My girlfriend of 2 years is always defensive and never compromises to the point we can never communicate about issues and I dunno what to do anymore.

[Yaddayadda93]

We're both around 30, dated 2 years but she is defensive, contradicts herself, and acts immature at times. Not sure what to do.

When I want to talk about something that bothers me, she dismisses my opinion because she says "I don't have the same opinion". Things aren't allowed to bother me if they don't bother her, apparently. She doesn't respect my opinion, she will shut the conversation down quickly if she feels any sort of criticism.

She texts with tons of spelling mistakes and for 2 years I've been asking her to simply proofread them before sending because I can't understand half of what she says. She says that everyone else can understand her and it's not her fault that I can't. She refuses to compromise. She's as stubborn as can be.

She also hates when I'm right. I just explain to her why I think this way or that, with no emotion or cockiness, just logic. Even when she KNOWS I'm right, she gets all stuck up about it and will do anything she can to try and prove me wrong. She cannot accept being wrong and I don't get it. I admit right away when I'm wrong about something.

She's also jealous but yet not jealous? She doesn't worry about losing me, and even says "I know you ain't going anywhere". Doesn't care who I'm texting, never looks at my phone or questions me. But yet she said if I ever cheat she will slash the tires on my truck and that she gets jealous. Her mouth says one thing but actions say the opposite. I don't know which to believe.

EDIT: I should clarify she made the tire slashing comment when we were talking about how stupid people are for cheating, she said it jokingly but it still seemed odd.

In case this was too long, here's in short: 95% of the time we have a great relationship. We're each other's best friend and we planned on getting married someday. But 5% of the time, she acts immature, dismissive and stubborn as all hell and I'm not sure how to deal with that 5%? Especially when she refuses to communicate about it.

[Kwothe28]

Its not great if she doesnt respect and straight up dissmisses your opinions. She seems like a really difficult person. And somebody who is hard to be around. The point of the relationship is to find somebody to share your life with. Difficult persons like that have troubles because rarely who can stand them. In my experience other side would have to be extremely low confrontatial to stand those kind of person. I have an aunt that is like that. One time I said something to her about some reality star- wannabe singer. Next time when I went to their home she needed to show me a clip how that woman sings nice. She yells at my uncle frequently and needs to always be right. Good person but still my uncle has a steel nerve to live with her.

Anyway, little comedy for the end

39 minutes ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

She also hates when I'm right. I just explain to her why I think this way or that, with no emotion or cockiness, just logic. Even when she KNOWS I'm right, she gets all stuck up about it and will do anything she can to try and prove me wrong. She cannot accept being wrong and I don't get it. I admit right away when I'm wrong about something.

Have you met any woman at all?

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

 Doesn't care who I'm texting, never looks at my phone or questions me. 

This actually seems healthy. She shouldn't be rifling through your phone or interrogating you.

Try to discontinue the "who's right, who's wrong" debating. Unfortunately you're starting to argue about arguing and creating a power struggle trying to spar and match wits.

It's ok to voice your opinion and it's ok for her to have a different opinion.  It's also ok to take a break from arguing, let the dust settle and continue the conversation when cooler heads prevail.

[kctiger]

2 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

In case this was too long, here's in short: 95% of the time we have a great relationship. We're each other's best friend and we planned on getting married someday. But 5% of the time, she acts immature, dismissive and stubborn as all hell and I'm not sure how to deal with that 5%? Especially when she refuses to communicate about it.

I'll just tell you right now, this is by far the most important trait to any solid relationship. If the communication sucks, ultimately the relationship will fail. If your communication styles don't mesh well and that problem cannot be fixed, I'm afraid marriage is out of the question. This can be fixed, but it takes effort from both of you, not just one. Relationships are about compromise. Two people are never going to want the same thing every single time a decision has to be made - that's why they call them arguments. People have to learn to argue in a healthy way, which takes maturity. She's not there yet. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

She also hates when I'm right. I just explain to her why I think this way or that, with no emotion or cockiness, just logic. Even when she KNOWS I'm right, she gets all stuck up about it and will do anything she can to try and prove me wrong.

Would you rather be close or right? Sometimes it's a choice so choose your battles.  Also if you cannot read her texts because of spelling mistakes simply respond "thanks for your message - I think you wanted to tell me___" and in the blank do not play parent/teacher and correct her mistakes -simply write your understanding of what she wrote. 

You're coming across as didactic -I'm sure you probably can read it well enough you just want to be right and make your point that she's sloppy with spelling.  Are you sloppy with anything?  For example would you like it if she shadowed you while you cleaned a bathroom and pointed out that if you just went over the typically dirty spots better you wouldn't leave residue behind? Or would it be preferable if she said something like "hey can I show you how I clean a bathroom?" Or perhaps she goes over it later when you're not around because this is not a battle or issue she wants to raise.

[Lambert]

Maybe you are not compatible.  If she isn't willing to communicate to resolve things I don't know how anything gets resolved.  You can't get anywhere alone.  It takes two.  

[Betterwithout]

4 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

In case this was too long, here's in short: 95% of the time we have a great relationship. We're each other's best friend and we planned on getting married someday. But 5% of the time, she acts immature, dismissive and stubborn as all hell and I'm not sure how to deal with that 5%? Especially when she refuses to communicate about it.

95% is pretty high. You have to ask yourself if this is a real dealbreaker?
My wife and I can be pretty stubborn at times and there are many 'agree to disagree' moments.  We have been with each other long enough to sense the stress when these conversations start going down those paths.   She also has the "never wrong, and never admits when she is wrong"  where as I, like you admit when I am wrong right away.   My wife grew up with a strict jerk of a Dad who never admitted when he was wrong or ever uttered the words  "I'm sorry"  Sadly it's been passed down to her.

So, it is this a real dealbreaker?  Maybe the other qualities she has makes up for it.  Nobody is 100% perfect.  Communication is key for every relationship, but some do hold their real feeling close to their chests.

[smackie9]

This is why we date before marriage. If you don't see yourself wanting to deal with this for the next 30+ years, then end it. 

[SooSad33]

 

8 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

She's also jealous but yet not jealous? She doesn't worry about losing me, and even says "I know you ain't going anywhere". Doesn't care who I'm texting, never looks at my phone or questions me. But yet she said if I ever cheat she will slash the tires on my truck and that she gets jealous. Her mouth says one thing but actions say the opposite. I don't know which to believe.

Isn't this ridiculous! 

As for whom YOU chat with, does it matter?  Aren't you happy she isn't all up in your face?  OR, are you wanting to challenge her in this and want her to question you all the time or look on your phone?  I would NOT like that!  I'd prefer my partner respect MY friends and MY phone.  Should be no reason for them to assume anything.

Actions & talk - I'm sure you'd rather her be all talk 😉 .

 

8 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

she gets all stuck up about it and will do anything she can to try and prove me wrong. She cannot accept being wrong and I don't get it. I admit right away when I'm wrong about something.

She cannot accept being wrong - Not good.  One should be able to be 'reasoned with'.

 

8 hours ago, Yaddayadda93 said:

When I want to talk about something that bothers me, she dismisses my opinion because she says "I don't have the same opinion". Things aren't allowed to bother me if they don't bother her, apparently. She doesn't respect my opinion, she will shut the conversation down quickly if she feels any sort of criticism.

I don't get this either! She doesn't like to be challenged and it sounds like, as you said, if they don't bother her, they shouldn't bother you. 

 

I feel her defenses are on HIGH. 

Well sounds like she can't handle basic 'constructive criticism'. But, it seems, this is just how she is.  Can you live with it? ( As for the idea of marriage, if she's driving you nuts now, can't wait to hear how things are 5 yrs from now) 😕 .