Feelinghurt2222 Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 My bf and I have been together for 18 months and I believe our relationship has developed into a very healthy and good one. However, I have still kept my house, which is about an hour away from him, and although the original intent that we had was that I would sell my house and live with him in his place, I still have my house because I’m working part time near my home. This last weekend I got a cold, so I wasn’t up to seeing him at his at his place but I said I’d like to for him to come see me. He said let’s see how you feel and then , he said well maybe I shouldn’t come in case you’re contagious. I understand his health concern. But he has a habit of not coming to me where I live. I understand further that it was our intent to be at his place on the weekends since there’s a lot more happening there , I just feel like he doesn’t make much of an effort to see me when it’s not on his turf. just seems to me that if he really wants to see me he can make an effort. I go to him on most weekends. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 I wouldn't count this weekend and it was maybe a bit insensitive of you to ask him to come. These days given the pandemic it seems to me people are more at risk of getting colds and viruses when exposed -because for so long we weren't exposed if that makes sense. You could have met in public in the middle for a meal or a walk outside maybe or somewhere where he wouldn't be exposed. Why would you sell your house and share living space with him? Are there future plans? Why do you work part time instead of full time? Link to comment
Feelinghurt2222 Posted January 21, 2023 Author Share Posted January 21, 2023 I’m starting to retire so cutting back at work. we had planned on me living there part time. I took Covid tests and they are negative. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 Just now, Feelinghurt2222 said: I’m starting to retire so cutting back at work. we had planned on me living there part time. I took Covid tests and they are negative. Sometimes they are negative for days. I understand about retiring. I'd rent an apartment near your bf and sell the house as it makes sense. I'd share living space with him if you are planning on a forever commitment and see if once you live closer to him he is more proactive about spending time with you. Link to comment
BecxyRex Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 It seems you were both on the same page about you selling your home, as you say it was your original intent. Has something changed and is he aware of it? I know you say you work closer to your home and find the distance more practical for you, but has there ever been a conversation with him about you keeping your place for longer? He might be expecting your “long distance” to end sooner than you’re intending? I put long distance in quotation because an hour isn’t very long, but over time can add up and start being a hinderance. I’d say have a conversation about where you stand and if you indeed are planning to sell. Of course you have to make that decision for yourself, but he needs to be aware of what your plan is. If he’s assuming your life will shift onto “his turf” soon it might make sense for him to focus your hangouts there. 1 Link to comment
Andrina Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 Does he show you in any way that you're a priority? Does he cook for you when you're there? Does he purchase food or drink he doesn't like but you do? Does he take an interest in your life? What is his past relationship history? What will be the financial arrangements when you sell your home and move into his place? Does he make you feel special on your birthday and/or does he perform any romantic gestures? It'd be helpful to get an overall picture of your relationship. Have you ever pulled back on your efforts to see if he comes through with his own efforts? If you don't like to go there every weekend, you can always suggest you take turns and he can go to your place every other week. If he agrees but comes up with excuses when it's his turn to go your way, and he's okay without seeing you for a straight 2 weeks, maybe he's not as into you as you'd like him to be. 1 Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 22, 2023 Share Posted January 22, 2023 Keep your house and don't move in with him. Always hang onto your real estate, financial power and economic security because should things go awry, you'll always have your house to fall back on. No, you're not overly sensitive. He prefers his own comfort zone within his locale and geography. Perhaps he's not for you. I'm sorry. 3 Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted January 22, 2023 Share Posted January 22, 2023 Well .... 1) I agree to not go see someone when they're sick. 2) I also agree it should not all be on you to go to his place. More effort on that could be on his part there. So, maybe when you do feel better, see then IF he'll go see you there. ( I was involved w/ someone for only 4 mos, when I realized it was all on me). As for your home, do NOT even go there with him. Has been 1.5 yrs only. You have no idea yet IF you two are truly compatible and this is YOUR safe haven. I'd carry on as you are for at least another 2+ yrs. Link to comment
poorlittlefish Posted January 22, 2023 Share Posted January 22, 2023 If you decide to move in with a man who hasn't been bothered to come to your place the past 18 months, then why would you sell your house? If the relationship fails then he gets to stay exactly as he has been from the start, while you have nothing and have to start again. Rent out your house so you have a bit of extra income. Do not even consider selling it! 4 Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 23, 2023 Share Posted January 23, 2023 Multiple accounts not allowed. Closed. Link to comment
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