Is it likely to find a girl who is into more than partying at 21?

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

I am a 21 year old guy and since about a month ago I've been looking to try and find a relationship. The problem is I don't party much, I drink but not all the time and I don't smoke weed or vape at all. I'm starting to feel a little hopeless as I'm essentially looking for a needle in a haystack at my age. I'm not a hermit sitting inside all day playing video games and I'm not looking for somebody like that, I'm active and work out 5 or 6 days a week, I got a lot of buddies I spend time with and I have hobbies. Like I said I still go to parties just not all the time.

I matched with a few girls on hinge who I have similar personalities to but they end up starting to turn me off when they tell me they're similar to me and "dont party much" but they're getting wasted multiple times a week. Again there's nothing wrong with people who do that as I've been there and done that but it's just not who I am. I just really want to find someone who doesn't need a bunch of drugs or drinks to have fun.

I know a few girls who are my age that are EXACTLY what I'm looking for in someone(they don't drink much/dont smoke, they take care of themselves, are driven and have future goals) but for obvious reasons they're already in serious relationships. Are my expectations too high/am I outright boring for wanting a person like this at age 21?

[lostandhurt]

Not at all and the fact that you know young women that are what you are looking for should give you hope that you can meet someone like that too.

 If you meet the same type of woman doing what you are doing then change it up some.  If all you meet is the same ole same ole on hinge then try another app.  Ask these young women you know where you should look as well.  What you need to do is increase your odds while reducing wasted time and effort.  Getting inside info from young women like you want to meet would help a ton. 

  If you go to a party and all the women party hard and get wasted then chances are the women you are looking for probably took a pass on the party or if they are there are harder to spot.

 There is nothing wrong or boring about not wanting to get wasted every chance you get or needing that to have fun.  Keep your standards, be open to new ideas and ways of meeting people and go where the fish are you want to catch.

Lost

[boltnrun]

What about some nice college students? Yes, college can be notorious for partying but many of the students are actually there to get an education. A nursing, law or engineering student, for example, would need to take her studies seriously or flunk out.

How about church? Are you a person of faith? There are a lot of youth groups at churches that are a lot of fun. No drinking or drugs. 

Or an athlete? A dedicated athlete won't want to damage her body with substances. 

No, you're not boring. What is boring is dating a guy who passes out or who barfs in your car or gets into barroom brawls.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

What about some nice college students? Yes, college can be notorious for partying but many of the students are actually there to get an education. A nursing, law or engineering student, for example, would need to take her studies seriously or flunk out.

How about church? Are you a person of faith? There are a lot of youth groups at churches that are a lot of fun. No drinking or drugs. 

Or an athlete? A dedicated athlete won't want to damage her body with substances. 

No, you're not boring. What is boring is dating a guy who passes out or who barfs in your car or gets into barroom brawls.

I also was going to recommend singles events that are sponsored by a religious place of worship or organization -if that would be appropriate for you.  Also consider volunteering backstage at community theater -it's possible they go out drinking after but set design and costume and lighting design -best done sober and with focus lol.  Lots of people meet that way at least in the city where I did all my dating (meaning several of my friends and many I know of).  

[Cherylyn]

When I was 21 years old, I never smoked, drank, never went clubbing, never been to a bar in my life, never partied nor did any of that. 

I agree with others.  If you're faith based, join your local church if you want to meet young ladies who share your lifestyle.  Or, perhaps more sports minded types who are careful with their lifestyles.  There are a lot of women who share your similar lifestyle. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

. Are my expectations too high/am I outright boring for wanting a person like this at age 21?

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses. 

You'll find people where they are. That means if you are into clean living, you'll find them in activity based situations. For example, yoga classes, hiking groups, and so on.

Keep in mind that basic dating apps are the general public with no specific filtering. 

Another thing you could do is get on more relationship based paid apps such as eharmony. 

Parties and bars aren't places to look if you're not into drinking or partying. Barflies and party animals come in all age groups, so your theory about women under 21 are mostly into drinking, drugs and smoking is incorrect.

Instead of describing yourself as "don't party much", use positive terms such as "clean living" or "healthy lifestyle".

It's not a "needle in a haystack" to find women that aren't into partying, you're just looking in the wrong places.

 

[smackie9]

Find a more respectable dating site than "hinge"

[DancingFool]

Most people are not into drugs......sooo....if you find yourself only meeting those who are doing drugs, you are the common denominator. Put it simply, either you are looking in the wrong places or your picker is broken in some way.

If you are into fitness, it shouldn't be hard to meet women who are into the same. However, it does mean that you might need to expand your horizons beyond just working out at the gym and joining into other type of activities that include women, such as co-ed sports.

The easiest way to meet those who are like minded is to join co-ed groups. In short, don't just hang out with your buddies or just go to the gym, because that is a limited life that doesn't expose you beyond your usual circle of people. Try to expand your horizons through the things you already like and you'll find someone who is less into partying and more into working out.

[sugarthewitch]

Hey @needhelpbruh

I am a 22 years old girl having the similar vibes with you. There is nothing wrong with you tbh. You are just mature than those childish kids bruh. No need to be depressed about. Instead of this, you should be proud of yourself. you dont need to change yourself for who you are. You are unique and the right person just loves you for being you. 

The right person will come accordingly. Just focus on your life goals and work on yourself on studies, work etc and work on it. Noone can resist a guy who is intelligently smart.

Hope you will meet your right person very soon :)

[catfeeder]

You describe needle in a haystack as if that’s a bad thing. It’s not, and it’s the same for everyone, because we each have our own unique dealbreakers. If you can embrace that, you can enjoy the process of screening out people all the more.

The goal is to narrow down your dating pool to ONE, not many.