First vacation

[Spillevinken]

Hi,

Me and my gf is at our first vacation together. She also has her 14 year old son with her. So far that’s great. But when we are out walking she is not holding my hand. Instead I am almost always walking behind them.

I don’t know what you think, but for me it feels very unpleasant with almost no affection. Am I overreacting?

[Seraphim]

How long have you been together? Is it necessary to have displays of affection in front her kid? 

[Spillevinken]

We have technically been together since august. Yes it is necessary to show some kind of affection, as holding hands or a kiss on the cheek. We are always holding our hands. Here I am walking behind them. 

[Seraphim]

Maybe she wants less PDA in front of her child . 

[Kwothe28]

You are dating a single mom. You should have know that her child comes first and that maybe she doesnt want displays of affection in front of kid(well, teen since its 14 year old). 

Anyway, maybe you want to talk to her about it. And see what she has to say.

[Coily]

While I think you are taking it a little too much to heart, I can also sympathize with you feeling left out of the vacation. If you were walking side by side with your GF, but still not holding hands would this be more acceptable?

I get the impression that you feel like a third wheel here, sure I can understand her wanting to limit public displays of affection in front of her son; but can't the two of you have a walk together without the kid? There has to be some compromise that's okay for both of you.

 

[Batya33]

Ask her why. Also will you all be sharing one room ?

[Spillevinken]

1 hour ago, Coily said:

While I think you are taking it a little too much to heart, I can also sympathize with you feeling left out of the vacation. If you were walking side by side with your GF, but still not holding hands would this be more acceptable?

I get the impression that you feel like a third wheel here, sure I can understand her wanting to limit public displays of affection in front of her son; but can't the two of you have a walk together without the kid? There has to be some compromise that's okay for both of you.

 

 

Thank you all for your replies. At home she has absolutely no problem to show affection. She sits in the sofa holding my hand, she kiss me, she sends me hearts in the air and she lay her head in my legs so I can scratch her head for hours. 
 

When we was at the animal park she always held my hand. 
 

I am surely oversensitive, but I can’t help it. She says that she does not want to leave her son even for a few minutes. 
 

 Now she invited me to lay down in a sun-chair with her son between us and between her son and me a big umbrella to protect from the sun.
 

I am extra sensitive because this is our first vacation and because she has on and off showed big avoidance to me. Also, before we went here, she informed me that we would have to get up at three in the night and still get to sleep at ten o clock. Get to sleep is not the same as sleep too, so I asked to change the sleeping hour but she said no, because she and her son would not want to get to sleep earlier than usually and if I did not agree I could stay at home. This was after we booked this trip. Finally she agrees to move the sleeping hour one hour backwards, but the night before she changed her mind and asked her son to sleep at the regular time anyway. I said that would be bad for me, she immidiatly changed her mind though. But anyway, we had an agreement, so it made me very sad. 

So, my point is that after that fight I felt quite worthless. Similar events where she has refused to compromise made it feel much worse than it would have if it was the first time. Therefore it would have felt extra nice to feel a hand in my hand 🥹

 

[Batya33]

I don’t think you are ready to go on a vacation with her and her son. Wait until you two are engaged or almost and rent a house where you all have your own space.  You two are not really compatible as far as vacationing with her and her son and you’re not at that point in the relationship where it will go relatively smoothly. JMHO

[Spillevinken]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Ask her why. Also will you all be sharing one room ?

If I do I am scared that the will get upset, because usually she always do when I say that something feels bad for me. So I prefer not to.

But usually she complains that she doesn’t know what to do when both her son and me is present.

[Spillevinken]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I don’t think you are ready to go on a vacation with her and her son. Wait until you two are engaged or almost and rent a house where you all have your own space.  You two are not really compatible as far as vacationing with her and her son and you’re not at that point in the relationship where it will go relatively smoothly. JMHO

You might be right about that, but we are here right now 🙄

[Seraphim]

Maybe you both rushed bringing the son into this equation. It hasn’t even been a year. 
 

Just remember this child isn’t going anywhere he is a packaged deal . A few days of not holding hands shouldn’t bring this much angst. If you want undivided attention maybe single mothers aren’t what you need. 

[boltnrun]

Keep in mind her son is permanent. If you're upset about her not being physically affectionate in front of him then seriously rethink if you're suited to date a woman who has children. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Spillevinken said:

You might be right about that, but we are here right now 🙄

Where? It's about $ for sure but vacations can be cancelled and rescheduled, etc.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Spillevinken said:

If I do I am scared that the will get upset, because usually she always do when I say that something feels bad for me. So I prefer not to.

But usually she complains that she doesn’t know what to do when both her son and me is present.

If that is the usual situation you two might not be suited to date each other since she of course needs to put her son's needs ahead of a boyfriend's needs and you don't like that.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Spillevinken said:

. She also has her 14 year old son with her.  she is not holding my hand. Instead I am almost always walking behind them

It's awkward to have a teenager along. Perhaps schedule a one-on-one vacation in the future.  

Is this the same woman?:

 

[HeartGoesOn]

2 hours ago, Spillevinken said:

We have technically been together since august.

In your previous thread you said you've been together for two years.  That said, is this the same person?

[Spillevinken]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's awkward to have a teenager along. Perhaps schedule a one-on-one vacation in the future.  

Is this the same woman?:

 

Yes, it is. And yes, two years in total with three break ups.

[Spillevinken]

34 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If that is the usual situation you two might not be suited to date each other since she of course needs to put her son's needs ahead of a boyfriend's needs and you don't like that.

What sons needs? We have been out doing stuffs before without me having to have to walk behind them. He was perfectly fine and included. I would never exclude a kid. But I would also like to be included. 

[Spillevinken]

32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's awkward to have a teenager along. Perhaps schedule a one-on-one vacation in the future.  

Is this the same woman?:

 

She has refused to do that. 
 

yea same 

[boltnrun]

22 minutes ago, Spillevinken said:

Yes, it is. And yes, two years in total with three break ups.

Why do you two keep breaking up?

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, Spillevinken said:

yes, two years in total with three break ups.

Well, this explains a lot 😕 . On and off relationships.. ugh!

And now, once again YOU feel off about this with her.  When are YOU going to see things clearly?

One and off relations are nasty. It is unhealthy to do it, repeatedly.  Do you not find it hurts over & over?  or do you not realize, often, after the second attempt, the relationship grows weaker, due to continued challenges.

Get this trip done, grin & bear it 😉 .

And consider bowing out of this with her, for good.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Spillevinken said:

She has refused to do that.yea same 

Unfortunately your relationship seems turbulent. Her behavior during the vacation is just a reflection of that. Maybe it's time to rethink how happy you really are with her.

[Spillevinken]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Why do you two keep breaking up?

I do not. She does. First time because I put demands on her which I really did not. Second time I even don’t remember because I was grieving someone I love who died. Third time because she once again thought I said something I did not. I urged her to understand me, and I wrote a letter so she could really take her time and if she failed I would help her. But she said that I gave her an ultimatum.

[Spillevinken]

8 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Ask her why. Also will you all be sharing one room ?

No, but the door to our room must stay open 24/7. So I can’t have one word private with her.