Should I just break up with him?

[Hollsmaur]

My boyfriend is a really nice guy, so kind, generous and treats me like a princess. However, over the last few weeks I’ve just not been “feeling it”. I have no desire to have sex with him, I sort of cringe when he touches me and can feel my body trying to avoid a kiss when he goes in for it. Now this has come out of nowhere.. he’s always been the same it’s just like I’ve developed it over night and it won’t budge. I thought that maybe I just need some space from him as we see each other everyday, so we spoke about it and he understood and even though I’m spending less time with him I’m still feeling like this. I hate it, it makes me feel guilty and he’s such a good guy it would be a shame to call it quits on a good and healthy relationship. I just don’t know if this feeling will ever shake off or if I’m simply just not into him anymore? Any thoughts?

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Hollsmaur said:

it would be a shame to call it quits on a good and healthy relationship.

A good and healthy relationship doesn't include you feeling physically turned-off by your own boyfriend, though. 

How long have you been dating? 

[Kwothe28]

The liar or some new boyfriend?

 

[SherrySher]

2 hours ago, Hollsmaur said:

My boyfriend is a really nice guy, so kind, generous and treats me like a princess. However, over the last few weeks I’ve just not been “feeling it”. I have no desire to have sex with him, I sort of cringe when he touches me and can feel my body trying to avoid a kiss when he goes in for it. Now this has come out of nowhere.. he’s always been the same it’s just like I’ve developed it over night and it won’t budge. I thought that maybe I just need some space from him as we see each other everyday, so we spoke about it and he understood and even though I’m spending less time with him I’m still feeling like this. I hate it, it makes me feel guilty and he’s such a good guy it would be a shame to call it quits on a good and healthy relationship. I just don’t know if this feeling will ever shake off or if I’m simply just not into him anymore? Any thoughts?

The chemistry is not there. It's not something that will magically come back.

If it's not there, it's not there.

Do the guy a favor and let him down easy.

Forcing attraction that just isn't there isn't going to work.

[Hollsmaur]

57 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

The liar or some new boyfriend?

 

Lol yes the liar. I forgave him for that and he’s not lied since (as far as I’m aware). Not sure if that is contributing to the way I feel now 

[Hollsmaur]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

A good and healthy relationship doesn't include you feeling physically turned-off by your own boyfriend, though. 

How long have you been dating? 

I know, I just feel really confused because I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I’m quite an introvert and he’s very affectionate and I’m just not as affectionate and I feel like I’m being smothered sometimes - he knows I’m not as affectionate and not too into it but he still shows me affectionate because he likes me a lot and I guess I just don’t like him as much? 
 

he also struggles with Erectile dysfunction and we struggle to have intercourse because of it, and I think that’s contributed towards not wanting sex because it’s a lot of effort, and he’s a bit of a pillow princess so there’s definitely room for improvement in the bedroom. He’s really tried but I’ve just lost the motivation tbh. 
 

we have been dating 6 months 

[Hollsmaur]

7 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

The chemistry is not there. It's not something that will magically come back.

If it's not there, it's not there.

Do the guy a favor and let him down easy.

Forcing attraction that just isn't there isn't going to work.

I’ve been going through some stress recently and don’t think that’s helping. But I do think back to how I was with people I’ve dated in the past and I was actually the clingy one! So I do see a difference it’s just hard calling it quits 

[MissCanuck]

28 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

we have been dating 6 months 

Good grief - all of this drama in just 6 months?

Given the past lies you discussed in your previous thread, and how you presently feel, it's time to break up. I don't know what makes you think this is a good, healthy relationship honestly. It seems your definition of that might need adjusting. 

28 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way

Where do you get that idea from? There is no "should" when it comes to feelings. You feel how you feel, and there is no need to judge yourself for it. And really, you objectively have a good reason not to feel great about this guy anymore. As I said in your last thread, I would not continue dating someone who lies about being raped. That is beyond messed-up. 

This relationship clearly isn't working. It shouldn't be this complicated so early on, and when it is, it's your indication that it needs to end. 

[Wiseman2]

55 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

 he’s a bit of a pillow princess 

Sorry this is happening.  If you are not ready to end things, try to create some space for yourself to reflect what's going on. Seeing each this much is suffocating. There's no need for you to fix his multiple sexual problems.

Step back. You were friends before you dated and the transition to dating doesn't seem to be working out.

[Coily]

Unfortunately there is a psychological disconnect somewhere in this relationship. Past lying could play a role, mutual problems with his ED, you coming out of the honeymoon period.

The frequency of seeing each other is less a factor than your lack of attraction. Willing to bet most people on here have had diminishing interest, sometimes over a single moment that we can't fully express. Probably better to wind this down, and if/when you do end this give him a simple kind reason (lack of chemistry) answer.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Hollsmaur said:

Lol yes the liar. I forgave him for that and he’s not lied since (as far as I’m aware). Not sure if that is contributing to the way I feel now 

Perhaps. Though maybe his bedroom behavior is more of a factor in all this.

[smackie9]

Some call it falling out of love. Your relationship has simply run it's course. This is perfectly normal. Doesn't matter if things are OK or even great. There isn't anything there to last for the long haul. Just end it. It's way worse if you are sticking around out of guilt. Would you want him to feel that way? No you would want to know so you can move on. 

[Hollsmaur]

21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening.  If you are not ready to end things, try to create some space for yourself to reflect what's going on. Seeing each this much is suffocating. There's no need for you to fix his multiple sexual problems.

Step back. You were friends before you dated and the transition to dating doesn't seem to be working out.

We have a lot of stuff planned right up to October, which we’ve organised when I felt okay. Holiday with friends, weekends away etc. I’ve spent a lot of money on these occasions and just feel like I’m mainly hanging on until these times have been and gone, but at the same time I just want it to work out as he’s the loveliest person I’ve met.. but I guess I can’t force it. 
 

I’ve always enjoyed my own space and crave it a lot! It’s just hard to distinguish whether it’s just a phase or like it’s a done deal. I don’t wanna end things and then regret it😫

[MissCanuck]

3 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

he’s the loveliest person I’ve met

The loveliest person you have ever met is someone claimed his ex raped him, and later admitted that wasn't true?

Girl. Really? I think your definition of "lovely" is in desperate need of a tune-up.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

The loveliest person you have ever met is someone claimed his ex raped him, and later admitted that wasn't true?

Girl. Really? I think your definition of "lovely" is in desperate need of a tune-up.

Totally agree. And yes it's hard to waste $ -believe me I had a cancelled wedding 25 years ago and thousands probably with all the deposits, etc.  But it's never an excuse to stick around a dying relationship.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/18/2023 at 2:25 AM, Hollsmaur said:

 I have no desire to have sex with him. I thought that maybe I just need some space from him as we see each other everyday, 

It seems like you're not ready to end things. Almost as if you would rather go back to being friends and his multiple sexual problems are taking their toll. It also seems like you're feeling suffocated. Taking space is a good idea for that reason, but it won't help with sexual attraction, especially with a bad lover. 

[shouldhavelearned]

6 months and all of this

 

Move on