Dumbed by Girlfriend - she still flirts

[Curiosgeorge93]

Hi all, 

me and my ex girlfriend recently split in the middle of January - she blindsided me over text following her birthday weekend where I made loads of plans and took her out (nice I know) 

context: She is 29 and I am 30 and I would of been okay with the breakup in time I think she said she lost feelings and attraction etc didn’t think there was a future. 
 

I try to follow no contact but she reaches out with flirting messages here and there or sends tiktok videos to me and sends eye emojis but then sometimes is also very cold and distant. 
 

she said she misses us when we first spoke on the phone week after break up and has said she is not sure she would every want to try again. 
 

the flirting is mixed signals - why is she doing this? 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Curiosgeorge93 said:

 she said she lost feelings and attraction etc didn’t think there was a future. 

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? 

How long ago did she tell you there was no future? It seems like the end has been discussed .

You mentioned you would be ok with the breakup?  Are you hoping to reconcile? 

If not delete mute or block whatever nonsense she's sending you. Did she meet someone else?

[Curiosgeorge93]

Thanks for the message. So we were together like 8 months so I know not a very long time but we both thought the connection was insane - which is where I just don’t get the blindside. She was totally loving us and our relationship, excited for the future, Christmas gifts like scrapbooks, saying she was extremely attracted to me and loved the sex - this was like 10th-December to Christmas. We broke on the 13th January and she said just after Christmas is when she started to feel different but said I did nothing wrong and it’s not me it’s her cliche, she just lost feelings and “somethings missing”.

 

She told me she didn’t want to try again around 5th February - but a good 3 or 4 times she has reached out to message me and flirt and the coworkers agreed there is no other way to take the message but being flirty.

 

See my answer is in two fold - if she is clear and done then I don’t want to reconcile I know when I’m not wanted and they’ve been clear.

 

its when they are UNCLEAR ie flirting and still showing signs when I’m like OK but why the mixed signals? What makes it difficult is she is very avoidant and is very hot and cold so trying to ask direct questions or get a phone call out of her rather than text is providing difficult. 
 

on the meeting someone else, I didn’t think she would she said she wasn’t dating and wants to keep herself busy and focusing on her - however she is in contact with her ex of 4 years as he is the father of her child but she has categorically said at the start and during relationship there is no feelings there and things are done, she only sees him as the dad. 
 

so this theory of potential him being around adds further confusion for myself in it all and I can’t trust her reasoning for the break off. She has in summary based our relationship off of a whole 2-3 weeks from Christmas and I can’t really see what had even significantly changed in that / still having sex, still date nights, nice meals, texting all day, no signs nothing.

[Batya33]

 I would tell her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together and if you are still available and interested you will consider it.

[Kwothe28]

37 minutes ago, Curiosgeorge93 said:

See my answer is in two fold - if she is clear and done then I don’t want to reconcile I know when I’m not wanted and they’ve been clear.

 

You will never get this from some people. They will always try to "hook you" in case they need you for later. For example in this case when her baby daddy leaves her again she will come back crawling back and saying how "she made a mistake and now suddenly loves you". 

Be smarter then that. Dont let yourself be dragged into something like that. Sometimes its not on other people to tell us when to stop, sometimes its on us being smart enough to know that.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, Curiosgeorge93 said:

 her ex of 4 years as he is the father of her child 

Unfortunately it seems she's not being honest with you and you don't know much about her.  She's on this on/off rollercoaster and you can play along or save your sanity and step off at any time 

[greendots]

She isn't being straightforward with you. As suggested above, unless she wants to get back together with you she shouldn't contact you you.

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, Batya33 said:

 I would tell her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together and if you are still available and interested you will consider it.

 

2 hours ago, greendots said:

She isn't being straightforward with you. As suggested above, unless she wants to get back together with you she shouldn't contact you you.

I agree. I'd make it this clear cut. Some people crave attention on occasion, and they know exactly who to tap for it--and who will put up with that. 

[SooSad33]

On 3/8/2024 at 12:17 PM, Curiosgeorge93 said:

So we were together like 8 months so I know not a very long time but we both thought the connection was insane - which is where I just don’t get the blindside. She was totally loving us and our relationship, excited for the future, Christmas gifts like scrapbooks, saying she was extremely attracted to me and loved the sex - this was like 10th-December to Christmas. We broke on the 13th January and she said just after Christmas is when she started to feel different but said I did nothing wrong and it’s not me it’s her cliche, she just lost feelings and “somethings missing”.

8 months - time enough to tell if you're into that person or not.

She has pulled away & admitted she's not all in this anymore. Then just stop contact.  Don't let her lead you on anymore, She's being disrespectful.

Be done now, work on accepting and move on.