It seems like my Girlfriend is losing interest in me, but she says otherwise

[Roman003]

1 month ago, I met a 18 year old girl from Germany, Bavaria.

My name is Roman, I am 20 and from Mexico (and live in Mexico)

We met online through an app called Discord. After a week of talking in voice chat and doing facecam, and after making her laugh and being flirty, one day she told me, “You’ve made me feel love that i haven’t felt in a while.”

For the next few weeks, we started doing facecams daily, we played videogames, we watched YouTube together, she shared stuff about her German Bavarian culture, and I shared my Mexican culture as well; I was able to make her blush and laugh every 5 minutes, after she arrived from work, she always told me i could call her, in her way to work as well, she sent me photos of her path to work; on her way to work on the train, and photos of plants (she loves plants)

Eventually she told me she’d love for me to go live with her, that she’d love to show me her village around, do stuff together, She gave me her address as well. I told her that it would take 6+ months or more because i’d need to get my stuff ready as well as get more money for the travel and buy stuff there, I told her I would never fail her.

And yes, I did eventually send her flowers a week ago, she loved them.

however, over the past week, it feels like something changed, she avoids or makes excuses to not do facecam or voice chat with me (we barely facecam or call anymore), she doesn’t send pictures on her way to work, her texts got more dry and shorter, she still replies quickly and never leaves me on read,

Before I continoue, some important notes regarding her

She has a gardening job, she wakes up at 4 am, takes the train to work and then comes back at 4 pm

Her EX (another Mexican living in Texas) ghosted her after she visited texas and came back to germany

She owns a nation in a Minecraft server with her friends, very important to her. (she deals with a lot of bull*** going around in her nation, like trolls or kids acting inmature)

She has a lot of male friends online, but that’s kind of expected when she runs a Minecraft nation with lots of guys in it

She hasn’t told me yet, but I do feel she has Asperger's or atleast something like it, she has sensory overload sometimes and does check on some of the boxes (she did tell me that she doesn’t understand people’s emotions, which is why she didn’t want to date people at first)

She seems like a extremely loyal and good person, I know it sounds extremely cliche but she does seem very different from other woman, both weirdly and in a good way

She lives in Abensberg, Bavaria

one major factor that played a role in me feeling that she is losing interest happened around the time the server for minecraft that we were both waiting for released, She plays with her nation and her friends here, when she played she no longer invited me and seemed to prioritize her minecraft and her other friends over me

for example some days ago I asked her in the morning if she wanted to play, she said “its too early, maybe we’ll see” , then once she got online she never invited me and she was with her friends

Some days ago I wrote a long message expressing my concerns and wondering if she was losing interest in me or if she was going out with someone else, asking if she wanted the relationship to end, telling her that i felt pretty sad and down when we didn’t talk and that she was the only thing keeping me happy ,this is what she replied in the morning;

“yes. of cofourse i still love you. i never tried to push you away. i'm an idiot with relationships. idk how they work and what to do. i'm not in a great place mentally atm or for ages. it's getting better sometimes but also worse again rn. I'm sorry i hurt you by not talking to you allot. i get overwelmed easily. i truely love you. and i don't want to break up. the problem with the calling for and after work everyday part is that at one point i just feel traped. i love you but i'd feel like i don't have any time for myself or my other friends anymore. you are the most important part of my live. yes i have changed a little bit. i always am. i am only 18 years old so ofcourse i'm still changing. but that doesn't mean my feelings for youchanged. the oposite. i'm even more in love than before.”

“***ing hell i feel like ***. i didn't know it was infecting you this badly. i love you more than anything and i'm so so so so so sorry.”

“Please forgive me for being an absolute ***ing idiot. you mean everything to me. i will try to talk to you more often again. You are the world to me”

“you will never loose me. i care enough about you that i learn how to make proper rose cuttings bc i don't want to loose the rose you sent me. you are one if not the most important person in my live. yes i am spending allot of time on minecraft. but that is bc the nation has a special place in my heart aswell. i dont know if i told you this before but i made it when i was in a verry bad mental state. it helped me cope with my last breakup. idk where i would be without having founded it. instead of drinking alcohol to cope with it i decided to make a nation in minecraft and get to know people. that is why i am so worried about it. bc it helped me get better. showed me multiple times that there are great people out there. it showed me to you. if i wouldn't have made it i would have never found you. and would have never found hope into relationships again. i love you. i love you allot.”

I’ve thougth to myself, maybe she is losing interest in me, but because she is such a nice person she won’t directly tell me that she wants to break up with me and instead will drop hints?

just today she said she was a little sick, but she is also going to a german festival alone, and I don’t know if she is going to see someone or what, I am an overdramatic overthinker, and I don’t know what to think anymore

she is so far away and it will take quite some time to get there

I need help

(and yes, this is my first dating relationship)

[Batya33]

Have you ever met in person and if not when do you plan to meet in person?

[Roman003]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Have you ever met in person and if not when do you plan to meet in person?

We haven't, in the post I show how she said she would love for me to get there, and she always tells me she doesn't care how long it takes, because of my financial status and other stuff it will most likely take 4 or 6 months.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Roman003 said:

We haven't, in the post I show how she said she would love for me to get there, and she always tells me she doesn't care how long it takes, because of my financial status and other stuff it will most likely take 4 or 6 months.

Until you can meet and have plans to meet I'd stay in touch with her at most as an online chat buddy as long as you are ok hearing about her dates/dates she'd like to go on.  This is not a romantic relationship because you have not met in person.  Once you meet in person and only if there are plans for one of you to relocate so you can date in person regularly you can explore whether you two should date and have a romantic relationship. If relocating is not a real option I'd end contact now since you are treating this as if it were a romantic relationship which is not true and is not healthy particularly since you are experiencing anxiety from it.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Roman003 said:

We haven't,  it will most likely take 4 or 6 months.

It seems like you made a good cyberfriend but she can't talk as often lately. Just step back a bit so she doesn't seem suffocated. 

Of course both of you still have to live your real lives in your real areas with real people. So while you're enjoying this connection try to keep it in perspective.

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, Roman003 said:

For the next few weeks, we started doing facecams daily, we played videogames, we watched YouTube together, she shared stuff about her German Bavarian culture, and I shared my Mexican culture as well; I was able to make her blush and laugh every 5 minutes, after she arrived from work, she always told me i could call her, in her way to work as well, she sent me photos of her path to work; on her way to work on the train, and photos of plants (she loves plants)

Eventually she told me she’d love for me to go live with her, that she’d love to show me her village around, do stuff together, She gave me her address as well. I told her that it would take 6+ months or more because i’d need to get my stuff ready as well as get more money for the travel and buy stuff there, I told her I would never fail her.

Okay, you two are still so young and do not know a lot about a 'healthy relationship'. And you've only known each other a month?  😕 

I say you've moved way too fast -- too much going on !

I agree with her, things NEED to slow down.  Less expectations and a little less time spent together, the way you have been the last few weeks.

It's always so exciting in the beginning!  But yes, now it's time to lay off a little. ( less expectations and let her breathe).

So, I highly suggest you do NOT just run off to her country to live with her.  ( maybe, in time you can work out arrangements to visit.... and leave it at that).  As you have no idea IF you two are truly compatible!  So, settle down a bit.

And as for this 'Love' thing.  No, it is not love, it's lust.  It's the present excitement of it all.  you two hit a 'high' with the whole experience.  Love develops over time.

Does anyone know if this is for real?  No.  But, you will come to see in time, on your own.  Eg. Does she still try to reach out to you now and then?  Meaning, some sort of contact, saying Hi and some talk about your days, etc - Not complete silence for days and days.

For a healthy relationship, communication is necessary, for it to grow and progress.  You also need trust, respect etc.

So, give it a bit more time.  See how things go and IF they do progress.  Like I said, it's only been a month!  4 weeks of this high.  Way too soon to see if this will work out.

Meanwhile, get back to doing things with your own friends , family etc.  Don't lose yourself in all of this 😉 .  You need a life outside any relationship.

You're both still so young and just getting going in this stuff.  Keep living.

 

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, Roman003 said:

Eventually she told me she’d love for me to go live with her,

Perhaps the fact you two are young and your brains won't be fully developed until about age 25, you don't realize that this is a horrible idea. Until physically meeting, and then seeing each other regularly for a good long time, should such a plan like this go forward. Do not make an important plan like this, such as moving to another country for a stranger. A person can be far different in person than on a screen, and a person can hide a lot of things if they want to when you're thousands of miles away.

2 hours ago, Roman003 said:

she has sensory overload sometimes and does check on some of the boxes (she did tell me that she doesn’t understand people’s emotions, which is why she didn’t want to date people at first)

Pretty, eighteen year old women who are emotionally able to fully handle romantic relationships will seek out local prospects, and in fact, will be swarmed by local guys and will have her choice. IMO, there are certain people who prefer LDRs versus local dating. Some have things to hide. Some aren't emotionally ready to handle dating in 3D. Some are unattractive and want a better-looking partner, knowing they can provide the attractive partner a better life in their country. A fair exchange in their eyes. There are a myriad of reasons.

What is the reason you're seeking the most difficult type of relationship there is? It's expensive. You can't date at a normal pace. LDRs have a higher risk of failure when they start as an LDR. There's a high risk of scamming. If it actually worked on, one person has to be ripped away from a friends, family, career.

You'll probably ignore everyone's advice and continue saving for a move. Always think of Plan B when Plan A doesn't work out. Also, people usually have many dating experiences from their teens and into their twenties. You don't even know yourself well enough at this point in time. So how will you know who is a good lifetime partner? That usually takes plenty of dating experiences with more than one partner to figure out. 

If you think she's acting aloof now, just wait until you move there and you've gone from never being together to being together 24/7. You're unrealistic that it will be magical. Too much pressure, too much, too soon. Even though she suggested it, she'll more likely think, "OMG, what if on our second date I'm not feeling it, and he's moved all this way?" Disaster.

[lostandhurt]

Online relationships are not real relationships, they are based more on fantasy than reality. Maybe they should be called Electronicships...hey I just made up a new thing!!!  Not very catchy though.

 The new is wearing off like anytime you meet someone new.  If this is going to work like an in person relationship you need to understand it will go through phases.

 If you allow your insecurities and worry get the best of you she will for sure back away so stay confident and be yourself because when you meet in real life anything you faked will be discovered.

 Lost

PS Love is hard to quantify so be careful throwing that word around especially when you have never been in a relationship or in love before.  Do not send her money or give out any information that could be used to access your money.

[MissCanuck]

I am sorry you're hurting, OP. 

However, I will echo what the others have said: this is not a real relationship. You're too far away from each other, and too young. This just doesn't have the legs to last.  When you can't meet in person for a long time, well, the excitement fades. Online romances tend to lose steam quickly because it's mostly a fantasy. Eventually, real life wins out and other interests take priority. 

The talk about going to live with her is a fantasy as well. It seems you two got very caught up in the fun (but make-believe) idea of a life together, but since neither of you has the means to make regular trips, it's not a real prospect. 

I am sorry. I would not place high expectations on this.