Need advice please

[4dsc]

On 12/4/2023 at 1:37 PM, boltnrun said:

 

You have some really twisted ideas about women. And you were "bossy and dominant" to help the relationship? How does that help?

Regardless, if she's determined to end the romantic part of the relationship you have no choice but to accept it.

I recommend consulting an attorney to see what you can arrange legally regarding custody of the kids. She can get an attorney and setup visitation for herself if you are awarded full custody. 

No i had to be bossy because she wasn't doing anything other then working. Not helping with anything. Certain things need to be said but i agree, i could have said it in a less dominant manner. I learned my lesson and am working on it.. i suggested couples therapy yesterday and she said maybe but not right now. Maybe there's a chance. I hope i can last that long. I also realised I'm not emotionally ready for the dating stuff and asked her if she wanted me to get rid of it and she said yes. So possible there is still something there.. i don't know if we need to go the legal route since she is not kicking me out and using me as a sitter and house keeper. I know if i take them away she will have all the time in the world to date and chill, while i take care of the kids like a sucker. That hurts big time.  I have things i want to do also. I'm thinking of doing the classic man thing to do in this relationship and just dump everything on her including the kids and not help with anything. She'll probably hate my guts after but i feel im on a sinking ship anyway. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

 every little mean thing i did to her, like made her have sex when she didn't want to. She never wanted to.  

Why not move out into your other place?  Please don't bother playing games like telling her you're on dating apps,etc. As far as your children, you're responsible for them too. Finally marital rape is not "a little mean thing ".  You come across as somewhat brutish and it's unclear why she continues to let you stay in her house. 

[indea08]

So many red flags here that I don’t even know where to start. 

I guess all I can say is that regardless of how much blame you wanna place on her, I’ve learned plenty about you throughout this thread that tells me you will continue to have the same issues with any woman until you get into therapy yourself.

It will open your mind and improve your relationships in ways you cannot imagine. Please give it an honest try.

[4dsc]

On 12/4/2023 at 11:40 AM, Jaunty said:

Do you have a job outside of the home?  Do you make financial contributions?

I started paying for everything last month. I use to pay for food and other misc things.  She would get the rent and kids private schooling. I live off assets/investments so i don't need a standard job thankfully. 

[4dsc]

On 12/4/2023 at 10:32 AM, smackie9 said:

She's been taking advantage of you for sometime. Time to stop making life easy for her. If she works crazy hours she making money, in turn, she can afford to pay you child support, and she can have visitations on the weekends. Get full custody of your kids. lawyer up. 

Finally! Someone on my side. Thank you for being a critical thinker and not just automatically saying im the bad guy because I'm a man.. i agree with you. She is more wrong here than i am and she is lucky I'm still holding on and trying. Not for much longer though. I don't need her money and i don't feel like taking the kids because that will give her freedom and i don't think she deserves it with the way she is acting. I just don't know if me leaving and not helping with anything will benefit our relationship where she will realise she loves me and needs me, or it will make her hate me even more. But i can't take her cold attitude towards me much longer. I'm trying my best to win her love back even though i know she's wrong for me, and she continues to take advantage. She did say she would rather me not be on dating apps, and would go to a couples counsler in the future. So maybe there's still something there. 

[indea08]

5 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

She is more wrong here than i am and she is lucky I'm still holding on and trying. Not for much longer though. I don't need her money and i don't feel like taking the kids because that will give her freedom and i don't think she deserves it with the way she is acting.

Your children are not pawns in your relationship that you can take or leave in an attempt to exert control over your girlfriend. Your thoughts are seriously problematic. Like, really problematic.

Even if your girlfriend is A problem, she is not THE problem.

Your kids need help.

[4dsc]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not move out into your other place?  Please don't bother playing games like telling her you're on dating apps,etc. As far as your children, you're responsible for them too. Finally marital rape is not "a little mean thing ".  You come across as somewhat brutish and it's unclear why she continues to let you stay in her house. 

I never told her about the apps. She found out by accident since Google sent one of my reddit posts to her email for what ever reason. No idea why that is but gotta love google! 

Honestly if she said don't touch me i wouldn't touch her. Stop making it seem like I'm a rapist. She basically made it seem like, "ok I'll do this for you cause i love you and want to make you happy but i could care less about this". That's what i meant. So you think it's ok never to have sex in a relationship it seems. Nice. You seem pretty ignorant. Reminds me of my dad. That's why we don't talk anymore. Black and white with him. And she let's me stay because she is using me! I'm an amazing father and husband who is being greatly underappreciated and used. I will likely leave if this continues though.

[4dsc]

3 minutes ago, indea08 said:

Your children are not pawns in your relationship that you can take or leave in an attempt to exert control over your girlfriend. Your thoughts are seriously problematic. Like, really problematic.

Even if your girlfriend is A problem, she is not THE problem.

Your kids need help.

Yes their mom is being selfish and ending a perfectly good relationship. I feel bad for them. But i wont neglect them and they will still see me. She needs to stop using, and taking advantage of me as another poster mentioned. That's the biggest issue here even if she decides to stay with me. These things need to be addressed. 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

You seem pretty ignorant.

You seem really nice.

[MissCanuck]

9 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

Thank you for being a critical thinker 

Oh, the irony. 

1 minute ago, 4dsc said:

Black and white with him

More irony. 

16 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

where she will realise she loves me

She doesn't love you anymore, though. That ship has sailed. 

17 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

saying im the bad guy because I'm a man

It's not because you are a man. It's because you are astonishgly immature and reactive. 

[indea08]

15 minutes ago, 4dsc said:

Yes their mom is being selfish and ending a perfectly good relationship. I feel bad for them. But i wont neglect them and they will still see me. She needs to stop using, and taking advantage of me as another poster mentioned. That's the biggest issue here even if she decides to stay with me. These things need to be addressed. 

Debating whether to do the classic man move and dump your kids and everything on their mom, or deciding not to take them away from their mom only because you don’t want their mom to enjoy freedom is not being a good father. That’s being a very selfish, horrible father.

You’re so concerned with how wrong your girlfriend is, but dude check the mirror. You can’t control her, but my God, control yourself. Seek therapy.

[Capricorn3]

After reading all your rather disturbing posts, all I can strongly advise is urgent specialized therapy to help you with your many issues, awful and disturbing views on all women, your sense of entitlement, being self-absorbed, selfish, controlling and bullying ways ..... plus many more.  That said, I highly doubt you would ever contemplate therapy.

I keep hoping this is not for real, because if it is ....... it's truly disturbing (imo).

[Wiseman2]

On 12/3/2023 at 2:54 PM, 4dsc said:

 She's just referring to me being kind of bossy and dominant but I never did it in a disrespectful way or for no reason., I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning, and take care of the kids as I'm retired and financially stable. She is a pharmacist and pay most of the bills.

It's fine if you're a stay at home father, especially if she's working this hard. She's wise to keep her job and benefits. She seems like a responsible mother watching out for her children financially and with healthcare for them, since you're unemployed. 

If she doesn't want the relationship or sex anymore, you can move out of her house and figure out child support and custody/visitation.

You're not married, and have no joint assets, so you're free to leave. But you're still responsible for the children no matter what you do. 

[boltnrun]

Wrong thread.

[Tinydance]

My comments I made to you have literally nothing to do with you being a man. You made some misogynistic (or just mean/judgemental) comments about women. You said all women on dating apps are weird or crazy and no wonder they're single. Also comments like: "I know my partner will keep running back to me in typical female fashion". You also made many comments saying you're so amazing, great guy, such a catch, she'll never find anyone as good. Which makes you sound really up yourself. If you read all my posts on this forum you'll notice I don't only respond negatively to males but also to females if they're acting arrogant.

If you don't want to keep living with your ex then it's your choice and your decision to move out. You don't have to stay there just to help with the kids. But on the other hand these are actually your kids, you're their Dad. So I don't really understand this whole situation that she wants you to stay there just to help with the kids. You can move out and work out a custody arrangement. You would be taking care of the kids and so would she. You don't need to keep living there just to see your children. 

Sure maybe you're not a rapist but you mentioned a few times now that you pushed her to have sex and she didn't want to. You shouldn't push anyone to have sex if they said no. Doesn't matter man or woman.

[Jaunty]

On 12/7/2023 at 12:33 PM, 4dsc said:

Finally! Someone on my side. Thank you for being a critical thinker and not just automatically saying im the bad guy because I'm a man..

 

Dude ... first off, your whole attitude about "SIDES" is part of why you are in this ridiculous mess.   Second, people are not on your "side" because you are displaying a really crap attitude.   

Like someone else said, it would be quite interesting to hear this from your ex's perspective.