I’m thinking of quitting

[jnr586]

I’ve been in my current job since 2015. I’ve ascended the ranks over the years and had the opportunity to buy into the company (appx 30 owners) a couple of years ago. I was initially very happy and I felt the business needed someone with my skill set and personality. Consequently I’ve started participating in more senior roles in the company.

I work with some absolutely amazing people who I respect and admire, and I believe they see me as the future leader of our department of the company. However, as I’ve become more deeply involved, there have been a few instances in which i have felt unsupported and disrespected by the highest level of our company overall. The head of our company isn’t great with people and does not have strong leadership skills. There are a number of people at the very top who are more dysfunctional and toxic than I had realized. Because I’m in a more senior role, the dysfunction is stressful to me because I’d like to tackle big problems head on but don’t have allies who are I afraid of challenging the norm. To boot, my job is profoundly stressful and demanding for four to five months of the year. The other half of the year is quite light and I’d always enjoyed the latitude that this schedule afforded.  
 

I’d always considered I’d spent my career here (I’m 40), but recently I’m thinking it’s too draining. Id have other career options but I’d need to think about what would suit me best. Im extremely worried about the colleagues I care about and who have helped me as I feel like me leaving would be very disruptive for the company. 
 

I’d never considered voicing this to a colleague until today when I’ve had one of far too many recent wretched days. Is there any use in voicing this? My older colleagues are diehards for this company and I think even thinking of leaving would shatter the trust I’ve built with them.  

[Cherylyn]

I wouldn't voice this to a colleague considering they're company diehards and it will shatter the trust you've since built with them as you say.  Keep your dismay to yourself.  Trust no one.  No one has your back except you.  Don't risk deceit and betrayal and if you do,  do so at your own risk.

If you're truly unhappy where you are,  make sure you've secured your next employment before impulsively quitting your current job.  This way,  you won't disrupt your steady stream of income,  paychecks and benefits.  

In the meantime,  remain patient with your job.  You'll discover whether or not it's easy,  challenging or difficult to attain your next job.    

[Alana1998]

☹️

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, jnr586 said:

 I'd never considered voicing this to a colleague until today when I’ve had one of far too many recent wretched days. 

You generally seem happy with the position. However you seem to be going through burnout. 

Rather than complain to colleagues or jump ship in haste, take some personal leave or a vacation to decompress and reflect. 

Perhaps you can reorganize your thoughts away from the current work stressors and decide if there's anything you can do to improve your work situation or if the workplace culture has become too toxic.

[jnr586]

Thanks to you guys. I should qualify that as a part owner in the company, it would be difficult or impossible for me to be fired. Because I own a small part of it, this feels more like a relationship or marriage (which should give you an idea of how consuming the job can be), meaning that if a relationship became troubled, it would be advisable to discuss with your partner and see if there’s anything that can be fixed between the two of you, rather than walking in one day and saying that you’ve decided to break up. 
 

I will be able to take some  personal time soon which should help. One of my major concerns is seeing many of my coworkers who are in their 50s and how this job has consumed their lives. I don’t want that. I guess the question is whether I can stay and fix it or whether I need to run. 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, jnr586 said:

Thanks to you guys. I should qualify that as a part owner in the company, it would be difficult or impossible for me to be fired. Because I own a small part of it, this feels more like a relationship or marriage (which should give you an idea of how consuming the job can be), meaning that if a relationship became troubled, it would be advisable to discuss with your partner and see if there’s anything that can be fixed between the two of you, rather than walking in one day and saying that you’ve decided to break up. 
 

I will be able to take some  personal time soon which should help. One of my major concerns is seeing many of my coworkers who are in their 50s and how this job has consumed their lives. I don’t want that. I guess the question is whether I can stay and fix it or whether I need to run. 

 

 

 

I would not leave without another position securely lined up.

[Coily]

I feel for you.

It really depends on how you frame the discussion with colleagues. If you just complain to vent, then that’s going to have a negative outcome. But if you can frame in terms of improving the company in a thoughtful way, this could be a discussion starter.

Have had difficult discussions about this sort of thing, and the best results were always solutions oriented. 

[reinventmyself]

I can relate, though I wasn't a share holder and neither an executive.  But I had a stressful job in a toxic environment and the last decade of my time there took its toll.  I became that cliche during Covid "the great resignation" and decided enough was enough.  I was able to retire a little early, but currently working a small part time job just for an outlet.

At 40 you are in such a sweet spot!  Your age and experience would make you very marketable.  Take your time and while still employed seek employment elsewhere.  Go into it with the mindset that you are in control and don't have to say yes to anything.  You are only seeking out information.  You might surprise yourself.  You may also decide you choose to stay.

I didn't leave sooner because I was older than you and navigating the last half of my working years.  There wasn't a job out there that would compensate me equally and not enough time to catch up.  So, I endured a toxic situation far too long.  I wish I had been 40.  I would have leaped given the chance.  Now being able to have some objective distance I shake my head not knowing how I endured the situation for as long as I did.

Life is too short. You have options. 

[Big Stan]

I’m in a similar situation to you maybe with a little more equity and a higher position but I understand your dynamic. To me having that level of bond with my partners is something not easily found and it’s worth keeping. Only you can choose but I would remember no job is perfect even if you are the head. 
 

I would suggest strengthening your own communication skills, if you’d like I can suggest some books and resources I have found value in. The stronger your skills are the easier it is to deal with difficult people. 

[Madluvsu]

i can't say much because i;ve never had a job but i think you should think this over and what will happen if you quit

[catfeeder]

I’d take personal or vacation time to reflect and also to research options. This may teach you whether your firm is outdated or otherwise run by archetypal personalities that you’re likely to encounter in most other firms.

In other words, learn whether you are indulging in a ‘grass must be greener’ fantasy, or whether your firm is, in fact, dysfunctional.

Also explore what, exactly, leaving would look like for you—not in terms of divorcing a spouse and leaving the children—that’s a premature lens that can serve nothing but stagnation. Instead, pretend zero consequences and envision specifics of what you’d prefer to do with your time.

Either you can generate a strong enough vision of where you’d rather be, or not.

If so, use it to inform your research and your cost/benefit analysis. If not, consider your time off as rehabilitation, and learn whether healing from burnout can renew your commitment to your firm.

No ‘wrong’ outcomes, only a responsible break away from impulsive action and a chance to clarify the sentence, “If not this, then what?”

Write more if it helps.

[Big Stan]

7 hours ago, catfeeder said:

 

No ‘wrong’ outcomes, only a responsible break away from impulsive action and a chance to clarify the sentence, “If not this, then what?”

 

Emphasis added by me.  This bolded sentence is great advice.  You need to have a concrete answer to this question before making ANY decision.  Every time I've moved on from something I have known why before I did it.  I could answer the then what and even take it a step further with answering why.  So you define where you are going to go and what you are going to do, then you answer the question of why you're going to do it.  

You should only make a career move if you're sure it will benefit you in the long term.  Also make sure your reason why is about looking forward not behind you.  You don't leave a company because "anywhere is better than here" you leave because this specific place I'm moving to is better in X way or I have better opportunities for advancement or this new firm works in an area I've wanted to move into.