Asking men out

[smackie9]

IMO you can be assertive but still do the dance of seduction, being mysterious, feminine, push and pull. If it gets awkward, you are with the wrong person.

[waffle]

On 2/17/2023 at 12:02 AM, Stephaniee said:

Do they appreciate being direct or should i say indirectly that i wanna go see this film or i like this restaurant ? 

 I would recommend not being indirect hoping they will take a hint.  Most of the time they will not.

I recently asked a guy out with what is so far huge success.  I had some inside information that he already liked me at least on some level so I wasn't going into it "cold" plus I've known him for three years--we're part of the same friend group.  The downside is I suddenly realized I was more invested than I should've been at that point--in my defense though, I haven't been even remotely interested in anyone in over six years so I totally forgot how to do this.  Consequently I was a bit scared of a "no" response, far more than I should've been.  Nevertheless I took a deep breath and did it anyway because this is a great guy and I sense we are highly compatible, and therefore the potential reward was worth the risk, and if I get my heart shattered I'll just listen to Seether's "Broken" on continuous loop and cry myself to sleep for a few weeks . . . but then I'll pick myself up and move along because that's really the only choice you have.  I've walked that path before.  It's still early of course (approximately two months) but he has taken the lead and asked me out every subsequent time (and he insists on paying), and he sent roses to my office for Valentine's Day.  I am smitten. 

So I'd just say if you decide to do it, don't wait too long.  For the reasons I outlined above, plus I find that -- for me -- the more I think about it the more nervous I get.  It's better to just do it.

Good luck with whatever you decide. 🙂

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, waffle said:

I'll just listen to Seether's "Broken" on continuous loop

The version with Amy Lee was my song to my ex, with whom I had a tumultuous and ultimately toxic relationship.  But the song (and music video) is epic.  BTW, his song to me was "Feel Good Inc". 🙄

[waffle]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The version with Amy Lee . . . 

That's the one.  I recently rediscovered it and had forgotten how much I love it.  

(I'm also kind of obsessed with Shaun Morgan.  And also Metallica's James Hetfield.  Not necessarily in that order)

[lostandhurt]

As a man I will put my 2 cents in.

  I have been fortunate to have women give me their numbers at parties, fund raisers and few times just in the store.  Each and every time I was flattered and gracious.  I have also been asked if I wanted to get together for a drink on several occasions and out of all those encounters I never thought the woman was desperate, in fact I thought it was refreshing and open.  Just like being asked to dance by a woman, she knows what she wants and asks for it.

 I prefer women that are smart, genuine, independent and secure in themselves.  Some men are intimated by those traits and want a woman that needs them or is insecure or weak so they can have the upper hand.

 No movie suggestion as sitting in the dark is a hard way to get to know someone.  A drink (coffee, beer, tea, juice) or lunch or dinner are all very good ways of indicating to the guy you are interested in more than friendship.  

 If you do a cold walk up most guys may react badly since guys are not used to having someone walk right up to them like women are. Smile, make eye contact, chat him up a little and introduce yourself and then ask him.

 Be brave and ask.  Guys have been doing it for ages and as far as I know none of us very died from being rejected.

 Lost

[Stephaniee]

Well thanks everyone

I was just a bit apprehensive because they say when woman makes the first move, it doesn't last 

But anyways I will ask him, hope he'll say yes! 

Wish me luck ^_^

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, Stephaniee said:

I was just a bit apprehensive because they say when woman makes the first move, it doesn't last 

What "they" say doesn't matter.   Don't let that mess with your head at all.  It very well might not last.  The majority of times people  date when the man did the asking don't last either.  

If you are terrible uncomfortable about it, it might not be your thing.  But it's great to try for what you want in life even if it does go against what society, or you yourself, have come to expect.

 

[boltnrun]

4 hours ago, Stephaniee said:

Well thanks everyone

I was just a bit apprehensive because they say when woman makes the first move, it doesn't last 

But anyways I will ask him, hope he'll say yes! 

Wish me luck ^_^

I don't know who this "they" are, but my former coworker's wife approached him first.  They've been married over 20 years.  I don't know if you would consider that "lasting" but I do 😉

[Batya33]

I approached my future husband first - across a crowded room at a work event and I approached many men first especially because I made it my business to be in places where there was no actual approach. It was an environment where singles were mingling or just men and women. Where we were there for a party, event , volunteer work, dance lesson etc. then it’s not an “approach” so much. 
I hope your plan goes well and that you have a good time on your date!  I don’t think it’s generally “brave” but in your situation it sounds like it’s kind of a big deal to you and good for you for going out of your comfort zone!  It’s totally right to ask him out if it’s right for you and it might be right for reasons other than his reaction or response ! Meaning for you it might give you insight into yourself and your strengths etc.  good luck !