Am I being silly because my feelings are hurt?

[Alittlehelpplz]

I’ll start off by saying this is a friendship more than a couple relationship. Though I was interested at one point 

A firmed of mine in school is starting to pull away. We normally always teamed up together and was each others partners. Throughout this time we became good friends, learned about each others life’s met some of each others friends etc. 
I know this sounds stupid but recently she’s been partnering with another guy in class. It kind of sucked because we both didn’t know anyone else. But he made the effort with her to get to know her. Now it feels like he’s taking my spot. 
I was upset about it but now, I realize it’s just school, we aren’t dating or anything g like that. She can do what she wants. 
Anyway, the distance became obvious, we use to sit together but the other guy sits there now and we don’t go to lunch or hang out anymore. 

Since that happen, I started being kind of short with her. Just saying hey when I walked by etc. If she text, I either don’t respond or short answers if it’s about personal stuff. 

She messaged me asking what my problem is. I told her I didn’t have any. She said I won’t talk to her anymore and acting jealous towards the other guy. I’m cordial with the guy so I don’t know what she means. 
She said I need to grow up. I told her I have no obligation to talk to her. She said I was her only friend in the class. I just said I understood. 

I know I have no obligation to her and I feel silly for feeling this way but I do. 

We have another project coming up. A big one with multiple people. I teamed up  with a group and started working. After class going to lunch she ask if I wanted to go to lunch. We haven’t done that since she started hanging out with him. I said I was busy and couldn’t. 
She asked if I could come over after class so we could work on the project. I told her I already  had a team. 
She got pissed and said what the hell. I asked why she was upset, I thought you were working with the other guy. 
She just walked away muttering Ahole under her breath. 

Am I behind stupid. Should I just go back to being nice to her or am I justified in my feelings. 
 

I know this is super immature but I don’t understand why I’m so hurt 

[Seraphim]

If she is just a friend and she was being a friend to you I don’t see why you made it difficult. She was trying to be friends. You blew that up. Now she is angry. Probably an apology is due. 

[Cherylyn]

You were not silly for your feelings being hurt.  However,  you were silly for not being more thorough with your explanations to her.  Telling the truth and being completely honest with how you feel would've prevented a lot of misunderstandings on her part.  Because you were evasive and unclear,  naturally,  she thought you were acting like a jerk. 

It's still not too late to reach out to her and do lunch.  At this time,  tell her how you feel and sincerely apologize for not behaving graciously towards her.  Back down,  be humble and it will take you a long way.  Try that route for starters and see where it takes you.  It should soothe her nerves especially when you tell her you are sorry;  your friendship with her should improve.  Good luck!  🙂  Don't fret!  Your friendship with your classmate is still salvageable if you do some damage control!  All is not lost!  Don't lose your opportunity to be nice to her.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

  Should I just go back to being nice to her 

Yeah, just be nice. It's understandable you're disappointed but there's no use giving her the cold shoulder or playing games.  Be open and friendly with all your classmates. Word gets around so try not to take things so personally and just resume normal polite behavior.

[Cherylyn]

To your credit,  it sounds like you are apt to express your remorse and this world would be a better place if more people had a conscience to be honorable and gracious.  This type of behavior would fix and change a lot of relationships.  Unfortunately,  a lot of people are in denial mode and most of all,  they truly do not care about other people's feelings.  

It sounds like you care though and I hope your friendship with your classmate can put hard feelings aside and both of you can resume where you left off in the friendship.  

Tell her you're really sorry and all will be well.   

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

She said I won’t talk to her anymore and acting jealous towards the other guy. I’m cordial with the guy so I don’t know what she means. 

Huh? Your whole thread is about your jealousy of this other guy. How do you not know what she means? 

Being jealous of him doesn't mean you are not cordial to him. It means she knows exactly why you are you being short and kind of rude to her. 

4 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

I don’t understand why I’m so hurt

Because you like her as more than a friend and now you think she likes someone else. You already know this, though, even if you haven't yet admitted to yourself that you have feelings for her. 

[Kwothe28]

Quote

Am I being silly because my feelings are hurt?

In a way. I do agree that its better not to hang out with her because you have feelings there. But you havent even conveyed your feelings to her(as far as we know). So, that leaves her quite perplexed why you are cold toward her. I think you should have at least told her why you cant hang around her anymore. And not to give her "silent treatment". Its not the way to communicate things. 

On the other hand I think she knows why you act like that, since she mentioned the other guy. So dunno why she acts so surprised that you dont want to indulge her anymore about projects. She chosed to hang around and sit with other guy so you can safely assume that she doesnt want to do projects with you and find a new group.

Anyway, everything is one very big miscommunication. That could have been solved with one truthful conversation. But instead you act like a "hurted bride" and she wants to pretend nothing is going on.

[Coily]

While you have every right to feel slighted, the question is do you want to let this friendship disappear?

Have a frank conversation with her, and learn to manage your jealousy in a productive way.

[SooSad33]

18 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

After class going to lunch she ask if I wanted to go to lunch. We haven’t done that since she started hanging out with him. I said I was busy and couldn’t. 

Maybe you just need more time to accept what is.

You're right, you two are just friends, so no expectations, really.

Hopefully, in time you'll get through these feelings you're in and come around again.  If not, it's okay, you'll get more friends 😉 .

Carry on with your group and your learning. 

[Cherylyn]

If you decide to apologize,  make sure your apology isn't merely "I'm sorry."  Explain why you are sorry and make sure it's not a gaslighting apology which is worse than a so-called apology in the first place.  In person is best for a humble,  very sincere apology.  Sincere apologies are a way to make amends and promote continued healing. 

No apology forthcoming?  Then the wound continues to fester and the dynamic permanently goes downhill.  ☹️