What is he thinking?

[pitifulexcitement]

Hi,

 

I live in an apartment with 3 other girls. One of them is moving out, so our landlord came to show the apartment to a new potencial renter (nobody was home), and he left a box of chocolates for us, as a Christmas gift.

I bought a small box of chocolates to gift him in return, and texted him to tell him I had a box of chocolates to gift him, and told him to please tell me when he would return (because I wouldn't be home), so I could leave the box of chocolates out on that day for him to take it with him.

He answered he would have to taste the chocolates with me, along with a coffee, and that that would be the only way it would make sense. He said we would go over our schedules later so we could find a time, if that would be okay with me, and that he wanted to know how things are going.

What is he thinking? Did he reject my gift because he thinks it is inapropriate and he doesn't want to become indebted, or does he want to have coffee with me?

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, pitifulexcitement said:

, so our landlord came to show the apartment to a new potencial renter (nobody was home), and he left a box of chocolates for us, as a Christmas gift.He answered he would have to taste the chocolates with me, along with a coffee, and that that would be the only way it would make sense. 

Please try to keep things professional. A gift for doormen, residential employees and managers is ok, but please don't go for coffee. Please re-read your lease especially about entering your apartment and the required notice for that. What does your roommate think about this? Was the gift for both of you? 

[shouldhavelearned]

Don't go alone.

Never heard of someone being forced to leave a gift with conditions 

[Tinydance]

Well I got the impression that he's actually asking you out on a date. On the other hand, what is the situation with the landlord? Is he your friend or just a stranger? I think it's very unusual for a landlord to leave a box of chocolates for his tennants. Usually the relationship between a landlord and tennant is strictly business and professional. I personally wouldn't go for coffee with him. It sounds like he might be into you. If you date your landlord and it doesn't work out, things could get super awkward for you to live there.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, pitifulexcitement said:

I live in an apartment with 3 other girls. he left a box of chocolates for us, as a Christmas gift.

What makes you think the candy was for you? Please don't let him enter your apartment without adequate notice. A landlord has the right to show an occupied property, but only with written advance notice. The coffee conversation is a bit creepy so please step back. 

[ShySoul]

Either he mistook your act of kindness for you wanting more, or he's overstepping his bounds as a landlord. Either way, avoid doing anything else with him unless you already have a prior history of being social with each other. Best to keep everything strictly professional.

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, pitifulexcitement said:

He answered he would have to taste the chocolates with me, along with a coffee, and that that would be the only way it would make sense.

Oh cmon, that was clearly a call for a coffee date. 

Dont think his nice gesture required you to buy him a chocolate. Men in general arent used to nice gestures or even compliments. So gestures like that can be interpreted as you liking him. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

When you say you live in an apartment with 3 people, do you mean an apartment complex and the 3 of you have your own separate units? Or are you living in some sort of student housing where a single unit has 3 of you sharing space? 
 

is the landlord the owner of the complex, or a property manager? Do you have a history with him? As in, does he frequent the property and you all are on friendly terms? 

 

Anyway, it sounds like he was asking you on a date, not “rejecting” your gift 

[Batya33]

We are not allowed to tip our maintenance staff. We rent and the apartment is part of a corporate landlord with different locations and we have a leasing office on premises.  Because we're not allowed to tip every year we give a holiday gift to the office for the managers AND staff.  Typically fruit/chocolate/nuts gift tower for all to enjoy.  We never ever get gifts back but the leasing office does small gatherings and parties for all the residents from time to time. In the many years we've lived here -and the 15 years I rented in NYC - never ever did a landlord/building employee give me a personal gift or ask to see me personally. That would have been bizarre and creepy.  

If you move out and live elsewhere and landlord then asks you out, fine.

[Andrina]

16 hours ago, pitifulexcitement said:

I bought a small box of chocolates to gift him in return, and texted him to tell him I had a box of chocolates to gift him, and told him to please tell me when he would return (because I wouldn't be home), so I could leave the box of chocolates out on that day for him to take it with him.

I would have assumed he'd been gifted some chocolates, doesn't like eating them, and just thought he'd regift to the next apartment he happened to have to enter.

You, then, buying him his own box seemed really strange to me, and the jumping through hoops message that followed might've given him the wrong idea. Now, you've opened a can of worms because he sounds creepy. I'd get out of that mess any way you can. Definitely do not meet with him socially. 

[smackie9]

That's a sleazy way to lure you into a date. Ugh been there, don't like that. Don't answer him back.

[Jaunty]

I got an impression that YOU were trying to lure HIM into a date by buying him chocolates.  Seemed like an excuse on your part to get in more contact with him.

He's your landlord, not the maintenance man;  you and your 2 roommates are his clients, it makes sense that he might give a small gift to his renters for the holidays.   But this would have been meant for sharing between you 3 roommates.  Seems quite awkward that you'd respond by getting him a gift and trying to organize giving it to him.

Were you trying to make a move towards a date?

 

[ShySoul]

40 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

 Seems quite awkward that you'd respond by getting him a gift and trying to organize giving it to him. Were you trying to make a move towards a date?

Maybe she's just an ultra polite person who was trying to do something nice for the holidays? I have a friend who will do little things for people like that just to be nice and show gratitude. She's also the type where if she gets something, she almost feels obligated to return the favor. Doesn't mean she wants anything in return.

Regardless, pitifulexcitement, if you aren't comfortable with his response, don't let it go any further. 

[lostandhurt]

Seems like he was the one trying to steer this meeting into something more.

I think he was thinking he likes likes you and wants to see if you feel the same.

 Lost

[rainbowsandroses]

5 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Seems like he was the one trying to steer this meeting into something more.

I think he was thinking he likes likes you and wants to see if you feel the same.

 Lost

I agree and personally would find it creepy as ****.  He's your landlord, he has access to your apartment and godonlyknows what steps he would take to observe you and your comings and goings. 

Don't think this hasn't happened because it has and does!!  Read the news. 

Next time you're faced with this type of situation do NOT buy your landlord chocolates or any other gifts.  So that's on you.  

If me, I'd start looking for another apartment ASAP.  He has stepped over the line by coming on to you the way he did.

Again he's for landlord for crying out loud, creepy!! 

[Sally .C.]

I suppose it's remotely possible that's he's just extremely friendly and is interested in nothing more than a friendly chat with someone who rents a space to...but it's more likely that he has a romantic interest in you. 

If you decide to go, bring someone else, as someone else suggested. Bringing a friend shows that you're not interested in a date, but that you're interested in a friendly relationship.

Or (and this is what I would do) abort the whole idea of gifting him chocolates.