I (M22) just found a shocking truth about my girlfriend (F21). What should I do?

[smackie9]

have to ask her....is she mature enough to handle life's trauma again in a proper manner? and ask yourself are you mature enough to accept this and be able to handle what could lie ahead? 

[boltnrun]

You don't need to repeat your "big update" multiple times. Everyone can see your responses.

What might she do if she experiences life stressors again? Why is being promiscuous her go-to when she feels stress?

[Seraphim]

I would be inclined to forgive once. But I would keep feelers out for lies. 

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

I would be inclined to forgive once. But I would keep feelers out for lies. 

What do you mean feelers?

[Coily]

16 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

What do you mean feelers?

Your intuition.

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

12 minutes ago, Coily said:

Your intuition.

Thank you for the clarification! Also, what is your opinion on this? Do you think I made the right choice?

[Coily]

3 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Thank you for the clarification! Also, what is your opinion on this? Do you think I made the right choice?

Honestly I think giving her a second chance is just going to open you up to more pain after that revelation. She keeps compounding lies, upon lies all while claiming it's for your sake. I will also say, contrary to many, that body count does matter; not the number but why the number. If it's a bunch of casual partners when she's hit rock bottom, or as revenge for being cheated on. I would be extremely cautious. If that's her go to when stressed out in the past, what is she doing proactively to stop those behaviors?

She's afraid to lose you, but the way she is going about it is all wrong and manipulative. The whole her faking virginity, could have easily been handled by her saying it was cool that you were, and that would have been it.

 

[bluecastle]

Reading your update, my thoughts/opinion ran something like: I really, really hope she can find a way to forgive herself for a stretch of life that, in the grand scheme of things, should not merit any shame or guilt at all. So she hooked up with some randoms—in that she is hardly alone, hardly a "hoe," but simply a human being finding her footing and slipping around a bit, as most of us humans do. It even sounds like one of her instances of "cheating" is more connected to being shamed than actually, well, breaking a mutually agreed-upon boundary. 

I share the above because as long as she continues to feel shame about all that—and anything that's a whiff of it—the instinct to lie will be there, as lying is often motivated by shame, and that snake chasing its tail is what often leads to other unfortunate choices and actions and a general stunting of maturity. In other words, it's not something your forgiveness can "cure," though it is important that your forgiveness is genuine and that you don't genuinely view her as some kind of "hoe."

Yes, it's unfortunate that she couldn't be straight with you about this from the onset—and for some people that would be a dealbreaker. Whether it is for you is a question only you can answer. As it seems, you've made a choice. Now live that choice for a bit, with open eyes, and you'll have all the answers you need. 

 

[Capricorn3]

OP, when you have an update, please only post it once.  No need to repeat the post for every member who responded.  Thanks.

[Batya33]

I think it's a very personal choice whether to continue.  I would not want to -more along the lines of what Wiseman and Coily wrote.  None of it would have sat right with me or aligned with my values.  But again it's such a personal choice.