1 month ago, I met a 18 year old girl from Germany, Bavaria.
My name is Roman, I am 20 and from Mexico (and live in Mexico)
We met online through an app called Discord. After a week of talking in voice chat and doing facecam, and after making her laugh and being flirty, one day she told me, “You’ve made me feel love that i haven’t felt in a while.”
For the next few weeks, we started doing facecams daily, we played videogames, we watched YouTube together, she shared stuff about her German Bavarian culture, and I shared my Mexican culture as well; I was able to make her blush and laugh every 5 minutes, after she arrived from work, she always told me i could call her, in her way to work as well, she sent me photos of her path to work; on her way to work on the train, and photos of plants (she loves plants)
Eventually she told me she’d love for me to go live with her, that she’d love to show me her village around, do stuff together, She gave me her address as well. I told her that it would take 6+ months or more because i’d need to get my stuff ready as well as get more money for the travel and buy stuff there, I told her I would never fail her.
And yes, I did eventually send her flowers a week ago, she loved them.
however, over the past week, it feels like something changed, she avoids or makes excuses to not do facecam or voice chat with me (we barely facecam or call anymore), she doesn’t send pictures on her way to work, her texts got more dry and shorter, she still replies quickly and never leaves me on read,
Before I continoue, some important notes regarding her
She has a gardening job, she wakes up at 4 am, takes the train to work and then comes back at 4 pm
Her EX (another Mexican living in Texas) ghosted her after she visited texas and came back to germany
She owns a nation in a Minecraft server with her friends, very important to her. (she deals with a lot of bull*** going around in her nation, like trolls or kids acting inmature)
She has a lot of male friends online, but that’s kind of expected when she runs a Minecraft nation with lots of guys in it
She hasn’t told me yet, but I do feel she has Asperger's or atleast something like it, she has sensory overload sometimes and does check on some of the boxes (she did tell me that she doesn’t understand people’s emotions, which is why she didn’t want to date people at first)
She seems like a extremely loyal and good person, I know it sounds extremely cliche but she does seem very different from other woman, both weirdly and in a good way
She lives in Abensberg, Bavaria
one major factor that played a role in me feeling that she is losing interest happened around the time the server for minecraft that we were both waiting for released, She plays with her nation and her friends here, when she played she no longer invited me and seemed to prioritize her minecraft and her other friends over me
for example some days ago I asked her in the morning if she wanted to play, she said “its too early, maybe we’ll see” , then once she got online she never invited me and she was with her friends
Some days ago I wrote a long message expressing my concerns and wondering if she was losing interest in me or if she was going out with someone else, asking if she wanted the relationship to end, telling her that i felt pretty sad and down when we didn’t talk and that she was the only thing keeping me happy ,this is what she replied in the morning;
“yes. of cofourse i still love you. i never tried to push you away. i'm an idiot with relationships. idk how they work and what to do. i'm not in a great place mentally atm or for ages. it's getting better sometimes but also worse again rn. I'm sorry i hurt you by not talking to you allot. i get overwelmed easily. i truely love you. and i don't want to break up. the problem with the calling for and after work everyday part is that at one point i just feel traped. i love you but i'd feel like i don't have any time for myself or my other friends anymore. you are the most important part of my live. yes i have changed a little bit. i always am. i am only 18 years old so ofcourse i'm still changing. but that doesn't mean my feelings for youchanged. the oposite. i'm even more in love than before.”
“***ing hell i feel like ***. i didn't know it was infecting you this badly. i love you more than anything and i'm so so so so so sorry.”
“Please forgive me for being an absolute ***ing idiot. you mean everything to me. i will try to talk to you more often again. You are the world to me”
“you will never loose me. i care enough about you that i learn how to make proper rose cuttings bc i don't want to loose the rose you sent me. you are one if not the most important person in my live. yes i am spending allot of time on minecraft. but that is bc the nation has a special place in my heart aswell. i dont know if i told you this before but i made it when i was in a verry bad mental state. it helped me cope with my last breakup. idk where i would be without having founded it. instead of drinking alcohol to cope with it i decided to make a nation in minecraft and get to know people. that is why i am so worried about it. bc it helped me get better. showed me multiple times that there are great people out there. it showed me to you. if i wouldn't have made it i would have never found you. and would have never found hope into relationships again. i love you. i love you allot.”
I’ve thougth to myself, maybe she is losing interest in me, but because she is such a nice person she won’t directly tell me that she wants to break up with me and instead will drop hints?
just today she said she was a little sick, but she is also going to a german festival alone, and I don’t know if she is going to see someone or what, I am an overdramatic overthinker, and I don’t know what to think anymore
she is so far away and it will take quite some time to get there
I need help
(and yes, this is my first dating relationship)
We haven't, in the post I show how she said she would love for me to get there, and she always tells me she doesn't care how long it takes, because of my financial status and other stuff it will most likely take 4 or 6 months.