Shy, not interested, playing games?

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

because this is a bit of a different situation to for example being at a party and asking the girl's number. I

I like your analysis -the fact that it's a Meetup and your experience with Meetups

[Bundle2023]

Hey all!  Great update!  She texted me today!  She apologized a lot how long she took. She said she’d love to hang out and that she’s been a fool for holding back.  She said she rarely dates and has guilt saying no which is why she doesn’t respond to texts. But she knows that’s a flaw and wants to work on it.  However she’d still love to hang out with me as she always has fun talking and getting to know me. So happy ending. So far. Haha.  Of course well have to see. But I’m so happy to get the chance to take her out and get to know her better. 

[rainbowsandroses]

35 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Hey all!  Great update!  She texted me today!  She apologized a lot how long she took. She said she’d love to hang out and that she’s been a fool for holding back.  She said she rarely dates and has guilt saying no which is why she doesn’t respond to texts. But she knows that’s a flaw and wants to work on it.  However she’d still love to hang out with me as she always has fun talking and getting to know me. So happy ending. So far. Haha.  Of course well have to see. But I’m so happy to get the chance to take her out and get to know her better. 

Omg, I had a strong feeling/sense last night she was gonna reach out, not sure where it came from but wow, I'm kinda spooked at myself now, lol. 

But hey great news!!  Like I said, things are not always what they appear to be, never black and white, especially when first starting out together.  It can be scary sometimes! 

Anyway, it all sounds good and positive so have a great date!!  Hope it all works out for y'all. 

[Batya33]

42 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Hey all!  Great update!  She texted me today!  She apologized a lot how long she took. She said she’d love to hang out and that she’s been a fool for holding back.  She said she rarely dates and has guilt saying no which is why she doesn’t respond to texts. But she knows that’s a flaw and wants to work on it.  However she’d still love to hang out with me as she always has fun talking and getting to know me. So happy ending. So far. Haha.  Of course well have to see. But I’m so happy to get the chance to take her out and get to know her better. 

Great news! One date at a time and enjoy! Head in the clouds.... feet on the ground!

[kim42]

1 hour ago, Bundle2023 said:

Hey all!  Great update!  She texted me today!  She apologized a lot how long she took. She said she’d love to hang out and that she’s been a fool for holding back.  She said she rarely dates and has guilt saying no which is why she doesn’t respond to texts. But she knows that’s a flaw and wants to work on it.  However she’d still love to hang out with me as she always has fun talking and getting to know me. So happy ending. So far. Haha.  Of course well have to see. But I’m so happy to get the chance to take her out and get to know her better. 

That's great news, enjoy!

[NighttimeNightmare]

23 hours ago, Bundle2023 said:

You’re right. It’s typically mutual and I’m very rarely wrong when I feel it the other way. Actually this may be the first time it’s happened. Haha. So that’s why I’m a little stunned, sad and writing on this forum for the first time.  I don’t think I’ve ever had the sense someone liked me and been wrong before.  And now that it’s happened I’m taken aback.  

Naw, don’t do that to yourself. Im chiming in as someone else who operates in these same ways you and rainbow were discussing: I very rarely “vibe” with people on that level, but when it happens it’s always shared. It’s never one-sided, that type of vibe takes two equal energies magnetizing towards eachother. It’s not in your head, it’s a shared experience.  You’ve had this experience with others, and you experienced it now again, you trust yourself to know what that feels like. 
 

The thing is, just because you’ve got a connection it doesn’t mean the person wants to date.  And there can be a myriad of reasons for that.  So if she doesn’t want to date, it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a connection, or your senses were wrong, etc. 
 

I have had about 3-4 women in my life who I had this with.  It always turned into a relationship, or attempted to, every single time.  I remember when I first met one of them, she was partnered but there was constantly this strong magnetic feel I had towards her whenever we were together.  It wasn’t crazy stalkerish one-sided feelings that people talk about in their pursuit of their crush, instead it was like two people being pulled towards one another at their core, it almost feels ‘spiritual’.  I always thought it was strange I felt that towards her, because she was in a relationship, but whenever I was around her the “pull” started. I ignored it.  However, once her relationship ended she invited me to dinner and asked what I thought about her and I being a couple.  That’s when I knew, that consistently, whenever I felt that feeling, it was always a shared thing  and that’s probably the case for you, too.  You know.  Anyway, when she asked me out, I essentially declined, and it’s something I regret to this day.  It wasn’t because I didn’t like her, or I didn’t feel that, it was because I was an emotionally abusive mess.  I never explained that to her and she likely thought she was wrong about that pull she felt between us, she wasn’t   

You take the time to seek out valuable connections that are real and shared and I wouldn’t discredit what you know simply because she might not want to date you.  Those two things are separate: you can have a connection/like someone but not want to date them. 

[rainbowsandroses]

50 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Naw, don’t do that to yourself. Im chiming in as someone else who operates in these same ways you and rainbow were discussing: I very rarely “vibe” with people on that level, but when it happens it’s always shared. It’s never one-sided, that type of vibe takes two equal energies magnetizing towards eachother. It’s not in your head, it’s a shared experience.  You’ve had this experience with others, and you experienced it now again, you trust yourself to know what that feels like. 
 

The thing is, just because you’ve got a connection it doesn’t mean the person wants to date.  And there can be a myriad of reasons for that.  So if she doesn’t want to date, it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a connection, or your senses were wrong, etc. 
 

I have had about 3-4 women in my life who I had this with.  It always turned into a relationship, or attempted to, every single time.  I remember when I first met one of them, she was partnered but there was constantly this strong magnetic feel I had towards her whenever we were together.  It wasn’t crazy stalkerish one-sided feelings that people talk about in their pursuit of their crush, instead it was like two people being pulled towards one another at their core, it almost feels ‘spiritual’.  I always thought it was strange I felt that towards her, because she was in a relationship, but whenever I was around her the “pull” started. I ignored it.  However, once her relationship ended she invited me to dinner and asked what I thought about her and I being a couple.  That’s when I knew, that consistently, whenever I felt that feeling, it was always a shared thing  and that’s probably the case for you, too.  You know.  Anyway, when she asked me out, I essentially declined, and it’s something I regret to this day.  It wasn’t because I didn’t like her, or I didn’t feel that, it was because I was an emotionally abusive mess.  I never explained that to her and she likely thought she was wrong about that pull she felt between us, she wasn’t   

You take the time to seek out valuable connections that are real and shared and I wouldn’t discredit what you know simply because she might not want to date you.  Those two things are separate: you can have a connection/like someone but not want to date them. 

Great post! 👍 

@NN, have you read his update?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Bundle2023 said:

 she’d still love to hang out with me as she always has fun talking and getting to know me. 

It's great she replied. Does she think it's friends hanging out or a date? See how it goes, have fun.

[Bundle2023]

1 hour ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Naw, don’t do that to yourself. Im chiming in as someone else who operates in these same ways you and rainbow were discussing: I very rarely “vibe” with people on that level, but when it happens it’s always shared. It’s never one-sided, that type of vibe takes two equal energies magnetizing towards eachother. It’s not in your head, it’s a shared experience.  You’ve had this experience with others, and you experienced it now again, you trust yourself to know what that feels like. 
 

The thing is, just because you’ve got a connection it doesn’t mean the person wants to date.  And there can be a myriad of reasons for that.  So if she doesn’t want to date, it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a connection, or your senses were wrong, etc. 
 

I have had about 3-4 women in my life who I had this with.  It always turned into a relationship, or attempted to, every single time.  I remember when I first met one of them, she was partnered but there was constantly this strong magnetic feel I had towards her whenever we were together.  It wasn’t crazy stalkerish one-sided feelings that people talk about in their pursuit of their crush, instead it was like two people being pulled towards one another at their core, it almost feels ‘spiritual’.  I always thought it was strange I felt that towards her, because she was in a relationship, but whenever I was around her the “pull” started. I ignored it.  However, once her relationship ended she invited me to dinner and asked what I thought about her and I being a couple.  That’s when I knew, that consistently, whenever I felt that feeling, it was always a shared thing  and that’s probably the case for you, too.  You know.  Anyway, when she asked me out, I essentially declined, and it’s something I regret to this day.  It wasn’t because I didn’t like her, or I didn’t feel that, it was because I was an emotionally abusive mess.  I never explained that to her and she likely thought she was wrong about that pull she felt between us, she wasn’t   

You take the time to seek out valuable connections that are real and shared and I wouldn’t discredit what you know simply because she might not want to date you.  Those two things are separate: you can have a connection/like someone but not want to date them. 

Great post! And it makes sense.  I honestly didn’t wanna argue with people here cause I know they were maybe trying to help but it was driving me a little crazy with the “she’s just being nice” “she’s not interested in you” “this isn’t a meant to be situation”.  I couldn’t really convey the vibe and connection over a thread and if I tried to I dont think it would have gotten across.  My female friend who was at the event even came up to me afterwards and said “who was that girl?  She’s clearly into you”  So I really thought I wasn’t going crazy.  But I agree with everything you said. And who knows. Maybe she still doesn’t fully want to date yet. But there’s a clear connection.  The energy is so undeniable. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Bundle2023 said:

Great post! And it makes sense.  I honestly didn’t wanna argue with people here cause I know they were maybe trying to help but it was driving me a little crazy with the “she’s just being nice” “she’s not interested in you” “this isn’t a meant to be situation”.  I couldn’t really convey the vibe and connection over a thread and if I tried to I dont think it would have gotten across.  My female friend who was at the event even came up to me afterwards and said “who was that girl?  She’s clearly into you”  So I really thought I wasn’t going crazy.  But I agree with everything you said. And who knows. Maybe she still doesn’t fully want to date yet. But there’s a clear connection.  The energy is so undeniable. 

Yes I thought she was interested in getting to know you/potentially attracted to you and for whatever reason was not interested in dating you. Now she says she is interested in going on a date with you so enjoy!

[Bundle2023]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's great she replied. Does she think it's friends hanging out or a date? See how it goes, have fun.

I mean I’m just so happy she wants to hang out right now. So we’ll see. Even if it’s friends at the moment I’ll take it. Being ignored was really making me upset so I’m happy she replied. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Great post! 👍 

@NN, have you read his update?

Yup, not surprised 

57 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Great post! And it makes sense.  I honestly didn’t wanna argue with people here cause I know they were maybe trying to help but it was driving me a little crazy with the “she’s just being nice” “she’s not interested in you” “this isn’t a meant to be situation”.  I couldn’t really convey the vibe and connection over a thread and if I tried to I dont think it would have gotten across.

This was exactly my thoughts when reading the thread. Had you been someone who said you feel a connection with everyone you meet and are constantly pursuing different women, I’d have felt differently. But I immediately recognized myself and my experiences in the way you were trying to convey what was going on.  For instance, I can count on one hand the amount of times I felt “connected” to someone, and each time it’s this sort of non-verbal intertwining that is experienced by the two people involved. Nearly impossible to convey it to people on the outside esp if they’ve not had those types of connections. 
 

I think these sorts of message boards are helpful in aiding the poster to work through their thoughts, but I don’t think anyone can really know what’s going on in someone else’s head. We can only do what’s best for us in response to annother’s actions. But you know what you feel with someone in person. Someone like you does, anyway. 

 

 

1 hour ago, Bundle2023 said:

My female friend who was at the event even came up to me afterwards and said “who was that girl?  She’s clearly into you”  So I really thought I wasn’t going crazy.  But I agree with everything you said. And who knows. Maybe she still doesn’t fully want to date yet. But there’s a clear connection.  The energy is so undeniable. 

This same thing recently happened with me actually.  It was with a much older woman and I kept feeling nuts because she’s probably only the 4th or 5th person in my life I felt magnetized towards. Everyone who sees us thinks she’s into me, they’re all able to see the pull that I feel towards her, I’m certain she feels it too.   But I don’t think she’d say yes if I asked her out. But that pull is so palpable. Difficult to describe on a msg board 

anyway, glad the two of you will be hanging out. These connections should be pursued IMO. 

[Bundle2023]

17 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Yup, not surprised 

This was exactly my thoughts when reading the thread. Had you been someone who said you feel a connection with everyone you meet and are constantly pursuing different women, I’d have felt differently. But I immediately recognized myself and my experiences in the way you were trying to convey what was going on.  For instance, I can count on one hand the amount of times I felt “connected” to someone, and each time it’s this sort of non-verbal intertwining that is experienced by the two people involved. Nearly impossible to convey it to people on the outside esp if they’ve not had those types of connections. 
 

I think these sorts of message boards are helpful in aiding the poster to work through their thoughts, but I don’t think anyone can really know what’s going on in someone else’s head. We can only do what’s best for us in response to annother’s actions. But you know what you feel with someone in person. Someone like you does, anyway. 

 

 

This same thing recently happened with me actually.  It was with a much older woman and I kept feeling nuts because she’s probably only the 4th or 5th person in my life I felt magnetized towards. Everyone who sees us thinks she’s into me, they’re all able to see the pull that I feel towards her, I’m certain she feels it too.   But I don’t think she’d say yes if I asked her out. But that pull is so palpable. Difficult to describe on a msg board 

anyway, glad the two of you will be hanging out. These connections should be pursued IMO. 

Yes.  I’m not very naive. It’s not like I’m in high school and getting these crushes.  I’m in my 30s now. I’ve learned a lot about myself and others. I’m not saying I’m an expert at reading people cause there’s still always some mystery (which makes it more fun).  I’ve also been into some girls where I can tell it’s not fully reciprocated.  Honestly those attractions don’t last as long because it’s best when it’s mutual and that’s what this was.  Appreciate the encouragement and advice. 
 

 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Bundle2023 said:

Yes.  I’m not very naive. It’s not like I’m in high school and getting these crushes.  I’m in my 30s now. I’ve learned a lot about myself and others. I’m not saying I’m an expert at reading people cause there’s still always some mystery (which makes it more fun).  I’ve also been into some girls where I can tell it’s not fully reciprocated.  Honestly those attractions don’t last as long because it’s best when it’s mutual and that’s what this was.  Appreciate the encouragement and advice. 
 

 

You can be excellent at reading people and it doesn't mean a person who is attracted to you and interested in you wants to date you or is available to date you.

[Tinydance]

I'm happy she has responded! That's awesome you can go on the date and get to know each other.

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Bundle2023 said:

I’m not saying I’m an expert at reading people cause there’s still always some mystery (which makes it more fun).  I’ve also been into some girls where I can tell it’s not fully reciprocated.  Honestly those attractions don’t last as long because it’s best when it’s mutual and that’s what this was.  

It's not only the best, it's the only way to date imo.  It's gotta be mutual or it's nothing at all in my book.  Honestly I'd rather stay home on a Saturday night watching a movie than be out with a man with whom there wasn't that mutual chemistry.  It didn't/doesn't happen very often but when it's there it's pretty powerful.

It's a connection which as defined is between two people or things. And it can be immediate!   Heck I've felt it before meeting in person when I online dated.  I felt it with my ex-husband before meeting in person and my boyfriend before him. 

And it was mutual, they felt it too.

There was just this "energy" between us and who can explain why we feel it with some people but not others?

And before even meeting in person?  Simply by communicating our thoughts and feelings through text or email?   It wasn't based on looks or status cause I turned down many men who were quite attractive and successful based on their pics and profiles.

IDK, one of those mysteries of life I suppose.  I could never figure it out. 

Anyway, this was/is a great thread!  And @Bundle2023please do keep us updated! 😀

 

[Bundle2023]

10 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It's not only the best, it's the only way to date imo.  It's gotta be mutual or it's nothing at all in my book.  Honestly I'd rather stay home on a Saturday night watching a movie than be out with a man with whom there wasn't that mutual chemistry.  It didn't/doesn't happen very often but when it's there it's pretty powerful.

It's a connection which as defined is between two people or things. And it can be immediate!   Heck I've felt it before meeting in person when I online dated.  I felt it with my ex-husband before meeting in person and my boyfriend before him. 

And it was mutual, they felt it too.

There was just this "energy" between us and who can explain why we feel it with some people but not others?

And before even meeting in person?  Simply by communicating our thoughts and feelings through text or email?   It wasn't based on looks or status cause I turned down many men who were quite attractive and successful based on their pics and profiles.

IDK, one of those mysteries of life I suppose.  I could never figure it out. 

Anyway, this was/is a great thread!  And @Bundle2023please do keep us updated! 😀

 

Thank you for all your advice and support!

[kim42]

Any update on this? Did you hang out with this girl? :)