Men with attractive girlfriends, how do you deal with the attention she gets?

[Batya33]

I think if it makes her feel good to go to Vegas with her girlfriends and wear one of the dresses she likes to wear that makes her feel good she should do it unless as a couple you've decided that this is not ok.  For example it would not be ok at all for a couple who is very religious with certain clothing restrictions for modesty.  If her looks and gorgeous dress invites male attention so be it since you trust her.  My wedding vows said nothing about restricting where I could travel and how I could dress.  I promised to be loyal to my husband and to have sex only with him (which I expand to not doing date activities with other men or being alone with a man let's say in his hotel room or home with rare exception like some sort of emergency, etc). 

I do believe in appearances too -to an extent  meaning I don't want to give someone the wrong idea.  When a man I do not know messages me on FB even if we have mutual aquaintances I will respond "hi - do we know each other?" and if not I reply "I only friend men on FB if I know them personally or if my husband knows them personally but thanks for your interest."  Whereas on Linkedin if a man in my area connects and we have mutual connections I typically accept and have none of such concerns.

But if I walk in with girflriends looking pretty etc - my husband wouldn't be part of that decision nor would he want to be -he trusts me.  

Oh and the last couple of months I've decided to wear some makeup most days instead of none.  I have no interest in looking attractive to men. I do have an interest in feeling better about myself and I found that looking more "awake" and not pale/washed out made me feel better about myself.  I am sure that many women put on flattering clothing for much the same reasons.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Mikejames0314 said:

How do you guys deal with the attention your significant other gets?

Well I never was a jealous type, not even as a younger. Always seen it as something as I dont really have control at. For example, if she goes out with friends and men starting to approach, I cant really react because I am not there. So if she decides to do something, that is beyond something I can control and its on her. So, why should I lose my mental health over stuff like that where I have no control what happens? My girlfriends were pretty though I did avoided "too much fancy" types. Because with those types you do get that type of headaches often. "Girls trip to Vegas", doing God knows what, stuff she maybe regrets later but still does etc. 

For example, one thing Ive noticed: You are two years together. And yet its not you with her on vacation, she is with her "girlfriends". In Vegas of all places. Same about going out. Pool parties, clubs, bars, and no you in the picture. I am not saying that you should be, she should have leniency to go out on her own and for vacation you maybe couldnt get free from work. Its just that, from your story, she might be enjoying that single life very much. I know that she isnt single. And even by your own admission, there is nothing going on for you to be jelly. But some people do have a problem when it comes to going from bachelor life to commited relationships. Some men do that too for example. And where having fun with the friends tramples their romantic relationships. For example your girlfriend maybe wants to go to Vegas to have fun with her friends, drinks, maybe even get noticed by other men(just noticed, no cheating) in that ravishing dress she has. And its OK and its maybe not something you should have jelly thoughts. But if she enjoys that bachelor life with her girlfriends so much, maybe you should be looking at it as a "red flag" regarding your relationship. In a means that, if she wants that kind of life, where does that leaves you. I mean maybe you also enjoy that kind of life with your friends, I dunno. But its something to ponder about if you are two years together and want this to be more.

[itsallgrand]

1 hour ago, Mikejames0314 said:

She definitely dresses nice when we go out. She has very good style so dressing nice comes naturally. She had said before that one of the reasons she dresses nice (outside of doing it for herself) is that it makes me look good being with someone who dresses nicely. 

Ok then I'm not sure where your worries are coming from then? This all sounds like her being her normal self which you are good with. No surprises.

I think part of this is you have love goggles on. I'm sure she's beautiful, but there are beautiful women dressed up everywhere in Vegas. She will be one in a sea of many. Guys aren't going to lose their brains any more than what you have to worry about at home. Her getting ripped off of money is honestly more likely than someone swooping in and her not being able to handle turning them down. 

 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

JMO but I think this may be something the OP may be trying to determine - if he truly does have her heart and soul. 

Just because she's dating him does not necessarily mean HE is the "the one."  That he has her heart and soul.

Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't but there have been questions asked the OP has not answered, specifically how he knows of all this attention she receives.

If SHE has been the one telling him, that imo is a red flag. For reasons stated by myself and others. 

The Vegas trip with her girlfriends, buying a special sexy dress for the occasion and telling him about it. 

Are these loving acts of kindness a woman fully committed to her boyfriend would do and share with her boyfriend?

Not imo.

But I'm willing to be open and hearing OP's response to the questions after which my opinion may change, or may not.

 

 

 

I actually agree.  I do question her mentality to wear a provocative dress and go to Las Vegas even though it's with her girlfriends.  The atmosphere is flooded with guys ogling and leering at women.  They don't call it 'Sin City' for nothing.  😒

If you're in a committed 2 year relationship and it's supposedly going strong with perhaps potential for a future,  usually a woman doesn't go traipsing off to Las Vegas wearing club type dress and acting single with a bunch of girlfriends.  Something about this type of behavior doesn't ring true and sounds off. 

Trust has nothing to do with it.  It's poor judgement and decision making to go to LV in the first place.  If anything,  she should be with you,  enjoying an outing with you and acting as if she's part of a committed couple ~ not a swinging singles scene where there are bars,  clubs,  lots of drinking,  drugs,  dancing,  gambling,  risk of crime of all sorts and living the fast life.  It doesn't matter that she's with her girlfriends either.  The atmosphere itself is party city.  Think about it.  🙄

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I actually agree.  I do question her mentality to wear a provocative dress and go to Las Vegas even though it's with her girlfriends.  The atmosphere is flooded with guys ogling and leering at women.  They don't call it 'Sin City' for nothing.  😒

If you're in a committed 2 year relationship and it's supposedly going strong with perhaps potential for a future,  usually a woman doesn't go traipsing off to Las Vegas wearing club type dress and acting single with a bunch of girlfriends.  Something about this type of behavior doesn't ring true and sounds off. 

Trust has nothing to do with it.  It's poor judgement and decision making to go to LV in the first place.  If anything,  she should be with you,  enjoying an outing with you and acting as if she's part of a committed couple ~ not a swinging singles scene where there are bars,  clubs,  lots of drinking,  drugs,  dancing,  gambling,  risk of crime of all sorts and living the fast life.  It doesn't matter that she's with her girlfriends either.  The atmosphere itself is party city.  Think about it.  🙄

It can happen almost anywhere. If a woman wears typical workout clothes to a gym.  For example. It’s a slippery slope that only happens if there’s no trust or trust issues.  Certainly a couple can decide they go nowhere “risky” like the gym or a dance class or any number of volunteer activities without the other. I defer to those couples.
Last month I put VIP bracelets on men who are hot looking entertainers (not my type but yes hot) as part of a volunteer activity. I had no idea that was part of it but it was. Was I supposed to decline to do that part of the work lol because what if - gasp - I took too long and said hot guy ogled me up close in my cute volunteer T shirt ? 
I mean really. 

[boltnrun]

I'm going to repeat myself here, but Vegas will not force a faithful woman to be unfaithful. It's a city, it doesn't have mind control power.

And yes, I do know what I'm talking about. I lived there for a dozen years. Not once did I "hook up" with some rando at a bar, club or casino. Yes, men tried. I found the word "no" very easy to say. 

Sure, you might feel worried about some guys being attracted to her. But it comes down to...do you trust her to tell them "no"?

[rainbowsandroses]

An attractive woman can and will get hit on anywhere, however I think there's a big difference between routinely going to the gym or taking a dance class and making a conscious choice to vacation to a city like Vegas with friends, buying a sexy dress for the occasion and telling her boyfriend about it. 

Flipping the script, if my boyfriend chose to travel to Vegas with his guy friends, bought a new sexy shirt to wear while there and told me he bought the new sexy shirt or showed me the new sexy shirt, my reaction would like "what the heck" and I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Same with him telling me about women hitting on him while out and about.  There is no reason to share this information other than to try and elicit a jealous reaction and/or cause insecurity/ possessiveness which sorry to say some women (and some men) thrive on. 

JMO on that, I'm not accusing OP's gf of anything.

Which we don't know is what she did because OP hasn't answered our questions, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she might have (otherwise how would he know?) which may be why he hasn't answered.  I could be wrong of course.  

Actually living in a city like Vegas is a completely different thing from making a conscious choice to vacation there with girlfriends wearing a sexy new dress.

That said, this is all speculation, and Bolt is right, she or anyone can cheat anywhere.

I don't think this is about cheating though; the issue as I see it is her possibly thriving on the attention and validation she receives from men other than her boyfriend and doing things that perpetuate that attention/validation and telling the OP, her boyfriend about it. 

Red flag imo if true. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Actually living in a city like Vegas is a completely different thing from making a conscious choice to vacation there with girlfriends wearing a sexy new dress.

It's not.  The only difference is I didn't have to stay at a hotel unless I wanted to.  I wore sleek dresses and went out with friends both when I vacationed there and when I lived there.  

And my point wasn't that she could cheat anywhere (and in fact I didn't actually say that, I said the city itself can't force someone to cheat no matter what recreational activities are available or what someone chooses to wear) but rather I was wondering if the OP trusts her to say "no" if some dudes try to hit on her.

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

but rather I was wondering if the OP trusts her to say "no" if some dudes try to hit on her.

I agree which was the original question many of us had asked.

Which from what I've read, the OP hasn't answered, along with other questions.

Back to thinking there may be more to this story than meets the eye. 

[Mikejames0314]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

JMO but I think this may be something the OP may be trying to determine - if he truly does have her heart and soul. 

Just because she's dating him does not necessarily mean HE is the "the one."  That he has her heart and soul.

Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't but there have been questions asked the OP has not answered, specifically how he knows of all this attention she receives.

If SHE has been the one telling him, that imo is a red flag. For reasons stated by myself and others. 

The Vegas trip with her girlfriends, buying a special sexy dress for the occasion and telling him about it. 

Are these loving acts of kindness a woman fully committed to her boyfriend would do and share with her boyfriend?

Not imo.

But I'm willing to be open and hearing OP's response to the questions after which my opinion may change, or may not.

 

 

 

I think some people here are assuming a lot of things which is understandable because you guys don't know about us. 

The reason why she usually tells me of what happens is because she was in a horrible relationship before me. She was traumatized and if a guy approached her, it would be her fault for doing so even if she is just minding her business. She was gaslit and manipulated a lot in her previous relationship with a very toxic individual so she just wants to be as transparent with me as possible so that I don't feel like she is hiding anything. 

And this was early in our relationship when I used to ask if she got hit on (as a inside joke between her and I) - I don't ask these things anymore cause I assume. And sometimes if she has a girl's night where she goes clubbing she will tell me how creepy some guys are when they wanna dance with a group of girls and how creepy some guys can be asking for a phone number etc. 

She doesn't tell me to boast. She tells me because she wants to be transparent.

[Mikejames0314]

3 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

It is flattering to be hit upon.  However,  a lot of women aren't dumb.  A smart woman knows who the high quality man in her life is and he's YOU.  This is what you need to cherish and focus on because having a woman's heart and soul is priceless.  Be secure knowing you got her and no one else does.  Sure,  they can look and try to garner her attention to no avail.  You are the one who won her and those other men lost.  Think about it.  😉

Thank you this really helps. In couple months we'll be celebrating our 3rd year together. 

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

I think some people here are assuming a lot of things which is understandable because you guys don't know about us. 

The reason why she usually tells me of what happens is because she was in a horrible relationship before me. She was traumatized and if a guy approached her, it would be her fault for doing so even if she is just minding her business. She was gaslit and manipulated a lot in her previous relationship with a very toxic individual so she just wants to be as transparent with me as possible so that I don't feel like she is hiding anything. 

And this was early in our relationship when I used to ask if she got hit on (as a inside joke between her and I) - I don't ask these things anymore cause I assume. And sometimes if she has a girl's night where she goes clubbing she will tell me how creepy some guys are when they wanna dance with a group of girls and how creepy some guys can be asking for a phone number etc. 

She doesn't tell me to boast. She tells me because she wants to be transparent.

Thank you for clarifying and wish you both the best of luck. 

[Mikejames0314]

31 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's not.  The only difference is I didn't have to stay at a hotel unless I wanted to.  I wore sleek dresses and went out with friends both when I vacationed there and when I lived there.  

And my point wasn't that she could cheat anywhere (and in fact I didn't actually say that, I said the city itself can't force someone to cheat no matter what recreational activities are available or what someone chooses to wear) but rather I was wondering if the OP trusts her to say "no" if some dudes try to hit on her.

I 100% trust her to say no otherwise we wouldn't have made it to almost three years. I have never been to Vegas (neither has she) but I guess it's the things you hear about in tv shows/movies that are throwing me off about the attention she may get there vs where we live. 

[rainbowsandroses]

6 hours ago, Mikejames0314 said:

My girlfriend is taking a trip to Vegas for the first time with her girlfriends and the dresses she's shown me will turn heads. I'm feeling kind of insecure about this...

Again thanks for clarifying but one more question. 

Can you explain her reasoning for showing you the dresses?

Did you ask to see what she'll be wearing? 

[Coily]

Guy who has been lucky with the stunning quality of past GF, It's always a balancing act. But as has been beaten to death it comes down to your trust in her.

Honestly most of my concern would be on the quality of her friends, not her. As long as they are respectful of your GF and your relationship then no worries. Sometimes, and I've experienced it, there's that one friend who doesn't respect relationship boundaries and will encourage bad behavior. Doubt that's an issue, here, and sounds like your GF is smart enough to know how to handle it.

[Batya33]

39 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

I think some people here are assuming a lot of things which is understandable because you guys don't know about us. 

The reason why she usually tells me of what happens is because she was in a horrible relationship before me. She was traumatized and if a guy approached her, it would be her fault for doing so even if she is just minding her business. She was gaslit and manipulated a lot in her previous relationship with a very toxic individual so she just wants to be as transparent with me as possible so that I don't feel like she is hiding anything. 

And this was early in our relationship when I used to ask if she got hit on (as a inside joke between her and I) - I don't ask these things anymore cause I assume. And sometimes if she has a girl's night where she goes clubbing she will tell me how creepy some guys are when they wanna dance with a group of girls and how creepy some guys can be asking for a phone number etc. 

She doesn't tell me to boast. She tells me because she wants to be transparent.

It's oversharing IMO -a trauma response should be shared with a trusted friend or therapist, etc not you.

[shouldhavelearned]

Trust, faith

Hopefully she shows you and meets your love language 

Be happy

Would you want the opposite? 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

55 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

And sometimes if she has a girl's night where she goes clubbing she will tell me how creepy some guys are when they wanna dance with a group of girls and how creepy some guys can be asking for a phone number etc. 

This^^ is precisely why I never enjoyed going clubbing, specifically when in a committed relationship but even when not.

Bunch of drunk guys, pawing at me, hitting on me, saying nasty things. No thank you. 

I'd rather spend my free time with my boyfriend or with my girlfriends doing fun things or simply hanging out, just us.

I'm not judging your gf or your relationship, every couple has their own dynamic, but does it bother you that she goes out clubbing with friends, consciously choosing to subject herself to that type of BS? 

[catfeeder]

Two things that might be helpful to consider: first, up until 2 years ago, GF has made it through her entire life, mistakes and all, without you to worry about her. Where did all of this lead her? To you.

Second, Las Vegas is a 'brand'. All the hype is deliberate. I've felt safer there than most cities, because they have such a huge and monied investment in keeping visitors safe. Gambling is as legal as it is in other places, but that in itself doesn't lead to sex, and prostitution is legal--but that would actually take pressure OFF your GF.

[Mikejames0314]

28 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

This^^ is precisely why I never enjoyed going clubbing, specifically when in a committed relationship but even when not.

Bunch of drunk guys, pawing at me, hitting on me, saying nasty things. No thank you. 

I'd rather spend my free time with my boyfriend or with my girlfriends doing fun things or simply hanging out, just us.

I'm not judging your gf or your relationship, every couple has their own dynamic, but does it bother you that she goes out clubbing with friends, consciously choosing to subject herself to that type of BS? 

So she has a girls night out very rarely. Maybe once every 3-4 months and they don't include clubbing in their plans. I think by the end of the night they end up there since they enjoy dancing. And no it doesn't bother me cause guys are gonna be guys when it comes to a club. You mix alcohol in there and all of a sudden every guy has the ultimate confidence and feel like they can say/do whatever

[Mikejames0314]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Again thanks for clarifying but one more question. 

Can you explain her reasoning for showing you the dresses?

Did you ask to see what she'll be wearing? 

She wanted to show me dresses she had bought and wanted my opinion and wanted to know which ones I liked/disliked. 

[Mikejames0314]

47 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's oversharing IMO -a trauma response should be shared with a trusted friend or therapist, etc not you.

Not really. I shared very surface level things which is happens more often than you would think in relationships. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

Not really. I shared very surface level things which is happens more often than you would think in relationships. 

I don’t need to think about what happens in relationships generally to give an opinion on your issue. I’m married and no I wouldn’t ask my husband if a dress I planned to wear to go out without him looked sexy on me and I wouldn’t tell him about someone hitting on me other than for a specific reason like - hypothetically- if I wanted to quit my job because my boss was acting inappropriately.
Some couples like sharing who hit on them for a variety of reasons. IMO it’s often a bad idea and unnecessary. You’re not her therapist so her past bad experiences don’t justify this oversharing IMO 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

So she has a girls night out very rarely. Maybe once every 3-4 months and they don't include clubbing in their plans. I think by the end of the night they end up there since they enjoy dancing. And no it doesn't bother me cause guys are gonna be guys when it comes to a club. You mix alcohol in there and all of a sudden every guy has the ultimate confidence and feel like they can say/do whatever

It doesn’t matter if they plan to go to a club or end up at a club. They choose to go to a club. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with my husband going to a club 3-4 times a year with guy friends especially if excessive drinking was involved. It’s not something he’s into so it’s not an issue.
When I’ve gone out with friends without him it’s been - a chick movie, a play , a meal, or an all women bday party - I went to an afternoon tea.  I’ve gone to a few parties at someone’s home without him because he couldn’t go. Not a drinking type party. Just a gathering.

[Mikejames0314]

Just now, Batya33 said:

It doesn’t matter if they plan to go to a club or end up at a club. They choose to go to a club. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with my husband going to a club 3-4 times a year with guy friends especially if excessive drinking was involved. It’s not something he’s into so it’s not an issue.
When I’ve gone out with friends without him it’s been - a chick movie, a play , a meal, or an all women bday party - I went to an afternoon tea.  I’ve gone to a few parties at someone’s home without him because he couldn’t go. Not a drinking type party. Just a gathering.

And that's you. There is no right or wrong answer. Everyone is different and enjoy different things