Dating and Insecurities with a side of emotional distress

[Blckbttrfly]

I started dating someone in august who I’ve known since high school and I like him a lot. We’ll call him Eric. Eric says he’s always had a huge crush on me since high school and now that we’ve been dating, I’m starting to really like him a lot. He always tells me how he feels about me and wants us to be together even though we still are catching up and getting to know one another. As Eric was pouring his feelings to me, he said that he would get jealous if a guy tries to talk to me. One day, I was out with my friends and Eric was going to pick me up from the place. He FaceTimed me and told me he was outside waiting for me and as I was getting up to meet him, a guy whom we both knew from high school “Harry” recognized me and we exchanged words and laughed for a bit. I told him I had to go and it was nice seeing him. Once I get in the car, I told Eric that I saw “Harry” at the place and he immediately said “oh the one you were flirting with”. We got into a huge disagreement about it because of his jealousy but talked it out eventually. Sometimes I feel like we moved on too fast because we have gotten intimate and share very strong feelings for each other. I go on Eric’s Instagram page sometimes and notice that he follows a lot of women and likes their pictures. I’ve already pointed that out to him and told him that it would make me feel uncomfortable if he’s liking certain pictures if we end up together. I notice that he also browses Instagram to follow random women he doesn’t know even after our jealousy disagreement and likes their older pictures. He used to like my Instagram stories before we started dating, but barely likes the pictures I send him and pictures of myself on my story. I know I drive myself crazy checking his page and who pictures he’s liking recently, but something is telling me to end it if I’m feeling this way. I feel like if I can’t have a simple conversation with the opposite sex but he can just follow random women, and who knows what he does behind closed doors. He’s really sweet and takes me out, brings me medicine when I’m sick, but I just feel like sometimes that’s not enough for me and I can’t get past some of his actions. I’m not used to seeing someone I’m dating 3-4 times a week and we share that time together. My friends and family think we see each other too often. I even told him that one day I had a dream about him going after another girl and he said that he would never do that to me. How should I go on about our relationship? I really like him, but I’m very confused at the same time. I just wish it was how it used to be when we were friends. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Blckbttrfly said:

  My friends and family think we see each other too often.

Please listen to your friends and family. Try to pace yourself and slow down. You're already seeing several red flags, most notably the jealousy and possessiveness.

Step back and reflect if you are trying to override the red flags because you know him from back in the day and there's sort of a false familiarity. 

Please slow down and take note of your feelings and instincts. 

[Batya33]

Seems to me you two have incompatible values and standards as to boundaries with opposite sex friends and if you're already arguing/so focused on his social media -does that seem healthy??

[Jaunty]

Seems that at this time you're both too insecure to be in a relationship.   Try some casual dating.

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, Blckbttrfly said:

notice that he also browses Instagram to follow random women he doesn’t know

That a sort of voyeurism, objectifying women, don't you think? 

This should be a fun time for the both of you. Not full of these regular arguments. People with bad traits can have good traits, too. But if the bad traits are dealbreakers, best not to invest any more time. And yes, some friendships can transfer well into moving into a romance, but not always. 

A good partner eases your troubles instead of creating them. I suggest moving on.

[shouldhavelearned]

Communication 

[Kwothe28]

I dont think its bad you see each other too often. After all if it progresses you would maybe live together. Trouble is, with seeing eachother often you were able to notice some glaring holes in a relationship. For example, his pathological jealousy. Which isnt a good property and you should run away from it. Along with his questionable Instagram activities there is enough flaws there for you to deduct it wont work. Especiaally because you are 2 months in and noticed all that. With moving forward it would only get worst, not better. Because if this is what you have discovered in short time seeing eachother who knows what else is there.

[Batya33]

I think having some sort of insta relationship where you see each other so often that you stop doing your regular social life/activities/alone time/work doesn't prepare at all for living together -if you wait to live together until you've spent the time --- over a longer period of time-seeing how you each live your regular lives, deal with life's stresses that won't be compacted into a couple of weeks time, etc. 

These sort of red flags typically show up -if you're listening -if you're not all in the clouds but have at least a foot on the ground -on a first or second date -it's in the comments/body language, etc- it may not be the sort of incident that would happen if you live in the same space or if you go to a party to meet friends -but if you listen then people who are controlling show that in the first couple of dates.  And a confident person notices and can choose what to do, early on.

[smackie9]

He doesn't like you talking to other guys, even if it's someone you both know, but he thinks it's ok for him to carry on with his activities on social media. Him getting jealous is him projecting. He knows that what he is doing and feeling for these other women is wrong, so he assumes you are doing the same thing when he sees you talking to your friend/other men.

He does nice things for you and feels you OWE him for it. Nice guy syndrome. He's a manipulative jerk. He gets defensive and uses passive/ aggressive attitude. I guarantee you he will use that against you in an argument "After all I have done/ do for you....." 

Girl you need to punt this guy to the curb. Some of us on here has dated someone just like that. It never ends well. 

[Blckbttrfly]

On 10/12/2023 at 7:16 PM, Jaunty said:

Seems that at this time you're both too insecure to be in a relationship.   Try some casual dating.

You first 

[Blckbttrfly]

And lmk how that goes!

[MissCanuck]

Never date guys who operate on a double-standard.