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Am I overthinking or is she not interested?

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21M, went on a date with 21F on Tuesday, it was her first actual date and she was nervous. She seemed very interested prior to the date, just from texting she told me she had a good feeling about us and that I made her most comfortable out of all the guys she talked to.

We had our first date Tuesday and I would say it went good. It was supposed to be a simple 1 hour dinner but it ended up lasting 6 hours, she wanted ice cream after so we went and we ended up hanging out in the car for 4 hours after, just talking and having really great conversation. She opened up a ton and understandably has some trust issues due to her having 2 guys she talked to in the past mistreat her and try to do inappropriate things without her consent. She explained how she doesn’t want hookups and wants to get to know someone before sex and I agreed. I decided to just hug her goodnight instead of kiss as I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable after hearing she's had guys attempt to kiss/touch her after saying no.

She texted me after the date saying she had a great time and she enthusiastically agreed on a second date but here’s where I’m overthinking.

Ever since the date 2 days ago her response time to texts has been longer, like around 6-8 hours for a response. Prior to the first date she would respond within 30 minutes - 2 hours. She willingly and excitedly agreed to another date, so am I just overthinking? Or is she not interested anymore? We both agreed on being honest with each other and she told me after the first date how she had a great night and was so happy to meet me. I haven’t been clingy or desperately texting her a bunch I’ve only texted her about the second date and just wait for a response each time.

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You are overthinking it. Wait for second date and see how it goes. Dont overrelly on messaging. If she was enthusiastic about the second date, go with that flow.

Also 10 hours is way too long for a first date. Which is mostly a "meet up". Its nice that it lasted but you should always keep something for later times. You are not even in a relationship for now, its just a date. Treat it as such.

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Plan date two and show up/look nice/continue to act in a kind and thoughtful way.  She overshared about her baggage so this time keep the conversation to the present, or to topics like - places you'd like to travel, books/theater/music you like, funny stories about family and friends or experiences you've had -again lighthearted.  Talk about your work or what you want to do with your education or job or career.  

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12 hours ago, jerryJerbil said:

We both agreed on being honest with each other

What the hell is that all about? Too much seriousness for a first meet.

Sorry, but nobody has a crystal ball to know why it takes her so long to respond. Maybe she's at work and can't. Maybe she's hanging out with someone and doesn't want to be rude by being glued to her phone. Maybe she senses you're wanting to text all day and she's busy, so she is putting up boundaries.

For this situation, and the future, sometimes let the other person initiate communication. It's the best way to gauge a person's interest or lack of.

You made a date, so just keep on taking a wait-and-see, one day at a time attitude. And keep the subjects of discussion light-hearted. Save the serious topics for when it's clear the dating will continue past a few months. Her trust issues should be a red flag, so don't ignore that just because she's pretty. Make sure she doesn't start convicting you for a crime you haven't committed, and doesn't have over the top jealousy issues. Because a person carrying around emotional baggage isn't relationship material.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.


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