Nervous for a date

[itsallgrand]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

I wasn't sure if this website allowed that word to be used as is, or it needed to be altered. I used to use another forum that forbid that word spelled as is. 

Ahh makes sense! Thanks

[boltnrun]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I asked this before but you didn't answer. You are extraordinarily excellent at dodging certain questions.

Is this relationship at least most of what you'd always hoped your forever relationship would be? He made you cry. Is that part of what you imagined your lifelong or even long term partner would be?

Asking again 😉

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Not wanting to spend the night, wake up with me in the morning after having sex would be a real problem for me personally.

How do you feel about that? 

Alex, would you kindly answer this^ question?  No judgment, but it would shed some light on your own thought process.  

[rainbowsandroses]

Alex, are you actually reading all our posts?  If so why as Bolt said, do you choose to dodge certain questions?

Reminds me of a kid who when not wanting to listen to his teachers or parents, puts his hands over his ears going lalalalalalalala...... 😉

I'm teasing, but am seriously wondering why you choose to not respond.

We are ALL here trying to help in our own way. 

[LootieTootie]

He's feeling pressure and I know plenty of folks who have sensitive stomachs, they will start having the runs or cramps when they are under stress. 

You know he might not be able to perform or finish every time you guys do the deed. His health is deteriorating, and thats sad because he's very young but the guy with his drinking, smoking and eating fast food, he isn't healthy and it affects him down there.

Honestly, this man got way too much baggage on top of being a first-rate flake. Alex, there has to be other men out there that are better suitors for you.

[rainbowsandroses]

22 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

but the guy with his drinking, smoking and eating fast food, he isn't healthy and it affects him down there.

Agree and it also negatively affects his relationship with you Alex, since he has dashed off after sex each time without spending the night, even when he originally planned to spend the night!

He's also flaked on dates because of it (or so he claims).   I recall your second or third date he cancelled claiming stomach issues.

The fact he appears to be so nonchalant about it, not bothering to see his doctor to resolve the issue tells me it's either total BS or he doesn't give a flying fig about developing a healthy loving relationship with you.

Choosing booze, cigars and fast food instead and feeling sick because of it.

I dunno, maybe none of this bothers you at all, in which case carry on and enjoy. 

I mean that sincerely.

 

[waffle]

43 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Not wanting to spend the night, wake up with me in the morning after having sex would be a real problem for me personally.

How do you feel about that? 

Different strokes.  Honestly I'd question the judgment of anyone who would allow that at this point.  She's known him, what, six weeks or something?  I'm still stunned that he invited himself over for a "sleepover", and that she agreed to host him in her home for sex.  Not what a gentleman does.  Some might say "well he's not a gentleman." Yeah, we've been able to determine that. 😐

[rainbowsandroses]

2 minutes ago, waffle said:

Honestly I'd question the judgment of anyone who would allow that at this point

Question the judgment about what? 

Wanting to spend the night and wake up together in the morning after being sexually intimate?  

If so, you're right, different strokes.

Which is why I asked Alex how SHE felt about it.

I agree that him asking her to initiate sex and he'd "be down for it" was weird and would have turned me completely off.

[waffle]

I remember some clown I met at a function a year or so ago, maybe closer to two years ago now, after a few dates he invited himself over to my house for a f**ck.  I didn't think I'd ever stop laughing.  As if.  Guys, if you want to get laid, YOU host (although "host" is a hooker term so I'm not partial to it but I'll use it anyway for lack of a better word) and you make her breakfast the next morning. If she stays.

[boltnrun]

Just now, waffle said:

I remember some clown I met at a function a year or so ago, maybe closer to two years ago now, after a few dates he invited himself over to my house for a f**ck.  I didn't think I'd ever stop laughing.  As if.  Guys, if you want to get laid, YOU host (although "host" is a hooker term so I'm not partial to it but I'll use it anyway for lack of a better word) and you make her breakfast the next morning. If she stays.

Apparently he has a crap apartment in a sketchy neighborhood.

[waffle]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Wanting to spend the night and wake up together in the morning after being sexually intimate?  

And that's another thing.  Sex and intimacy are not interchangeable terms.

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Apparently he has a crap apartment in a sketchy neighborhood.

Then he doesn't get laid lol

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, waffle said:

And that's another thing.  Sex and intimacy are not interchangeable terms.

Agree and actually never said they were. 

Only saying that when dating a man 6-7 weeks and we become sexually intimate, I enjoy spending the night and waking together. 

As I said before in an earlier post, I find actually sleeping together and waking up together incredibly intimate regardless of whether we had sex or not.

In fact, at times and depending on who I'm with, I have found it to be even more intimate and bonding than having sex. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

We all have different preferences and ideas as to what’s going on so all we can do is stick with the facts

 

he flakes all of the time, and has some sketchy and irresponsible  behavior. Now, he’s been intimate with her but “couldn’t finish” which would be fine on its own accord, however the excuse doesn’t line up.  It’s one thing to not finish, but to say it was bowel problems and then stay and continue to hang out afterwards (non intimately) while claiming you had to stop and leave to have your BMs, doesn’t make sense. Did he have stomach problems that caused him to have to “stop and go home” or not. You’re saying he cut intimacy with a bowel excuse but then stayed and hung out. That’s all I’m saying 

 

we may not be able to know why with certainty, but just the facts alone are really wild and don’t jive 

[rainbowsandroses]

14 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Did he have stomach problems that caused him to have to “stop and go home” or not. You’re saying he cut intimacy with a bowel excuse but then stayed and hung out. That’s all I’m saying 

we may not be able to know why with certainty, but just the facts alone are really wild and don’t jive 

Agree, makes absolutely no sense, none of this does. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

Maybe it is anxiety/pressure to. 

Agree you are pressuring the BF thing and basically driving the relationship. It's fine if he goes home after sex if it's a work night he's tired or whatever. 

Losing an erection or unable to ejaculate is related to health issues, including anxiety, alcohol use, smoking, etc. It's not your job to figure out his diet or mother him. 

You just seem to want more of a relationship and BF than he's being. 

Sending you texts and pics about his life is making you an audience, not a part of it.

In fact it's a red flag he does this to craft stories for you while you still don't know much about him, his people or his life. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

 he thinks he should go see his doctor soon and I agreed. 

It doesn't seem like he's going anytime soon. You don't have to agree or act like the wife.

 He's going on vacation with his family with a new wardrobe to drink, smoke, party, indulge and flirt with women.  His life revolves around that more than whatever type of relationship you wish you had with him.

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

He did say to me how he thinks he should go see his doctor soon and I agreed.

if I remember well he already said that 2 or 3 weeks ago… his doctor must be very busy… 

[rainbowsandroses]

Thought I'd share a personal anecdote from when my husband and I first began dating. 

We had been dating around a month seeing each other 2-3 times a week.  We were having sex. 

One night, we had gone out for Mexican and once back at mine, oh boy something did not agree with him!  

Without getting too graphic, he spent a good portion of the night in the bathroom.

I asked if he'd prefer to be home and he said no way he was going to allow a little stomach distress ruin our night together.  Pretty much his exact words. 

Eventually his stomach distress passed, we had a fabulous time (he stayed the night) and next day which we also spent together.

I'm sorry you've never experienced this Alex and as long as you continue tolerating BS like this person is tossing you, sadly I'm afraid you never will. 

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Asking again 😉

This relationship is mostly what I want. I am pretty happy with him.  I'm afraid I'm not doing things right. Maybe I'm smothering him. Maybe I expected physical stuff too quicklu and I'm freaking him out. He was equally grabbing me and stuff. He's the one that calls me and stuff. I'm not chasing him. I feel we both put in equal amounts. 

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Alex, would you kindly answer this^ question?  No judgment, but it would shed some light on your own thought process.  

I want to spend the night with him. I told him last night that he's welcome to stay at my place anytime. He said I can stay at his place anytime. So I don't love that we aren't doing that, but maybe I'm rushing things. 

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

We all have different preferences and ideas as to what’s going on so all we can do is stick with the facts

 

he flakes all of the time, and has some sketchy and irresponsible  behavior. Now, he’s been intimate with her but “couldn’t finish” which would be fine on its own accord, however the excuse doesn’t line up.  It’s one thing to not finish, but to say it was bowel problems and then stay and continue to hang out afterwards (non intimately) while claiming you had to stop and leave to have your BMs, doesn’t make sense. Did he have stomach problems that caused him to have to “stop and go home” or not. You’re saying he cut intimacy with a bowel excuse but then stayed and hung out. That’s all I’m saying 

 

we may not be able to know why with certainty, but just the facts alone are really wild and don’t jive 

He said that the action of sex- moving and thrusting was making his stomach ache worse. So we just sat around after and he said it calms down when he doesn't move all around. 

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, waffle said:

 I'm still stunned that he invited himself over for a "sleepover", and that she agreed to host him in her home for sex.  😐

Actually I think it was OP who did the inviting.  I’m not going to look back now but if I recall correctly her wording was like: “he said he was ok with having a sleepover on (whatever night) and he’d be willing to have sex but no pressure, (they) could play it by ear.”

And he suddenly remembered the mystery pets and had to go home anyway that night.  
 

it’s pretty clear that this whole thing is being driven by the OP.  He’s generally amenable.  

[Jaunty]

9 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I'm not chasing him. I feel we both put in equal amounts. 

You absolutely are chasing him.  

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

. He said I can stay at his place anytime. 

Start doing this. You know almost nothing about his real life except for texts and pics he crafts. How can you be dating 6 weeks and never go to his place and believe you're "in a relationship"? 

[Alex39]

I do think some nights he is exhausted, particularly on weeknights. His job is heavy on labor, wakes up at 4am, bed around 9pm. So he is very tired during the week. 

The Saturday he was supposed to stay over. He stayed out Friday night drinking until 2am with his buddy. Maybe he was hungover? That would make sense. He felt ill.