I dont know where i am with my crush

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Mlap said:

Would you guys say, that her response is a good sign?

I think unless she responds with enthusiasm to make a plan to meet even in advance it's not yet any sign she is interested in dating you.  Also if she means she typed out a text and forgot to click send that's different from "forgetting" to respond.  A person who is interested in seeing another person in person does not "forget".  I think it's a casual "see you around more in the future since I'll be in close proximity" -nothing to do with interest in going on a date with you, I'm sorry.

When she lives nearby you can call and invite her to meet for coffee -one more chance.

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Mlap said:

She told me that she forgot to answer me and that she will be in my city more often, because her new work is here

So she didn't actually say yes, she'd like to meet for a coffee? 

12 hours ago, Mlap said:

she forgot to answer me

This is unlikely. If she asked you out, would you "forget" to respond to her? 

[Mlap]

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think unless she responds with enthusiasm to make a plan to meet even in advance it's not yet any sign she is interested in dating you.  Also if she means she typed out a text and forgot to click send that's different from "forgetting" to respond.  A person who is interested in seeing another person in person does not "forget".  I think it's a casual "see you around more in the future since I'll be in close proximity" -nothing to do with interest in going on a date with you, I'm sorry.

When she lives nearby you can call and invite her to meet for coffee -one more chance.

I guess youre right, but it seems for me like she isnt totally disliking the idea of a date. 

[Mlap]

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

So she didn't actually say yes, she'd like to meet for a coffee? 

So it was in another language and i didnt properly translate it. I will try again.

I wrote „hey, would you like to meet for a coffee sometime“ and she answered „hey hey, sorry i totally forgot to answer 🙂 yeah my new work will be in your city and i will be around here more often“ 

so technically there was a yeah, but i dont know if it was an answer to my question.

22 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is unlikely. If she asked you out, would you "forget" to respond to her? 

Of course i wouldnt forget. i get that she isnt overly excited, but i believe her

 

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, Mlap said:

So it was in another language and i didnt properly translate it. I will try again.

I wrote „hey, would you like to meet for a coffee sometime“ and she answered „hey hey, sorry i totally forgot to answer 🙂 yeah my new work will be in your city and i will be around here more often“ 

so technically there was a yeah, but i dont know if it was an answer to my question.

Of course i wouldnt forget. i get that she isnt overly excited, but i believe her

 

She doesn't need to be overly excited.  A person who wants to date you will show enthusiasm when you invite her for a date.  She didn't and in fact showed a lack of any enthusiasm.

[Mlap]

25 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

She doesn't need to be overly excited.  A person who wants to date you will show enthusiasm when you invite her for a date.  She didn't and in fact showed a lack of any enthusiasm.

I get that of course

[Kwothe28]

14 hours ago, Mlap said:

She told me that she forgot to answer me and that she will be in my city more often, because her new work is here

That doesnt mean anything, especially with "I forgot you existed then finally remembered I should respond something" text. I have a friend, we hear often through messages. She always says how we should get a coffee but we never settle a date. Now, I dont have any pretenses toward her and other way around(she is married with kids) and we are both busy. But wanted to say how it doesnt really mean much if you dont really have a date and time when you would meet. For example what she told you is very vague. Could be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Unless you have an exact date, treat it like "maybe sometime" and nothing more.

[Mlap]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

That doesnt mean anything, especially with "I forgot you existed then finally remembered I should respond something" text. I have a friend, we hear often through messages. She always says how we should get a coffee but we never settle a date. Now, I dont have any pretenses toward her and other way around(she is married with kids) and we are both busy. But wanted to say how it doesnt really mean much if you dont really have a date and time when you would meet. For example what she told you is very vague. Could be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Unless you have an exact date, treat it like "maybe sometime" and nothing more.

I understand, i might just ask her and see what her response is😄

[Mlap]

How do you guys like „no problem :), how about next week?“

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Mlap said:

How do you guys like „no problem :), how about next week?“

 

I would not do that - that's not a specific day etc I would write "sounds great -let me know when you want to meet up -looking forward!"

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Mlap said:

How do you guys like „no problem :), how about next week?“

 

That's fine. Stay in touch and find a mutually convenient time to meet up.

[Mlap]

39 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would not do that - that's not a specific day etc I would write "sounds great -let me know when you want to meet up -looking forward!"

So dont suggest a meeting time at all?

[Mlap]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's fine. Stay in touch and find a mutually convenient time to meet up.

You think i should wait with asking her for a specific time for a date?

[Batya33]

29 minutes ago, Mlap said:

So dont suggest a meeting time at all?

No you already asked if she’d like to meet up. She gave a vague response. Ball is in her court. If she’d said she was available next week or next month then you could have suggested a specific day or days. 

[Mlap]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No you already asked if she’d like to meet up. She gave a vague response. Ball is in her court. If she’d said she was available next week or next month then you could have suggested a specific day or days. 

I mean she didnt suggest a time, but she told me that she would be in my city more often

[boltnrun]

45 minutes ago, Mlap said:

I mean she didnt suggest a time, but she told me that she would be in my city more often

That isn't a "yes, coffee sounds great! I'm available next week."

[Mlap]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That isn't a "yes, coffee sounds great! I'm available next week."

Im aware

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Mlap said:

You think i should wait with asking her for a specific time for a date?

.How else could you get together when she's in town?  Just ask if she's free sometime next week and would she like to get together? 

[Batya33]

I’ve been putting in effort to meet people in my adopted city for years. I lived 43 years in one major city and now 14 in this one. Not dating. Friends. Here’s my overall opinion based on dating from 1980-2005 on and off and networking and meeting people here since 2009.

Everyone is busy more or less. The people who really want to meet in person make a plan right away or make a specific plan like “I’m on a work deadline that ends on X day. How about I reach out the day after X and we make a plan for one morning that week when we’re both available?”  
Then - that person actually follows up on that day. Prior to internet we made plans through our landlines and we all followed up and we’re reliable when we were interested in meeting. Vague didn’t work. 

with how easy it is now to text or message to make a plan if a person isn’t interested and clear and focused about making a plan move on. It’s like if you pass by your neighbor and she says “hi! So nice to see you - how are you doing?”  
Do you think that means she wants a long conversation , cares about the details of your life ?”  Ir if you stop and briefly chat and she says “nice to see you - I’ll be in town more often maybe we can grab coffee at some point !!” - and then waves as she walks off- do you think she means you should call her and say “so does tomorrow work for coffee?” Read the cues.
Don’t waste time on random vague comments. 

[Mlap]

18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I’ve been putting in effort to meet people in my adopted city for years. I lived 43 years in one major city and now 14 in this one. Not dating. Friends. Here’s my overall opinion based on dating from 1980-2005 on and off and networking and meeting people here since 2009.

Everyone is busy more or less. The people who really want to meet in person make a plan right away or make a specific plan like “I’m on a work deadline that ends on X day. How about I reach out the day after X and we make a plan for one morning that week when we’re both available?”  
Then - that person actually follows up on that day. Prior to internet we made plans through our landlines and we all followed up and we’re reliable when we were interested in meeting. Vague didn’t work. 

with how easy it is now to text or message to make a plan if a person isn’t interested and clear and focused about making a plan move on. It’s like if you pass by your neighbor and she says “hi! So nice to see you - how are you doing?”  
Do you think that means she wants a long conversation , cares about the details of your life ?”  Ir if you stop and briefly chat and she says “nice to see you - I’ll be in town more often maybe we can grab coffee at some point !!” - and then waves as she walks off- do you think she means you should call her and say “so does tomorrow work for coffee?” Read the cues.
Don’t waste time on random vague comments. 

Its honestly not that big of a deal, i already asked her out, so i might aswell try 😀

[Mlap]

So i texted her „nice, you can text me if you have time next week“ its been a week and she hasnt responded. Should i text her again and if yes what should i text her?

[Batya33]

Just now, Mlap said:

So i texted her „nice, you can text me if you have time next week“ its been a week and she hasnt responded. Should i text her again and if yes what should i text her?

No.  I would leave the ball in her court.

[boltnrun]

You shouldn't have to nudge someone into being interested in you or in wanting to see you. I'm sure if she is interested she will let you know. 

[MissCanuck]

No, don't message her again. 

She will follow up if she truly wants to see you again. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

It’s all hard to say. You’re the one in direct contact with her so no one can with 100% accuracy guide what you “should say” or not

 

for instance, if someone texted me “nice you can text me if you have time next week,” I’d likely feel like they weren’t interested in talking to me really. Like “don’t rly want to talk now but you can have the burden of hitting me up next week ‘if you want’”. It’s a weird thing to say. But maybe in the context of your text with her it wasn’t? 
 

I tend to agree with @Wiseman2s comments here.  Why not have just talked and kept in touch then asked her our once she got to your city and was settled in with work? I mean, she didn’t say “no.” 
 

I personally don’t think she’s too terribly interested in you and it’s prob because the convos lack any sort of chemistry.  You should date people who you have a stimulating connection with. You say you’ve been crushing on her for 3 years. How so?  The idea of her? Because it seems the reality you have with her is actually very bland. How haven’t you built up any sort of a rapport in 3 years? Maybe time to move on and find a girl you’ve got chemistry with