To the married folks or those in successful relationships

[waffle]

3 hours ago, Skyscrappers said:

I am looking out for her in the long run.. to avoid dealing with a divorce and so on. couple with kids.

I can give you the names of men who married based on "attraction" who are now in an efficiency apartment eating Ramen while their paycheck goes to the hottie ex who is now with someone else.

[boltnrun]

I would say wanting a "hot" spouse and wanting to be attracted to your spouse can be two entirely different things.

If I just wanted the hot dude to show off in front of my friends I would have kept dating the racist, sexist, egotistical, misogynistic oaf. My friends told me I was nuts to dump him because he's SOOOO good looking. I said, you date him then. 

[MrMan1983]

Isn't really that deep, physical attraction matters (to most people) and if you're not physically attracted then it is what it is. Even if attraction can grow with personality/getting to know someone I feel there has to be at least 'enough' attraction in the first place. Also yes 'looks fade' however it's nice to be attracted to each other for as long as possible.

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Isn't really that deep, physical attraction matters (to most people) and if you're not physically attracted then it is what it is. Even if attraction can grow with personality/getting to know someone I feel there has to be at least 'enough' attraction in the first place. Also yes 'looks fade' however it's nice to be attracted to each other for as long as possible.

I don’t see the presumptive connection between looks fading and no longer being attracted. Not for me. I’m attracted to his looks and to him. Whether his looks fade or change or otherwise.  
 

Certainly if someone was attracted only because of a certain look or a certain weight or physique then yes if that changes level of attraction changes. The attraction doesn’t go away just because looks change. Sometimes if one person gains a lot of weight because of an underlying mental health issue then the weight gain plus the mental health issue can impact attraction. For example. 

[tattoobunnie]

22 hours ago, Coily said:

You heavily misread my meaning, thinking my ex not taking care of herself was at all looks related.

I wasn't writing about you.  

The OP has assigned a her value based on her looks for the long term.

What he also fails to understand is that love grows.  If one of the biggest factors for him staying committed is her looks, then that says more about him and how he feels about himself, then what it does about her.

[Cherylyn]

Looks don't last forever.  Just look at celebrities with or without plastic surgery.  Mother Nature catches up with everyone eventually. 

I've seen photos of so many people when they were young,  striking and gorgeous both men and women.  Then fast forward decades later and I wonder where their once vibrant beauty went?  It's like night and day despite taking care of their health.  People will eventually look old,  tired,  weather worn,  wrinkled,  saggy,  baggy,  gray,  crepe-y and age will catch up with everyone.   Once upon a time,  young vixens become old women.  Young beef cakes eventually become typical old guys you see in public.  It's all the same.   No one remains young and stunning forever.

However,  character does.  What type of human being is she or he?  Will this person give you a comfortable, stable life or a life filled with angst,  stress,  turmoil and strife? 

 

[Coily]

Then again As said elsewhere: "If his her physical appearance bothers you now,  it will always bother you.  Don't blame yourself.  You have every right to be with someone of your choice or not be with someone.  It's better to be honest with yourself than settle for someone you're not 100% happy with even if it includes physical appearance. 

It's better not to drag out relationships if you're not satisfied with whatever it may be including physical appearance otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time and energy.  In other instances,  it could very well be a waste of money, too. "

 

 

[Cherylyn]

47 minutes ago, Coily said:

Then again As said elsewhere: "If his her physical appearance bothers you now,  it will always bother you.  Don't blame yourself.  You have every right to be with someone of your choice or not be with someone.  It's better to be honest with yourself than settle for someone you're not 100% happy with even if it includes physical appearance. 

It's better not to drag out relationships if you're not satisfied with whatever it may be including physical appearance otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time and energy.  In other instances,  it could very well be a waste of money, too. "

 

 

@Coily / @Skyscrappers  His / Her -- This can apply to both genders if physical appearances are a preference. 

I don't see anything wrong with physical attraction and preference.  It wasn't my original prerequisite but it didn't hurt that my husband and sons are attractive and I take pretty good care of myself as well.  Good genes were a nice perk.  However, the real concentration was / is what's enduring such as how easy or difficult will it be to be married to this person?  Will it be a comfortable,  peaceful,  stable life or an endless project?  Those are the types of questions I've asked in my mind before choosing my husband.  Unlike my mother,  I got it right the first and only time.  She taught me well.  Never make the same mistake twice.