Friendzone

[Avery3008]

F, 22

So I went on my first date ever a few weeks ago with this guy I met in one of my classes in college. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong on the date. And things escalated too quickly. We almost had sex and we didn’t know each other too well. He was crushing on me hard but I just didn’t feel the same way about him. And afterwards I told him I just wanted to be friends.

I was freaked out by how fast we moved and I didn’t want to make any commitments too soon. He really wanted me to be his girlfriend but I wasn’t even his friend yet. 
 

Seeing him in class since that day has been awkward. We haven’t talked too much or kept in touch outside of class. It’s hard to see how to integrate him into my life as a friend. Especially considering he is 6 years older than me and I feel like we don’t have enough in common. Plus I feel like he’s more mature than me and if we were ever to date, I would just hold him back. 
 

The weird thing is I can’t stop thinking about him and how good he made me feel about my body. I almost want to finish what we started just for one night. But I feel like that would be a bad idea. What should I do? 

[Coily]

Since you’re new to dating, at from the sounds of it, if you ever have lingering interest in someone, never ask to be friends, it is a deal breaker for 99% of men who want to date.

Now to your other issue, the speed. In college you have a mix of rush to sex and want something, or just hookup sex. Most of the time it’s the latter. 
if you want something serious, you need to make ground rules for yourself in dating. Not sex until exclusively dating for example, or after so many dates; things that you think are a good foundation for a relationship. You are turned on by the last date, which is normal; but don’t just have sex to have sex. 
Also let the man decide if you will “hold him back” or not. You need to focus on if you want him in your world, and what that means to you.

Overall, don’t over think things; figure out what you want in a relationship, and stand by that come what may. And never let pressure or feeling good in a moment let you make bad decisions.

[Coily]

Also just noted the virgin tag, don’t just toss that away. It’s a special moment for everyone, share that with someone who you really want to be with. I waited a long time, and it was worth the wait.

[MissCanuck]

Someone making you feel good about your body is not a good enough reason to proceed with anything. 

It’s also not a great idea to sleep with a guy that you know wants more when you don’t. The same goes for trying to be friends. You two can be civil  but there is no need to integrate him into your life as a friend.

What’s more, he’s not that mature if he was trying to rush into a relationship when you barely know each other and have been on one date. I’d keep moving. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Avery3008 said:

 things escalated too quickly. We almost had sex and we didn’t know each other too well. 

It seems like he just wanted to hookup. Try to move forward and not stay friends. If you are interested in sex, dating and a relationship, consider getting a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. 

Also get more involved in campus activities and social events to meet guys. 

[Andrina]

The biggest mistake you made is being alone with a guy in a private residence on the first date. Don't ever put yourself in that position again. Even if the guy isn't dangerous, you might get carried away with sexual chemistry and do the deed before it's wise to do so.

Another reason is to gauge if a guy is dating you just to bed you or not. No guarantees, but a guy who is interested in long term will keep asking you out on public dates, finding out more about you with each date, and enjoying your company besides having a goal of intimacy. 

Don't feel bad about having limits of age gaps in dating. When I started dating in my teens, I chose not to date anyone more than 3 years older than me.

Every time you date, you will learn more about your wants, needs, and what you're comfortable with. And all of those things might do a 360 at any point and that's normal. Stick to your standards and have fun, but also be safe. Condoms can break so be prepared of what your actions will be if that happens.

[catfeeder]

One a first date you can't really gauge how to feel about someone yet. That requires getting to know them--the them that isn't panting. Some guys will pull out cards like love, adore, crush, committed BF in the heat of a moment, but it makes no sense to buy into that from someone you barely even know.

I'd keep dating to public places until you've established trust that a guy is willing to take enough platonic time for you both to actually get to know one another. If it goes straight into making out, that's not dating, it's a hookup. And those are not against the law, but you may want to figure out where you stand on doing that before the fact, because there's no putting that toothpaste back in the tube afterward.

Decide what you want out of dating, then read up on how to behave accordingly--and WHY. Sex is a higher risk hobby for women. Our biology makes us more prone to catching STDs, our bonding hormones are more active because they aren't tempered with testosterone, and we're more likely to catch an 18 year case of parenting. Plan wisely.

[Cherylyn]

Bad idea.  Just be a well mannered,  respectful classmate.  Act natural.  If he says, "hello" then do likewise.  If he prefers to ignore you,  you ignore him as well.