No contact or remain friends?

[Mellotart]

Im 19 and i had a boyfriend for over 2 years but we broke up during summer. We talk a lot daily and i miss him a lot but he tells me he never wants me back, and i respect that decision even though i dont like it. I get extremely paranoid thinking that hes talking to other women (which is ok for him to do) , it makes me feel actually sick and nauseous. I want to just be happy for him if he does find a new partner. I feel like i never meant anything to him. He was my second boyfriend and he was the most healthiest relationship i had. He also said that he never really felt love as deeply as me when we were together. That hurt a lot. Anyways, should i just cut him off for my own sake and mental well being, since it makes me extremely anxious and ill? Or should i just try to suck it up and continue to talk to him. Hes my only friend i talk to everyday and its a hard decision to make due to that. Im very scared of being alone. Any advice will be appreciated

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Mellotart said:

Im 19 and i had a boyfriend for over 2 years but we broke up during summer. We talk a lot daily and i miss him a lot but he tells me he never wants me back,, should i just cut him off for my own sake and mental well being, since it makes me extremely anxious and ill? 

Sorry this is happening.  What was the breakup about? You're right it's probably better for you not to try to stay friends. It's painful and holding you back.

Explain that you need to set yourselves free and then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

As long as he's hanging around, it's salt in the wound and keeps you from moving forward to date guys who care about you. 

 

[catfeeder]

36 minutes ago, Mellotart said:

Hes my only friend i talk to everyday

That's not a great way to position yourself--making a BF into your only friend. Consider a goal of adding new friendships to your life. They don't need to be super close, they can just be about bonding over one or more mutual interests. Then over time, some of those might evolve into closer friendships.

The problem with breakups in high school and college is that you'll still need to share a campus and maybe some friend groups or classes or parties, so the idea of burning bridges entirely creates an unnecessary discomfort of having an enemy cross your path at any given time.

So shoot down the middle. Stop the daily conversations so that you can heal and free up your time to focus on exploring new interests and making more appropriate friends. But agree that you'll be kind to one another when your paths cross, and you'll consider one another friendly acquaintances who will help one another if needed.

[lostandhurt]

You are ex's not friends and since you still have feelings for him a true friendship is not possible.

 It sounds like you are cordial so no need to be mean but you do need to be firm and let him know you need to stop talking with him so you can move on properly.  I am going to guess that you do most of the initiating and if you stopped he would almost never initiate a convo.

 After some time has passed (years) and you have truly moved on a friendship could be possible but not now.  This "friendship" you have with him right now is just you hanging on hoping he will change his mind.  That is a horrible place to be so do yourself a huge favor and put major distance between you two and focus on other friends or making new ones.

 Lost

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, Mellotart said:

Im 19  Hes my only friend i talk to everyday and its a hard decision to make due to that. Im very scared of being alone.

OP, you are so very young and have a full life ahead of you.  Don't you have any other female friends at all?  It seems being "very scared of being alone" is making you cling to your ex like he's a lifeline.  You need to let go.  There's a great big wide world out there and many opportunities to make other friends, especially at your age and school/college etc.  Join a gym, volunteer, social clubs, hiking, biking etc etc.

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, Mellotart said:

Hes my only friend i talk to everyday

Why is this? What's happened to your other friends?

11 hours ago, Mellotart said:

should i just cut him off

Yes. This one is a no-brainer. You can't be friends with him. It's hurting you way too much and it will get a lot worse when he meets another girl and drifts even further away from you. 

I am sorry you're hurting. Now is the time to begin healing, make some positive changes to find your balance in life again, and move forward to the next chapter. 

[Deejmonster]

On 11/4/2023 at 4:47 PM, Mellotart said:

Im 19 and i had a boyfriend for over 2 years but we broke up during summer. We talk a lot daily and i miss him a lot but he tells me he never wants me back, and i respect that decision even though i dont like it. I get extremely paranoid thinking that hes talking to other women (which is ok for him to do) , it makes me feel actually sick and nauseous. I want to just be happy for him if he does find a new partner. I feel like i never meant anything to him. He was my second boyfriend and he was the most healthiest relationship i had. He also said that he never really felt love as deeply as me when we were together. That hurt a lot. Anyways, should i just cut him off for my own sake and mental well being, since it makes me extremely anxious and ill? Or should i just try to suck it up and continue to talk to him. Hes my only friend i talk to everyday and its a hard decision to make due to that. Im very scared of being alone. Any advice will be appreciated

Sounds to me like you are still processing the breakup and the feelings that come with it. That is totally normal and healthy. You also admit that you have abandonment issues (fear of being alone), this is also really healthy to at least be aware of what makes you "tick" and shows that you are aware of yourself. Having been through many many breakups of all shapes and sizes, they are never fun or easy to deal with and in time they normally get better. My opinion is that you should go no-contact in order to properly heal from this as continuing to speak with him will only complicate your feelings or may end up opening new wounds for you to feel later. I have been in your shoes before. It can be difficult to deal with and process but it will make you stronger in the end. I would focus on your hobbies/school/work to keep your mind off of him. Making new friends isn't always easy but friendships will develop when you least expect it. Based on what he told you, it sounds like its an emotional response to drive you away so he can figure himself out. While its not the healthiest, its also pretty common to see. Keep your head up and focus on yourself and I am sure that you will be alright in due time.