Do you think my husband is cheating?

[LaTroy]

I’ve been married for 4 years for almost the entire length of the marriage my husband and I have sexual issues as he has ED. I’m going to make a long story short. We have other issues of respect and affection. Every time I express a need he tells me I’m too sensitive. He’s basically only nice to me when he needs something. But… a few months ago I lost my earbuds. When I told him he just laid on the sofa with a smirk and I thought maybe he hid them from me. I opened his sock drawer which is in our guest bedroom and ran my hand around the perimeter my fingers hit a pill bottle I looked at it, it turned out to be ED meds from the website Hims. I thought why is it hidden? Why wouldn’t this be in our bathroom? I said well maybe they are not used, but the seal on the bottle was broken. The prescription is for 90 days I counted the pills and 64 were in the bottle at the time. I decided to put them back and now months later all the pills are almost gone. We do not have a good marriage due to emotional abuse, he’s hurt me a lot but I never thought he would cheat. Do you think he is cheating? My thing is if you have nothing to hide you hide nothing. I’m trying to be open minded I don’t want to accuse him of cheating, but it’s been so long and when we sleep in our bed we don’t even touch. What do you think?

[Cherylyn]

Address the lying.  He is deceitful and betraying your trust in him.  Have a discussion.  If he continues not telling you the truth,  then try going the professional route with marriage counseling. 

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, LaTroy said:

I’ve been married for 4 years for almost the entire length of the marriage my husband and I have sexual issues as he has ED. We do not have a good marriage due to emotional abuse, he’s hurt me a lot.

Sorry this is happening. Is this an arranged marriage? How long have you been together? Has he always been abusive?

 How old is he? Does he have  physical or mental health issues? Does he have bad habits such as excessive drinking, smoking or excess porn use? 

Whether the pills are for masturbation or cheating, why stay with someone this abusive?

Do you work? Do you have children? Please research abusive relationships. You can contact a domestic abuse agency for information, support and help.

Do you have trusted friends and family you can speak to frankly about the abuse and could help you? 

[Kwothe28]

Well, if he is not using them with you, he is using them with somebody. 

Also, cheating or not cheating, why even stay with somebody who doesnt respect you?

[shouldhavelearned]

So you just happen to go in his sock drawer and go around the perimeter where you find the pills.

Seems like there is more to the story. 

Something else is going on all right.

[LaTroy]

17 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Address the lying.  He is deceitful and betraying your trust in him.  Have a discussion.  If he continues not telling you the truth,  then try going the professional route with marriage counseling. 

I’m scared to approach him because he gets upset very quickly. This is why I’m reaching out to ask people what they think before I face the explosive reaction I’m sure to get. Thanks for your reply.

[LaTroy]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Is this an arranged marriage? How long have you been together? Has he always been abusive?

 How old is he? Does he have  physical or mental health issues? Does he have bad habits such as excessive drinking, smoking or excess porn use? 

Whether the pills are for masturbation or cheating, why stay with someone this abusive?

Do you work? Do you have children? Please research abusive relationships. You can contact a domestic abuse agency for information, support and help.

Do you have trusted friends and family you can speak to frankly about the abuse and could help you? 

He is 16 years older than me, our marriage is not arranged. It’s like after we married he became a different person. I feel like a fool but it was unexpected all this controlling behavior. We don’t have children, when I committed I committed for life so it’s hard to wrap my mind around all the things that have happened. Everyone thinks he is so nice but behind closed doors it’s like I don’t exist unless he needs something. Thanks for your suggestions.

[LaTroy]

16 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Well, if he is not using them with you, he is using them with somebody. 

Also, cheating or not cheating, why even stay with somebody who doesnt respect you?

True, it just hurts. Thanks for your reply.

[Jaunty]

7 minutes ago, LaTroy said:

I’m scared to approach him because he gets upset very quickly. This is why I’m reaching out to ask people what they think before I face the explosive reaction I’m sure to get. 

I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation, but ... come on.

Guy has "little blue pills" and he's using them.  What do you expect people here to think?

You either have to talk to him or, maybe the best option is to just make an exit plan.  You have only bad things to say about your relationship and husband.  It sounds like a very toxic situation for you.  Maybe this is the kick in the pants you've been needing to get free of it.

[LaTroy]

15 hours ago, shouldhavelearned said:

So you just happen to go in his sock drawer and go around the perimeter where you find the pills.

Seems like there is more to the story. 

Something else is going on all right.

Yes because if he hid my earbuds which he dislikes when I use them in the house, he would hide them in a place I would not look, I never look in his clothing or drawers etc, which he knows. I bought the earbuds a few weeks prior and they were not inexpensive. It bothered me when I could not find them as they were a treat to myself. The sock drawer is the first drawer on the chest. There is always much more to any situation but I did not want to write a long post as it might big too wordy which would dissuade people from reading it. Thanks for your response.

[lostandhurt]

What is the other option other than cheating?  He uses them to masturbate?

  So he changed when you got married and turned into this hurtful jerk, no intimacy and he has explosive anger.  Cheating seems to be the least of your worries if you ask me.

 This is not a marriage, this is not a healthy relationship, this is not a good way to live.  I think this episode should be a wake up call for you that he has never respected you, your feelings or your well being.  Since he basically doesn't care about you other than when he wants something then cheating on you is nothing to him really.

 What do you need him to do for you to leave him?

 Lost

[Coily]

Are there cultural factors that may make it difficult for you to leave?

You are in a very unfortunate situation, but you need to find a way to leave him. Which unfortunately, due to his behavior, may require you to leave without much of your things. Sorry to say that.

[Cherylyn]

2 hours ago, LaTroy said:

I’m scared to approach him because he gets upset very quickly. This is why I’m reaching out to ask people what they think before I face the explosive reaction I’m sure to get. Thanks for your reply.

If you're afraid to approach him due to his temper,  you'll continue enabling his bad behavior.  Since you don't have children,  you will have more options to leave more conveniently in comparison to having children already. 

[1a1a]

If you don’t feel safe approaching your partner (and I don’t doubt that, please keep trusting your gut), I think that alone is grounds to split. (Without even adding the emotional abuse or loss of intimacy and possible infidelity).