Shy, not interested, playing games?

[rainbowsandroses]

23 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Maybe it’s easier for you. I don’t fall for girls easy. I fell for this one hard and was smitten.  I’m allowed to be sad for a little while.  I’m not saying I’m never gonna date again.  I won’t lock myself in my room and cry for days.  But it’s ok to feel a little sad.  It’s part of life. 

Bundle, I'm the same as you.  I never casually dated a bunch of men simultaneously and don't fall easily or even become "attracted to" men very often. 

By 'attracted to' I mean beyond simply finding them attractive on the outside.  I find many men attractive but not "attracted to" them.  There's a difference.

For me, it goes deeper and when I did or do become attracted to a man, it's not so easy to shake off!

Believe me, I wish it were!

Fortunately it didn't happen often because when the energy/chemistry was there enough for me to "fall," it was there for him too.  

Genuine chemistry, that energy/vibe you (and I) referred to earlier, typically is in my experience. It's mutual..

So I hear ya and can relate.  

But let's not get all gloomy yet, again feel it out next time you see her and go from there!  

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Bundle, I'm the same as you.  I never casually dated a bunch of men simultaneously and don't fall easily or even become "attracted to" men very often. 

By 'attracted to' I mean beyond simply finding them attractive on the outside.

For me, it went deeper and when I did or do become attracted to a man, it's not so easy to shake off.

Believe me, I wish it were!

Fortunately it didn't happen often because  when the energy/chemistry was there enough for me to "fall," it was there for him too. 

So I hear ya and can relate.  

But let's not get all gloomy yet, again feel it out when you see her and go from there!  

I was exactly the same. I just kept my eyes on the prize despite no guarantees. I didn’t have that sort of time to waste. I dated as many men at a time as I could to find the right match. Once in a blue moon I’d go on a date for casual reasons but it was so so rare. I often fell hard. And I chose to manage those feelings and let them exist for sure - no other choice - but I wanted a husband and chance at becoming pregnant naturally. Time was running out especially after age 34 or so. 
I knew of a number of women who fell hard like me AND chose to react by getting Uber focused and foregoing other opportunities. One wasted 4 years like that. Never actually dated him. One dated someone on and off for 5 years or more who she was over the moon about and marriage was never going to happen mostly for external reasons. She did end up marrying later in life but lost the opportunity to have a child. Several more examples of that. 
2 months before I met my future husband for dinner I was over the moon about a local entertainer I’d dated for about two months not exclusively. He wasn’t ready. He started pulling away and we talked and he asked for more time so I gave it a bit more time. Then he showed me a dealbreaker side of him. I was still smitten. And knew I had to end it. I was hurt and upset and disappointed. Yet I knew I deserved more - a better match. 
Had I chose to remain in my woe is me state - I’d put my all into this despite it being non exclusive - I think I dated no one else in that time- I’d have not been interested in meeting my futures husband for dinner and likely not be in the mindset to feel the magical sparks I did 

I’m no less a Romantic type who falls hard just because I chose a different way to react when I felt so awful and upset. I still felt awful and upset. Especially in my late 30s!!

[Bundle2023]

14 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Bundle, I'm the same as you.  I never casually dated a bunch of men simultaneously and don't fall easily or even become "attracted to" men very often. 

By 'attracted to' I mean beyond simply finding them attractive on the outside.  I find many men attractive but not "attracted to" them.  There's a difference.

For me, it goes deeper and when I did or do become attracted to a man, it's not so easy to shake off!

Believe me, I wish it were!

Fortunately it didn't happen often because when the energy/chemistry was there enough for me to "fall," it was there for him too.  

Genuine chemistry, that energy/vibe you (and I) referred to earlier, typically is in my experience. It's mutual..

So I hear ya and can relate.  

But let's not get all gloomy yet, again feel it out next time you see her and go from there!  

You’re right. It’s typically mutual and I’m very rarely wrong when I feel it the other way. Actually this may be the first time it’s happened. Haha. So that’s why I’m a little stunned, sad and writing on this forum for the first time.  I don’t think I’ve ever had the sense someone liked me and been wrong before.  And now that it’s happened I’m taken aback.  Oh well. And like I said yah never know. Maybe I’m not wrong.  But I’m not gonna dwell on it.  I’m dating 2 other women right now (don’t worry. It’s early on and we are feeling each other out). So I don’t have trouble meeting women and feel I’ll be fine.   And I like both of them so we’ll see where it goes.  But neither of them hit me like this other one. But sometimes with time more feelings can develop.  We’ll see. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

You’re right. It’s typically mutual and I’m very rarely wrong when I feel it the other way. Actually this may be the first time it’s happened. Haha. So that’s why I’m a little stunned, sad and writing on this forum for the first time.  I don’t think I’ve ever had the sense someone liked me and been wrong before.  And now that it’s happened I’m taken aback.  Oh well. And like I said yah never know. Maybe I’m not wrong.  But I’m not gonna dwell on it.  I’m dating 2 other women right now (don’t worry. It’s early on and we are feeling each other out). So I don’t have trouble meeting women and feel I’ll be fine.   And I like both of them so we’ll see where it goes.  But neither of them hit me like this other one. But sometimes with time more feelings can develop.  We’ll see. 

Oh I see. I never ever assumed someone I was interested in was interested in me. Unless he asked me out on a date he planned. Or in your case I’d say unless the woman enthusiastically agrees to a date time and place.

 

I never assumed my future husband wanted to get back together until he told me so. I wanted him back badly. I felt sparks. I accepted totally that was from my end only. I saw many signs he might be interested in me too and I never read into signs because to me the only sign was if he asked me out.

If he didn’t he wasn’t interested in dating me at least not at that time. Now I understand that you had expectations that since you felt something she was too. Not going to judge that as wrong just can’t relate but now I do understand why your reaction was what it was. 

[Bundle2023]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I see. I never ever assumed someone I was interested in was interested in me. Unless he asked me out on a date he planned. Or in your case I’d say unless the woman enthusiastically agrees to a date time and place.

 

I never assumed my future husband wanted to get back together until he told me so. I wanted him back badly. I felt sparks. I accepted totally that was from my end only. I never read into signs because to me the only sign was if he asked me out. If he didn’t he wasn’t interested in dating me ag least not ag that time. Now I understand that you had expectations that since you felt something she was too. Not going to judge that as wrong just can’t relate but now I do understand why your reaction was what it was. 

Yea.  I usually sense it by body language and the way they talk, smile at me.  When I catch them looking at me while I’m not paying attention. There are usually signs and those were all there. Not to mention the conversation was very good and the fact that there are plenty of other men to talk to at these things. She’s always by me. I’ve seen other men hit on her when I’m not around and she usually gives them the cold shoulder. So the feeling was strong. Which is why I got confused. 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Yea.  I usually sense it by body language and the way they talk, smile at me.  When I catch them looking at me while I’m not paying attention. There are usually signs and those were all there. Not to mention the conversation was very good and the fact that there are plenty of other men to talk to at these things. She’s always by me. I’ve seen other men hit on her when I’m not around and she usually gives them the cold shoulder. So the feeling was strong. Which is why I got confused. 

I’ve been flirted with many times in my life and had the same exact signs and for whatever reason they didn’t want to date me. Sometimes it was at a party, a first or second date , whatever.
I had men ask me my ring size in a first meet, had all the body language and vibes and energy. I refused to focus on those as signs he was interested in dating me. He might find me attractive, charming , intriguing , sexy AND unless he asked me out on a proper date I assumed he wasn’t interested in me as a potential date. Or potential relationship. Or not yet. I wasn’t interested in collecting men for my ego like “Ohhhh he’s into me too! Look how he looks at me and checks me out ! He stayed at coffee for 3 hours and talked about stuff we could do in the future !!”  Nope.

 

Didn’t let myself go there. I wanted a husband. Not to be spending my time reading into “signs “ - also a person who is actually interested in dating would never risk having someone have to read into “signs “. He or she would either ask for a date or respond with enthusiasm.
Why risk a person you’re interested in being snapped up by someone who actually shows interest simply and directly no deciphering necessary?  Simple “yes I’d love  to see that movie with you and get sushi after. Saturday is perfect !”

people are individuals. With rare exception a woman who wants to date you wants you to know that so she doesn’t risk you looking elsewhere. 

[rainbowsandroses]

It's not about assuming.  I never assumed, never had to, it was obvious the attraction was there, for both of us. 

It's a sense, a vibe, an energy generating between the both of you.

And when it's there, it's obvious to both people, that's what chemistry is when it's genuine and not based on the superficial (looks, money, status).

30 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

So that’s why I’m a little stunned, sad and writing on this forum for the first time.  I don’t think I’ve ever had the sense someone liked me and been wrong before.  And now that it’s happened I’m taken aback.  

Wait, what, did something happen that indicated to you she's absolutely without a doubt not interested?  

I'm not suggesting she is or isn't.  I have no idea. 

But going back to my first post, talk to her when you see her,  play it out and read my brother's story again for inspiration! 

 

 

[Bundle2023]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I’ve been flirted with many times in my life and had the same exact signs and for whatever reason they didn’t want to date me. Sometimes it was at a party, a first or second date , whatever.
I had men ask me my ring size in a first meet, had all the body language and vibes and energy. I refused to focus on those as signs he was interested in dating me. He might find me attractive, charming , intriguing , sexy AND unless he asked me out on a proper date I assumed he wasn’t interested in me as a potential date. Or potential relationship. Or not yet. I wasn’t interested in collecting men for my ego like “Ohhhh he’s into me too! Look how he looks at me and checks me out ! He stayed at coffee for 3 hours and talked about stuff we could do in the future !!”  Nope.

 

Didn’t let myself go there. I wanted a husband. Not to be spending my time reading into “signs “ - also a person who is actually interested in dating would never risk having someone have to read into “signs “. He or she would either ask for a date or respond with enthusiasm.
Why risk a person you’re interested in being snapped up by someone who actually shows interest simply and directly no deciphering necessary?  Simple “yes I’d love  to see that movie with you and get sushi after. Saturday is perfect !”

people are individuals. With rare exception a woman who wants to date you wants you to know that so she doesn’t risk you looking elsewhere. 

Yea. I’d also say it’s a little different for men than it is women.  Like I said I’ve never been wrong (until now maybe) that a woman wanted to date me or at least wanted to hook up with me based on signs. 

[Bundle2023]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

No one is assuming anything, it's a sense, a vibe generating betwen the both of you.

And when it's there, its obvious to both people, that's what chemistry is when it genuine and not based on the superficial (looks, money, status).

Wait, what, did something happen that indicated to you she's absolutely without a doubt not interested?  

I'm not suggesting she is or isn't.  I have no idea. 

But going back to my first post, talk to her when you see her and read my brother's story again for inspiration! 

 

 

Other than her not replying to text, nothing explicitly.  I will take your advice. Problem is who knows if/when I’ll see her again. 

[Bundle2023]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It's not about 'assuming.'

It's a sense, a vibe, an energy generating betwen the both of you.

You are so right about this. I’m not just flat out assuming. I’m not that arrogant!!  Haha. There’s a vibe, energy. You both sense it!  That’s what I thought this was. 

[Andrina]

37 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Yea.  I usually sense it by body language and the way they talk, smile at me.  When I catch them looking at me while I’m not paying attention. There are usually signs and those were all there. Not to mention the conversation was very good and the fact that there are plenty of other men to talk to at these things. She’s always by me. I’ve seen other men hit on her when I’m not around and she usually gives them the cold shoulder. So the feeling was strong. Which is why I got confused. 

I did have a similar situation after my first marriage ended. I worked in a very large building with many agencies/companies and developed a crush on someone in the workplace. I've always thought of myself as intuitive, and thought he was into me, and a friend/co-worker noticed and said the guy would look for me on my day off. He would come in to speak to me about personal matters with his ex, and everyone thought he was single. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't asking me out and I asked him to go to the zoo with me and he accepted. But he did not make any moves.

Later, I became friends with a woman in the building who I found out had been secretly dating him during the time period we all thought he was single. They wanted to keep it secret to avoid gossip, apparently. She also told me he drank way too much, and he might have been an alcoholic.

So then I saw it was for the best we never did date, because I've never been interested in dating someone who abuses alcohol, and then saw he wasn't as nice as I thought he was. He knew I had a crush and enjoyed the ego boost, not caring how it would hurt me that he was misleading me.

I'd take her behavior of looking at you and enjoying conversation means she enjoys having a fan as well. She's also rude not to reply to an invite, even if it's a no. So she's showing you this unkind behavior but you're choosing to overlook this very major thing. 

As a woman, I also know how it feels when a guy repeatedly won't take no for an answer because it's happened to me at least twice. In this particular case, I'd safely veer to the idea she'd be annoyed versus this turning out in your favor if you ask why she ignores you when you've asked her out twice. 

As you say, there will be more opportunities. If she happens to be "afraid" which I doubt, those sorts of people usually aren't good candidates to date anyway. People with emotional baggage need to ditch it before being a good partner. 

Take care.

 

[Bundle2023]

16 minutes ago, Andrina said:

I did have a similar situation after my first marriage ended. I worked in a very large building with many agencies/companies and developed a crush on someone in the workplace. I've always thought of myself as intuitive, and thought he was into me, and a friend/co-worker noticed and said the guy would look for me on my day off. He would come in to speak to me about personal matters with his ex, and everyone thought he was single. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't asking me out and I asked him to go to the zoo with me and he accepted. But he did not make any moves.

Later, I became friends with a woman in the building who I found out had been secretly dating him during the time period we all thought he was single. They wanted to keep it secret to avoid gossip, apparently. She also told me he drank way too much, and he might have been an alcoholic.

So then I saw it was for the best we never did date, because I've never been interested in dating someone who abuses alcohol, and then saw he wasn't as nice as I thought he was. He knew I had a crush and enjoyed the ego boost, not caring how it would hurt me that he was misleading me.

I'd take her behavior of looking at you and enjoying conversation means she enjoys having a fan as well. She's also rude not to reply to an invite, even if it's a no. So she's showing you this unkind behavior but you're choosing to overlook this very major thing. 

As a woman, I also know how it feels when a guy repeatedly won't take no for an answer because it's happened to me at least twice. In this particular case, I'd safely veer to the idea she'd be annoyed versus this turning out in your favor if you ask why she ignores you when you've asked her out twice. 

As you say, there will be more opportunities. If she happens to be "afraid" which I doubt, those sorts of people usually aren't good candidates to date anyway. People with emotional baggage need to ditch it before being a good partner. 

Take care.

 

Thank you for the reply. It all makes sense. I was just surprised cause she honestly seems sooo nice and innocent that I never expected her to just do something cause she likes the attention. Of course you never know and i don’t know her THAT well but the little I do know her it just didn’t really seem like that. You’re totally right though that I’m overlooking her not even replying as being rude. Others on this forum think that’s ok to just ignore someone instead of replying which i think is strange. I think in certain circumstances it’s fine but not with someone who is sort of a friend, you’ve had quite a few convos with and have exchanged numbers with and texted with (I didn’t even ask for her number. She gave it to me).   Even if she wants to give me a no that’s a soft way of doing it like “I’m too busy right now” or “I’m not really in dating mood” I can take the hint.  But straight up ignoring I think is a little rude. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 hours ago, Bundle2023 said:

Until I recently ran a one off event. She texted me before it how she was excited for it.  Then she was very engaging with me at the event. At the end she also mentioned she wanted to go to these other events we had talked about and that she was sorry she never responded to my one text.  And an hour later after the event she texted me how great the event was and she was very engaging. I did engage a bit but in all honesty I was afraid to put my guard down again. So we talked for a little and I was busy that night anyway so I didn’t text her again until the next day to which all of a sudden she wasn’t very engaging again. 

I'm confused about the texting. 

Reading the above, she seemed excited about attending other events and apologized for not responding. 

She was very engaging (good sign) but YOU held back (fear) and then didn’t get back to HER till the following day.

Have you considered the possibility that she may have been anxiously waiting for your text that night and was put off because you didn't?  And that's why she hasn't responded? 

I'm not saying her response is rational, after all it was just one night you didn't respond.  But it was also after you were cooler in your texts due to fear of letting your guard down.  Admittedly. 

If I've misread the situation please correct me but there are two sides to this.  

Yours and hers. 

And it's possible she was put off when you waited to respond and thus she's pulling back now due to certain fears SHE might have. 

It's possible that's all I'm saying. 

P.S.  You both seem afraid.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

t's not about assuming.  I never assumed, never had to, it was obvious the attraction was there, for both of us. 

It's a sense, a vibe, an energy generating between the both of you.

And when it's there, it's obvious to both people, that's what chemistry is when it's genuine and not based on the superficial (looks, money, status).

Same. And it didn't always mean he wanted to date me.  He may have not been available, not wanted to date me despite the attraction or vibe or energy -which was obvious -no assumptions.  I never assumed it meant he wanted to date me.  Even if IT was there.  

[Batya33]

34 minutes ago, Andrina said:

I did have a similar situation after my first marriage ended. I worked in a very large building with many agencies/companies and developed a crush on someone in the workplace. I've always thought of myself as intuitive, and thought he was into me, and a friend/co-worker noticed and said the guy would look for me on my day off. He would come in to speak to me about personal matters with his ex, and everyone thought he was single. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't asking me out and I asked him to go to the zoo with me and he accepted. But he did not make any moves.

Later, I became friends with a woman in the building who I found out had been secretly dating him during the time period we all thought he was single. They wanted to keep it secret to avoid gossip, apparently. She also told me he drank way too much, and he might have been an alcoholic.

So then I saw it was for the best we never did date, because I've never been interested in dating someone who abuses alcohol, and then saw he wasn't as nice as I thought he was. He knew I had a crush and enjoyed the ego boost, not caring how it would hurt me that he was misleading me.

I'd take her behavior of looking at you and enjoying conversation means she enjoys having a fan as well. She's also rude not to reply to an invite, even if it's a no. So she's showing you this unkind behavior but you're choosing to overlook this very major thing. 

As a woman, I also know how it feels when a guy repeatedly won't take no for an answer because it's happened to me at least twice. In this particular case, I'd safely veer to the idea she'd be annoyed versus this turning out in your favor if you ask why she ignores you when you've asked her out twice. 

As you say, there will be more opportunities. If she happens to be "afraid" which I doubt, those sorts of people usually aren't good candidates to date anyway. People with emotional baggage need to ditch it before being a good partner. 

Take care.

 

I had a number of these experiences too as well as where there was obvious chemistry and attraction - and he also didn't see me as a potential girlfriend (in those times where he knew or should have that I was looking for dating with potential for a relationship).  

And I agree totally with the thought that if someone is that "afraid" not worth the time and energy to "convince" them to date you and not be that "afraid".  My husband was desperately shy the first time around we dated and he chose to get over his fears so he could ask me out on a proper date.  He even had his friends on an old school conference call encouraging him and cheering him on lol. He was in his late 20s.

[Bundle2023]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I'm confused about the texting. 

Reading the above, she seemed excited about attending other events and apologized for not responding. 

She was very engaging (good sign) but YOU held back (fear) and then didn’t get back to HER till the following day.

Have you considered the possibility that she may have been anxiously waiting for your text that night and was put off because you didn't?  And that's why she hasn't responded? 

I'm not saying her response is rational, after all it was just one night you didn't respond.  But it was also after you were cooler in your texts due to fear of letting your guard down.  Admittedly. 

If I've misread the situation please correct me but there are two sides to this.  

Yours and hers. 

And it's possible she was put off when you waited to respond and thus she's pulling back now due to certain fears SHE might have. 

It's possible that's all I'm saying. 

It’s certainly possible. But that would be a little unfair. She should remember I asked her out once already and that maybe I was a little hesitant to do it again. I didn’t wait a week.  It was the next day.  There were times I texted her and she took a day to respond as well.  It’s possible but if she were truly interested one day shouldn’t put her off that much.  Especially for someone she knows was interested in her at one point and she turned down. But these are things that would be great to hash out in person. Maybe our communication is a little off. 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

She should remember I asked her out once already and that maybe I was a little hesitant to do it again.

This is assuming she's thinking clearly and logically.  And that she's a mind reader and should KNOW you're hesitant versus not being all that interested yourself.

Feelings and emotions especially as they relate to attraction are very rarely logical. 

IDK, I'm just trying to see both sides.

As an emotional women, at times I've behaved in ways completely contrary to how I truly felt and don't think I'm the only one.

And I've confused and frustrated many men because of it.  Not proud to admit but it's the truth. 

I wouldn't rule anything out yet.  Leave it open and play it out next time you see her. 

In the meantime, live your life same as always.  You have nothing to lose by doing this imo, again good luck! 

 

 

 

[Bundle2023]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

This is assuming she's thinking clearly and logically.  And that she's a mind reader and should KNOW you're hesitant versus not being all that interested yourself.

Feelings and emotions especially as they relate to attraction are very rarely logical. 

IDK, I'm just trying to see both sides.

As an emotional women, at times I've behaved in ways completely contrary to how I truly felt and don't think I'm the only one.

And I've confused and frustrated many men because of it.  Not proud to admit but it's the truth. 

I wouldn't rule anything out yet.  Leave it open and play it out next time you see her. 

In the meantime, live your life same as always.  You have nothing to lose by doing this imo, again good luck! 

 

 

 

Thanks. But you keep forgetting I’m not even sure if/when I’m gonna see her again.  By then it might be too late. 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

. She should remember I asked her out once already 

She did remember and apologized for not getting back to you. Try to let this go. Not every crush is reciprocated. Not every "sign" is correctly interpreted. 

You have other women you're dating so pursue the interested ones rather than worry about the ones who clearly are not.

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Thanks. But you keep forgetting I’m not even sure if/when I’m gonna see her again.  By then it might be too late. 

Can you call her?   Or would you prefer to let the whole thing go? 

[Bundle2023]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Can you call her?   Or would you prefer to let the whole thing go? 

I’ll have to think about that.  I hate to call her and put her on the spot. That might turn her off completely and come across very aggressive. Id rather let it go for now and if the opportunity happens to present itself I can address it then. I’ve become pretty spiritual lately so I feel like God is telling me to let it go for now. If it’s right for me it will present itself again.  😊

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

I’ll have to think about that.  I hate to call her and put her on the spot. That might turn her off completely and come across very aggressive. Id rather let it go for now and if the opportunity happens to present itself I can address it then. I’ve become pretty spiritual lately so I feel like God is telling me to let it go for now. If it’s right for me it will present itself again.  😊

Fwiw, I agree with this!  

Pretty much what I've been saying. 😀

[Cherylyn]

Ignore her back.  She doesn't give you common courtesy so consider her "history."  Move on.  🤨

[MissCanuck]

38 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

I hate to call her and put her on the spot

I would definitely not call her, no. 

She has ignored your date request twice now. Asking a third time is not likely to do much but make her uncomfortable that you can't take a hint. 

[Tinydance]

I actually don't think that Batya33 is being harsh. I didn't think her response was rude but obviously it's just not what you want to hear so you didn't like it lol

I don't think this girl is being rude because this is a bit of a different situation to for example being at a party and asking the girl's number. If it was just some kind of random social situation with your friends or you were both just participants at an event and she gave her number to you then yeah maybe you could consider it playing games. But in this case you are the organiser of these events. So to go to the events or other activities with people from this scene, I think it's normal to be friendly to you and engage. I think it's totally normal for this "engagement" to be based on a person's (say this girl) interest in your events and this "scene". 

For example, I used to go to some Meetup groups and many of the organisers were male. I'm female. Occasionally I did message them just to talk about the events, etc. Or there may have been male participants who said something like, let's all go to XYZ. I wanted to go so I may have exchanged social media with them or something. This was for the purposes of going to those things they mentioned and mingling with the people from Meetup. I think it's fine to be friendly with people from groups you go to. Especially if you're sharing the same interests or you're trying to make new friends.

This girl is allowed to come to your events and be friendly to you but she doesn't HAVE to go out with you. Nobody has to go out with anyone and that doesn't make them rude or playing games.