Is it a bad idea to give options when setting up a first date?

[MrMan1983]

I just wanted to get your opinions, if a women has said give me a time and a place and I’ll be there, would you say it’s bad to then give 2/3 options of exact date /place ideas to see which she prefers? Or is that seen as not assertive enough and women would prefer all planning was taken out of it.
 

Thanks in advance. 

[Batya33]

It depends on the type of plan. I once met a man at a religious event.  He called me and we made a plan for a date over a week in advance (because one of us was busy or out of town).  The afternoon of the date he suggested we meet that evening on a street corner along a busy part of the city with lots of restaurants and wander around to find one for dinner.  I told him "I don't meet men on street corners at night - pls let me know which restaurant to meet you at" - he did and we met. 

He teased me for having that attitude.  A lot and it was annoying.  I'd have been fine if he said "do you prefer Italian or Indian food -they're a few blocks apart in the neighborhood we're going to meet at" -that would have been nice especially since not everyone likes Indian. 

So 2/3 options if it's relevant -like you don't know if she likes to bowl, or do karaoke or eat Ethiopian food - but if it's just for coffee or you've decided it will be a simple meal then just pick.  

(Oh Mr. Street Corner guy ended up -ironically- being really into the Men's Movement -the pounding on drums thing I think - anyway he called again a week later to ask if I'd go to the opera with him that Saturday.  So he saw the value of planning -and I declined as I wasn't that into him).  

[Kwothe28]

Wouldnt say its a bad idea as it gives options instead of just one option. But yes, if she said if she said to give her time and place and she would be there, you should pick a time and place yourself and tell her that. If she has objections and wants to change something, she would tell you. 

[MrMan1983]

Well the plan (that we had discussed) had always been a drink and my options were an indoor crazy golf bar, or the more safer option of a nice wine bar nearer her. I’m not sure if she’s an activities person or not yet, I feel like crazy golf is a fun ice breaker though albeit a bit random 😂

[boltnrun]

Will "crazy golf" allow you two to have a conversation? I'm sure it would be a hoot, but if you want to have an actual conversation that might not be the best choice. OTOH a wine bar might be TOO formal.

How are you hoping the date plays out? Laughs and light fun or getting to know one another better through conversation?

[Cherylyn]

When I dated my husband,  we both tossed in different suggestions.  I usually suggested various restaurants and he was fine.  We enjoyed the ballet,  theater,  classical concerts,  some museums,  etc.  No harm,  no foul.   By all means,  give options.  Choices are great.  I think it's better to give options so women won't feel disappointed partaking in activities that they may otherwise not enjoy. 

For me personally, I hate miniature golfing.  It's not everyone's cup of tea.  There are a lot of activities that would receive my thumbs down.  👎  Hot air balloon rides,  an amusement park full of roller coasters,  long,   hot,  grubby,  sweaty hikes and the like?  Nope.  Give me options any day,  please!  

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Well the plan (that we had discussed) had always been a drink and my options were an indoor crazy golf bar, or the more safer option of a nice wine bar nearer her. I’m not sure if she’s an activities person or not yet, I feel like crazy golf is a fun ice breaker though albeit a bit random 😂

Great ideas, let her pick from these choices. 

[MrMan1983]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Will "crazy golf" allow you two to have a conversation? I'm sure it would be a hoot, but if you want to have an actual conversation that might not be the best choice. OTOH a wine bar might be TOO formal.

How are you hoping the date plays out? Laughs and light fun or getting to know one another better through conversation?

Crazy golf is only about 20 minutes long so would have found another pub/bar after the initial activity to get to know each other better. In the end I played it safe and suggested the cocktail/wine bar near where she lives (local town I used to live in too). It’s nice but not too posh/formal either.

[MrMan1983]

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

When I dated my husband,  we both tossed in different suggestions.  I usually suggested various restaurants and he was fine.  We enjoyed the ballet,  theater,  classical concerts,  some museums,  etc.  No harm,  no foul.   By all means,  give options.  Choices are great.  I think it's better to give options so women won't feel disappointed partaking in activities that they may otherwise not enjoy. 

For me personally, I hate miniature golfing.  It's not everyone's cup of tea.  There are a lot of activities that would receive my thumbs down.  👎  Hot air balloon rides,  an amusement park full of roller coasters,  long,   hot,  grubby,  sweaty hikes and the like?  Nope.  Give me options any day,  please!  

How can anyone hate miniature golfing 😉
 

Glad to hear giving options isn’t such a bad idea too, guess it depends on the individuals. I’m starting to lose track with what’s expected in modern dating! 

[boltnrun]

Mini golf and hiking are two of my favorite activities. I also love sports. 

If you don't know what this woman is interested in, try to find out during your wine bar date. 

[MrMan1983]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Mini golf and hiking are two of my favorite activities. I also love sports. 

If you don't know what this woman is interested in, try to find out during your wine bar date. 

Likewise, will certainly find out 👍🏻 

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

How can anyone hate miniature golfing 😉
 

Glad to hear giving options isn’t such a bad idea too, guess it depends on the individuals. I’m starting to lose track with what’s expected in modern dating! 

Hmm,  I raise my hand at hating miniature golfing!   🖐️ 😋  ☹️  It's not my cup of tea.  Truth be told,  I find miniature golfing incredibly boring.  There's a million other options I prefer doing instead.  Miniature golfing doesn't excite me one bit.   However,  if you and your date enjoy it,  by all means,  golf away! 

Yes,  give options.  She may not enjoy all activities but at least she can pick and choose options so both of you can enjoy your time together. 

[MrMan1983]

Well, date is off due to smashing my head on a goal post playing football beforehand. Ended up in A&E with a 7cm long deep gash on my forehead 🤦‍♂️ Will try again for next weekend, recovery depending.

[Batya33]

48 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Well, date is off due to smashing my head on a goal post playing football beforehand. Ended up in A&E with a 7cm long deep gash on my forehead 🤦‍♂️ Will try again for next weekend, recovery depending.

Hope you feel better!!

[smackie9]

Surely there must some indication of what she likes through conversations/messages, her bio. Should be pretty easy to base your choice on that.

[MrMan1983]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Surely there must some indication of what she likes through conversations/messages, her bio. Should be pretty easy to base your choice on that.

Hi. Choice already sorted for now for when it does finally happen, was more gathering peoples opinions on giving dates 2/3 options when setting up a date or whether it’s something women aren’t keen on. I’m aware it’s over thinking it but was trying to fine tune my approach a bit. 

[Cherylyn]

10 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Well, date is off due to smashing my head on a goal post playing football beforehand. Ended up in A&E with a 7cm long deep gash on my forehead 🤦‍♂️ Will try again for next weekend, recovery depending.

Oh my you gave everyone a good scare!  😲  Take good care of yourself and speedy recovery wishes to you!  Take it easy @MrMan1983.

[MrMan1983]

32 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Oh my you gave everyone a good scare!  😲  Take good care of yourself and speedy recovery wishes to you!  Take it easy @MrMan1983.

Thank you 🙏🏻 

[basscheck]

In my experience it is almost always is better to just suggest a single date/time. Women on average like a man who knows what they want and can be decisive. If they can't make it or don't like the idea they'll usually tell you and you can work out an alternative. For first dates suggest something with an easy out such as drinks, ice cream, or a walk in the park.