Am I not man enough?...

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I agree.  Women are making inroads.  However, I see this DAILY.  A lot of blue collar work such as contractors in particular (or mechanics, etc) tend to be male dominated fields.  I hope more women will be employed in these professions.  It's just that I don't see many or hardly at all. 

Having been in the military and in the military community for 34 years I see many women making a lot of inroads. 

[Cherylyn]

21 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Having been in the military and in the military community for 34 years I see many women making a lot of inroads. 

I am glad @Seraphim .  I was referring to a lot of various blue collar work / contractor work in my community which represents their trades and tend to be male dominated by ratio. 

[MissCanuck]

This conversation has gotten completely derailed, but OP, you need a girlfriend with manners and tact.

Period. 

[Cherylyn]

Or, find a girlfriend whose expectations are lower so she doesn't compare you to her "manned up" father.  Even if she were to refrain from telling you to "man up,"  she will still resent that you are not reminiscent of her father.  The comparison will make both of you feel insecure.  Sure, you can attempt to ensure she won't tell you to "man up,"  however, she can still think it anyway which is bound to be broached sooner or later @mike3610.

Regarding the brakes, refuse.  Have her BIL (brother-in-law) or father replace her brakes or hire a mechanic. 

[jul-els]

Ignore that misandrist nonsense. Always remain true to yourself despite any negative comments anyone might make towards you. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Or, find a girlfriend whose expectations are lower so she doesn't compare you to her "manned up" father.  Even if she were to refrain from telling you to "man up,"  she will still resent that you are not reminiscent of her father.  The comparison will make both of you feel insecure.  Sure, you can attempt to ensure she won't tell you to "man up,"  however, she can still think it anyway which is bound to be broached sooner or later @mike3610.

Regarding the brakes, refuse.  Have her BIL (brother-in-law) or father replace her brakes or hire a mechanic. 

I don't think that would be lower expectations. That would be smart, adult-like expectations as opposed to some Disney-esque notion of being swept off her feet by someone who reminded her of Daddy.  (and I don't mean Daddy's character and integrity and capacity for love -I mean the Daddy Fantasy this implies). 

It's actually much easier to blindly search for whateve someone's notion is of Daddy on a Pedestal than woman-up and do the hard work of figuring out what you want and treating others like individuals not pre-packaged daddies. Or sugar daddies (which is a related expectation).  

My dad as a teenager was a body builder and hot.  Not professional -but really into it -there are 1940s-50s photos of him flexing on the beach lol.  He loved that I loved those photos! I was far more into looks as a teen/early 20s - guess that's kind of normal.  I probably did swoon over boys who looked like my dad had looked.  Then, I evolved.  I never lowered my expectations about character and integrity, compassion, kindness generosity -both my parents - the epitome. 

They faciliated and encouraged me to live consistently with those values for sure but I wasn't hunting for my replacement parent in a spouse the way this silly notion of the OP's gf comes across.  Be like my daddy- not like yourself. Daddy fixed brakes and to me this was what a man does for his little woman.  Be like daddy. 

After 3 years together this seems odd to pop up like this for the first time but maybe they're talking future stuff and she realizes she wants to be able to post photos on social media of her future husband all handyman-like changing the tire in the parking lot of her mani-pedi place where she can see out the window and point (without ruining her petal pink polish) adoringly at her future wedding cake topper like groom.  He should consider the timing of her comment for sure.

Edited to add -I was kind of a mess yesterday morning after a night of storms, hail, a broken thermostat, husband suddenly needing to go to the dentist instead of take my son to school in the rain (because he had a missing crown and a flight out of town) and me having a dentist appointment too. 

I was fretting over how I couldn't find another umbrella, find my brain either.  Fretting out loud.  My kid who often has a heart of gold just like his daddy said to me solemnly "mom stop doubting yourself."  Because I often tell him so -he's a teen after all.  OP -stop doubting yourself.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think that would be lower expectations. That would be smart, adult-like expectations as opposed to some Disney-esque notion of being swept off her feet by someone who reminded her of Daddy.  (and I don't mean Daddy's character and integrity and capacity for love -I mean the Daddy Fantasy this implies). 

It's actually much easier to blindly search for whateve someone's notion is of Daddy on a Pedestal than woman-up and do the hard work of figuring out what you want and treating others like individuals not pre-packaged daddies. Or sugar daddies (which is a related expectation).  

My dad as a teenager was a body builder and hot.  Not professional -but really into it -there are 1940s-50s photos of him flexing on the beach lol.  He loved that I loved those photos! I was far more into looks as a teen/early 20s - guess that's kind of normal.  I probably did swoon over boys who looked like my dad had looked.  Then, I evolved.  I never lowered my expectations about character and integrity, compassion, kindness generosity -both my parents - the epitome. 

They faciliated and encouraged me to live consistently with those values for sure but I wasn't hunting for my replacement parent in a spouse the way this silly notion of the OP's gf comes across.  Be like my daddy- not like yourself. Daddy fixed brakes and to me this was what a man does for his little woman.  Be like daddy. 

After 3 years together this seems odd to pop up like this for the first time but maybe they're talking future stuff and she realizes she wants to be able to post photos on social media of her future husband all handyman-like changing the tire in the parking lot of her mani-pedi place where she can see out the window and point (without ruining her petal pink polish) adoringly at her future wedding cake topper like groom.  He should consider the timing of her comment for sure.

Absolutely, women need to stop looking for Disney and men don’t need to lower standards when looking for an emotionally adult self responsible woman. 

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, mike3610 said:

. She said that's what her dad did for her mom. 

Well, your not her husband, you're not a mechanic and you're not her father. Are there other areas where she's irresponsible and feels entitled to favors?

Responsible vehicle ownership includes scheduling and financing your own vehicle repairs and maintenance. If it's her car, the maintenance is her responsibility.

[redswim30]

OP- let me just say this- NO! 

Anyone who uses gender stereotyping as an insult is generally not a good person. After all, I doubt she'd like it if you called cooking and cleaning " Women's work".  So, you may want to reconsider who she is and if you want to stay with someone who seems so  free and easy with emasculating and insulting you. 

If you do want to stay with her - I suggest the following.  " Well, I'm not really interested in learning car repair.  But if it means so much to you, why don't you learn it? It could be a great way for you to honor your father, not to mention all that money we would save.  I also hope in the future you will not compare my skills to those of your father.  I doubt you would like it if I compared your domestic skills to those of my mother." 

Her reaction to this will be extremely telling. 

 

 

[kamurj]

Topic has run its course, closed.