Looks like I have to lie :(

[Coily]

While like the others I would strongly urge caution, but your mind is your own.

I guess the thing I want to ask is are you ready for any unintended consequences of the evening? Not just from sex, but also what if he reacts poorly to your "tear-jerker" moment? Have you thought that end of things through and ready if he's callous about it?

I also get a hint of this is a way to defy your parents being overbearing with not allowing you to date. I can't say I blame you, but think things through.

Use caution, be smart, and keep in mind what this situation is, just sex.

[trojan]

17 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Thing is, a part of me wants that too. I will admit.

Then do it! You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. I did it a few times with 'friends with benefits'. Every so often I reminisce about it. The only thing I regret is not doing it more. You only live once.  This is not a dress rehearsal. You said you want to, so you should

[midnightdeirdre]

On 3/22/2023 at 4:53 PM, Seraphim said:

So you are up for being used as a booty ? Why?

I'm essentially using him as a booty for myself. 

Also, we never ended up meeting. Thanks for all the feedback and advice.  ❤️

 

 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I'm essentially using him as a booty for myself. 

Also, we never ended up meeting. Thanks for all the feedback and advice.  ❤️

 

 

But you're not.  You wanted to share something deeply personal so you could get a reaction.  I'm glad you never ended up meeting.

[midnightdeirdre]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But you're not.  You wanted to share something deeply personal so you could get a reaction.  I'm glad you never ended up meeting.

As I said, he & I have done phone sex and have Facetimed. It's obvious we both want the same thing. He did say he's dying to know what it is I have to tell him.

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Also, we never ended up meeting. 

Good call. If it's too complicated or convoluted, it's probably not a good idea. If you want dating/sex, you can do that without complicating a friendship or upsetting your parents.

[midnightdeirdre]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good call. If it's too complicated or convoluted, it's probably not a good idea. If you want dating/sex, you can do that without complicating a friendship or upsetting your parents.

At one point, he did say he didn't want me lying to my mom and implied another time would be better. (Obviously, he was right.)

[Jibralta]

16 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

He did say he's dying to know what it is I have to tell him.

He may be dying to know what it is, but that doesn't mean he will appreciate or respect what you have to say.

[boltnrun]

Maybe he thinks you're going to allow him to perform some unusual, kinky or wild sex act. 

[Tinydance]

Why didn't you end up meeting? What happened?

[midnightdeirdre]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Maybe he thinks you're going to allow him to perform some unusual, kinky or wild sex act. 

I have made it clear to him that I want kissing and he knows I hate doggie style.

[midnightdeirdre]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Why didn't you end up meeting? What happened?

It just got too complicated to figure out where we should meet and how we should get there.

[Coily]

This pumping the breaks might be a good thing. I would encourage you to tell him this "big thing" sooner, rather than wait for you two to be together.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

It just got too complicated to figure out where we should meet and how we should get there.

Often when a plan is not a good idea it gets too complicated.  Since his plan involved meeting at a hotel room for sex, it was bound to get complicated since it would involve sneaking around by you, and he had no interest in meeting you for a meal before so once the meeting up got complicated the only thing he'd be giving up is sex with you.  By contrast when people want to spend time together talking/hanging out/going on a date it's easier to meet -because there is a wide range of choices as to where to have dinner, go for a walk, listen to some music perhaps vs. finding a cheap hotel to have sex with all the secrecy etc.  Basically it's an excuse.  And it's good it didn't work out.

[MissCanuck]

It's a good thing you didn't meet. 

There was too much potential of it all going sour. 

[Jaunty]

Maybe this whole situation can be a catalyst for you to initiate some changes in your lifestyle and / or your relationship with your parents.   Obviously you have a lot of positive things going on for you.   I believe you can find ways to organize a life for yourself where you can be free to explore your own sexuality and possible relationships without having to sneak and lie.  Can you look into finding some support for this?

[Tinydance]

What about trying to actually date? Then you can have sex but that person would also take you out on dates. Sounds like a win/win lol

[midnightdeirdre]

On 3/27/2023 at 12:15 PM, Jaunty said:

I believe you can find ways to organize a life for yourself where you can be free to explore your own sexuality and possible relationships without having to sneak and lie.  Can you look into finding some support for this?

What kind of support?

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

What kind of support?

So there are social skills groups for example - I believe for adults as well and I’d seek out what organizations serve adults on the spectrum. Your local library might have some appropriate programming too. 

[midnightdeirdre]

14 hours ago, Tinydance said:

What about trying to actually date? Then you can have sex but that person would also take you out on dates. Sounds like a win/win lol

He and I talked it over. Turns out, he didn't want just sex and leave; he said, "I wanted to have sex then be with each other for a bit. Cuddle, talk, touch and go for a walk then come back for round 2 of cuddling and kissing."

He is going on a trip to Arizona March 29 to April 3. We finally came to a decision: I have some gift cards to Chillis restaurant in a nearby town. We will meet for dinner there, and then get a room after. I will tell my mom we are going to dinner and a movie.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, midnightdeirdre said:

He and I talked it over. Turns out, he didn't want just sex and leave; he said, "I wanted to have sex then be with each other for a bit. Cuddle, talk, touch and go for a walk then come back for round 2 of cuddling and kissing."

He is going on a trip to Arizona March 29 to April 3. We finally came to a decision: I have some gift cards to Chillis restaurant in a nearby town. We will meet for dinner there, and then get a room after. I will tell my mom we are going to dinner and a movie.

Why do you need to treat for dinner and use your gift cards on him ? Obviously he can afford to travel to AZ. 

[midnightdeirdre]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Why do you need to treat for dinner and use your gift cards on him ? Obviously he can afford to travel to AZ. 

lol he said he will pay for dinner and the room. I suggested separate checks but he said no.

[midnightdeirdre]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Why do you need to treat for dinner and use your gift cards on him ? Obviously he can afford to travel to AZ. 

He did eventually agree to separate checks. I'll use my gift cards for my meal and he will pay for the room.

[Coily]

Sounds like you two could have a romantic evening in store. good.

be cautious, clearly communicate, and all of the other cliches. But also enjoy yourself.

[SherrySher]

Hi Deirdre:

I have read over all of your posts and I feel you've got a good grasp on what you want.

Even if you are on the spectrum, that still does not mean you don't understand about dating versus having a fling for sexual satisfaction (which by the sounds of it, you definitely do understand and know the difference).

You have spoken to this man quite a lot for quite a long time by the sounds of it about being intimate with one another, to the point of already facetiming an texting sexually.

It sounds completely reasonable and that you both understand what is going on and what you both want.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to meet with this man to have a fling.

No, he is not using you. No, he isn't treating you badly. He is simply wanting to be intimate the way you want to be intimate as well.

Nothing wrong with it at all.

If you both have mutually agreed to wanting to meet up for sex, then there is no problem at all.

The only issue I see here, is obviously getting past your parents.

They are concerned, but possibly maybe being too overcautious as you yourself have already decided on your own what you want, and are being very thoughtful on how it's going to go.

You are not meeting up with a stranger (which is a good thing).

You are not meeting up with someone you barely know.

You and he have talked for a very long time now and do know one another.

It again, all sounds very reasonable.

When the time comes, let your Mom know that you are going out with your friend for dinner and a movie.

That's all she needs to know.

But make sure you have your phone on you at all times in case you need to contact someone, or even a taxi.

You sound like a very sensible lady who has thought this through in all areas.

I hope people realize that you having Autism, does not mean that you aren't capable of making this decision, or that you don't understand what choice you are making.

You would like to have a fling with him, as he does with you too.

That's perfectly fine.

I hope when you both decide on a date and time again, that it works out for you both.

Keep us updated, and good luck. 🙂

PS: Telling your friend your personal story before, or after sex, is again totally fine.

Even if you're not dating, he is still your friend and by the sounds of it, he is interested in hearing it. It's a lovely idea to let him know.

I just hope that you won't be too hurt if you do decide to want to date after sex, and he decides to doesn't want to.

But if you're okay not dating, then it sounds like it will all go good. 🥰

It's totally okay to tell someone you have a fling with a personal story if you want.

There are no rules. 🙂