Think my partner is not being faithful

[Poppy123]

Hi there any advice or options would be great, I recently had messages from other girls saying my partner was messaging them, asking for things etc and they also sent me screenshots of the messages etc I confronted my partner and he is denying everything saying he has been hacked ! My gut is telling me he is guilty 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Poppy123 said:

 I recently had messages from other girls saying my partner was messaging them, asking for things etc and they also sent me screenshots of the messages etc 

How do these people know your contact info and what exactly were they messaging you as far as details? 

[Poppy123]

The people who messaged stay in the same area as me , and stated that I should know what he has been messaging etc he done it to me a few years ago messaging girls etc asking for videos and pics etc but I forgave him and I am friends with one of them and the other girl got my name etc from his Facebook , they sent me the messages that he had sent them on messenger , 3 different people, 3 different dates and times etc 

[Poppy123]

I can’t speak to him about it as when I do he starts shouting and banging things etc one of the girls you can see he was talking about his work etc before asking for pics etc he wasn’t hacked then but all of a sudden he says he was hacked, it’s the way he writes etc and he sent them a picture of him which you can tell he took it himself , I asked about it and he says someone must have took it and sent it , but it’s a picture of him in my kitchen xx

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Poppy123 said:

 he starts shouting and banging things etc. he sent them a picture of him which you can tell he took it himself.

Is he usually this abusive? Since he has a habit of this inappropriate behavior, have you suggested these women report him? There's no point confronting him since it's obvious he likes being an online pervert and you know it's him from the screenshots. Please take care of yourself. Advise the women to report him. 

[Poppy123]

Yeah thank you he just keeps denying it I told him we were over but I feel he thinks I’m bluffing, been together 20 years too, but I’m not putting up with it anymore I do absolutely everything for him and he has took me for granted , he says I’m stupid for believing other people over him 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Poppy123 said:

I confronted my partner and he is denying everything saying he has been hacked !

If you believed that I have a good Yugoslavian wine to sell it to you.

He is messaging other women and cheating. Not to mention being abusive and even gaslights you with stuff like this

1 hour ago, Poppy123 said:

he says I’m stupid for believing other people over him 

There is no future with somebody like that.

[Poppy123]

Yeah thank you he just keeps denying it I told him we were over but I feel he thinks I’m bluffing, been together 20 years too, but I’m not putting up with it anymore I do absolutely everything for him and he has took me for granted , he says I’m stupid for believing other people over him 

[smackie9]

Good prove him wrong and boot him to the curb.

 

[Lambert]

I have come to realize and accept that I don't need proof. The fact that I don't believe them is the proof. There is no trust there.  And that's just as big an issue as the cheating. 

After 20 years, you know who and what you're dealing with. 

[HeartGoesOn]

Rather than admitting to these choices, as well as showing some respect towards you, he chose the classic excuse of being "hacked." Between that, as well as calling you names having temper tantrums, etc, he's clearly demonstrated who he is, and what he's all about.

After being with him for 20 yrs, he understands that he can do as he wants, without facing any consequences.

In short, it's time to send him packing, while saying what you mean, and meaning what you say.

Without trust, you have nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Poppy123]

Thank you all very much , I didn’t want to believe but unfortunately I’ve seen the messages etc and I feel it’s time to think of myself and my kids , I deserve better, thank you

[shouldhavelearned]

Communication

Double check the source 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 10/13/2023 at 11:58 AM, Poppy123 said:

I deserve better,

Yes you do, not only from others but more importantly from yourself.

On 10/13/2023 at 5:44 AM, Poppy123 said:

he done it to me a few years ago messaging girls etc asking for videos and pics etc but I forgave him...

None of what is happening now would be happening had you left him after discovering this^.  Had you left back then, you could be living a completely different life right now, happy and fulfilled with or without a man. 

Forgiving is fine, again for you (not him) so you don't continue your journey angry and bitter.  However that does NOT mean you have to remain in the relationship (or even marriage) with him.

How were you able to respect him after that?  Trust him?

IDK for me, once I lose respect I'm DONE.  I don't want him touching me after that.

I realize we're all different but curious how were you able to stay after that?  Respect him, trust him?  

He's weak, period. Cheaters and abusers typically are which is why they have this need to lord it over you like a caveman, yelling and pounding their fists like he does.  Lord.

Anyway, this is a sensitive subject for me so apologies for the rant. 

I truly do hope you find the courage to leave and never look back. 

Life is too damn short....

Good luck. 

 

 

[Poppy123]

Thank you for you’re message, I know what you mean I was silly for forgiving the first time as don’t think I really got over him doing it the first time it was always there, I just pushed on and tried to forget , and this time round he is saying he was hacked and was not him messaging the girls in question, making me doubt myself ,  I can’t even speak to him about it as when I try always ends in an argument etc but when the girls come forward I wasn’t upset I was more annoyed at myself as felt as if I let it happen again, but felt a sigh of relief too as if I expected it to happen, but from now on no more second chances , I have a big heart and I care too much for people, but I need to put myself first as it’s no good for my mind and health , another person has told me he was messaging them too but back in Feb and says he was hacked then too 🙄

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Poppy123 said:

 when the girls come forward I wasn’t upset I was more annoyed at myself as felt as if I let it happen again.

Ask them to report this harassment to the site/platform administration. It's better than arguing with a liar when he gets banned for being a pervert.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Poppy123 said:

I have a big heart and I care too much for people

This isn't about you caring too much. It's about your lack of self-worth. You don't care about yourself enough. Having a big heart doesn't factor into it. 

9 hours ago, Poppy123 said:

don’t think I really got over him doing it the first time it was always there, I just pushed on and tried to forget

Why? Things like this should not be forgotten. You need to pay attention to them. 

9 hours ago, Poppy123 said:

I can’t even speak to him about it as when I try always ends in an argument

Don't even bother trying to speak to him about it anymore. Talking about it won't make him a better partner. It won't make him love you and respect you. There is nothing more to talk about. 

You need to start making an exit plan to end this relationship. 

[Poppy123]

Hey that is what I’m going to do , I’m going to leave him, I’m not wanting to live a life in relationship with no trust, he is trying to talk to me as if nothing has happened, maybe his way of thinking I will whirl back into his lies and forgive him, but I’m not putting up with this anymore, feel as if I’ve been on my own long enough so I know I can do it x

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, Poppy123 said:

 I’m not putting up with this anymore, feel as if I’ve been on my own long enough so I know I can do it.

All you need to do is privately and confidentiality consult an attorney for information support and advice on your specific situation and begin preparing for divorce. Do not threaten divorce or tell your husband. Just get your ducks in a row and develop your departure plan. 

It's not as simple as "kick him to the curb". You need to legally dissolve the marriage, now that you've decided you've had enough of his nonsense and abuse. Enlist the support and help of trusted friends and family. 

[Poppy123]

Things got out of hand yesterday and he totally turned on me so bad that I had to call police he was charged and now on bail but not aloud near me or where I stay , I never ever thought he would get as bad as that, thanks for all the support really means a lot to me as I feel talking to people who don’t really know me does help thanks again 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Poppy123 said:

 I had to call police he was charged and now on bail but not aloud near me or where I stay 

Sorry this happened. Now that you have a restraining order, please consult an attorney for information support and advice about divorce. As far as his arrest, the prosecutors will handle that. Please take care and enlist the support of trusted friends and family. Perhaps have someone stay with you. 

[LootieTootie]

2 hours ago, Poppy123 said:

Things got out of hand yesterday and he totally turned on me so bad that I had to call police he was charged and now on bail but not aloud near me or where I stay , I never ever thought he would get as bad as that, thanks for all the support really means a lot to me as I feel talking to people who don’t really know me does help thanks again 

Whatever you do, do not go back to him. The guy is abusive and slimy. Your kids deserve better. You deserve better.

[SooSad33]

On 10/13/2023 at 8:47 AM, Poppy123 said:

I can’t speak to him about it as when I do he starts shouting and banging things etc one of the girls you can see he was talking about his work etc before asking for pics etc he wasn’t hacked then but all of a sudden he says he was hacked, it’s the way he writes etc and he sent them a picture of him which you can tell he took it himself , I asked about it and he says someone must have took it and sent it , but it’s a picture of him in my kitchen xx

This guy is disgusting!  His behaviour an all.

Stop accepting his bs lies and his yelling, etc and just leave him!