile on her face.

[TeeDee]

For a while you two traveled the path of life together but now you are on different paths.  That happens.  Let her go. Wish her well.  Focus on your company & in time you will meet the right woman. 

[tattoobunnie]

You are dodging a bullet; you both want different things.  She wants to fly by the seat of her pants, whether or not she can afford pants.  You want stability, roots, and a family.  She will never support you in your pursuits.