Did he meet someone else?

[Emmy321]

Since the beginning of July  I have been talking to someone I met online,  we messaged each other pretty frequently and video chatted a couple times.  I went on vacation the last  week of july and came back the beginning of Aug and I also stayed in touch  with  him during that time. We were finally going to plan to meet when i got back but  things seemed really diff with him, I talked to him so much that I could tell the difference.   I asked if somthing had happened and  he told me  he lost his  job and this part is kind of long story but  he said that  he needed to focus on finding another one and few other things going on in his life which I do know about. He asked for some time and I told him I would give him all the time he needs.  He always answers me when I reach out here and there but he never reaches out first anymore.   am I overthinking things or did he meet someone else. I don't want to  push him away but I can't be gving time ..if hes not even there anymore.  

[Batya33]

I think you waited too long to meet in person so he either met someone and/or lost interest. If you two wanted to meet in person you would have by now.  I wouldn't give it another thought and simply move on and don't take it personally -you never met in person.

[Emmy321]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think you waited too long to meet in person so he either met someone and/or lost interest. If you two wanted to meet in person you would have by now.  I wouldn't give it another thought and simply move on and don't take it personally -you never met in person.

I suppose we did wait to long  but we couldn't do it before I left for vacation out of the country. He was  understanding about waiting. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Emmy321 said:

. We were finally going to plan to meet when i got back but....he lost his  job 

Sorry this is happening. Is this a distance situation? Unfortunately anyone who won't meet in a timely manner is a red flag. Could be a scammer, catfish, in another relationship, or just a timewaster.

Delete and block him so you can cut your losses and move forward. 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Emmy321 said:

I suppose we did wait to long  but we couldn't do it before I left for vacation out of the country. He was  understanding about waiting. 

From now on if you can't meet within a week or two I'd move on or reconnect about a week before you can meet.  Typing and talking to a stranger has nothing to do with dating.  If you want to "date online" then type and talk to strangers and you can flirt, etc but it's not dating and has nothing to do with a potential romantic relationship. If you started typing messages and video chatting in July that's almost 3 months ago -your vacation was only two weeks and you were back two months ago.

[Emmy321]

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

From now on if you can't meet within a week or two I'd move on or reconnect about a week before you can meet.  Typing and talking to a stranger has nothing to do with dating.  If you want to "date online" then type and talk to strangers and you can flirt, etc but it's not dating and has nothing to do with a potential romantic relationship. If you started typing messages and video chatting in July that's almost 3 months ago -your vacation was only two weeks and you were back two months ago.

we were going to meet and would have met   but he said he needed time to focus on a  finding a new job<<<<this has stop us from meeting a MONTH ago...  He really took it hard..

[Andrina]

47 minutes ago, Emmy321 said:

He always answers me when I reach out here and there but he never reaches out first anymore. 

Never put more effort in than you are receiving. It's the best way to gauge someone's interest or lack of it. The last time you communicated something, the ball was then in his court, and if he doesn't initiate further contact, don't reach out to him. When he said he needed time to organize his life, you should've said: "Okay, when you're ready to meet, you can reach out to me and if I'm still single, we can talk about meeting. Until then, let's go no contact. Good luck in finding a job."

I did OLD for several years. 9 out of 10 times upon the actual first meet, one or both of us didn't feel the chemistry, or was put off by behavior/personality, etc. It's all fantasy before seeing each other in person, so it's best not to get emotionally involved if a quick meet can't happen for a good long while.

It doesn't matter what his deal is. You shouldn't give a lot of space in your head for a stranger. Keep on trying to meet eligible men whether it be on OLD, or expanding to Meetup.com activities and engaging in other local activities where single men your age participate. Good luck.

[Emmy321]

36 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Never put more effort in than you are receiving. It's the best way to gauge someone's interest or lack of it. The last time you communicated something, the ball was then in his court, and if he doesn't initiate further contact, don't reach out to him. When he said he needed time to organize his life, you should've said: "Okay, when you're ready to meet, you can reach out to me and if I'm still single, we can talk about meeting. Until then, let's go no contact. Good luck in finding a job."

I guess I thought since he was still responding to me that it was ok and that if he didn't want to talk to me at all,  he would of just ignored me all together or blocked me.

[rainbowsandroses]

I am sorry to say this Emmy, but I highly doubt he ever had any intention of meeting you.  I mean it's just too much of a coincidence.  He's all gung ho to meet and then suddenly right before you plan to meet, he loses his job, he needs to find a new one, blah blah, he cannot meet.

 

This is very common on line especially when there's some distance between you.  Not sure if that's the case here but moving forward, if someone cannot meet within two weeks after you first start talking or texting, move on.

 

There are so many people on line who enjoy chatting, they even seek an emotional connection of sorts BUT have no intention of meeting in person. 

 

They'll keep up the facade until it's time to actually meet, and then, just like what happened here, something comes up and they can't meet.

 

That's my take on this anyway, again it's just too much of a coincidence that right before you intend to meet, suddenly he lost his job and can't meet?

 

Not buying it.  

 

I would move on from this, lesson learned. 

 

I'm sorry.

 

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, Emmy321 said:

I suppose we did wait to long  but we couldn't do it before I left for vacation out of the country. He was  understanding about waiting. 

That really doesn't make any difference.  People you are "talking to" online are strangers no matter how much you may feel like you're connecting.  There is nothing sticking you together.

It's a good idea to avoid these long drawn out "talking phases" altogether.  

If you want to meet but you cannot for months, next time just tell the person that you're unavailable until whenever, and you will get back in touch with him then. 

[Tinydance]

I'm not trying to be rude but to be honest I think you got too invested in this guy. If you met him on online dating, there are lots of people there who won't meet for whatever reason. It's so common to be talking to people on dating apps and then they don't meet coz they're meeting other people, they lost interest, they were a catfish, etc, etc. That happened to me many times and I just forgot about those people pretty quickly. There are a lot of flakes and time wasters on online dating. 

I know this might sound bad but if you never met then you should just view that person as a stranger/random. Unfortunately you might come across this a lot so you can't get invested. 

[Emmy321]

Thanks everyone for all you input!

[MissCanuck]

Whether he met someone else or is truly stressed about his employment, the end result is the same: this isn't a realistic dating prospect. 

It's time to let go of the idea of him. In the future, don't keep chatting with someone you can't meet promptly and with whom there are no solid plans to meet. It's a waste of time and will get you attached to something with no future. 

[Kwothe28]

Met somebody else, already has a girlfriend, already has a wife and a family, who knows?You havent met him so even you dont know what kind of life he leads. 

10 hours ago, Emmy321 said:

He asked for some time and I told him I would give him all the time he needs.

For a stranger that you havent even met? No, just no. Delete, block and move on with your life.

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, Emmy321 said:

we were going to meet and would have met   but he said he needed time to focus on a  finding a new job<<<<this has stop us from meeting a MONTH ago...  He really took it hard..

In the future this is when you say to the stranger -I'm really sorry you're going through a hard time -if there comes a time when you are available to meet in person to see if we should go on a date in the future, please do reach out.  Take care.

Or decide you want a chat buddy and you are not interested in dating him in person -a penpal.

You need to have much better boundaries.  Last February a woman wanted to meet me in person through our Facebook mom group.  I said sure and gave her a few options in the next week or so.  Silence for 3 months.  In May she messaged me again -do you want to meet for coffee next week? I couldn't do so then because of work and a family trip but I suggested we make a tentative plan for 2 weeks from then.  Silence.  I got back to her once more 2 weeks later to tell her I could meet a week from then (because of a work deadline).  She wouldn't set any time or date.  A few weeks later she reached out and asked me if I knew of anyone for a business she was starting. I didn't.

I won't reach out again and I likely wouldn't agree to meet her in person -she has shown me through her actions she's all talk no real action.  Why would I waste my time chasing after a meeting?  Why are you chasing strangers who aren't making a plan to meet in person ASAP and want you to keep chatting -have time to chat -despite having struggles -isn't the point to meet in person to see if you should go on a real date in the future??

I met over 100 men in person through dating sites and with one or two exceptions never had contact before meeting more than a few messages and one to two phone calls -I wanted to date not find a chat buddy.

[smackie9]

Excuses excuses like...someone died, lost my job, have health issues, dog ate my homework, etc. He's blowing you off. When a guy has true intensions he doesn't wait weeks or months to meet up. This guy just burned up some of your precious time. Fail. Lose his number. 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Emmy321 said:

Did he meet someone else?

The most important thing is he never met you.

[Emmy321]

14 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

For a stranger that you havent even met? No, just no. Delete, block and move on with your life.

I get how it may sound to you but He doesn't feel like a stranger to me...we may have never met in person offincally but we have connected on facetime a few times. 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Emmy321 said:

I get how it may sound to you but He doesn't feel like a stranger to me...we may have never met in person offincally but we have connected on facetime a few times. 

It's okay Emmy, such on-line/digital connections are quite common.  I mean it's not like you're interacting and communicating with a robot. 

You're two human beings with feelings and emotions, sharing information about your lives and spending time together.

Difference is that time is being spent digitally versus in person. 

And tbh if you weren't seeking a relationship with him, live and in person, I'd say continue interacting with him if it brings you joy and adds value to your life. 

But I got the sense you're not interested in digital, you want something live, in person. 

I'm not sure HE does based on what you wrote.  But that's only a guess. 

You do what you think is best and let chips fall where they may. 

If you get hurt, so be. 

We live, we love, we learn. 💛

 

 

 

[Batya33]

36 minutes ago, Emmy321 said:

I get how it may sound to you but He doesn't feel like a stranger to me...we may have never met in person offincally but we have connected on facetime a few times. 

He is a stranger for romantic, dating and safety purposes. I have very close online relationships that are platonic friendships.  I had penpals -snail mail -when I was young.  For dating and romantic potential until you meet in person the typing and talking is basically irrelevant as far as knowing whether there is in person chemistry -looks are a minor reason why - and whether there is general compatibility. 

For example -have you ever seen him interact with waitstaff or other service person? Have you observed his body language and energy in person? How he makes eye contact in person and how he treats you and others around him in person? You've also never met anyone he knows and he's never met anyone you know.  And on and on.

You can't tell romantic chemistry or whether you click for dating purposes until you meet in person and typically more than once in person over a a couuple of weeks, regularly, at least.

[Emmy321]

42 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It's okay Emmy, such on-line/digital connections are quite common.  I mean it's not like you're interacting and communicating with a robot. 

You're two human beings with feelings and emotions, sharing information about your lives and spending time together.

Difference is that time is being spent digitally versus in person. 

And tbh if you weren't seeking a relationship with him, live and in person versus digitally, I'd say continue interacting with him if it brings you joy and adds value to your life. 

But I got the sense you're not interested in digital, you want something live, in person. 

I'm not sure HE does based on what you wrote.  But that's only a guess. 

You do what you think is best and let chips fall where they may. 

If you get hurt, so be. 

We live, we love, we learn. 💛

no,  In reality it can't be just digital  thing and Yes I would like a in person thing. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, Emmy321 said:

no,  In reality it can't be just digital  thing and Yes I would like a in person thing. 

What are you going to do? 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Emmy321 said:

no,  In reality it can't be just digital  thing and Yes I would like a in person thing. 

If you want to date men then use dating sites only as a way to make a first contact. Exchange a few messages then a phone call. Use a 15-20 minute phone call as a way to screen for safety - his voice tone and word choice and whether he asks appropriate questions about you. Figure out whether he is someone you can imagine meeting in person for 45 minutes fir a walk or coffee or ice cream and have a pleasant time. Then make a plan to meet within a week or so. If he says he doesn’t want to meet move on.
If he says he can’t meet for over a month and won’t make a plan in advance tell him to call when he’s available to meet.

Don’t text before you meet other than to confirm the plan. Let him ask you out after the first meet for a proper date especially if you requested the first meet. The first meet is not a date as he’s a stranger you’re meeting to see if you should go on a date in the future. Good luck !

[Emmy321]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

What are you going to do? 

I guess just stop messaging him and see what happens

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Emmy321 said:

I get how it may sound to you but He doesn't feel like a stranger to me...we may have never met in person offincally but we have connected on facetime a few times. 

Oh trust me, I understand better then you realize. And again, just no. You dont know that person. You live in a fantasy land where where you think you know that person. Meaning that you builded an ideal image of that person in your head and how you "get each other and meant to be together" or something. So now you want to wait on somebody who didnt even wanted to meet up with you and didnt even want to message you first. Because you think that ideal person you imagined is worth of wait.

Sorry, but no, he isnt. Nore he is particularly interested when he didnt even wanted to message you first and decided to treat you as a "reserve" in case his other plans(read "other women") dont work. Have some more self respect and dont allow him to treat you in that way. If you are dating you need to think about yourself and that you are better then just some reserve to some random guy that you never met. Cut your losses and move on with your life. There is a plenty of fish in the sea. And they will be far better for you then this guy would ever be, trust me on that.